My male friend is broke and married(separated) but still goes online...
- Thread starter vevster
- Start date
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
First, good morning Vester!!
As for your questions, no, you are not wrong. In fact, he should get HIMSELF together before dragging someone else into his bullshyt. In other words, clean up your own backyard before you decide to shyt in another yard.
See, when he meets these women, he probably gives them a sob story, oh woe is me type mess, and they fall for it.
I dislike those types of men. The ones who are going through a divorce and their status is "pending". I call them "transitional" men.
As for your questions, no, you are not wrong. In fact, he should get HIMSELF together before dragging someone else into his bullshyt. In other words, clean up your own backyard before you decide to shyt in another yard.
See, when he meets these women, he probably gives them a sob story, oh woe is me type mess, and they fall for it.
I dislike those types of men. The ones who are going through a divorce and their status is "pending". I call them "transitional" men.
Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
I swear, it seems like men can do no wrong 
but let a woman version of him come along and no one would want her.
but let a woman version of him come along and no one would want her.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
I wonder sometimes why men do this..are they too scared to be alone...
MoniintheMiddle
Well-Known Member
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MoniintheMiddle
Well-Known Member
I swear, it seems like men can do no wrong
Cause sistas always seem to believe it when the man tells them that everything wrong in his marriage/relationship is the fault of his wife/SO....sistas buy it everytime
southerncitygirl
Well-Known Member
Vev, I agree with you. Sometimes as women we believe every sob story a man tells us not consider he maybe partially or completely to blame for the foolishness that went down. There's always a chance a man like this could reconcile with their wife too, I try to avoid these type of situations. He should take time to work on him and stop focusing on getting a new woman. I think he doesn't like being alone, alot of people are like this.
PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
They think their p*ssy is lined with Gold, and he would NEEEVEEEER do that to her.Cause sistas always seem to believe it when the man tells them that everything wrong in his marriage/relationship is the fault of his wife/SO....sistas buy it everytime
My grandaddy told me "if they do it WITH you, they will do it TO you*
OP, if it were me, I'd stay out.
My friend had to recently dump a guy for that bull. The guy had 3 or 4 kids, was living with his friend, he did have a job but making 30k to take care of his 3 to 4 kids, and meet her telling her his dream of going to school. He was a nice guy but she had no kids and already had her degree. She did not feel like being the woman behind the man type (I men have been told they deserve to have). She dumped him flat.
I swear, it seems like men can do no wrong
I was just about to say something like this..
Of course dude should get himself together but there will be plenty of women glad to have his emotionally rebounding self, while vilifying the ex-wife all the while.
Cause sistas always seem to believe it when the man tells them that everything wrong in his marriage/relationship is the fault of his wife/SO....sistas buy it everytime
It aint just sistas tho... all types of women fall for the bull..
Because they are silly, and are willing to put up with a messed up man in order to have a man.
True -- but on the other hand look how much flack single women get, even on this board.. I can understand why some women need the security blanket..
I actually think men are more needy in some ways then women are..seems like if a man is used to long term relationships he'll always find a woman to fill that role.
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JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Oh, I understand it. Still doesn't make any sense, but I definitely understand the urge to do so.
And, thinking of needy men, my uncle is a PERFECT example. I think he's on wife #5 now (early 60's?), and he's cheated on EVERY wife he's had with the next wife. Every. Single. One. Wife #4 cleaned him out, too - took the house, the car, half the pension - did that stop him? Not in the least.
My grandmother coddled him his whole life - as recently as 4 years ago, he would roll his tail in my grandmothers house, plop down, and make HER get up to get him a damn drink of water.
How you gonna have your 80 y/o mother fetching your water, still? But that same attitude shows in his relationships - he stays with a woman. Stays. Because he doesn't know how to - or doesn't care to - take care of himself. And for some reason, women just eat it up. 
Couldn't be me.
DiamondDivyne
...
I have a friend that is in a situation similar. He dates and sleeps around with other women. Initially, I was very disapproving. However, we have been BFFs since like 7th grade. After speaking with the wife about everything that was going on and her confirming it all - she cheated, doesn't mind if he dates other people as long as she can maintain her lifestyle with him - IDK what to think. I think he's married because he's still in love with her bottom line. He can't forgive her for what she has done and still does, but he doesn't want anyone else to be with her. It's all really sad. I'm still disapproving of the situation. I feel they need to work it out or sign them papers...
And that's about it!
Kerryann
Well-Known Member
he needs to get his broke arse together asap
Being married and broke does not equal to being a catch tell son son get on his JOB asap and looking for a woman right now is and should be a last priority
i was with a guy who was going through a divorce and i had to let him go i had my own problems im not trying to take on anymore so i told him to kick rocks until he straighten up himself aint gonna work humbre
Being married and broke does not equal to being a catch tell son son get on his JOB asap and looking for a woman right now is and should be a last priority
i was with a guy who was going through a divorce and i had to let him go i had my own problems im not trying to take on anymore so i told him to kick rocks until he straighten up himself aint gonna work humbre
Keen
Well-Known Member
They do it because there are too many out there that will put up with it.
Oh, I understand it. Still doesn't make any sense, but I definitely understand the urge to do so.
And, thinking of needy men, my uncle is a PERFECT example. I think he's on wife #5 now (early 60's?), and he's cheated on EVERY wife he's had with the next wife. Every. Single. One. Wife #4 cleaned him out, too - took the house, the car, half the pension - did that stop him? Not in the least.
My grandmother coddled him his whole life - as recently as 4 years ago, he would roll his tail in my grandmothers house, plop down, and make HER get up to get him a damn drink of water.
Your uncle is equal to my uncle. In addition to all these wives, wife #2 and #3 died under super mysterious circumstances and my mother believes my uncle (her baby brother) had something to do with them. Do you think these woman care? Heck no, he still had plenty of woman knocking on his door to bring him a plate to comfort him when he "lost" his wives. My uncle is deceased now but at the funeral there were wall to wall woman crying over him. My sister and I was like WTH is going on ladies.
Bunny77
New Member
Oh dear.
I'm broke, off work sick and am now living back at my mums. I go online because I'm lonely. I'm as bad as your uncle.
Totally different situation.
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
You can't completely judge someone's situation from the outside looking in.
I'm sure vev knows why he's separated... and it's not our business... but maybe him and the wife have agreed that it's okay for him to do this? Maybe she cheated? Maybe they both decided to take a step back to give one or both the opportunity to work on something? You just never know... I would say don't take them seriously til they divorced but that's just me.
I'm sure vev knows why he's separated... and it's not our business... but maybe him and the wife have agreed that it's okay for him to do this? Maybe she cheated? Maybe they both decided to take a step back to give one or both the opportunity to work on something? You just never know... I would say don't take them seriously til they divorced but that's just me.
Is the wife the one that wanted the divorce?
Vintageglam
New Member
I think you ladies have raised a number of very valid factors here which I agree with:
1. We let them get away with it so they do.
2. Some men who have been in committed relationships fear the end of the comfort and companionship and are terrified of the thought of being alone.
However I just wanted to add the following;
3. He maybe doing it to boost his ego and show his ex he is still in the game and wanted by other women out there.
4. He wants to erase his sense of failure by getting rid of the taint of the failed relationship with something new and fresh. Men are eternal optimists like that. Its women who are the realists and whom usually end up picking up the pieces. We have always be groomed to be the responsible ones. Classic case when teenage boys mess up their parents laugh and say "silly boy". Put a girl in the same situation she is "stupid', a "slut" or a "door mat".
5. Homeboy could just be horny after the collapse of his marriage (which was prob lacking in that dept towards the end). I know for a fact that my male friends use Internet dating to get laid. One even remarked that he had never had so much sex in his life since he joined meetic.com and match.com
1. We let them get away with it so they do.
2. Some men who have been in committed relationships fear the end of the comfort and companionship and are terrified of the thought of being alone.
However I just wanted to add the following;
3. He maybe doing it to boost his ego and show his ex he is still in the game and wanted by other women out there.
4. He wants to erase his sense of failure by getting rid of the taint of the failed relationship with something new and fresh. Men are eternal optimists like that. Its women who are the realists and whom usually end up picking up the pieces. We have always be groomed to be the responsible ones. Classic case when teenage boys mess up their parents laugh and say "silly boy". Put a girl in the same situation she is "stupid', a "slut" or a "door mat".
5. Homeboy could just be horny after the collapse of his marriage (which was prob lacking in that dept towards the end). I know for a fact that my male friends use Internet dating to get laid. One even remarked that he had never had so much sex in his life since he joined meetic.com and match.com
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Cause sistas always seem to believe it when the man tells them that everything wrong in his marriage/relationship is the fault of his wife/SO....sistas buy it everytime
Yeah ask Alicia Keys and Swiss Beats. Mashonda says he was feeding AK that line when he was telling her he was happy with her.
vevster
Well-Known Member
Nope he wanted the divorce... he thought he was with THE ONE. There has been one more ONE in the past 12 months.
MrsAriannaAmbers
New Member
He's a habitual lover and leaver...and he probably shouldn't be married in the first place...moreso he need to have him a suitcase with some wheels on it so that when he finds the "next one" he can pack his shyt and move on with the quickness...it seems like he enjoys the thrill of the whole process and when its boring he
is done.
Its a game to him...he can find more desperate/lonely women online since their pages will tell it all...can't just walk into a club/party/social gathering and just read someone like that...online allows him to *mask* and play his games easily than anywhere else...In regards to the women its enough desperate/lonely ones out there to fall for his line of krap...I mean its a bunch of "krap-ola" at its finest...
is done.
Its a game to him...he can find more desperate/lonely women online since their pages will tell it all...can't just walk into a club/party/social gathering and just read someone like that...online allows him to *mask* and play his games easily than anywhere else...In regards to the women its enough desperate/lonely ones out there to fall for his line of krap...I mean its a bunch of "krap-ola" at its finest...
vevster
Well-Known Member
No, he was married for over ten years... I just feel he needs to focus on his money situation now. Instead of trying to date all these women. He is also emotionally immature. He doesn't think things through.
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