My mom is bugging me about my hair! (VENT)

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ughghgh! My mom is about to get on my last nerves about my hair! Ever since I started stretching my relaxers (about a year ago) and washing my hair once/twice a week, my mom has been having a fixation with my hair! She's constantly looking at it. If I wash my hair and air-dry it (which I usually do), she sometimes asks me if she can "blowdry" my hair and "curl" it with the curling iron. I just tell her "no thanks". I don't use heat on my hair anymore unless I'm going to the salon.

Okay, so my hair doesn't look the "best" these days since I've been stretching my relaxers. If I haven't gone to the salon, I usually just wash, condition, oil ,air-dry, and pull my hair up in a bun or twists. But so what...my hair is not "bone straight" like MOST black girls' hair who have relaxers. But my mom is giving me such a hard time about it! One day she said: "you know, if you want to go natural, you should just cut off all the relaxed hair and start all over with a little afro". I'm like: "mom...I'm NOT going natural, I'm just stretching my relaxers!" She's like: "Well, I dont' know where you read about doing that, but I wish you would stop" (I Haven't told her about this board, and I really don't intend to) She thinks I'm going through some kind of rebelling phase/black-power movement with my hair just because it's not like it used to be "bone straight" 24/7. I'm sorry, but I'm not quitting because my hair is longer now than it's ever been. When I switched from a regular strength relaxer to a mild she was flabergasted!

Some days she's like: "your hair needs some heat to it!" Ughhghg! It's killing me! Man, if my hair WERE natural I feel like she wouldn't like it then either!

I don't get it. Why are we so obsessed with "straight" hair?? I don't intend on going natural, but if my hair isn't "bone" straight, I dont' see that to be any reason for an outcry! She acts like I've commited one of the sins of the ten commandments or something.

I just dont' get it. Sorry for the long vent, but I just had to get this off of my chest.

Are any of you ladies experiencing down-right negative comments from either friends, or (dare-say) FAMILY members, co-workers/associates about your new hair regimens?? I mean, I know a lot of us get compliments about our hair....but are some of us also getting criticisms??

 

[CurliDiva]

Maybe, it would HELP if you did share the information about your hair routine and board with her. She is probably just confused about what you are trying to achieve. Also, maybe you could show her some of the album of members who also stretch their perms. But, some people are obsessed with bone straight hair- even it is damaged or thin.

Most people will not want to LISTEN, until they can see the results of your hair quest.

Good luck

 

[Naijaqueen]

Sounds like the hair dresser who applied my Phyto relaxer for me, it was a Dominican salon, and she was like "this relaxer no good, not straight", and I was like "fine, thats how its supposed to be, I want it like that" She kept insisting the whole time, and even tried keeping it longer, much to my amusement. I guess she expected the relaxer to make my hair bone straight and it didnt, I love the way my hair felt afterwards, it felt normal, and and not broken down completely like it always did after a relaxer.
Some friends laugh whe they hear how freq I CW and all, but at the end of the day the laugh will be on them, once i reach my goals, I'll send out pics(armpit and bra strap especially) to all my friends.

 

[Porsche19]

At first my mom was the same way.

She told me that I do too much to my hair and that it was going to fall out. She said stuff like "You are not white!"

HER hair fell out, and she is wearing a twa (not even an inch on her head)... my hair is longer than it has been for years.

Oh well.

Now she says she loves it when I straighten it out (but doesn't like the curly fro that I wear 95% of the time as much), and she pays me to do HER hair (when she has hair).

Just ignore her and let your hair grow and be healthy

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hehe...I know my mother, and if I showed her this website, she'd think I was "obsessed" with my hair. My mom is not the most (how shall I say) "Understanding" person sometimes. Especially when she's relaxing her hair every 4-6 weeks and hot curling it every morning. She doesn't think anything is wrong though since her hair hasn't fallen out or anything. OH well.... *sigh*

I'm starting to wonder if it is even worth all the trouble. It seems some people fry and dye their hair and it STILL grows!


PS-haha! I like your philosophy Niajahqueen! lol

 

[lkg4healthyhair]

Some people just dont' understand what we are trying to achieve.

I mentioned to my husband's family that I was not going to relax my daughters hair and they all gasp and asked ---Why??? What are you going to do????

I say she will wear her hair natural. I was shocked that even the consideration of not relaxing my child's hair was crazy to them.

One more story...My cousin's daughter has very very very thick 4a/b hair. She had pontytail twists all over and took them out. It was cute like a twist out but not as defined. My grandmother had a fit. I meant angry. She refused to go anywhere if her hair was not what she considered "done" She wanted my cousin to put her daughter's hair in ponytails. She said it looked ghetto I am glad my cousin did not change her daughters hair. That would have given her the wrong message.

 

[caligirl]

Some people need to get a grip and let you do what you want with YOUR hair. Some of us are afraid of our roots (pun intended).

 

[MizAvalon]

Not that this excuses their ignorance, but people of other generations just don't know any better half of the time regarding hair care.

My own mother actually tried to tell me that a curling iron was better for my hair than a rollerset!

She grew up during a time when they just had no clue about hair care. Unfortunately so many of them still hold on those outdated beliefs.

 

[Lucia]

Just do your thing with your hair and when she sees it long then she'll keep quiet. But don't let her talk you into anything you don't want for your hair.

 

[dhill830]

I agree with Curl Diva.. maybe you should tell your mother what your trying to do and what your trying to achieve with your hair. Even if she thinks its crazy and won't work.. at least she will know that you are trying to follow some type of routine... your haven't just gone and lost your mind and decided not to relax your hair on a more regular basis. which might be hard for her to understand.

And maybe once she sees that it is working she might leave you alone and let you do your thing. But def. do not let her talk you into doing something you do not want to do.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

I agree with Curl Diva.. maybe you should tell your mother what your trying to do and what your trying to achieve with your hair. Even if she thinks its crazy and won't work.. at least she will know that you are trying to follow some type of routine... your haven't just gone and lost your mind and decided not to relax your hair on a more regular basis. which might be hard for her to understand.

And maybe once she sees that it is working she might leave you alone and let you do your thing. But def. do not let her talk you into doing something you do not want to do.

ITA, this is what I was going to say. I think once you let her know about what you have learned about overlapping/overprocessing and how stretching relaxers prevents this from happening, etc. I beleive she will be a little impressed that her daughter has took the time out to learn how to properly take care of her hair, and may even began to ask you for advice about hers. I don't know about telling her about LHCF just yet because she may react differently when you tell her you learned some things from pple you don't know or haven't actually met yet. I received different reactions from different friends and family members when I told them about LHCF and I'm 29yrs old, some were like hook me up and do this to my hair and others were like I have to see to believe it, LOL, I say you'll see it alright, God willing, when I reach my hair goal. LOL.

 

[CarLiTa]

at the beginning of my hair care journey, my mom and aunt were the same way... my aunt kept telling me that buying these cheap products was going to cause all my hair to fall out, and i'd just mumble something like 'no it's not' and move on... but geez they made me feel uncomfortable about it all... but after a while, my mom started using my shampoos too... and so does my aunt sometimes... I don't need no $20 Sebastians shampoo for every wash!! My aunt also said the thing about not washing your hair more than once a week... and guess what? she washes her hair more often too, i swear, for a while, everytime i wash my hair, both mom and aunt would wash their hair the same or next day too... i was like... hmm is this coincidence??? when they saw my touch-up results a couple months after joining, they were like wow your hair looks strong and nice! so yeah, EVERYONE's airdrying now, washing more than once a week, deep conditioning, it's funny...

I say, just let your results speak for themselves

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks guys for the advice. That really helps a lot. I feel a lot better.

I think I will hold off on telling my mom about the LHCF for right now...I know how she can be. But perhaps maybe if she sees MY results, she'll wonder what I've been doing and where I learned it from, and maybe THEN I'll tell her about this website. But for right now, she's way too skeptical to be open-minded about this site. I know how she is.

But anyway, I think I'm just going to stick to my regimen. I just hope my hair can start looking better in between relaxers though, because I think this is my mom's main beef with my hair. She thinks it looks "unkept" when it's just pulled back in a pony tail and it's not straight but filled with newgrowth. My sister on the other hand always wears her hair straight and down, but she never washes her hair! So....*sigh* I don't know... I don't even want to go to a salon more than 2x a week simply because I like doing my own hair, and also I think I'm the most gentle with my own hair. The only problem is, I can't rollerset worth anything, so I usually just air-dry my hair and go. :-/