My best friend believes all men cheat

[Etherealsmile]

I can't say I fault her for having this opinion as unfortunately all the men she knows have either cheated on their wives or girlfriends. Her dad cheated on her mother multiple times and even has several children from those affairs. A family friend of theirs whom she looked up to as a father figure tried to sleep with her when she was younger....he's married. Her brothers cheat on their girlfriends and have no qualms about having multiple women at once.


I've tried convincing her that there are honest, good men out there but she's not biting...she wants to get married and is convinced her husband will eventually cheat on her....she even admitted that even if she finds out he's cheated she'll probably stay in the marriage because all men cheat

Do you know anyone like this? I love her like a sister but I feel so bad for her because all of the relationship experiences she sees around her are pretty negative.


BTW she's never been in a relationship

 

[virgo_chinwe]

I am from a very similar cloth...and honestly, I can't blame her. Sorry if I am not much help, but seeing is believing and for me and many other women like your friend until that man arrives---honest, faithful men are like mythical creatures from the land of applelonia. *kanye shrug*

I'm kinda jaded right now, but in all honesty---give her time; she has to be ready to change her mentality...

 

[locabouthair]

I know someone like this too. It's hard to change those beliefs if it's all you've seen around you.

There are good men out there. But if your friend expects that then she will most likely settle for less.

 

[Raine054]

I see where's she's coming from. The good thing is that it will probably only take one amazing relationship for her to change this way of thinking. She needs to demand better if she wants better because anyone can cheat.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Well, I don't blame her honestly. My mentality...

All men have the potential to cheat. All women have the potential to cheat. And I am convinced women cheat almost as much as men but its not as publicized because we don't don't brag or talk about it. We're better at hiding the evidence. Trust me, I know Jesus Saves though.

Its important to find someone that believes that cheating not only hurts their partner because they believe it will equally ruin their life and integrity as well. A man that believes his integrity and fidelity are separate is lethal.

 

[kandake]

Deep down I feel this way too. But I try to remain positive and give men the benefit of the doubt. But these guys keep proving me right. I'm not just talking about my relationships but those of many of the women I encounter in my life. And I'm not just talking about the guys who you already know are philanderers. But the guys who you think are great, upstanding, faithful men

 

[MzLady78]

I have a friend like this, and TBH, I can't say I totally blame her. The majority of married men we know are cheaters.

It's hard for me not to come over to the dark side some time, but I still have a little bit of hope left. Just a little.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Low key, I feel like your friend. So, I really can not offer any advice.

For me, I don't go into a relationship thinking the person is going to cheat on me. If they do cheat, I am not surprised. Everyone is capable of cheating even me.

 

[Renewed1]

Its important to find someone that believes that cheating not only hurts their partner because they believe it will equally ruin their life and integrity as well. A man that believes his integrity and fidelity are separate is lethal.

This is so true. I have always felt this way, which is why I never cheated. I have been cheated on (and know women who had cheating hubby/bf's) but I REFUSED to believe the stigma. I refuse to give into the thought that every man cheats. IMO, it's a defeated mindset and I won't give in to it.

 

[PPGbubbles]

Poor child!

The sad thing is that this will be a reality for many women in realtionships.

Encourage her to stay positive, I have met some faithful men and seen successful marriages around me growning up.

 

[MayaB12]

Its sad that she feels this way - not all men cheat. There are a lot of good men out there.

 

[ThickHair]

If that is what she puts out there, then that is what will be drawn to her.

 

[GodivaChocolate]

I come from a very different school of thought. Most of the marriages in my family have lasted without infidelity ever being an issue. Most marriages last til death. Even the ones that ended in divorce weren't due to cheating with two exceptions.
I don't expect infidelity to ever be an issue in my own marriage either, even my inlaws and there family is similar to mine. We value and respect each other as partners and chose not to allow others to come into our marriage.

Don't lose hope, if you want different results then you've got to do different things. If you set your expectations going into that relationship that he will cheat, then he probably will.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Don't lose hope, if you want different results then you've got to do different things. If you set your expectations going into that relationship that he will cheat, then he probably will.

This is an important. My brother in law tells me that a man values the respect and trust of his wife. He makes a point to be the stand up guy his wife (my sister) expects him to be. Why? Because he has a happy home and he doesn't want to mess that up by losing the trust of his wife.

A man that loves and respects you will value your love, respect, and trust and will work to maintain that image you have of him. He wants to be your hero and the best man you have ever known. Your trust and respect is like his love toward you. You need it in order to function optimally and so does he.

If you tell him from the beginning, I don't expect fidelity...you just handed him a license to cheat.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This reminds me of a guy that I recent dropped. He didn't even get to a second conversation with me. LOL. That's typical.

I said I expect fully commitment and fidelity in a marriage regardless of what everyone else is doing. He said, its easier if you accept your man will probably cheat on you. I was like, is he serious? Anyone has the potential but I don't expect bad behavior. I aint expecting shhhh...

Needless to say our next convo was over text message telling him, he'll never be anything more than friends. *kanye shrugs*

I will make it a point to tell all my men...cheating is never tolerated and fidelity is expected. You lose automatically all respect and trust. If he know he not that guy, better he go now than later.

 

[Honey6928215]

I can't blame her for her opinion. Take in consideration that she has seen alot and she even stated that a man who is a father figure to her tried to sleep with her. So you can imagine how she feels. Your friend just happens to see the other side of the men who are in marriages/relationships that they keep hidden from their wives and girlfriends. So she is going to think that way. But she shouldn't let it keep from finding Mr. Right.

 

[MD_Lady]

It's sad that she feels this way in spite of never having been in a relationship herself. She shouldn't allow other's actions to have that much control over her life (especially since she's basically dooming her relationships to fail before they even begin).

 

[hopeful]

Honestly, I think that if a woman feels this way she should just leave menfolk alone and focus on having a great career, great friends, consider adoption, etc. and KIM. I don't understand the concept of wanting to be married and believing that basically all men are dogs.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I can't say I fault her for having this opinion as unfortunately all the men she knows have either cheated on their wives or girlfriends. Her dad cheated on her mother multiple times and even has several children from those affairs. A family friend of theirs whom she looked up to as a father figure tried to sleep with her when she was younger....he's married. Her brothers cheat on their girlfriends and have no qualms about having multiple women at once.


I've tried convincing her that there are honest, good men out there but she's not biting...she wants to get married and is convinced her husband will eventually cheat on her....she even admitted that even if she finds out he's cheated she'll probably stay in the marriage because all men cheat

Do you know anyone like this? I love her like a sister but I feel so bad for her because all of the relationship experiences she sees around her are pretty negative.


BTW she's never been in a relationship

Your best friend sounds like my best friend lol. Her parents' marriage is failing for a lot of reasons and part of it is because her father has cheated on her mother. She told me straight out she thinks men in general are emotionally incompetent and selfish. She knows my parents have been married for almost 30 years but she thinks my dad is some kind of exception. Mutual friends of ours have tried to snap her out of it but I gave up years ago. I guess the difference between your friend and mine is that mine doesn't want to get married. She says she's fine with living her life alone even if all her friends and sister get married. (yeah right)

 

[Rocky91]

I struggle with this myself. There aren't very many healthy relationships in my family, largely due to infidelity on the man's part, so it is hard not to become jaded. at only 20 years old.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Honestly, I think that if a woman feels this way she should just leave menfolk alone and focus on having a great career, great friends, consider adoption, etc. and KIM. I don't understand the concept of wanting to be married and believing that basically all men are dogs.

I hear ya sad thing is she's normalized this as part if every day life. I know she wants kids very badly so her being married is basically to have children. She's not the type to have children out of wedlock nor does she want to be a single parent in the event that her future husband cheats...I see her putting up with so much crap in her relationship. It is such a shame because she has so much to offer. she's one of the kindest and most generous people i've ever met in my life

 

[Qtee]

Personally, I dont know any man married or just in a relationship that is not either currently cheating or has cheated on their current S/O...its a sad fact..

 

[Almaz]

I can't blame her for feeling that way if that is the only thing she has been around and the ONLY think she has seen that is all she knows.

I hope she can break the cycle when SHE is ready for a relationship cause she will be attracted to men that cheat and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Honestly, I think that if a woman feels this way she should just leave menfolk alone and focus on having a great career, great friends, consider adoption, etc. and KIM. I don't understand the concept of wanting to be married and believing that basically all men are dogs.

Exactly

I know for sure that I would have never married if I felt strongly that all men cheated

My father was a serial cheater, but that didn't stop me from getting married. What it did was made me very selective in the man that I chose to be a marriage partner.

 

[anon123]

Trust me, I know Jesus Saves though.

It's a shame that your friend has had those experiences. Mine are very different, having seen multiple faithful men but also having seen wives cheat on their faithful husbands. Like you say, PFANB, anyone has the potential, but I don't believe all men cheat.

 

[Urban]

Honestly, I think that if a woman feels this way she should just leave menfolk alone and focus on having a great career, great friends, consider adoption, etc. and KIM. I don't understand the concept of wanting to be married and believing that basically all men are dogs.

Thank you! What is the point, then, of getting married? If it's for kids, as you say Etheralsmile, that's some very selfish reasoning. Why set yourself up to have children in a marriage you "know" will be unhappy ... or to have a cheater of a father for a role model?

she even admitted that even if she finds out he's cheated she'll probably stay in the marriage because all men cheat

A statement like this says a lot about your friend's self esteem .... if she can't respect herself enough to not tolerate that kinda of behaviour from men ... then how does she expect any one of those men to respect HER?

 

[VelvetRain]

If that is what she puts out there, then that is what will be drawn to her.

Exactly. That is self defeating at best. The whole notion is just ridiculous. How can someone say all men cheat unless you have dated every man on earth.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Exactly. That is self defeating at best. The whole notion is just ridiculous. How can someone say all men cheat unless you have dated every man on earth.

True she's never been in the relationship so her conclusion is drawn from the many examples she's seen around her from family and friends

 

[Etherealsmile]

Urban, she actually has very very high self esteem which makes her line of thinking very puzzling. She does not take any crap nor fall for any of the bulls!!t that men sell to women on a regular basis I believe this is the reason why she's never been in a relationship. I know a lot of men admire her intelligence and no nonsense attitude but if only she could change her mindset regarding men on a global scale, she'd be a great catch for any man.

Her reasons for having children are very selfish, she even admitted that to me. I know for a fact that if she caught her husband cheating she'd probably give him the worst type of hell but she'll not leave him. She's following in the footsteps of her mom in that regard

 

[mstrublvr]

I understand your friend. I do not know any man that hasn't cheated. BUT I had an AHA moment: God made me. There is a God made man just for me. Real simple.

Whenever I get caught up in other people's ish, I go back to that thought. Your friend just has to get a simple mustard seed size bit of faith and hold on to it. There is a good man who will not cheat, but be faithful to her in her future.