Need advice from ladies who are not newlyweds…

[blkbeauty]

How do you handle men insecurity while married?

Its nothing too serious, but my husband has been complaining lately that he is getting too fat. Although he has gained some weight since we’ve been together, I don’t think he is fat in the sense of unattractive. At any rate, I just tell him I love him - he is not fat and if he is unhappy with the way he looks he should exercise more.

I wonder if this is the right approach or should I say something else, because he just rolls his eyes at me…LOL

Btw, we’ve only been married 1 year and things have been great so far. I just want to know how other married women, especially those who have been in marriages for over 5 years handle these types of nuisances.

 

[dlewis]

I don't know what you could say to make him feel better. He seems to have issues that only he can work out.

You seem to be doing the right thing though. Resuring him that you love him and he's fine the way he is.

 

[blkbeauty]

I don't know what you could say to make him feel better. He seems to have issues that only he can work out.

You seem to be doing the right thing though. Resuring him that you love him and he's fine the way he is.

Thanks Dlewis! I believe I am saying the right thing. I am asking because I had an ex who had a similar problem and blantantly thought I should've been more harsh and say "you're fat, please lose some weight". Because I didn't say this, he thought I was just being nice and at the end he did not trust me. Although my husband is different, I just want to know is there something I am doing wrong. But you just reassured me that I am not...thanks again!!!

 

[LilMissRed]

I agree w/dlewis.. ur being supportive and offering a suggestion to exercise more if hes not happy with his weight.. what more can u do ?? :shrugs:

 

[angelc]

I agree that you are doing the right thing in being supportive of him. In addition maybe you could try adjusting the meals that you are preparing (ie lowering fat, cholesterol, more vairety of veggies, salads, etc) and show him that you are willing to do what it takes to help him lose weight if he wants to. Also, maybe you could offer to go walking/bike riding/rollerblading/etc with him. That may help too.

 

[JustKiya]

Next time he says it, tell him that you can tell that it's really bothering him, and ask him what he would like for you to do to help him to change/to support him in losing weight.

Hopefully, he'll give you something constructive. If he doesn't, then you can just look at him, and shrug.

At least that's how I'd handle it, but DH knows that I don't handle complaints without effort to change very well.

 

[dlewis]

Next time he says it, tell him that you can tell that it's really bothering him, and ask him what he would like for you to do to help him to change/to support him in losing weight.

Hopefully, he'll give you something constructive. If he doesn't, then you can just look at him, and shrug.

At least that's how I'd handle it, but DH knows that I don't handle complaints without effort to change very well.

I'm this way too. That wouldn't be my husband because he knows if he came to me with that I would say "Sooo (he says thats my favorite word), what do you plan to do about it?"erplexed And if he gave me what I feel is a silly answer I would say "Welllll, alright then" and continue to do what I was doing.

 

[HisBestFriend]

I know how your husband feels, especially the eye roll bit. He probably feels like he could be 100lbs overweight and you would still find him attractive - so unfortunately your blind love makes you an partial judge.

Do something about it now or hubby will be like me, after months of asking DH if I was getting big and him saying NO, he finally said yes BUT it was not when I asked, it was just out of the blue while I was walking around in the buff and 3 yrs later I still can't forget how it hurt my feelings- it was true but hurt none the less.

Take him seriously, make or help make more sensible meals, maybe offer to workout with him. If/When he doesn't do anything about it after that then..... Oh well -he wasn't serious and you'll be able to say that directly to him.

 

[hopeful]

I don't know what else you can do. Is he complaining about something else? Like he thinks you two don't eat healthy enough as a family? Does he think marriage is making him fat? I don't get the complaining without a plan of action. Why not I'm getting fat and this is what I'm going to do about it? Next time he complains, I would not tell him he is not fat or that I love him, I would ask him two questions: as DLewis said, "What are you going to do about it?" And "Is there anything I can do to help you?" Also, I always tell dh that I am partial toward him and that the gray and the weight never bothers me because I love him too much, he is always cute to me no matter what.

 

[SelahOco]

OP, do you think he's getting fat?

I went thru this w/ DH and I'd tell him he wasn't fat to me, and he looked fine. I knew he was gaining weight, but I really just didn't care. He'd ask me to be honest, and I would tell him that he's gained some weight, but it doesn't bother me. If he wants to shed pounds, I'd help him. But as long as he didn't get any bigger, he was fine with me.

If i was brutal w/ him, I would have been called "mean." And if I was too soft, he would have said I was just being nice. So, I was just honest from my perspective - which is what he was asking for.

He's since lost a ton of weight and looks great. He did it on his own, but you know sometimes people just need a sounding board.