Need some support.... (Long)

[PanamasOwn]

Yesterday morning... A police office delivered divorce papers to my mom's house. None of us even knew that my dad had filed for divorce... He had just moved out and is living with his mom... come to find out.. less than a month after him moving out, he filed for the divorce and didnt tell anyone till now...

I mean I knew it was coming...but it just happened so fast... My parents have been going at it for years... but they also have been trying to fix it for years.. This decemeber 24, made 25 years of marriage for my parents and now it's over...

I feel like they are better off seperate, but me and my sisters arent. I have fine all this time until my dad called me yesterday and apologized for not letting me know that he filed the papers in early dec. I lost it... I went for a drive for like 2 hours...and was crying the whole time.. Like all I could think about was 24 years of my life has all changed in a blink of an eye... MY wedding, my graduation, when I have my first baby, its all going to be different..

I mean it has already started..my mom is almost pushing me to choose sides, my dad has been rumored to have a girlfriend and the constant bickering btwn, the two is just draining. I can't help but feel like what is the purpose of trying so hard in a marriage and doing everything "right" if you just get hurt in the end...

I am trying to do things to distract myself, like focus on my life and the good things within it, focus on my wedding in a few years, focus on school..but it isnt working... Of course I have been praying and see the benefits of my mom being better off without him, but the family I once had, is gone now...

Ladies, that have dealt with divorce at an age you can remember, how did you deal?? How do you overcome that nagging notion in the back of your mind that this will happen to you too??

**Sorry for such a long post**

 

[awhyley]

It hasn't all changed. Your parents are still your parents, and they will continue to be so, no matter if they're together or not. Your mom is wrong for trying to get to choose though. Now is the time to stand your ground, and let them both know that you love them, but they need to deal with their issues without any of the siblings feuding or feeling 'in the middle' as it were.

ETA: If they're better off seperate, they have the opportunity to become better and happier people. I'm at the stage where I wish my folks would divorce. They've been fighting since 'I do' and wish it would stop. And just because their marriage didn't work out, it doesn't automatically mean that your marriage (potentially) is doomed from the onset. I'm sorry you're going though this, but this too will pass.

 

[envybeauty]

Try, as hard as it will be, to separate yourself from THEIR marriage. I mean, he may not have been the best husband for your mom but was he a good father? If he was, then stand by that. Your husband will not be your father and your father will not be your husband.

If your parents try to get you to pick sides, tell them that you want to stay out of THEIR marriage.