My Stepmother's Friend's Husband Keeps Hitting on Me at Work...

Cincysweetie

Cincysweetie

Well-Known Member
Ladies, this situation is sooooo weird and I just need to vent!!!! I guess I could have put this in OT but oh, well. So, my stepmother's good friend is married to this guy. Me and the guy happen to work together. He's in his mid-late 40s, 3 kids (2 women), a HUGE flirt, and he apparently first met me years ago when I was 17. He and his wife are currently seperated (not divorced) and he is dating/living with another woman that also works at our place of employment. :perplexed Well, early on I started getting some weird vibes from him...that made me a little uncomfortable. You know those LOOKS...the undressing you with his eyes, the stares at certain body parts. :nono: Now it's progressed to comments...blatant, inappropriate comments. Yesterday, in not so many words he basically put me on notice that something sexual would happen between us at some point. :barf: My response..."No, that will NEVER happen". It's made worse by the fact that he gives me these obvious looks in front of his girlfriend (who then at times acts weird towards me)...and the fact that he's friends with my parents (eew)...and STILL MARRIED.

I really just needed to vent but I'm open to hearing suggestions on how you may have handled unwanted sexual advances on the job. And this may be wrong on my part, but I do NOT want to get management involved. I feel like it would just make the situation messier.
 
I think you should use a straight forward approach with this guy.

I had a similar situation, but the guy was not as bad. He was just really flirty with me and I didn't like it and just wanted it to stop. I just sent him a email telling him how I felt and that his behavior was inappropriate especially in the work environment. He never crossed the line again.
 
I'd start with him, and let him know that you feel uncomfortable and that you need him to stop his behavior. Be firm, so he can't say "oh I thought she was playing".

If he continues, I'd be heading to HR to make a complaint. You shouldn't have to work in an environment where you feel uncomfortable.
 
I agree with the straight forward approach. I would let him know that I don't wish to be subjected to that kind of talk since he has both a wife and girlfriend. And I would also throw in that I would be informing my parents who are his friends if he doesn't stop the nonsense and let me work in a peaceful environment. Hopefully this will stop him.
 
...Sounds like sexual harassment to me...He is creating a hostile working environment for you. Let him know that if he doesn't stop his sexual advances, you will file a complaint with management. If his sexual advances continue after your warning to him, I'd head straight to management and complain. No one should ever have to be subjected to unwanted and unwelcome sexual advances, comments, innuendos, etc., in the workplace.
 
It's made worse by the fact that he gives me these obvious looks in front of his girlfriend (who then at times acts weird towards me)...and the fact that he's friends with my parents (eew)...and STILL MARRIED.


Obvious he is an *******. Then on top of that, he does it while is girlfriend is around? He's probably telling her you're hitting on him. That's how roguish men can be! Before the situation gets worse, you should tell someone about it, and since he's friends with your parents, I would probably say something to them first. I don't think your father would be to fond of the fact that a friend of his is hitting on his daughter:nono: But seriously, I would embarrass him in front of his woman, straight up. That should pump his breaks....

Now, in terms of your job, if you do not want to tell management, or headquarters, then I would find another job, if you feel that strongly about not reporting it. Sexual harassment is just what it is, and it needs to be dealt with.
 
I was going to tell you to tell the girlfriend to tell her man to stop flirting with you but when you said he does it in front of her and she also gives you looks then I thought maybe she wanted a threesome.

Since it's a workplace tell HR like the other poster mentioned. If you don't want to get management involved then confront him in a very firm manner that he needs to stop and threaten him with dismemberment if he thinks your playing.
 
drasgrl said:
I was going to tell you to tell the girlfriend to tell her man to stop flirting with you but when you said he does it in front of her and she also gives you looks then I thought maybe she wanted a threesome.

Since it's a workplace tell HR like the other poster mentioned. If you don't want to get management involved then confront him in a very firm manner that he needs to stop and threaten him with dismemberment if he thinks your playing.
Click to expand...
He gives me looks while she's present. It's like he leers at me. :sad: And she'll just stand there and not check her man and it's sooo obvious. But when it's just me and her she'll barely speak or she'll seem as though she has an attitude. I don't think she wants a threesome, I just think she's too scared of losing "her" man to check him. To make matters worse, my stepmom tells me all the time that she thinks him and her friend will get back together (her friend knows about the girlfriend). How strange! It's just an awkward position to be in.

Thanks all for the responses. I do not want to go to HR, nor do I want to switch jobs. I think my best bet is to tell my parents and confront him about it. It's just a sh*tty situation and I wish I wasn't in it.
 
he sounds real upfront about trying to get wit u....

But you know what...I would pull his card right in front of his girl..
Letin' him know i didn't like it nor appreciate it..In the same token you will be letting her know I don't want ur man...I would also throw in there its sexual harassment..

Trust and believe he is tellin her that you are hitting on him..
 
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Cincysweetie said:
I think my best bet is to tell my parents and confront him about it. It's just a sh*tty situation and I wish I wasn't in it.
Click to expand...

I'd definitely tell my daddy if i wanted it to stop immediately... that's the surefire way cuz daddy's tend to be very protective when it comes to their little girls and the lecherous old men that lust after them....
 
I'd tell my Daddy. :look:

In my case that's worse than telling management.

My Daddy is off the chain.
 
I would tell my dad also. Men like him are very manipulative and with this man being friends with your parents that will give him even easier access to you and your life. You know how parents brag to others about what their child is doing like getting a new job or buying a house, etc. You see this man will know too much about you and he will use it to his advantage until he gets what he wants. And sometimes he can be so rogus that he can turn your family against you. That's when they get on that power trip. You need to tell your dad in person, just you and him until you figure out how you are going to break this to your stepmom. You need to nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
 
I would inform parents of situation only so they won't hear it from anyone else that went to HR with a record of his actions to date.
 
Give him a verbal warning or better yet a written email warning. Then go to HR. You have to stop him NOW or it WILL get worse.
 
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