Minister ask church leaders to give up FB accounts

ThickHair

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What do you think? I believe the minister is on to something.

Rev. to NJ church leaders: Thou shalt not Facebook | US National Headlines | Comcast.net

Rev. to NJ church leaders: Thou shalt not Facebook
By WAYNE PARRY, AP

NEPTUNE, N.J. — Thou shalt not commit adultery. And thou also shalt not use Facebook.

That's the edict from a New Jersey pastor who feels the two often go together.

The Rev. Cedric Miller said 20 couples among the 1,100 members of his Living Word Christian Fellowship Church have run into marital trouble over the last six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame over Facebook.

Because of the problems, he is ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions. He had previously asked married congregants to share their login information with their spouses and now plans to suggest that they give up Facebook altogether.

"I've been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half," he said. "What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great."

Miller is married and has a Facebook account that he uses to keep in touch with six children, but he will heed his own advice and cancel his account this weekend.

On Sunday, he plans to "strongly suggest" that all married people to stop using Facebook, lest they endanger their marriage.

"The advice will go to the entire church," he said. "They'll hear what I'm asking of my church leadership. I won't mandate it for the entire congregation, but I hope people will follow my advice."

Miller said he has spoken from the pulpit before about the dangers of Facebook, asking married couples to give each other their passwords to the site.

"Some did. Others got scared and deleted their accounts right away. And some felt it was none of my business and continued on," he said.

Miller said he has gotten a mostly positive response so far among the leaders subject to his edict, which was first reported by the Asbury Park Press.

Pat Dawson, a minister at the church, uses her Facebook account to see photos of her relatives. She is unmarried and therefore not required to delete her account, but she agrees with Miller about the dangers such sites can create.

"I know he feels very strongly about this," she said. "It can be a useful tool, but it also can cause great problems in a relationship. If your spouse won't give you his or her password, you've got a problem."

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or been faced with evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years.

About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And a do-it-yourself divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported late last year that the word "Facebook" was appearing in about one in five of the petitions it was handling.

Miller says there are legitimate uses for Facebook, which is why he started an account a few years ago.

"People use it as an opportunity to invite others to social gatherings, to share Scripture or talk about what went on at church," he said. "Those are all positive, worthwhile things. But the downside is just too great."

Facebook did not immediately respond to a before-hours interview request left at its California offices.
 
Face book is the devil :nono: I do believe social networking leads to problems for some married people and even those in relationships.
 
If people are going to cheat they are going to cheat, fb or nothing else is going to stop them. God gives people a free will so why do minister's feel that they can dictate every aspects of their member's life. They can't.

I have found so many people that I would never had found if it wasn't for facebook. It's not the devil the people using it is allowing the devil to use them.
 
Face book is the devil :nono: I do believe social networking leads to problems for some married people and even those in relationships.
Since SO and I are seriously talking marriage I told him that I would give up my FB account once we are married so that it doesn't lead to problems. He told me that he trust me 100%. I told him that I trust him completely and that I do not expect him to give up his. He has an account for his side business that is bringing in $$.

I have seen first hand trouble started on FB. I might be over reacting because I do not list my relationship status on my FB and I do stay out of mess, but my plans are to be wife and hopefully Mommy and I won't have time to surf FB anyway. BFF will keep me updated on class reunions, births and deaths.

I don't even post stuff, I comment on other's LOL.
 
If people are going to cheat they are going to cheat, fb or nothing else is going to stop them. God gives people a free will so why do minister's feel that they can dictate every aspects of their member's life. They can't.

I have found so many people that I would never had found if it wasn't for facebook. It's not the devil the people using it is allowing the devil to use them.


ITA... with your post.
 
I've never had drama on fb and my bf only has about 20 friends. He's only used it recently to to change his profile pic to one with him and I. I guess this is an issue for those that really use it. I've had an account for over 5 years and don't use it too much. *shrugs*

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If people are going to cheat they are going to cheat, fb or nothing else is going to stop them. God gives people a free will so why do minister's feel that they can dictate every aspects of their member's life. They can't.

I have found so many people that I would never had found if it wasn't for facebook. It's not the devil the people using it is allowing the devil to use them.

I get what you are saying, but as you stated these sites give people access to folks they would most likely not come in contact with otherwise. Some folks can't handle temptation..... reconnecting with ex girlfirends, ex boyfriends, ex bed buddies....I'm just sayin :ohwell:
 
I get what you are saying, but as you stated these sites give people access to folks they would most likely not come in contact with otherwise. Some folks can't handle temptation..... reconnecting with ex girlfirends, ex boyfriends, ex bed buddies....I'm just sayin :ohwell:
Those connections can even cause trouble while your intentions are truly innocent.
 
I get what you are saying, but as you stated these sites give people access to folks they would most likely not come in contact with otherwise. Some folks can't handle temptation..... reconnecting with ex girlfirends, ex boyfriends, ex bed buddies....I'm just sayin :ohwell:

That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out old flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.
 
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Yeah I'm not blaming Facebook for other people. I would be rather upset if I got married and my spouse wanted me to delete my page. There are alot of friends I keep in contact with that I wouldn't w/o FB
 
That's a bit much. What happened to good old self control - using tools like ignore or a short message to say you're married & you feel it's inappropriate to establish or maintain contact?

Did these couples have cellphones? A lot of people get into trouble because in the past, families only had home phones, now they are texting, sexting, and receiving calls on phones their spouses don't have access to. Should married couples give up cellphones?

I do agree with his point about sharing passwords.
 
That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.


I completely agree with you. I personally don't have issues with Facebook, its simple for me to avoid people I don't want to be in contact with or feel I should not be in contact with. My ex-husband, and another ex have been trying to friend me for months :lol: I decline the requests... I don't think anyone is blaming Facebook.... texting and e-mails are getting folks into trouble also. It's the easy access and for weak minded/curious folks that can spell trouble.

I have seen some unnecessary drama unfold behind Facebook pages :nono:
 
What the... I can see the password thing. But deleting it?? How about idiot people don't add ex flames on fb. What about that?? What about being accountable to each other? I don't care if I'm married or not. I'm not deleting my fb. And I personally don't add exes to my fb. ANd I'm single. If I want to cheat, I don't need a fb to do it. If I'm gonna cheat, fb is not going to cause that. My own disregard for my spouce and my own selfishness will cause that. Why don't we stop playing games and deal with the cheater's selfishness. That's what needs to be deleted. Deleting fb is not gonna solve his problems. And threatening others won't either.

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Thank you thank you thank you

I have exes that I befriended or has befriended me and not one ever said let's get back to together. It's how you doing what new in life and move it along.

There was one that I didn't befriend and still wanted more after I told him that I was married. He kept on, I told my husband at the time and he wrote him on fb and that was the end of that story.

It's how you handle the situation.


That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.
 
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That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.


It really is that simple!! I dont add people that I know is going to be some kind of drama.
 
That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out old flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.

I totally agree.
 
If people are going to cheat they are going to cheat, fb or nothing else is going to stop them. God gives people a free will so why do minister's feel that they can dictate every aspects of their member's life. They can't.

I have found so many people that I would never had found if it wasn't for facebook. It's not the devil the people using it is allowing the devil to use them.

That's not the sites fault, that's on the person.

It's really simple- don't seek out old flames. If an old flame finds you, don't add them.

People need to be accountable for their actions. It's becoming entirely too easy to misplace the blame when one screws up.

No personal accountability + No self control = Blame facebook. Riiiiight :rolleyes:

Seriously! If a social networking site can cause that much strife in your relationship, maybe you need to reevaluate the relationship.

Yeah I'm not blaming Facebook for other people. I would be rather upset if I got married and my spouse wanted me to delete my page. There are alot of friends I keep in contact with that I wouldn't w/o FB

He is WAY out of line. I would keep my FB account and leave his church.

BRAVO to all. Geez...the United States of Excuses. Having an extra-marital affair with someone is usually a very conscious act that one enters into willingly. How we managed to now blame it on a website, I'm just not sure.

What if you meet an ex-flame while you're on lunch break? Should you not eat lunch anymore? Bring a lunchbox and sit in the break room for fear that the bodacious one who got away will be lurking around the corner? Quit your job and find another in the opposite part of town to decrease the chance of running into him/her?

Here's a better idea: understand the fact that a cheater doesn't need FB to cheat.
 
LOL. If someone wanted to hookup with a past flame whether married or single, they don't need FB to do that. In fact, if they wanted to hook up with somebody else, they would just do it secretively. You don't need FB for that. And no pastor should be commanding that full-grown married adults close their FB accounts. It's inappropriate. If there is trouble in a marriage, it will surface anyway. IMHO, he's overstepped his boundary.
 
Since SO and I are seriously talking marriage I told him that I would give up my FB account once we are married so that it doesn't lead to problems. He told me that he trust me 100%. I told him that I trust him completely and that I do not expect him to give up his. He has an account for his side business that is bringing in $$.

.

Really? :look:
 
No personal accountability + No self control = Blame facebook. Riiiiight :rolleyes:

Personal accountability could also mean knowing to remove yourself from tempting situations. I compare it to people who have trouble with eating unhealthy foods, some people can have those cookies in the cupboard and not eat more than a few a week, others can't keep cookies in the house. Makes more sense to recognize weakness and act accordingly instead of driving yourself crazy by keeping close proximity to the cookies.

Many people can't resist looking up exes on Facbook no matter the marital status - it's better for some just to avoid FB altogether.

I don't believe that people are either cheaters or non-cheaters, there are many people who cheated who underestimated the power of weakening boundaries and small missteps over time.
 
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I don't believe that people are either cheaters or non-cheaters, there are many people who cheated who underestimated the power of weakening boundaries and small missteps over time.

That whole post is fair and true, but there is a difference between giving a sermon about what you said, which would be awesome, and just telling people point blank do not go on networking sites at all, and if you do, give your spouse your password, which is infantilizing and over simplifing a more complex and human issue. It does nothing but demonize an awesome service and make grown people look like silly.
 
Face book is the devil :nono: I do believe social networking leads to problems for some married people and even those in relationships.

That's what I was going to say. Thank goodness the pastor knows that FB is the devil.

Since SO and I are seriously talking marriage I told him that I would give up my FB account once we are married so that it doesn't lead to problems. He told me that he trust me 100%. I told him that I trust him completely and that I do not expect him to give up his. He has an account for his side business that is bringing in $$.

I have seen first hand trouble started on FB. I might be over reacting because I do not list my relationship status on my FB and I do stay out of mess, but my plans are to be wife and hopefully Mommy and I won't have time to surf FB anyway. BFF will keep me updated on class reunions, births and deaths.

I don't even post stuff, I comment on other's LOL.

Personal accountability could also mean knowing to remove yourself from tempting situations. I compare it to people who have trouble with eating unhealthy foods, some people can have those cookies in the cupboard and not eat more than a few a week, others can't keep cookies in the house. Makes more sense to recognize weakness and act accordingly instead of driving yourself crazy by keeping close proximity to the cookies.

Many people can't resist looking up exes on Facbook no matter the marital status - it's better for some just to avoid FB altogether.

I don't believe that people are either cheaters or non-cheaters, there are many people who cheated who underestimated the power of weakening boundaries and small missteps over time.

Thank you ladies.

God says to remove yourself from temptation and/or bad company. Facebook (and social networking accounts in general) will cause and/or lead you to trouble. I rather avoid the whole thing all together, if you need to contact me, you will call.

Sidenote: I think social networking sites makes cheating easier.
 
I'd rather just give my spouse my password. I use FB to keep in touch with family all over the globe and keep career connections going. There is no way I'd be able to do it so easily through any other channel.

I don't think he should force everyone to give it up, but still provide the option of password sharing.

And my personal opinion is, if someone is out there like that, they will hook up with someone at the 7/11, gas station, grocery store, anywhere lol. FB is just another channel.
 
If simply being on Facebook is that d@mn tempting then maybe you shouldn't be married.
There are many events that must occur between you logging into Facebook and you cheating. If you couldn't control/stop yourself at any point from over the computer, then you should not be anybodies husband/wife. It's pathetic really.:nono:

Wow. If a mere networking site makes their flesh that weak, can you imagine what these poor people must go through having to interact with members of the opposite sex on a daily basis...:rolleyes:
 
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