Men: Their perception of women with natural hair

[DMJ's Mom]

I've been to NC, SC, GA, OH, NY, DC, MD, and VA all with natural hair (in either a puff or afro) and have never heard a bad thing about it or natural hair period. The guys that I work with love when I wear my hair out (which is rare now that its longer). DH met me as a natural and doesn't really comment on it either way he just lets me ramble about it and smiles.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

DH likes my hair straight. Period. He merely tolerates the curly looks. His least favorite of all styles is a bun. Curly or straight makes no difference. He hates them both in a bun.

In my area of the south, natural hair is still rare, but I know tons of people who are thinking about it or transitioning. Maybe it'll change someday...

 

[Neith]

I look at this issue very simply...

Some men like natural hair, some don't. Some men like straightened hair, some don't.

I don't care or think about what black men or any color man thinks of my hair (I'm taken) - This is not to say that I don't appreciate compliments and a little attention.

It's just that no matter what you do to your hair, someone is not going to like it. For all kinds of reasons! There is no such thing as pleasing everyone.

So... when it comes to my hair I try to please myself. If someone doesn't like it - especially strangers!- that's their problem.

 

[jamaraa]

Nothing negative whatsoever...to date!

 

[aa9746]

I've worn weaves, braids, and right now wigs. However, my husband prefers my natural hair. hhg

 

[Ms Kain]

......To be honest, I got a lot of ignorant comments from men but the worst 2 that I can remember were "Why do the prettiest women always do that to there hair?" and "You're light skinned, why aren't you wearing light skinned hair?" ( I lie to you not)

Light skinned hair? What the h-ll is light skinned hair? I mean, it's HAIR!!! Good lawd! I think I've heard it all now!

 

[Ms Kain]

.......The same man given the choice between a dull headed thin, see through scalp relaxed head and a full headed, soft and fluffy natural - he'd pick the natural. [/B]

**Disclaimer - I am not pro-relaxer or pro-natural.

Uhmmm.....



Ok, I'm just going to have to say it......

Did I miss something? Because I just read that statement 2 more times and I am absolutely sure that they directly contradicted each other!

How can you be neither Prorelaxer or Pro-natural when you just described women who wear their hair relaxed as "dull headed thin, see through scalp[ed]" women?

I was under the impression that we are here to educate, to learn from each other and create a positive atmosphere and a level of support to each other regardless to how we wear our hair. "Undercover" insults via disclaimers do not lend towards this goal. I'm not sure if that was your intent but seriously, I think we could have done without that.

~Hera

 

[Ms. Feliz]

Uhmmm.....



Ok, I'm just going to have to say it......

Did I miss something? Because I just read that statement 2 more times and I am absolutely sure that they directly contradicted each other!

How can you be neither Prorelaxer or Pro-natural when you just described women who wear their hair relaxed as "dull headed thin, see through scalp[ed]" women?

I was under the impression that we are here to educate, to learn from each other and create a positive atmosphere and a level of support to each other regardless to how we wear our hair. "Undercover" insults via disclaimers do not lend towards this goal. I'm not sure if that was your intent but seriously, I think we could have done without that.

~Hera

I agree

 

[sharifeh]

I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure hijabiflygirl has relaxed hair herself and she has been natural before too, I think. If you look at her other posts, I believe she really is neutral.
I think she was just giving an example since this thread seems to be mainly about "natural" hair.

Uhmmm.....



Ok, I'm just going to have to say it......

Did I miss something? Because I just read that statement 2 more times and I am absolutely sure that they directly contradicted each other!

How can you be neither Prorelaxer or Pro-natural when you just described women who wear their hair relaxed as "dull headed thin, see through scalp[ed]" women?

I was under the impression that we are here to educate, to learn from each other and create a positive atmosphere and a level of support to each other regardless to how we wear our hair. "Undercover" insults via disclaimers do not lend towards this goal. I'm not sure if that was your intent but seriously, I think we could have done without that.

~Hera

 

[Mz_Zartavia]

Dang! I'm Cali born and raised (Los Angeles/Santa Monica areas) and see PLENTY of sistas with natural hair wherever I go. Even up here in Central Cali, Fresno/Lemoore/Hanford (with mostly white folks), I see natural women with men who LOVE their hair.

Anyways....

My DH absolutely loves my hair! He gets nervous when I go for trims thinking I'm going to get it chopped off! But he loves my curls. He loves that I can switch my hair up whenever I feel like. He's not for all the chemicals and what have you. He freaked out when I said I was coloring my hair. I've been natural since birth. So any man that would have been with ne would have had to accept my hair. No question about it. And before DH, the guys I did date loved my hair too.

 

[Ms. Feliz]

I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure hijabiflygirl has relaxed hair herself and she has been natural before too, I think. If you look at her other posts, I believe she really is neutral.
I think she was just giving an example since this thread seems to be mainly about "natural" hair.

Being neutral or not doesn't even matter to me. Usually when someone refers to things about hair it's about the general population of the same group..unless they specifically talk about their hair. It sounds to me like she's saying that all of us who are relaxed generally have thin and dull hair that you can see your scalp through. And even if I had a thread about relaxed hair I wouldn't call naturals hair a big hot a$$ mess.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Uhmmm.....



Ok, I'm just going to have to say it......

Did I miss something? Because I just read that statement 2 more times and I am absolutely sure that they directly contradicted each other!

How can you be neither Prorelaxer or Pro-natural when you just described women who wear their hair relaxed as "dull headed thin, see through scalp[ed]" women?

I was under the impression that we are here to educate, to learn from each other and create a positive atmosphere and a level of support to each other regardless to how we wear our hair. "Undercover" insults via disclaimers do not lend towards this goal. I'm not sure if that was your intent but seriously, I think we could have done without that.

~Hera

I don't understand why you're mad. erplexed

IMO, you misunderstood her.
What I got from that statement was this: Just because relaxed hair is straight doesn't mean that it will be more appealing to men than natural hair. The condition of the hair is important too.
That's it. It didn't read like she was trying to insult natural hair or relaxed hair.
There's no need to get all hot and bothered.
Why do folks like to get offended?

 

[BostonMaria]

Great topic!!! I'm enjoying the comments.

I live in Massachusetts and you see many natural haired ladies around here. For the most part I do notice that I get more attention if I do a wash n go vs a curly ponytail. I also notice that long, straight hair gets ALOT of attention, but I think its because of the length because when it was short and straight I didn't get this much attention.
I get attention from pretty much every type of race and color, but I always did even with permed hair. I believe its the way you carry yourself. If I'm walking around in a hoody, jeans and my hair is beautiful (I'm talking about how I looked today LOL) nobody pays me no mind. If I'm dressed up, nice purse, shoes and cute hair (curly or straight) I get attention from men and women. Well the women are weave checkin me LOL

 

[Smiley79]

I'm in South FLorida...(need I say more)lol, and I definitely notice that the relaxed heads are more appealing to men. And depending on how the "natural" hair is styled...some men may find it exotic and unique. But overall, I find South Florida to be a very superficial demographic and the relaxed heads would more likely fit the "prefered and ideal look" of what men are attracted to. They want the "run your hands through her head" type of lady. I actually got into a deep conversation with a biker guy (AA) on South Beach who literally said that he "found short haired, natural head women to be unattractive and unkept"....can you believe that? UNKEPT!? Funny thing is that I took no offense to the most ignorant comment of the decade...rather, I took it as an eye opener of what some people could actually feel regarding the almighty follicle. At the end of the day, men are flashed 24/7 the idea of what a "fine" woman looks like (through magazines, videos, movies, etc) and frankly not enough of these images are natural heads...so most men and especially are younger men find beauty in the relaxed, long and soft mane....

On another note, I know many men who find it very attractive and eye-cathing when a woman is all natural....especially because it's rarer, and who doesn't like to have something that no one else has? (And again, I think the way the natural hair is styled plays a factor in how the male may perceive the woman) Unfortunately, our western society gives the idea that women who are natural are over-cultured fanatics, serious, spiritual, fight the power, such and such, when in reality that is just a bunch of bologna....but over the past few years, I should certainly hope that that idealogy has flown out the window since so many women are switching to a non-relaxer or less dependent upon relaxer approach to hair care!

Sorry, I'm rambling...I was just trying to think of all the different male views I've ever encountered regarding natural hair.

 

[Smiley79]

BTW, great topic, OP....it can be touchy to some, but it's a great topic on an issue that is strongly out there but never touched. Nothing to be offended by, but it's nice to share different views and experience on a very real situation.

 

[Smiley79]

Oh, my bad, I didn't shar my personal "male" reviews on it....well, I've usually been 90% of the time in a weave or wig; but as much as guys love my hair relaxed or in a weave, I surprisingly get MORE compliments when I rock what's mine all natural (weave free). I'm 6 months post relaxer and I also get lots of compliments from guys on who "cute" the natural is and they point out that they like to "know" what a girl looks like naturally and they find that beautiful rather than weave, wigs and relaxer 24/7. Overall, I agree with Neth's comment...you're never gonna please every male...I know guys who don't find Beyonce pretty or Halle Berry to be fine...it's just different strokes for different folks and rock the hair that you love!

 

[Ms Kain]

I don't understand why you're mad. erplexed

IMO, you misunderstood her.
What I got from that statement was this: Just because relaxed hair is straight doesn't mean that it will be more appealing to men than natural hair. The condition of the hair is important too.
That's it. It didn't read like she was trying to insult natural hair or relaxed hair.
There's no need to get all hot and bothered.
Why do folks like to get offended?

Actually, I wasn't mad but disappointed.

Also, I'm actually not one of those people who like being offended. I'm the one that tends to try to bail people out - which is what made me read it a couple of times trying to figure out what else could possibly be meant by that comment.....

But after reading,"

.......The same man given the choice between a dull headed thin, see through scalp relaxed head and a full headed, soft and fluffy natural - he'd pick the natural. [/B]

**Disclaimer - I am not pro-relaxer or pro-natural.


.....I really couldn't come up with anything other than what was written.

Now, if that's not what was meant then that's cool. I won't argue it but at the same time I'm not going to (and I'm assuming this is the case for others who understood it to mean the same thing) apologize for what I read.

Every last one of us are beautiful whether we're shaved, natural, texlaxed or relaxed and although each man has a preference, there are men who would choose any one of these women. That's the great thing about living in a world with so many different preferemces.....it allows everyone to be seen as beautiful in some way.****

~Hera aka Ms. Kain

 

[song_of_serenity]

I don't see how you're getting all of that, Ms Kain.

1.The thread is perception of women with natural hair. Men are a big part of this discussion.

2.The poster in question said men like GROOMED women. The thread is on perception of natural hair, right? She went on to say a man would choose fluffy natural hair over dull headed see through to the scalp relaxed hair. Not "All relaxed hair is this" Just that in a world where many of our men DO seem to sway toward a certain hair state, that straight hair ISN'T the all that ends all and a man would choose a healthy natural over a jacked up straight head. Not automatically choose a woman in a relaxed state (since men like GROOMED WOMEN) just because she's relaxed.

3. She made sure to add the "I'm not pro one thing or the other" disclaimer because she probably foresaw someone taking her words wrong, case in point.

 

[bablou00]

When I went natural I told myself that I was doing it for me and only me and if anyone had a problem with it they can keep on stepping. My family and my friends are cool with it and thats all that matters. If you feel good about yourself and what you have then people will come into your life that will appreciate you for those very same reasons. I've had a lot more "good" comments then "bad" and the bad came from a guy who I could give 2cents on what his opinion was on what I did with my hair...and the only type he is concerned about is something other than his own race. I dont get mad at ignorance!!! My ex asked me if I was going thru things at first because he knew how much I spent on growing out my relaxed hair but everytime he sees me he always compliments my hair and tells me how good its looking. He was a brother that loved long hair (hence the word was...lol). It was nothing new to my dad because my sister did it three yrs before I did but he also was shocked I cut off my long hair (in their eyes my hair was long). Yt men compliment me all the time with words like neat, different and fun!! Im from KY and Ive started to see more natural ladies around me so it not that uncommon out here.

 

[Ms Kain]

I'm in South FLorida...(need I say more)lol, and I definitely notice that the relaxed heads are more appealing to men. And depending on how the "natural" hair is styled...some men may find it exotic and unique. But overall, I find South Florida to be a very superficial demographic and the relaxed heads would more likely fit the "prefered and ideal look" of what men are attracted to. They want the "run your hands through her head" type of lady. I actually got into a deep conversation with a biker guy (AA) on South Beach who literally said that he "found short haired, natural head women to be unattractive and unkept"....can you believe that? UNKEPT!? Funny thing is that I took no offense to the most ignorant comment of the decade...rather, I took it as an eye opener of what some people could actually feel regarding the almighty follicle. ...........


On another note, I know many men who find it very attractive and eye-cathing when a woman is all natural....especially because it's rarer, and who doesn't like to have something that no one else has? (And again, I think the way the natural hair is styled plays a factor in how the male may perceive the woman) Unfortunately, our western society gives the idea that women who are natural are over-cultured fanatics, serious, spiritual, fight the power, such and such, when in reality that is just a bunch of bologna....but over the past few years, I should certainly hope that that idealogy has flown out the window since so many women are switching to a non-relaxer or less dependent upon relaxer approach to hair care!

Sorry, I'm rambling...I was just trying to think of all the different male views I've ever encountered regarding natural hair.

Smiley, wow! When you spoke about that biker dude, that brought back a lot of memories! I was raised in NY but I also went to college in Daytona Beach (BCU), lived in the ATL for 9 years and now I'm out in Arizona.

I remember the first comment made to me about my hair and it was in Daytona Beach, Fl. I was texlaxed transitioning to natural and at home (NYC) all hair texture was/is acceptable... twists, knots, braids, blow outs whatever so I just knew my braid out was cute!!

So imagine my surprise when I walked past my dorm room with some girls I met and a guy called out to our group. I just looked his way and his boy gave him a questioning look and he looks at me, screws up his face and says,"Not the nappy headed chick, the cute one." I was floored! I mean, I'm aight.....I've got cute features and whatnot.....so how in the world did the texture of my hair determine my attractiveness? How about the way it showed style, my flow and brought out my features?

I later heard from his friend (who was from Michigan and thought his boy was "way off") that he was from Hollywood, Fl and that women there were only considered pretty if they had "flowing hair".

That was my first experience with that but I had many more in Florida including a biker in St. Petersburg, Fl. who said that "hair like that looks like it stinks!"

Years later and even though I am relaxed, I still hear the snide comments and the hesitant glances BM give BW with natural hair here in Arizona and less in places like Atlanta or MD/DC/VA. Meanwhile, there's a few WM that check some of the sistas out of the corner of their eye in almost every state I go and it's NOT because they're turned off!

So I agree with those who say it might be regional amongst other things. I hope someday this vewpoint will change someday because really......we are some beautiful women and should be recognized as such!!!!

Thanks for sharing that!

~Hera

 

[song_of_serenity]

The way my hair is perceived has changed. Before it was a bit lengthy and I did get the "Yooo maaa" and "Lemme holla atcha" etc, etc, the "Is that ALL yours?" was typically said by women, "Oh, you have some LONG hair" and so forth.

When I chopped, people expressed shock at me "cutting all that pretty hair" but if they had anything negative to say, they kept it to themselves. Now that it's getting length, the compliments are coming again. I've had some women even strangers who pulled me aside and expressed a desire to go natural.

I see lots of natural heads here in N.Y so I don't get strange stares (heck, you see all types of people in the city, goth, emo, etc) but I do get a lot of looks, usually admiration, interest. Black guys, as was stated by others, do approach differently and more respectful ("Hey my sista, nubian princess,") If they are ignorant it's "Ohh, you got somma that good hair, where you from, etc" And men from other races have started coming more than before.

I typically get a lot of new agey, soul sista, "You going to the next poetry reading?" type assumptions but it's fine. Lol! My friend said I look too mild to be militant.

 

[Ms Kain]

Hi ladies,

Can anyone tell me about experiences they've had with men who either liked or disliked your natural hair. Please discuss perceptions, attitudes and behaviour of men who you either live with (family), work with or are married to/dating.

Gentlemen: please feel free to leave comments also!

thanks

Did anyone happen to see Crystal Rose's youtube video with her boyfriend talking about how BM may feel about our hair?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujrPiLpJKIo

It was interesting and I felt that it was pretty cool to talk about it on camera in an open and honest way because gawd knows it's probably hard for them to talk about too! Just goes to show you that there's a lot of different preferences out there.

Check it out!

 

[Ms Kain]

I don't see how you're getting all of that, Ms Kain.

1.The thread is perception of women with natural hair. Men are a big part of this discussion.

2.The poster in question said men like GROOMED women. The thread is on perception of natural hair, right? She went on to say a man would choose fluffy natural hair over dull headed see through to the scalp relaxed hair. Not "All relaxed hair is this" Just that in a world where many of our men DO seem to sway toward a certain hair state, that straight hair ISN'T the all that ends all and a man would choose a healthy natural over a jacked up straight head. Not automatically choose a woman in a relaxed state (since men like GROOMED WOMEN) just because she's relaxed.

3. She made sure to add the "I'm not pro one thing or the other" disclaimer because she probably foresaw someone taking her words wrong, case in point.

Oh I totally feel what you're saying....

Definitely #1 because it was clearly about the fellas....

and I definitely feel you on #2. See how you wrote that? You wrote what you meant....no room for misinterpretation. Had it been put that way, I (and the other ladies who read it the same way) would've taken it the way you wrote it. There's no room to think anything else but what you wrote, you know?

But at the end of the day all we have to go by on boards is what a person writes and apparently I took what was written literally. I guess it's also just a matter of interpretation. You saw it one way, I saw it another and the only person who knows what was meant was her ....

On that note, I will say that I like your interpretation better and because my heart was in the right place in sticking up for those who relaxed, I'm more than willing to throw up one of these so that we can move on!

Peace lady! *Wink!*

 

[LoveisYou]

Do you think hair type influences a man's reaction/perception?

 

[misscrystal]

IMO, women are way too concerned with how men feel about everything.

Who cares what men think about our hair.

Girl I had to thank this comment . Not to disparage the OP, but I get so tired of being expected to give a damn about a man's opinion. Like you said girl, who cares?!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Do you think hair type influences a man's reaction/perception?

Not where I live...the kinkier my hair is the more people love it

 

[jwhitley6]

Yah, it was terrible. Hell, I didn't have the money for it either. There came a point in time where I really needed to re-eval my priorities, and look at why I felt I needed to wear weaves consistently. Ultimately it was the way I felt about myself, my surroundings contributed greatly to my insecurities though. Los Angeles is soo fakey fakey. LOL

Girl, I lived in LA for 6 years and worked in the entertainment biz....I don't miss it at all! LOL @ "fakey fakey"

 

[msbettyboop]

[FONT=&quot]I was relaxing when my SO met me and although he secretly liked natural hair, he didn’t say anything about it until I decided to go natural three months ago. He is completely on board and trying to touch my NG a hundred times a day when we’re together (and gets a lot of karate chops for it btw). He can’t wait till I’m all natural and neither can I and his is the only opinion that counts as far as I’m concerned. I live in the Middle East and will definitely be getting a lot of looks but I think it will be more of admiration and genuinely wanting to know about the diversity of black hair than anything else.

On the other hand, every time I go to the stylists to braid and tell them I'm going natural, they always give me this really strange look almost bordering on pity and I’m like “I hope you guys realize this is the hair God put on our heads and it is the relaxer that is unnatural not growing out my natural hair”.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against women who choose to relax.
[/FONT]

 

[plastic]

When i decided to bc , I wasn't thinking about if other people would like it or not , my first reaction was if I would like it ... But i'm not going to lie , what other people thought was still going to affect me somewhat ..shucks i'm human

Anyways the day after the bc I went to work ... all the guys loved it, and they made sure to tell me too. The compliments were just coming. "You are one attractive girl" , "It suits you" " You look like an exotic model" , "You should model"

Personally think cutting down your hair to 1" just takes all the attention from your hair and brings it smack right onto your face .

When my father first saw it , he didn't say anything much , no bad looks ... just a curious look , then I found out a couple days ago that he told my sister that he thought it looked so nice on me. The only man that opinion matters !! So I'm mad happy about that.

My bf , who I didn't tell I was cutting it didn't say much either.He met me when I have MBL relaxed hair... I knew he wouldn't have liked it. But he does. He told me recently , "I didn't want to say this but I love you hair" .He is the one analysing it and telling me how many different textures I have up in it, always playing with it when he thinks im sleeping , watching me do my hair routine on mornings. Grabs it more than he grabbed my long hair when we are ... ehem playing around.

Also I have had more interests from guys, I am not conceited or anything. I don't do anything differently. I have always walked with my head up , always was a b!tch .. always did my thing. But the fact that more guys are looking at/ coming up to me with my short kinky hair is so surprising .. black , white , indian mixed ...(we don't have much asian people here)

Oh by the way .. i live in the Caribbean ..

p.s. more people are sticking their damn hands in my hair too ..

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

A lot of interseting comments here.

I was having a convo with my cousin who was born and raised in Miami FL and she has natural hair and she told me how some men approach her making assuptions about her made me laugh and got me angry.

Afrocentric brother: Greeting my Nubian sister.

Cousin: I'm not Nubian I'm Yoruba, my family is Nigerian not Sudanese, but hi how are you.

ignorant guy: Girl if you don't change your hair people are going to think that you are African.
Cousin: I am African.

----------------
There was a video on yotube of a woman talking about people's perception of natural hair and people were assuming that she was a tree hugger vegan "Lynn from Girlfriends, a neo soul sister. Or womanwith type 4 hair were white hating black panther people. etc. People with natural hair are down to earth.

I think it's funny that people can make all these assumption based on hair. Oh and What the hell is "light skinned hair" That has got to be a new one for me.