New Look for Man

[inspiration150]

Hey Ladies,

Say there is this guy you really like, but you guys are just friends. He only sees you as a friend. He has no idea you like him ok. Now say you happen to be fat, skinny, umm some specific characteristic about yourself and you overhear him say he likes certain types of girls.

And since he is your friend, he has said it around you in passing. Now say you are not what he has described as what he wants. Now you already feel you want to change stuff about yourself (even before you heard him say that) into something very similar as your goal weight.

Would you be willing to change yourself to see if he would take interest ?
Would this be part of the reason for you to change ? Would you be changing more for yourself than a man ( aka there was no specific health probs at the moment in dire need of fixing) ? How many women have changed something big about themselves for a man ? If not at all, why ? If you did, was it worth it ? Did you have a good relationship and did it last ?

 

[Natalie76]

Well I've never done that but I think I can offer some useful advice. Even if you lost the weight, he probably wouldnt be interested. You say that the two of you are friends, but in all this time that he's gotten to know you/your personality, he still hasnt decided to overlook a weight issue and just be with you if that what he wants? It may be that he just isnt that into you.

And even if he is interested after you lose the pounds, it seems very fickle. What happens in a year when you start to gain some of the pounds back, if not all? Many people with weight issues fluctuate back and forth at times. So, if he only likes you when you're slim, you're in for a world of heart ache.

Find a guy that recognizes you as an interesting, intelligent, warm, sexy, attractive etc etc etc woman regardless of where you land on the scale; one that LOVES you at your current weight, but wants to support your weight loss goals.

 

[mswoman]

I agree with the above!!

Also my friend whom has been married over 30 years said she was friends with her husband for 4 years and he was praying for a wife. He felt the Lord saying that his wife was close by, my friend just listen to his women problems and vice versa until one day he had realized that she was there all along.

She did not change anything about herself, but he realized that he basically was comparing the women to her.... She is not the most beautiful of woman in the world but neither am I, but she is average looking. In my personal opinion he may have started off being superficial but in reality, he saw that love was more than the surface and God gave him the woman of his heart.

 

[inspiration150]

Well I've never done that but I think I can offer some useful advice. Even if you lost the weight, he probably wouldnt be interested. You say that the two of you are friends, but in all this time that he's gotten to know you/your personality, he still hasnt decided to overlook a weight issue and just be with you if that what he wants? It may be that he just isnt that into you.

And even if he is interested after you lose the pounds, it seems very fickle. What happens in a year when you start to gain some of the pounds back, if not all? Many people with weight issues fluctuate back and forth at times. So, if he only likes you when you're slim, you're in for a world of heart ache.

Find a guy that recognizes you as an interesting, intelligent, warm, sexy, attractive etc etc etc woman regardless of where you land on the scale; one that LOVES you at your current weight, but wants to support your weight loss goals.

Well, we haven't been friends for that long. But I understand what you mean. It's just so hard. I am really am attracted to him. i don't know why. Other guy friends.... nothing. Plus, I am trying to get heavier.

 

[inspiration150]

Bump dipity bump bump

 

[phynestone]

Find a guy that recognizes you as an interesting, intelligent, warm, sexy, attractive etc etc etc woman regardless of where you land on the scale; one that LOVES you at your current weight, but wants to support your weight loss goals.

ITA!!!! If he really wants to be with you, he will. Don't change yourself to please someone else, do it for you.

 

[laCriolla]

has he seen you with another guy? a little jealousy may make a man realize his feelings.

i'm not advocating, just saying.


anyway to answer your question no i wouldn't be willing to change, i kind of want someone who wants me the way I am.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, we haven't been friends for that long. But I understand what you mean. It's just so hard. I am really am attracted to him. i don't know why. Other guy friends.... nothing. Plus, I am trying to get heavier.

Girl, why are you trying to get heavier?


In general, I agree with Natalie. I'm pretty blunt and to the point, so I would say that this guy is probably not interested in you in the same way that you're interested in him. As Natalie said, if he was interested, the fact that you are not his physical type would not matter. By talking about what he wants in a woman to you is a sign that he's put you in the friend zone.

I would just start scaling back my interactions with him so that I won't be so attracted, and look for a man who's checking for me and my type.

 

[TayMac]

No I wouldn't change for a man to take interest. It usually doesn't work out the way you plan it in your head. I prefer that he like me as I am and then I can enhance myself from there because I just WANT to.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Find a guy that recognizes you as an interesting, intelligent, warm, sexy, attractive etc etc etc woman regardless of where you land on the scale; one that LOVES you at your current weight, but wants to support your weight loss goals.

Co-signing!

Well, we haven't been friends for that long. But I understand what you mean. It's just so hard. I am really am attracted to him. i don't know why. Other guy friends.... nothing. Plus, I am trying to get heavier.

You're trying to get "heavier"?? Seriously???

Okay first of all...I would NEVER change myself for a man. Wear some makeup, get a cute dress, get my hair done...okay. But those are things I want to do for myself anyway...it just so happens that these things tend to attract MEN too.

But to lose weight or GAIN weight for some man is a big no-no. First of all, if you're trying to lose weight, you should be doing it for YOURSELF and YOUR health, and not because of some man. And if you're trying to gain weight....well....I don't know. That depends. Just how much weight are you trying to gain?? There can be health consequences to gaining a LOT of weight, and even if you just started out trying to gain a few pounds, your bad eating and diet/exercise routines could become HABITS and you might end up gaining more weight than you originally intended.

Not only that, but you shouldn't be trying to change anything about yourself because of some man...especially if it has the tendency to jeapordize your health in any way. Let me guess....he probably told you that he likes "curvy" women, or his women "juicy". *sigh* Oh the lies we women fall for....

Yes, those might be his "type", but honestly I've learned time and time again that when it comes to what kind of woman a man gets SERIOUS with, it's usually very rarely his "type". I knew a guy who swore up and down that his future wife had to be light skinned with long hair, and skinny as a rail. Meanwhile, his wife is anything but!!! LOL!!

When men fall in love, it rarely has to do with any "type" they may have. In fact, many men end up marrying the woman who has good qualities in personality, and one that makes them feel good about themselves. Very rarely do they marry the type of women they said were their "types".

So girl, just do YOU. Either your guy friend will "wake up" and smell the coffee and see the gem that he has always had standing before him (ie. you!), OR...you will eventually find a guy who really is worthy of your attention and attraction, and likes you from the get go for YOU period.

 

[inspiration150]

Co-signing!




You're trying to get "heavier"?? Seriously???

Okay first of all...I would NEVER change myself for a man. Wear some makeup, get a cute dress, get my hair done...okay. But those are things I want to do for myself anyway...it just so happens that these things tend to attract MEN too.

But to lose weight or GAIN weight for some man is a big no-no. First of all, if you're trying to lose weight, you should be doing it for YOURSELF and YOUR health, and not because of some man. And if you're trying to gain weight....well....I don't know. That depends. Just how much weight are you trying to gain?? There can be health consequences to gaining a LOT of weight, and even if you just started out trying to gain a few pounds, your bad eating and diet/exercise routines could become HABITS and you might end up gaining more weight than you originally intended.

Not only that, but you shouldn't be trying to change anything about yourself because of some man...especially if it has the tendency to jeapordize your health in any way. Let me guess....he probably told you that he likes "curvy" women, or his women "juicy". *sigh* Oh the lies we women fall for....

Yes, those might be his "type", but honestly I've learned time and time again that when it comes to what kind of woman a man gets SERIOUS with, it's usually very rarely his "type". I knew a guy who swore up and down that his future wife had to be light skinned with long hair, and skinny as a rail. Meanwhile, his wife is anything but!!! LOL!!

When men fall in love, it rarely has to do with any "type" they may have. In fact, many men end up marrying the woman who has good qualities in personality, and one that makes them feel good about themselves. Very rarely do they marry the type of women they said were their "types".

So girl, just do YOU. Either your guy friend will "wake up" and smell the coffee and see the gem that he has always had standing before him (ie. you!), OR...you will eventually find a guy who really is worthy of your attention and attraction, and likes you from the get go for YOU period.

Thanks for this. Yeah, I am trying to put on some muscle more than fat. Not that much just to fill myself out more. I know I shouldn't for some guy. I just feel a bit self-conscious about my weight sometimes. I mostly wanted to do it for me. But your right it has a lot to do with personality. If only I wasn't so nervous and shy. He is my friend, but sometimes when he gets to close I can't even look at him sometimes. Ugh ! I have a real bad thing for him. I am trying to make myself stop though, because I don't want to feel stupid. I really hope he hasn't noticed.

 

[inspiration150]

Girl, why are you trying to get heavier?


In general, I agree with Natalie. I'm pretty blunt and to the point, so I would say that this guy is probably not interested in you in the same way that you're interested in him. As Natalie said, if he was interested, the fact that you are not his physical type would not matter. By talking about what he wants in a woman to you is a sign that he's put you in the friend zone.

I would just start scaling back my interactions with him so that I won't be so attracted, and look for a man who's checking for me and my type.

To get a little curved out not that much. Your right I shouldn't let myself get to wrapped up in him. It's so hard though! lol

has he seen you with another guy? a little jealousy may make a man realize his feelings.

i'm not advocating, just saying.


anyway to answer your question no i wouldn't be willing to change, i kind of want someone who wants me the way I am.

No, I might try that. Just to see what happens.

I agree with the above!!

Also my friend whom has been married over 30 years said she was friends with her husband for 4 years and he was praying for a wife. He felt the Lord saying that his wife was close by, my friend just listen to his women problems and vice versa until one day he had realized that she was there all along.

She did not change anything about herself, but he realized that he basically was comparing the women to her.... She is not the most beautiful of woman in the world but neither am I, but she is average looking. In my personal opinion he may have started off being superficial but in reality, he saw that love was more than the surface and God gave him the woman of his heart.

Great story ! Thanks !

 

[Bunny77]

To get a little curved out not that much. Your right I shouldn't let myself get to wrapped up in him. It's so hard though! lol

You know, I spent some of my early college years (and probably before) listening to folks talk how only a dog wants a bone and men loving curves and how my body was so non-womanly, ... and of course, then I was young and impressionable, but it's soooo interesting now to see all those folks who were clowning me having struggles with being overweight, while I've maintained my general size.

I've put on some muscle, but in general, I'm the same weight that I was in high school, and I'm 31 now. And PLENTY of men have loved my size over the last decade or more, black men included.

While building muscle is cool (and I think it's a good idea in general), PLEASE don't buy into this idea that you have to have to be some "brickhouse" to attract a man and that your body type needs changing.



And yeah, seriously... take a step back from the dude though... attraction happens to the best of us, but it's not emotionally healthy to get worked up over a man who isn't into you like that. Plus, you waste energy that could be spent on a better dude.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

If a dude actually says that he only likes you as a friend or thinks of you as a friend, keep it moving sista. Rarely does that change. There are too many men out there who would meet you and want to be with you right from jump. Don't waste your time.