My homegirl is sleeping with a married man and wants a way out!!!!!!

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Ok ladies.......please don't judge my friend, she's a good person, I really need you ladies help.....I hate to put her business out on here, but I need some MAJOR help....my homegirl has been messing with this guy for about six months now.....she just recenting found out he is married.....so she was like ok, I'm done....so she saw him and told him she can't mess with no more....(They don't do nothing but have sex)....they don't go out nowhere, he doesn't buy her anything and she doesn't buy him nothing, she's always paying for a hotel room and everything, basically they are cutty buddies.....no relationship going on, so now she called me and told me she's tired of getting up with him, and she's getting bored of him. She can't do anything with him, so what's the point? She tried to let him go before, but he's demanding and kept calling her, so she messed up and went back to him again, and now she's just tired. she wants a real relationship, not just a night of sex. He keeps blowing up her phone 24/7, I told her not to answer it and he should get the hint......well I guess he's not getting the hint.....she hates being the other woman, she doesn't feel right, I told her she needs to stop, his wife doesn't know about her, but SHE wants to end it, he doesn't.....so what should she do, not answer the phone or just tell him, she doesn't want to deal with him no more, so far she has been ignoring him......I don't know what else to say to her.......PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

 

[locabouthair]

she shouldnt pick up.

speaking to him might tempt her to start messing with him again.

 

[Tiffalicious]

I'd change my numbers and move the hell on.

 

[envybeauty]

tell his wife. that would give her a way out.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

Tell her to tell him if he doesn't stop calling she is going to call his wife. Should work wonders.

 

[Farida]

Does she want to stop, really?

If she does, let her change her #

Put a restraining order on him, and let him know if he comes near her she's calling the cops and his wife.

 

[chocolatetresses]

I say block all calls and contact point.blank.period. It's sad what he's doing to his wife...real sad. Why even bother getting married?...okay back on topic, yeah she needs to cut him loose. I don't think she should go to the length of changing her # tho. I agree that she doesn't need to talk to him..she might be tempted to do something. Keeping your composure and temptation can be hard to maintain at times. Maybe threatning to talk to the wife may help.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

tell his wife. that would give her a way out.

girl, I wish it was that easy, but she doesn't know her like that, he's very secretive, i mean he just told her like two months ago he is married, and they have been messing around for 6+ months, she doesn't know where he lives, works at, or nothing else, he's a pretty good liar from what she tells me.....she's just tired of dealing with a man who's married......

 

[Tarae]

girl, I wish it was that easy, but she doesn't know her like that, he's very secretive, i mean he just told her like two months ago he is married, and they have been messing around for 6+ months, she doesn't know where he lives, works at, or nothing else, he's a pretty good liar from what she tells me.....she's just tired of dealing with a man who's married......

Does he know where she lives/works? Does he know where she "hangs out"? If not, all she has to do is block his # or change hers, don't answer his emails/IMs whatever, and he's out of her life.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Does she want to stop, really?

If she does, let her change her #

Put a restraining order on him, and let him know if he comes near her she's calling the cops and his wife.

Yes she do, she's just tired of him, he takes up time she needs, and she just don't want to deal with that anymore......it hurts her to know that she sleeps with another woman's man, and it's changing her in a way, honestly, she's made up her mind that she is done with him. She just wanted my advice.

 

[MD_Lady]

Has she tried telling him point blank that she wants things to end and never to contact her again? I put the emphasis on those words because she needs to get those points across in no uncertain terms. He might keep pressing because he feels that she will eventually give in.

 

[envybeauty]

girl, I wish it was that easy, but she doesn't know her like that, he's very secretive, i mean he just told her like two months ago he is married, and they have been messing around for 6+ months, she doesn't know where he lives, works at, or nothing else, he's a pretty good liar from what she tells me.....she's just tired of dealing with a man who's married......

www.zabasearch.com
www.privateeye.com

Why is she sleeping with the man and she knows nothing about him? If she were to get knocked up (or worse!), she'd be shyte outta luck trying to get CS from him.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Ok ladies.......please don't judge my friend, she's a good person, I really need you ladies help.....I hate to put her business out on here, but I need some MAJOR help....my homegirl has been messing with this guy for about six months now.....she just recenting found out he is married.....so she was like ok, I'm done....so she saw him and told him she can't mess with no more....(They don't do nothing but have sex)....they don't go out nowhere, he doesn't buy her anything and she doesn't buy him nothing, she's always paying for a hotel room and everything, basically they are cutty buddies.....no relationship going on, so now she called me and told me she's tired of getting up with him, and she's getting bored of him. She can't do anything with him, so what's the point? She tried to let him go before, but he's demanding and kept calling her, so she messed up and went back to him again, and now she's just tired. she wants a real relationship, not just a night of sex. He keeps blowing up her phone 24/7, I told her not to answer it and he should get the hint......well I guess he's not getting the hint.....she hates being the other woman, she doesn't feel right, I told her she needs to stop, his wife doesn't know about her, but SHE wants to end it, he doesn't.....so what should she do, not answer the phone or just tell him, she doesn't want to deal with him no more, so far she has been ignoring him......I don't know what else to say to her.......PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

She should place a call to him on the landline when his wife is there, like at bedtime, not say anything and hang up. Doing that a few times will make him stop

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Does he know where she lives/works? Does he know where she "hangs out"? If not, all she has to do is block his # or change hers, don't answer his emails/IMs whatever, and he's out of her life.

Thank GOD, no he doesn't know where she lives, or works at, actually she stays with me, she's saving money to move out.....but she might have to block his number, he doesn't stalk her, she just don't want to deal with a man if it's not going to become more than sex....he's not planning on leaving his wife and if he did, she wouldn't be with him anyway......

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

www.zabasearch.com
www.privateeye.com

Why is she sleeping with the man and she knows nothing about him? If she were to get knocked up (or worse!), she'd be shyte outta luck trying to get CS from him.

True, I agree.....BUT luckily they use protection and she checked, she's not pregnant.

 

[Tarae]

Thank GOD, no he doesn't know where she lives, or works at, actually she stays with me, she's saving money to move out.....but she might have to block his number, he doesn't stalk her, she just don't want to deal with a man if it's not going to become more than sex....he's not planning on leaving his wife and if he did, she wouldn't be with him anyway......

So then she should be fine. Just has to show some restraint.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Thanks ladies, I will talk to her, and see what she decides to do, you ladies are right, but I know she's done with that way of life......she just don't need no bug-a-boo.

 

[Radianthealth]

Have a serious conversation with him and tell him that it is over and get a restraining order.

 

[Bunny77]

Okay... I know I'm focusing on the wrong thing here... but I'm still trippin' on the fact that SHE paid for the hotel rooms!!! WHAT the hayell???

So she just found out he was married... but before that, she thought it was okay to not only be a cut buddy, but then to PAY to be someone's cut buddy?

lawd, lawd, lawd!!!!

 

[STLCoverGirl]

Okay... I know I'm focusing on the wrong thing here... but I'm still trippin' on the fact that SHE paid for the hotel rooms!!! WHAT the hayell???

So she just found out he was married... but before that, she thought it was okay to not only be a cut buddy, but then to PAY to be someone's cut buddy?

lawd, lawd, lawd!!!!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Wait...what?

1. She is grown. She is making poor decisions. Why are YOU the one in need of help? She knows good and well she's wrong...what else IS there to say to an adult making bad choices?

2. Please don't judge her? She's a good person? Um, I'm gonna have to vehemently disagree on that one. She's sleeping with a married man...that makes her "of questionable character" in my book to say the least.

3. Clearly she is lacking in something...self-esteem, common sense, morals, something. However, I don't think that's something you can give her.

4. If she were truly tired of him, she wouldn't be dealing with him. I'm guessing she's telling you that to not look like a loser/whore, but if she were really done, it wouldn't even be a topic of discussion between the 2 of you.

5. He calls...she doesn't answer. What's hard about that?

6. If she wanted a real relationship, she would have never started sleeping with him and footing the bill for their trysts.

7. She hates being the other woman? Seriously? Apparently she doesn't hate it enough to stop.

8. What should she do? STOP SCREWING/TALKING/SEEING a married man! It's not hard. He can only call for so long. No, another conversation does not need to be had. Just STOP.

Man, that's it...I'm doing a "Never Settle 2009" conference call because this mess it out of control!

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Okay... I know I'm focusing on the wrong thing here... but I'm still trippin' on the fact that SHE paid for the hotel rooms!!! WHAT the hayell???

So she just found out he was married... but before that, she thought it was okay to not only be a cut buddy, but then to PAY to be someone's cut buddy?

lawd, lawd, lawd!!!!

Oh girl believe me, I got in her a** about that mess......I mean she's pretty so I know she don't need to be that low.....I guess you know how guys blow some of our minds up, she got caught in the cross fire....

 

[JFemme]

What DI said.....^^^^^^^:notworthy

and............

she sounds seriously D-mitized

 

[Bunny77]

Oh girl believe me, I got in her a** about that mess......I mean she's pretty so I know she don't need to be that low.....I guess you know how guys blow some of our minds up, she got caught in the cross fire....

She could be as ugly as the Elephant Man and that mess would still be wrong!!!

I'm not endorsing cut buddy-ism, and certainly NOT with a married man, but if you are gonna be a cut-buddy, don't be a desperate one!


As for your last statement, while I think every one of us on this board has had a bad experience with a dude and made a dumb decision or two or three , I can't relate to some man blowing my mind up so much that I'd accept being a cut buddy and paying for it too!!! And then adding the "married" part to it? Oh heck naw!!!!

You can't "get caught in the crossfire" unless you let yourself be! Time for folks to take some responsibility...

 

[prettypuff1]

The same way you do with any cuddy buddy.. stop answering his calls.. he will get the point... If that doesnt work, just show up at his job unannounced... that will end things switfly..


But the ideas we are throwing out there aren't pure genius, she could have come up with these herself. It doesnt sound like she really wants to get rid of him, she wants someone to tell her to hold on cuz he will leave his wife for her...



If you really want to be a friend, be blunt with her. Tell her dude thinks she is merely a warm wet hole and she is playing herself.. Usually a good dose of the honest truth will help someone see the light...

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Wait...what?

1. She is grown. She is making poor decisions. Why are YOU the one in need of help? She knows good and well she's wrong...what else IS there to say to an adult making bad choices?

2. Please don't judge her? She's a good person? Um, I'm gonna have to vehemently disagree on that one. She's sleeping with a married man...that makes her "of questionable character" in my book to say the least.

3. Clearly she is lacking in something...self-esteem, common sense, morals, something. However, I don't think that's something you can give her.

4. If she were truly tired of him, she wouldn't be dealing with him. I'm guessing she's telling you that to not look like a loser/whore, but if she were really done, it wouldn't even be a topic of discussion between the 2 of you.

5. He calls...she doesn't answer. What's hard about that?

6. If she wanted a real relationship, she would have never started sleeping with him and footing the bill for their trysts.

7. She hates being the other woman? Seriously? Apparently she doesn't hate it enough to stop.

8. What should she do? STOP SCREWING/TALKING/SEEING a married man! It's not hard. He can only call for so long. No, another conversation does not need to be had. Just STOP.

Man, that's it...I'm doing a "Never Settle 2009" conference call because this mess it out of control!

Dang girl, that's harsh, but YOUR ARE SO RIGHT, she does have a low self-esteem, I don't know why she needs my help, I guess she needs someone to tell her to stop......I don't know....but she keeps bothering me about what to do, I told her to stop talking to him period, believe me, it's not going to get out of hand, cuz I already told her the deal......but thanks for being real about it.....

 

[drasgrl]

She can stop if she really wants to. Tell her to change her number. Me thinks she likes the attention and back and forth or else she would have stopped long ago. She's getting something out of it even though she says she doesn't want to live like that.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Dang girl, that's harsh, but YOUR ARE SO RIGHT, she does have a low self-esteem, I don't know why she needs my help, I guess she needs someone to tell her to stop......I don't know....but she keeps bothering me about what to do, I told her to stop talking to him period, believe me, it's not going to get out of hand, cuz I already told her the deal......but thanks for being real about it.....

Wasn't trying to be harsh but people sugar coating and using euphemisms and crap is probably why she's carrying on like this now.

The thing is, she doesn't "need" anyone to help her stop...she needs to grow a pair of ovaries and JUST STOP.

So, you don't see how that could get out of hand? She's sleeping with/entertaining a married man who won't leave her alone...I'd say it's already "out of hand".

And if I were you, I wouldn't hear anything else of it. You are not her sexual accountability partner! She will stop when she's ready...hopefully it won't be after her spot gets blown up.

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Why can't she just stop answering the calls? And if he calls from another number, just hang up in his face. I think that is easy to do when you get to the point where you are really done.

I mean, I don't understand why she cant get away unless he is threatening her some how. In that case she needs family and/or the law to set him straight.

 

[andrea]

I didn't even read the original post.. No need to.. This should be a hard decision.. Move on and if he is a punk and threatening her. I am only saying that because why would she be agonizing over leaving someone that she couldn't really leave in the first place cause he isn't hers..

Then call the police and get a restraining order..