My Date's Boss

[sonce]

So, a guy I've been dating for a few weeks called me tonight to ask me to come to dinner with him, a couple of coworkers and three partners at his place of work. According to him, these were the most influential partners (bonuses are being decided around this time) and he wanted to make a good impression on them. He said that he had told them about me and it was really important to him that I come, and he made it really clear that this was a rare opportunity and that he wanted me to 'get a glimpse into [his] world.'

I turned him down.

My hair is in large braids right now, my eyebrows haven't been done in several weeks, so they have that weird, scraggly, partially grown in look, I have a prominent zit on my cheek, and I had just come from dinner when he called me, so I was not hungry at all. He gave me 45 minutes to get ready and I just didn't feel I could undo my hair (I have very fast fingers but at this length, it usually takes me like 30 minutes at the very least just to undo my braids), fix it up into an updo, pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, and travel to the site - all in 45 minutes. I get the impression that he wanted to show me off, and while there's nothing wrong with that, if I'm going to be a trophy, I'd better get a chance to look my best.

I felt that it was better to not come at all than to come and make a less than sterling impression by being an hour late or looking a mess.

What do you guys make of him inviting me to something this important to him? Was I inconsiderate to turn him down? If he's mad at me, would he be justified or unfair? Is it weird that he seemed to want to show me off? On the one hand I'm flattered, on the other hand, we haven't known each other very long and it reeks of being used to be invited for arm piece purposes.

What would you have done and thought in this position?

 

[PinkPeony]

The same.
45 minutes just isn't enough time and you probably would have felt very insecure,akward and maybe a bit resentful towards him.
Everyone would have wondered who that quiet,hostile woman is and why he made such a big deal about you.
I know cuz DH did the same to me and I was so stupid to go... never again!

 

[sonce]

The same.
45 minutes just isn't enough time and you probably would have felt very insecure,akward and maybe a bit resentful towards him.
Everyone would have wondered who that quiet,hostile woman is and why he made such a big deal about you.

See, that's what I thought too. It's very awkward being in a posh setting with upper crust folks while your heart is still racing from having rushed to get there and you're feeling as if you don't look your best. I felt it was best to not go than to go and make a bad impression because he gave me so little time.

I know cuz DH did the same to me and I was so stupid to go... never again!

Awww what happened? Ok, I feel less guilty about my choice already.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

So, a guy I've been dating for a few weeks called me tonight to ask me to come to dinner with him, a couple of coworkers and three partners at his place of work. According to him, these were the most influential partners (bonuses are being decided around this time) and he wanted to make a good impression on them. He said that he had told them about me and it was really important to him that I come, and he made it really clear that this was a rare opportunity and that he wanted me to 'get a glimpse into [his] world.'

I turned him down.

My hair is in large braids right now, my eyebrows haven't been done in several weeks, so they have that weird, scraggly, partially grown in look, I have a prominent zit on my cheek, and I had just come from dinner when he called me, so I was not hungry at all. He gave me 45 minutes to get ready and I just didn't feel I could undo my hair (I have very fast fingers but at this length, it usually takes me like 30 minutes at the very least just to undo my braids), fix it up into an updo, pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, and travel to the site - all in 45 minutes. I get the impression that he wanted to show me off, and while there's nothing wrong with that, if I'm going to be a trophy, I'd better get a chance to look my best.

I felt that it was better to not come at all than to come and make a less than sterling impression by being an hour late or looking a mess.

What do you guys make of him inviting me to something this important to him? Was I inconsiderate to turn him down? If he's mad at me, would he be justified or unfair? Is it weird that he seemed to want to show me off? On the one hand I'm flattered, on the other hand, we haven't known each other very long and it reeks of being used to be invited for arm piece purposes.

What would you have done and thought in this position?[/quote]

The same...did he know in advance about this event? Why ask you at the last minute? I would not appreciate a last second "get it together and shine for me" invitation. Don't fret, should he be right for you he'll understand and ask you out again at least 3-4 days in advance at the least!

 

[sonce]

The same...did he know in advance about this event? Why ask you at the last minute? I would not appreciate a last second "get it together and shine for me" invitation. Don't fret, should he be right for you he'll understand and ask you out again at least 3-4 days in advance at the least!

Thank you! I'm like give a sista some days notice to get her hair did, eyebrows threaded, and legs waxed! This wasn't Re Re's chicken stop where I could just roll up in jeans and a headwrap. I am so glad it seems everyone is with me on this.

He said that it started out as a holiday party and then the partners showed up and whisked a select few off to dinner somewhere upscale (talk about creating office rivalry!). So, he was calling me about 20 mins after he himself found out he was one of the select few.

 

[PinkPeony]

See, that's what I thought too. It's very awkward being in a posh setting with upper crust folks while your heart is still racing from having rushed to get there and you're feeling as if you don't look your best. I felt it was best to not go than to go and make a bad impression because he gave me so little time.


Awww what happened? Ok, I feel less guilty about my choice already.

I wonder why he did that but then again some men truly are clueless when it comes to the grooming rituals of women

DH and I were dating for 4 months and on cloud nine.
We already met all the important people of each other and were super relaxed around each other.
DH tells me that his shop(military) will have a small x-mas party,relaxed and casual.
I'am a bit sick and don't really feel like going out,he's like no everyone wants to see you plus it is soooo casual you can come in jeans.
I throw my unwashed hair in a bun,throw on some jeans,t-shirt and a scarf for my sore throat and call it a day... after all it will be just a bunch of friends hanging out together.
We arrive at this 5-star hotel and most people are black-tie in beautiful suits and ballroom dresses with gloves and everything,apparently it is THE event of the year in this military community and a big deal for most people.
Not for DH of course b/c he's just not that kind of guy and he ASSumed I would feel the same way.
Wrong.
Well this evening was very akward for me and it took DH alot of cooing and catering to my every wish before I warmed up.
Sorry that it got so long but this was traumatic y'all.erplexed

 

[sonce]

I wonder why he did that but then again some men truly are clueless when it comes to the grooming rituals of women[/quote
Ain't that the truth!

DH and I were dating for 4 months and on cloud nine.
We already met all the important people of each other and were super relaxed around each other.
DH tells me that his shop(military) will have a small x-mas party,relaxed and casual.
I'am a bit sick and don't really feel like going out,he's like no everyone wants to see you plus it is soooo casual you can come in jeans.
I throw my unwashed hair in a bun,throw on some jeans,t-shirt and a scarf for my sore throat and call it a day... after all it will be just a bunch of friends hanging out together.
We arrive at this 5-star hotel and most people are black-tie in beautiful suits and ballroom dresses with gloves and everything,apparently it is THE event of the year in this military community and a big deal for most people.
Not for DH of course b/c he's just not that kind of guy and he ASSumed I would feel the same way.
Wrong.
Well this evening was very akward for me and it took DH alot of cooing and catering to my every wish before I warmed up.
Sorry that it got so long but this was traumatic y'all.erplexed

Gosh, I'm traumatized reading it and I wasn't even there. Black-tie event and you're in jeans? That is a true, true nightmare. DH should not have done you dirty like that, but I guess that's an example of how guys just don't get women's grooming rituals. I think I would have went home immediately in that kind of situation! Sorry that happened to you.

 

[ThickHair]

I don't think your were inconsiderate. I don't think the boss intended for anyone to bring SO or spouses or he would have made plans in advance. If that isn't the case then the boss is the rude one. Don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong.

 

[tenjoy]

I wonder why he did that but then again some men truly are clueless when it comes to the grooming rituals of women

DH and I were dating for 4 months and on cloud nine.
We already met all the important people of each other and were super relaxed around each other.
DH tells me that his shop(military) will have a small x-mas party,relaxed and casual.
I'am a bit sick and don't really feel like going out,he's like no everyone wants to see you plus it is soooo casual you can come in jeans.
I throw my unwashed hair in a bun,throw on some jeans,t-shirt and a scarf for my sore throat and call it a day... after all it will be just a bunch of friends hanging out together.
We arrive at this 5-star hotel and most people are black-tie in beautiful suits and ballroom dresses with gloves and everything,apparently it is THE event of the year in this military community and a big deal for most people.
Not for DH of course b/c he's just not that kind of guy and he ASSumed I would feel the same way.
Wrong.
Well this evening was very akward for me and it took DH alot of cooing and catering to my every wish before I warmed up.
Sorry that it got so long but this was traumatic y'all.erplexed

Aww, but I bet next year, a lot more people will dress "down". Once one person do it, trust a lot will follow! lol.

 

[Much2much41]

So, a guy I've been dating for a few weeks called me tonight to ask me to come to dinner with him, a couple of coworkers and three partners at his place of work. According to him, these were the most influential partners (bonuses are being decided around this time) and he wanted to make a good impression on them. He said that he had told them about me and it was really important to him that I come, and he made it really clear that this was a rare opportunity and that he wanted me to 'get a glimpse into [his] world.'

I turned him down.

My hair is in large braids right now, my eyebrows haven't been done in several weeks, so they have that weird, scraggly, partially grown in look, I have a prominent zit on my cheek, and I had just come from dinner when he called me, so I was not hungry at all. He gave me 45 minutes to get ready and I just didn't feel I could undo my hair (I have very fast fingers but at this length, it usually takes me like 30 minutes at the very least just to undo my braids), fix it up into an updo, pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, and travel to the site - all in 45 minutes. I get the impression that he wanted to show me off, and while there's nothing wrong with that, if I'm going to be a trophy, I'd better get a chance to look my best.

I felt that it was better to not come at all than to come and make a less than sterling impression by being an hour late or looking a mess.

What do you guys make of him inviting me to something this important to him? Was I inconsiderate to turn him down? If he's mad at me, would he be justified or unfair? Is it weird that he seemed to want to show me off? On the one hand I'm flattered, on the other hand, we haven't known each other very long and it reeks of being used to be invited for arm piece purposes.

What would you have done and thought in this position?

I think you did what was best. Is this what his life is always going to be like? Personally, having to walk around being "That Girl" 365 days a year would irritate the crap out of me, because that's pretty much what he'd want you to do so as to make a good impression for his co-workers, bosses and clients. I can't even imagine erplexed

 

[Bublin]

I think what you did was right but i can imagine many women would have turned up just to keep or please him.

Sonce, have you spoken to him since? Does he understand your point of view?

 

[sonce]

I think what you did was right but i can imagine many women would have turned up just to keep or please him.

Sonce, have you spoken to him since? Does he understand your point of view?

Yes, he called me last night as soon as the dinner was over and apologized for putting me on the spot like that. We're going out to dinner tonight.

 

[sonce]

I think you did what was best. Is this what his life is always going to be like? Personally, having to walk around being "That Girl" 365 days a year would irritate the crap out of me, because that's pretty much what he'd want you to do so as to make a good impression for his co-workers, bosses and clients. I can't even imagine erplexed

Yea, I dunno...I guess I'll see...

 

[Bublin]

Yes, he called me last night as soon as the dinner was over and apologized for putting me on the spot like that. We're going out to dinner tonight.

Fantastic news.

Ahhh he sounds really nice. He was just all excited at being invited to dinner by his bosses.
I would be real flattered if i were you, i mean, he thought to invite you first to something that was important to him. It doesn't sound like he thinks of you as arm candy.

 

[PinkPeony]

Yes, he called me last night as soon as the dinner was over and apologized for putting me on the spot like that. We're going out to dinner tonight.

Awww good for you

 

[tocktick]

So, a guy I've been dating for a few weeks called me tonight to ask me to come to dinner with him, a couple of coworkers and three partners at his place of work. According to him, these were the most influential partners (bonuses are being decided around this time) and he wanted to make a good impression on them. He said that he had told them about me and it was really important to him that I come, and he made it really clear that this was a rare opportunity and that he wanted me to 'get a glimpse into [his] world.'

I turned him down.

My hair is in large braids right now, my eyebrows haven't been done in several weeks, so they have that weird, scraggly, partially grown in look, I have a prominent zit on my cheek, and I had just come from dinner when he called me, so I was not hungry at all. He gave me 45 minutes to get ready and I just didn't feel I could undo my hair (I have very fast fingers but at this length, it usually takes me like 30 minutes at the very least just to undo my braids), fix it up into an updo, pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, and travel to the site - all in 45 minutes. I get the impression that he wanted to show me off, and while there's nothing wrong with that, if I'm going to be a trophy, I'd better get a chance to look my best.

I felt that it was better to not come at all than to come and make a less than sterling impression by being an hour late or looking a mess.

What do you guys make of him inviting me to something this important to him? Was I inconsiderate to turn him down? If he's mad at me, would he be justified or unfair? Is it weird that he seemed to want to show me off? On the one hand I'm flattered, on the other hand, we haven't known each other very long and it reeks of being used to be invited for arm piece purposes.

What would you have done and thought in this position?

i wouldn't have gone. but i've turned people down for much less, to be honest. as much as it seems him inviting you to this was important, i don't think it can be as important as it first appears as he gave you little time to get ready. despite him not knowing about your hair, eyebrows etc, how long did he honestly think it would take you to get dressed up and make it out there? 45 mins is just not enough time at all.

imo, if it meant a lot for you to be there, he would have told you in advance so that you could make some time free for him. instead, he told you on the day. that does not sound like someone who had things planned out or is serious. did he even know if you had other plans? seems like he expected you to drop everything and just head out because he had a last min thought.

personally, if there is an important event coming up, i tell the key individuals in my life in advance to please try and be there for me. although, they really don't even need to be told. even if on a whim i want to go out with someone, i ask them at least 1-2 days in advance if they can make it because i'm all too aware that my life does not revolve around them and vice versa.