My white neighbor asked me if my flat ironed hair was a weave. Is that an insult?

[CarolinaGal]

I wouldn't be insulted. I tend to think that mainstream has gotten away from real hair care and is only about trends so long healthy hair "must" be a weave I see many white women with weaves. It's not as big of a cultural divide as the media and other people sometimes try to pretend it is.
For example, I just saw that Kourtney Kardashian was spotted yesterday getting fresh tracks put in.

Here ya go. Straight sew in...

http://www.fadedyouthblog.com/138228/kourtney-gets-a-new-weave

 

[luckiestdestiny]

So that's what Oprah was talking about when she said that? I didn't see the show but I did catch the back stage banter. I think now people of other races will feel it is their business to ask me if my hair is real or weave. Yes it is rude and inappropriate to walk up to someone and ask if any part of there person is real or fake! Not like it hasn't been done before but I think it will happen more often and more people will feel the need to weave check and ask questions about my hair and just assume it's a weave. IMO, this film and the Oprah interview will create some uncomfortable moments for Black women.

Exactly.

Now that we've been "outted" lol! I wish she had said some of us SOME. It seemed like they slanted it as if ALL of us have been doing this and we're ALL slaves to weaves. Because they kept saying "black women". . I hated her plural use. Because it's Oprah people will take it as the truth. And because OPRAH kept using plural, it slants it as if that's all that's going on in our community. And because of the ignorance which others have commented on, this is the only information they are receiving on the subject as of right now and will take it as gospel.

 

[claudia05]

I wouldn't take it as a compliment. She probably did watch that Oprah episode and asked you because you're black. They understand the concept of shrinkage, they call it poofy.
If you had type 4 hair, maybe. But it's not like there aren't some white people with your hair type.
Do you think she would have asked that question to a white woman with the same hair type?
A lot of white people will feign ignorance about us when giving their little backhanded compliments. She wanted it to be a weave to confirm those stereotypes about black women...

 

[jada1111]

I would take it as an insult, they don't think we have any hair, they are always looking at my roots when I talk to them, they also don't think our hair shines.

I think it's rude to even say that to anyone black white whatever. if the person was smart they would know that curly hair stretches to amazing lengths.

"they" are getting a tad bit too comfortable with asking us silly $$$ questions.

For real. But when you got folks like Chris, O and Tyra (especially this *itch) talking about this *ish on the national stage you're going to get stupid questions.

I'm sorry, but blacks have been in this country since BEFORE the independence from Great Britain when they were known as "the colonies". YET, they still find us to be a freakin' circus attraction.

I'm not teaching anyone ANYTHING unless they come from a country where there are no black folks or he's a white man I'm sleeping with and has a genuine curiosity about my hair (or whatever).

 

[shamarie]

Most white people dont understand shrinkage. Just let it go. At least now she has learned something. (wit her ignorant a$$)

 

[sparkle25]

I would have took it as an insult. Thats her way of saying if a black woman has long hair its a weave. Honestly thought some white ppl are so ignortant about other ethnicites, i probably would have just rolled my eyes and felt sorry that she is such an ignoramous.

 

[brucebettye]

Don't take it as an insult. She just does not understand and before I came to this board if I was your neighbor I would have asked you the same thing. I only truly understood shrinkage now since coming to the hair boards.

 

[MummysGirl]

Not an insult but there was no need for her to ask you that question. She could have approached it in a different manner e.g. "Your hair looks really nice today!"<-- Giving you an opening to tell her what you'd had done.

Most of my caucasian friends are gym buddies and although they make jokes about my many hairstyles in a day (e.g. I once went to the gym with a bun, left in cornrows and that night had a braidout), they know it's my hair. None of them has ever had a reason to ask if it's a weave.... but i've had BLACK people ask me if my hair's a weave! My barely APL hair

OP, don't think too much of what she said, except she's a mean neighbour.

 

[CocoBunny]

For the last five months I have been wearing my hair in the wash n go style. When its curly its only shoulder length. When its straight its bsl.
My white neighbor asked me when did I have time to go and put a weave in my hair...
I told her I dont have a weave that its my hair! Then she looked very confused, even had to touch it to see if it was real....

Should I take this as a compliment that my hair grew so long from the last five months that she can't believe its that long.. or..
should I take it as an insult that Black women can't grow our hair long??

Anything can be an insult... If you want it to be.

 

[CocoBunny]

I think a lot of people on this board get offended too easily.

I think a lot of people LOOK for a reason to get offended. I'm not sure if it's a victim mentality or a persecution complex or what. Most of the time I find it funny (in a bizarre I am the center of the universe and the world is focusing on me and my hair, because me and my hair after all or so important sort of way), sometimes I find it sad other times I just think it's a cry for attention.

YMMV

OP this is a general statement of my opinion and not directed at you.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I dont get whats so confusing about it, I really dont. Its not rocket science that curly hair would appear shorter than straightened hair, how does that equate to you getting a weave. Its offensive and insulting or just plain stupid Shes either not the brightest bulb or she was being offensive, either way, its annoying

 

[CocoBunny]

I dont get whats so confusing about it, I really dont. Its not rocket science that curly hair would appear shorter than straightened hair, how does that equate to you getting a weave. Its offensive and insulting or just plain stupid Shes either not the brightest bulb or she was being offensive, either way, its annoying

I dunno, I have written before about my non AA friend who has beautiful curly hair, that she INSISTS on straightening (even though "I" think it looks better curly). When she straightens I swear the length and color change and if I didn't know her I'd think she had in extensions or something. It just looks so different it's hard to believe it s the same hair and her shrinkage isn't that extreme. She gets asked about it constantly by AA and non AA. She sometimes looks annoyed but mostly I think she likes the attention and does not consider it an insult.

YMMV

 

[NikStarrr]

I don't think it was meant to be an insult. I even shock my own friends (who are black) when I straighten my hair out. I wouldn't necessarily expect a white person to know how much black hair actually shrinks.

 

[2Cute!]

I'd be pissed, but honestly most white people are ignorant. I'd probably eyeroll after all that and ask if she felt "enlightened" now.

They certainly are. I had a yt girl at Great Clips ask me if I was wearing a weave AFTER she had trimmed my hair.

I asked her if her eyesight was alright and she said yes. Then I said then you should clearly be able to see the hair growing out of my scalp.

Yes, after that I had an attitude.

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

I don't think it was an insult. She assumed because she didn't know. That same question could have been asked by a black woman...if they didn't know.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I don't think you should take it as an insult. It sounds like she may have watched the Oprah show w/ Chris Rock. I'd ask her why she thought it was weave, like another poster said, cause it could open the door for curly hair 101!

You see I wouldn't bother asking her why she thought it was a weave. I know I would end up being even more insulted. She may say something like well Black women don't have long hair, they usually wear weave or some foolishness like that. Apart of me doesn't really care what they think anyway.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Exactly.

Now that we've been "outted" lol! I wish she had said some of us SOME. It seemed like they slanted it as if ALL of us have been doing this and we're ALL slaves to weaves. Because they kept saying "black women". . I hated her plural use. Because it's Oprah people will take it as the truth. And because OPRAH kept using plural, it slants it as if that's all that's going on in our community. And because of the ignorance which others have commented on, this is the only information they are receiving on the subject as of right now and will take it as gospel.

I agree and now Black woman will real long hair must be rich.

 

[CurlyMoo]

For real. But when you got folks like Chris, O and Tyra (especially this *itch) talking about this *ish on the national stage you're going to get stupid questions.

I'm sorry, but blacks have been in this country since BEFORE the independence from Great Britain when they were known as "the colonies". YET, they still find us to be a freakin' circus attraction.

I'm not teaching anyone ANYTHING unless they come from a country where there are no black folks or he's a white man I'm sleeping with and has a genuine curiosity about my hair (or whatever).

 

[CurlyMoo]

Wait a minute, I just thought about something. Why do people care if you are wearing a weave or not? That is rather personal you know. Why do you need to know my secrets? Just compliment and move on. Why can't people just stop and say your hair looks great? People are so curious about something that has nothing to do with them.

 

[Sha76]

I would not insulted. She obviously did not think before she spoke. Because curly hair has to be longer than it looks when curly. If she had thought about it, she would have said. Just take it as momentary ignorance

 

[GoldenBreeze]

I wouldn't take it as an insult. Non-ethnic people do not know a lot about ethnic hair. Heck, they don't even know a lot about type 3a hair! Let's face it many black women don't even know about ethnic hair, hence the need for hair boards. I would just use it as an opportunity to educate, as others have said.

I had a similar experience a couple of days ago. One the the WM checkers at the grocery store asked me if I had just had my hair "done" because my braids looked pretty. I didn't have braids, but a pinned up twist-out. I just answered no to the hair doing question, and said thanks for the compliment part and kept it moving.

ETA: What he was really saying was, "Wow! That's the first time I've seen you with your hair in anything besides a bun."