My husband asked me if he could donate a kidney? What should I do?

[BlkOnyx488]

Ok
He picks up our son from school in the afternoons. Usually they stay and play for an hour or so at the playground. He met a woman there who is the babysitter of one of my son's classmates. They talk almost everyday.

Apparently she has to be on a dialysist machine and is on the list for a new kidney. She of course has never asked my husband to donate his kidney, but she did tell him she is "O" positive, which is his blood type.

My husband gives blood and platelets regularly at least once a month. He has also donated bone morrow once. And of course he is an organ donor on his DL.

But I was not expecting him to ask me this. My initial response was to suggest he research on what happens to the donor after they give a kidney. And he said, "So, basically you don't want me to do this."

I said, "Look I know you like helping people I do too, but to give a body part, you have to look at how this could effect the rest of your life. They always talk about the person recieving the donation and what happens, but about the giver."

I hate being selfish but I am concerned about my husband not this woman I have never met.

So what would you do if your husband wanted to donate a kidney to someone he has only known for 3 weeks that he sees at a playground?

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Ok
He picks up our son from school in the afternoons. Usually they stay and play for an hour or so at the playground. He met a woman there who is the babysitter of one of my son's classmates. They talk almost everyday.

Apparently she has to be on a dialysist machine and is on the list for a new kidney. She of course has never asked my husband to donate his kidney, but she did tell him she is "O" positive, which is his blood type.

My husband gives blood and platelets regularly at least once a month. He has also donated bone morrow once. And of course he is an organ donor on his DL.

But I was not expecting him to ask me this. My initial response was to suggest he research on what happens to the donor after they give a kidney. And he said, "So, basically you don't want me to do this."

I said, "Look I know you like helping people I do too, but to give a body part, you have to look at how this could effect the rest of your life. They always talk about the person recieving the donation and what happens, but about the giver."

I hate being selfish but I am concerned about my husband not this woman I have never met.

So what would you do if your husband wanted to donate a kidney to someone he has only known for 3 weeks that he sees at a playground?

Find out how long he's been seeing her on the sly. :210:

His organs are for me and the kids. Strangers can have them if he should pass away suddenly and we didn't need them.

 

[drasgrl]

Find out how long he's been seeing her on the sly. :210:

His organs are for me and the kids. Strangers can have them if he should pass away suddenly and we didn't need them.

Snap!

If it was for a close relative ok. A stranger no. I'm sorry boo you ain't risking your life for someone who neither of us knows or has any importance in our lives. At the same time it's his body he's a grown man and I can' tell him how to live his life.

 

[DragonPearl]

Your husband is very generous, but I wouldn't be happy about it.

I would tell my husband he needs to save his kidney for his children if they ever need a donor.

Besides, donating a kidney is not without long term consequences. There is no such thing as a "spare" kidney. You have not just 1 but 2 eyes, 2 nostrils, 2 ears, 2 hands, 2 feet, etc for a reason, as nature doesn't give you anything extra, and kidneys shouldn't be removed unless absolutely necessary.

ETA: if he needs you to be the bad guy, he can tell that woman "my wife won't allow it."

 

[PassionFruit]

Id definitely wonder WTF she did to impress him that much in 3 weeks... but ultimately I wouldnt forbid him from doing anything with HIS body cuz I wouldnt let him do the same to me

 

[mrsjohnson75]

................just tell him "no" I don't want you to do this. Your kids might need your kidney one day. Good Luck!

 

[DragonPearl]

Ok
I hate being selfish but I am concerned about my husband not this woman I have never met.

So what would you do if your husband wanted to donate a kidney to someone he has only known for 3 weeks that he sees at a playground?

Call me selfish too, cause I'd be pissed at DH. Oh well, I never said I was Mother Teresa.

 

[DragonPearl]

ITA.
His obligation should be to his family first not a stranger. He should just tell her "no" and put the blame on you if he need to. Besides O positive is a very common blood type, I'm sure someone in her family has the same type. I'm O+ so are my kids and my DH.


ETA: She haven't asked him as of yet so he should just not offer. tell him "no".

Shoot, I am O positive too. O positive is the COMMONEST blood type. It's not like she is some very rare blood type. She can get a kidney from her folks.

 

[gone_fishing]

Men...

Usually what I do with DH when he comes up with some crazy, albeit, generaous idea is I lte him walk along that path until the last possible moment that I need to snatch him into reality.

Blood types doesn't mean tissue type will match. In fact blood types can match and tissue types won't. And tissue types can match and blood types won't.

Let him go ahead and see if he's a match. Chances are....he won't be. You'll look like the good guy and it won't happen anyways.

Of course if it backfires...you can come and bless me out or you can take it as a sign from God that you were supposed to help this woman. I bet money though...he's not a match.

Tissue typing, also called HLA typing, is a process of identifying genetic markers (antigens) on white blood cells. In the laboratory, these markers can be specifically identified. Each person inherits his antigens from his or her parents. Certain antigens are used in choosing potential recipients and donated kidneys. In order to carry out tissue typing, a blood sample is drawn and the genetic markers on the blood cells are identified. Each marker has a letter and number in its name. For example, two common antigens are known as HLA-A1 and HLA-B8. Over 100 of these antigens have been identified. Some of the antigens are more common than others.

In a family with the same mother and father, children can inherit various combinations of antigens from the parents. Each child inherits 1/2 of his/her antigens from each parent. Four combinations of inherited antigens are possible. This means there is a one out of four, or a 25%, chance for an identical match between brothers and sisters as well as a 25% chance for no match at all. There is a two out of four, or 50%, chance that there will be a 3 antigen match between brothers and sisters.

A 6 antigen match is the best possible match for kidney transplants, but lesser matches are used and have successful outcomes.

If a potential transplant candidate has someone interested in donating a kidney, tissue typing is done to see how closely his/her antigens match the recipient. Other blood tests (including the cross-match) will be done to determine if the pair is compatible. If the transplant candidate does not have someone able to donate a kidney, the antigens identified in the recipient are used to match with a donated cadaver kidney.

________________________________________________________

Also, why is he so interested in this lady after three weeks that he wants to donate a kidney to a complete stranger.

That's not like the renewable resource of blood or bone marrow that he has donated before.

If I were you, I'd want to meet this kidney digger and find out how this came to be. You should have the opportunity to ask her some questions before you consent to this, if you decide to cosent at all.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Courtesy of http://www.utmb.edu/renaltx/process.htm

 

[DragonPearl]

Thanks Adequate and Ms Plain Jane, but I wouldn't even get into all that technical stuff with DH. I would Cliff Note it all for him with a then a

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Thanks Adequate and Ms Plain Jane, but I wouldn't even get into all that with DH. I would Cliff Note it all for him with a then a

Neither would I!

 

[tallygirl]

ITA...Keep it Simple! Then, I'd tell him NO! NO! and just in case he didn't get it the first two times, I'd throw in an extra NO! for good measure

Thanks Adequate and Ms Plain Jane, but I wouldn't even get into all that technical stuff with DH. I would Cliff Note it all for him with a then a

 

[lana]

Ok
He picks up our son from school in the afternoons. Usually they stay and play for an hour or so at the playground. He met a woman there who is the babysitter of one of my son's classmates. They talk almost everyday.

Apparently she has to be on a dialysist machine and is on the list for a new kidney. She of course has never asked my husband to donate his kidney, but she did tell him she is "O" positive, which is his blood type.

My husband gives blood and platelets regularly at least once a month. He has also donated bone morrow once. And of course he is an organ donor on his DL.

But I was not expecting him to ask me this. My initial response was to suggest he research on what happens to the donor after they give a kidney. And he said, "So, basically you don't want me to do this."

I said, "Look I know you like helping people I do too, but to give a body part, you have to look at how this could effect the rest of your life. They always talk about the person recieving the donation and what happens, but about the giver."

I hate being selfish but I am concerned about my husband not this woman I have never met.

So what would you do if your husband wanted to donate a kidney to someone he has only known for 3 weeks that he sees at a playground?

I would wonder if was cheating or at the very least having an emotional affair. Something doesn't sound right. He sounds like he may have too much time on his hands. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

Thanks Ladies,
I wanted to tell him H@LL MF no!!! but I don't talk to my husband like that

But I appreciate all you guys input, my husband has a heart of gold but I don't think that means he should be trying to give it away to everyone he meets. I doubt his tissue would match but I don't even want to take it that far because if it does, well it would be wierd when the first time she meets me I will have to tell her to her face that I can't have my husband giving away his kidney to women he meets at the playgrounderplexed

He is at the playground right now

But I told him I had to go to the ladies of LHCF for this one.
When he leaves this world if he leaves before I do I will abide by his wishes and give away all the parts the DR's can use to help others but while he is alive and kicking, he is only appoved to give away blood and platelets, The bone Morrow thing may not happen again at least no for years.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Thanks Ladies,
I wanted to tell him H@LL MF no!!! but I don't talk to my husband like that

But I appreciate all you guys input, my husband has a heart of gold but I don't think that means he should be trying to give it away to everyone he meets. I doubt his tissue would match but I don't even want to take it that far because if it does, well it would be wierd when the first time she meets me I will have to tell her to her face that I can't have my husband giving away his kidney to women he meets at the playgrounderplexed

He is at the playground right now

But I told him I had to go to the ladies of LHCF for this one.
When he leaves this world if he leaves before I do I will abide by his wishes and give away all the parts the DR's can use to help others but while he is alive and kicking, he is only appoved to give away blood and platelets, The bone Morrow thing may not happen again at least no for years.

Roll up on him and see if ole girl is there!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Thanks Ladies,
I wanted to tell him H@LL MF no!!! but I don't talk to my husband like that

But I appreciate all you guys input, my husband has a heart of gold but I don't think that means he should be trying to give it away to everyone he meets. I doubt his tissue would match but I don't even want to take it that far because if it does, well it would be wierd when the first time she meets me I will have to tell her to her face that I can't have my husband giving away his kidney to women he meets at the playgrounderplexed

He is at the playground right now

Shooooot, time to roll up and see what's going on at the swingset!

DH may be goodhearted and all, but wanting to give his kidney to a virtual stranger... a woman you've never met to boot? Hell no, something smells fishy.

Besides, he has no idea what he'd be in for healthwise if he gave up a vital part of his body.

 

[Sly]

Thanks Adequate and Ms Plain Jane, but I wouldn't even get into all that technical stuff with DH. I would Cliff Note it all for him with a then a

there it is!!!

OP, It's odd he's even considering the idea! Men even with "hearts of gold" lend time, money, and power tools. Not organs. . .

 

[crlsweetie912]

I must be in th minority, but I don't see where this is an indicator of anything going on. If he did donate to this woman, it's almost a certainty that she would meet his wife, and if he was cheating, why would he want that to happen? I don't know, couldn't he just be posing a question to his wife to see how she would feel? He probably just wanted to know for discussion's sake.
I have heard that donating a kidney is a pretty painful and involved process that is harder on the donator than the donatee.

This seems to me like one of those "would you remarry if I died?" type of hypothetical questions that you just throw out there to see how the other person would feel.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

this is a toughy! i wouldn't want my DH to this, unfortunately. and i MAY BE a bit curious about this woman. chatting him him up at the playground until she got him where she needed him to be and ask for his kidneys!!!erplexed

 

[felicia]

this wouldn't sit very well with me. i'd tell her good luck with the waiting list, but you're not getting my husband's kidney or anything else.

 

[MizzBrown]

Find out how long he's been seeing her on the sly. :210:

His organs are for me and the kids. Strangers can have them if he should pass away suddenly and we didn't need them.

What she said! I'll be damned if my immediate family starts giving out organs to strangers and then when I need one, i'm just *** out??

That's a dealbreaker right there. Hell no! And i'm gonna look at that woman greasy if i ever saw her for even suggesting it.

Tell her to do like everyone else and get on the waiting list. I'm shocked you didn't slap him. That's a fight right there. Heart of gold or not.

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

Your husband has a big heart. To be 100% honest Id say do some research. I thought you had to be a match in other areas other than blood type to donate a kidney. Maybe Im mistaken. Either way Research a little more, then decide together and have an open convo about it. Tell him how you feel about your kids mayeb needing a donor later on in life, etc. See what he has to say.

 

[gone_fishing]

I just told my DH know you cannot donate any organs so don't ask and he just looked at me like...

 

[crlsweetie912]

Ok, for the people that say that their husband shouldn't give a kidney or organ because they might one day need it. The odds of a husband and wife being tissue matched are VERY slim. Also, most parents wouldn't be a match for their kids either. Now brothers and sisters who have the same father and mother would be the best match and even that's not a guarantee. So saying that you wouldn't want your husband to give because you might need it doesn't make much sense. JMO.

 

[PassionFruit]

Ok, for the people that say that their husband shouldn't give a kidney or organ because they might one day need it. The odds of a husband and wife being tissue matched are VERY slim. Also, most parents wouldn't be a match for their kids either. Now brothers and sisters who have the same father and mother would be the best match and even that's not a guarantee. So saying that you wouldn't want your husband to give because you might need it doesn't make much sense. JMO.

not only THAT, how many of those saying HELL NO NOT MY MAN, would allow their husbands to dictate what they can & cant do with THEIR OWN body....

half of yall would log right onto LHCF and say " can ya believe that Ninja demanded I....." and the other half would be tellin you to leave his arse...
but when the shoe is on the other foot...........

 

[MizzBrown]

Ok, for the people that say that their husband shouldn't give a kidney or organ because they might one day need it. The odds of a husband and wife being tissue matched are VERY slim. Also, most parents wouldn't be a match for their kids either. Now brothers and sisters who have the same father and mother would be the best match and even that's not a guarantee. So saying that you wouldn't want your husband to give because you might need it doesn't make much sense. JMO.

My dad is a match. And we have the rarest blood type. Doesn't matter though if family members aint a match. Why is she askin him? She can go put herself on the list like everyone else.

 

[FlowerHair]

I would wonder if was cheating or at the very least having an emotional affair. Something doesn't sound right. He sounds like he may have too much time on his hands. I hope everything works out for you.

Yes, this would be my biggest concern too.

 

[DragonPearl]

not only THAT, how many of those saying HELL NO NOT MY MAN, would allow their husbands to dictate what they can & cant do with THEIR OWN body....

half of yall would log right onto LHCF and say " can ya believe that Ninja demanded I....." and the other half would be tellin you to leave his arse...
but when the shoe is on the other foot...........

Speaking only for myself, I don't believe in doing all sort of things to one's body against the wishes of one's spouse. Though I reserve the right to cut and color my hair and to go natural or straight regardless of whether or not DH likes it, to even pierce my belly button if I fancy it, to tattoo and shave my pubes, whatever, for serious stuff like having elective surgery that's potentially dangerous to my health, my husband's opinion would be very important to me and I would definitely take it into consideration.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

His organs are for me and the kids. Strangers can have them if he should pass away suddenly and we didn't need them.

Ditto - and my husband is the one who said this when the topic came up. Someone on t.v. dontated to a complete stranger and DH was like NO WAY, organs are for spouses & kids and then relatives.