Love is in the Hair – Celebrating Black Love & Natural Hair

[chebaby]

this is a great thread.


no pictures to post but let me just say the most beautiful ive ever felt was when i bc;d down to an inch of hair.
my SO has seen me with sl blonde relaxed hair, sl bright red relaxed hair, black relaxed hair that grew the longest ive ever had it(siggy). and he saw me with my 1 inch of natural hair(that eventhough i had transitioned for 11 months was still damaged. the front bang area took 4 month, after the initial 11 months, to start growing in curly). and now he loves my big puff puff(his words).

i have had more guys hit on me since ive been natural then in my whol life lol. i think its the hair but also because i love my self now. when i was relaxed my hair was ALWAYS done. either flat ironed or curled. but i still was not comfortable with who i was now. now i love me.

 

[rahlee22]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?

I am natural and I went years with transitioning and only recently took my hair out for the first time in two years. I must say I did NOT feel as attractive. Mainly due to shrinkage. I LOVE my natural texture, I just want it to be its stretched length - naturally. I think for me it was more of an issue with length...I would've felt the same way if my hair felt short but was relaxed. I just feel better with my hair being at least at the bottom of my neck, or an inch past.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

I'm sure they do, during the time that I did have my natural hair out, at one point I had a natural fro and then also a curly banana clip & ponytail. I saw two of my male friends, and they both loved it, and wanted me to keep my hair that way and not change it. One friend even called me a week later telling me how he kept thinking of how sexy the curly fro looked. Of course I couldn't deal with the length issue, so I added some kinky/curly weave to my hair, which makes it appear about 3-4 inches longer. I have had men say "sexy!" and they have responded well when I have gone out this past weekend.


-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

See above. I also think men of different races respond more, and since I am an EOD that is fine with me!

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?

The same

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

The same way I reacted when my EX looked at me crazy for going natural. lol. I'm going to do what I want. Luckily he came around (I think)...either that or he never had the chance to come around because we broke up prior to my recent unveiling.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

We'll see.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

I do, but I don't. I think that men like what they like. My brother prefers me with the natural look. Not because he likes "natural" but he likes wild, and curly hair. He also likes a "lot" of hair. So he thought the look was a "good" look. It's also not the "natural" part of it that I care about. I just had fine hair that I tended to keep braided or weaved up so I saw no point in continuing to put relaxers in. I also remember how bald headed I felt when I got my first relaxer (in 4th grade). I hated how thin my ponytails looked after the perm, and I vowed that I'd get "my hair" back again. lol. I'll check back in after having been "back on the market as a natural for a while"...but I also think it may be a little difficult to tell since I do braid & weave constantly.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

- "If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?"

it dont matter wether relaxed or natural, Guys will approach you if you have LONG HAIR...... PERIOD.

 

[NaturalPath]

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

**I believe that every black man has an attribute that he prefers. Some prefer lightskin, darkskin, thick, skinny, straight hair, natural hair etc...

I havent dated much to add my own experiences except to say that my SO said that "dating me, has made me prefer girls with natural hair"

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

Since I am in a current relationship, I can't answer this except to say that in the future if I had to date again, I would be very confident especially since natural hair is versatile.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?

I believe its men who were raised with women who wore natural hair all throughout their lives, men who do not judge based on outside appearance, men who have no preference, men who do have a preference for natural hair.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

Well when I started dating my SO, we dated when I was fully natural. It is awesome because I never feel pressured into straightening my hair, and I do not prefer straight hair anyways. He prefers my hair in its natural state but when I do occasionally straighten it he loves it.

The only thing that ruins it is that he is so adamant about me NOT wearing weaves/wigs AND cutting it because he feel like since my hair is beautiful why would I? He doesnt understand that sometimes I just need a change, I think he prides himself over it lol

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
Yes, I truly do

***Additionally: When My SO watched "Good Hair" he told me that if we ever have children, he does not want them to be relaxed #WIN


Ill prob delete this photo soon

 

[Southernbella.]

Loving this thread! I'll be back later on tonight.

 

[LoveCraze]

Pics of DH and I. He was the first person to suggest that I stop getting my hair relaxed. He's also my biggest supporter!!

This is when I first BC'd.

This is father's day.

And here we're at a Poetry Slam competition.

 

[Kneechay]

StephElise, you're gorgeous!

I had to check this thread once more before I went home for the day and you ladies are the bomb. I LOVE this!

 

[Celestial]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why? When I decided to go natural it never crossed my mind whether I would be approach or not.

b) do you think location has any corrolation? I've been to all parts of this country and I noticed, from my experience, that the northeast appreciate natural hair.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
Yes. I think those who prefer straight hair may feel compel to accept the norm and the common standard of beauty. But even within that case, I still think they honestly like natural hair that is well-groomed and accentuates the woman face.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I feel more confident. Something about knowing I'm carrying my natural hair on my head that is kept clean gives me a sense of...I don't know what.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
From my experience I noticed that men from other races approached me a lot. Black men do too but not on the same scale men from other races do. I noticed foreign black men whether they are hispanic, african, or caribbean approach me more than american men. Overall, I never experienced any distaste from black men about my natural hair.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
I wouldn't be able to help him. I still would go natural.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?
I didn't improved or ruin my life. My life hasn't changed.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
Yes. When men say "it doesn't matter" they are usually telling the truth.

 

[ctosha]

I dont have a man so I have nothing really to add but I love this thread.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

Awesome thread, Nichi!

By and large I think most men still prefer straight hair. However, I think that LENGTH, natural or not, is a big deal to them. Lots of healthy, well-groomed hair---straight, curly, kinky whatever--make most men .

Being natural has INCREASED me being approached by 300%. I feel that men feel more compelled to smell (yes I have caught people sniffing ...that aussie moist smells good! lol!)and want to touch my hair's texture. My husband loves my hair his hair use to be down to his back and he cut it short and whenever I wear my hair BIG , he complains that he wants to grow his out. I live in ny and where I live the guys seem to want to talk to any women..lol! but 9 out of 10 times if i'm with a group of women with straight hair and my hair is out and natural I get approached first (unfortunatly I have to tell the guy I'm taken sooooooooooo....)

- "If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?"

it dont matter wether relaxed or natural, Guys will approach you if you have LONG HAIR...... PERIOD.

Damn, my hair really needs to hurry the hell up and just grow!! Seriously, I am so stuck on how to get male attention these days

 

[Nayna]

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

So far my experiences with men have been pretty much pleasant. For the most part I haven't really dated outside my race and although I have an SO I get lots of love from the fellas.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I feel confident. In a sense when I go out I just don't care who likes it and who doesn't. I get dressed, look pretty and have fun.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
All men approach; they just switch it up. If it's a hood type of dude he comes at me with all types of beautiful this and that. The other types just come at me regularly. You can always tell who is taking your hair into account when they approach and who is just approaching because they see a cute face and hair isn't an issue.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
I'd tell him that my hair is somewhat a reflection of myself. As much as I appreciate the beauty of natural hair I don't think its for me. Please respect my wishes.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?
IMPROVED! I just feel so sexy and I think it shows. I've always felt "sexy" but I think my hair has added to it. There's this guy that likes me now and he calls me the 'big haired sexy woman'. Mind you, he met me when I was relaxed a few times. He also met me when I had weave. When he saw me again natural he was smitten. I had to remind him that he had met several times before, lol. My SO likes that it's mine so it makes things fun, lol. I asked him how he felt and he is cool as long as it's real.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
To a certain extent. I just think it depends on the guy. To some, they want that long bone straight hair that they feel they an run their fingers through. To others as long as you look nice it doesn't matter. My sister has been with her man for 8 years he's seen her relaxed, weaved and now natural. He prefers her hair short and natural. IT really depends on the dude.

I do want to admit that when I first BC'ed I didn't have an outlet. I didn't have youtube or this forum and I was frustrated and I did have a moment where I felt ugly. However I just knew I wasn't turning back. So I moved on and just let the moment go. That was in 2007 and I haven't had a moment like that again.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences? I think black men have various qualifying factors when in comes to choosing a woman. Hair is just one, and IMO not the most important one either. I think as some as the hair flatters the woman, it's all good

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? I'm engaged, but I think I'd be fine if I were dating.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? It varies. More often than not, a man who is his own man. period.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? My hair is my biz, period. As for the guy, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it .

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? hasn't affected it either way.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? for the most part, yes.
Here's my pics

 

[Rocky91]

My answers are all in this blue color right hurr.
Here's a pic of me and my boo-thang-hope it's not too big

Please feel free to add your pictures if you like!!


So I had a couple questions to spark discussion & I encourage everyone to answer personally and honestly about their experiences, whether relaxed or natural.

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why?
b) do you think location has any corrolation?
N/A. I've been natural all my life.
- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
Yes, they honestly do. every guy who has tried to holla at me loved my hair. i do think they prefer longer hair, because the more stretched out my hair is, the more positive comments i get.
-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I feel completely confident. I think my look is pretty unique, and my natural hair flatters my features better than my straightened hair does.
- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? ALL kinds!! lots of folks say, "oh, i get all them enlightened brothas now that i'm natchal." well, i sure don't. lots of thugs (not saying they can't be "enlightened" of course) love my hurr...in addition to vegan earth-lovers, musicians, jocks, etc. etc.
- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
Hmmm...i like what i like. i take his opinion into consideration. for example, he hates weaves, so i've kinda cooled it on the weave. but ultimately, it's on my head, so i'll do what i like.
- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?
well, i used to primarily wear it straight. so i guess now that i've been wearing it kinky for about 5 years, i can honestly say that it has IMPROVED it. there's something about kinky hair that brings my features to life. i love my hair, it makes me feel sexy and confident, so i project that and guys like it.
- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
yes, mostly.

hope this wasn't TOO long to read.

FANTASTIC thread, Nichi!!

 

[Kneechay]

Okay Rocky!!!!

You got a very handsome man there! I'm not surprised, you're a very beautiful young lady!

 

[Lenee925]

I don't I qualify to answer all the questions, but this thread is great Nichi.

I will comment on what I have noticed though. My sister has MBL natural hair. EVERYTIME we are out, a clear guy OR girl will make a point to walk over and comment on her hair ONLY if she has it coily in a wash and go style. I have yet to see a black person compliment her natural hair while we're out. On the flip side, whenever she straightens I never see her get compliments from yt folk or black folk.

An outlier: This yt guy got besides himself and "touched" my hair!! He said he liked it a lot but then he asked me "do you ever straighten it to make it longer?"....WTH? LOL

So, based on my limited research, I conclude that naturals get more positive attention from non-black folks. I personally think they like to see us embrace our natural hair.

 

[EccentricRed]

I actually have had "Black Love Poster" favorited on my computer after I saw an article about it on AOL Black Voices. It gives me a lil' hope (and little fits of jealousy here and there) that I could get there one day...

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached? When I was relaxed I was really afraid to go against the grain. I got over that because health was more important. It hasn't really decreased anything for me.
a) why?
I can't say that it has made much of a difference for me personally, but I will say that I've noticed a lot of women that are going natural (and BC'd after a couple of months) have gotten dogged because their hair is so short. The women who have longer hair haven't gotten as much flack for it.
b) do you think location has any corrolation?
I will say yes to that. Although I see an influx of women going natural in my part of Ohio, most are still relaxed. It seems like everyone is rocking a wrap out here! Sometimes it's a dare to be different situation by approaching a natural sistah, especially when she's so different from the rest of the scene. IN contrast, my bestfriend in NY has a TWA, and she says it comes a dime a dozen out there. It's just not a big deal, and she gets approached on a regular. When she was out here a lot of the dudes were giving her the side eye. So I think location is a part of it.-

Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences? I don't think Black men dislike natural hair, as much as they dislike short hair. Most of the complaints I get about natural hair is when a sistah BC's and she has a TWA. I haven't had too many negative comments to speak of about my hair. The last guy I dated was super enthused about me going natural, and he tried to convince me to get locs. (He had very nice locs!)

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? I didn't feel confident when I was relaxed in dating......but I can say that I become more self-confident having healthy hair that makes me stand out, and hopefully that shows externally.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? The super Afrocentric brotha's I know love the natural styles. I do feel that natural women stand out around here, because there are not as many of us. But I've seen many different "kinds" of men that are attracted to natural sistah's, so it's hard to narrow down.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
I know it's a superficial thing, but this is how I was when he approached me, and it doesn't seem fair that I have to alter something like that. I would discuss it with him, and find out why he feels I should be natural as well. I wouldn't just do it because he asks.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?
No, change whatsoever.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
The men I'm around on a general basis are pretty blunt. So if they say it doesnt matter, I normally believe them. I've seen them date all kinds of black women, so it's not a shocker. And if they don't like something, they let someone know! They have NO problem doing that.

I don't have a man or pictures, but I can't wait to be able to contribute.

 

[EccentricRed]

I don't I qualify to answer all the questions, but this thread is great Nichi.

I will comment on what I have noticed though. My sister has MBL natural hair. EVERYTIME we are out, a clear guy OR girl will make a point to walk over and comment on her hair ONLY if she has it coily in a wash and go style. I have yet to see a black person compliment her natural hair while we're out. On the flip side, whenever she straightens I never see her get compliments from yt folk or black folk.

An outlier: This yt guy got besides himself and "touched" my hair!! He said he liked it a lot but then he asked me "do you ever straighten it to make it longer?"....WTH? LOL

So, based on my limited research, I conclude that naturals get more positive attention from non-black folks. I personally think they like to see us embrace our natural hair.

One of my best friends is a white dude. (He has black family members and went to a mostly black school growing up. He plans on marrying a black woman...you get the drift). He constantly plays in my hair and has told me it is beautiful on several occasions since I've been 100% natural. Before I was natural, I did a braidout to wear to my cousins wedding, he complimented me when he first saw it. He really doesn't like black women wearing weaves and all that, and he's said a few times that he wishes more black women would go natural.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

beautiful thread sis....
as soon as i get a man, will be sure to posterplexed

 

[NikStarrr]

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? I think there are a lot of black men who like/prefer natural hair. But then again, my social circle and the places/people I tend to be around are pretty "cultured". Living in a city like Atlanta definitely helps.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? I'm married. If I were in the dating seen, I'd feel just as confident as ever.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? All kinds. Like I'd mentioned earlier, living in a city like Atlanta, so many types of women have natural hair that I don't think it would stop Joe Shmo from hollering any less than "Rasheed". lol

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? I'm going to always do me, but I think I'd secretly like it. It's like when a guy tells you he prefers you without make-up. You're probably not going to stop wearing it, but it still feels good knowing your guy loves the "real" you.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? Neither. I'm married and it's just hair. lol

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? Yep. I'm married to this type.

 

[lilsparkle825]

This thread is cute. I answered a few.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
Some. I have had (black) men bold enough to approach me and tell me they love my hair; this one time a guy put his hands all up in it while telling me how "lush" it looked. I thought he was lush too My current boyfriend was so happy when he discovered I was natural. I met him when my hair was straightened, and I washed it in front of him not only because there was no point in trying to preserve a blowout in June, but also to let him see my coils and kinks. He LOVED it, played in it all day, told me all about his sister who transitioned a few years ago, and proceeded to pull out the product she put him on to: a bottle of Kinky Curly Spiral Spritz. Needless to say, we've been together since that day

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have a close girlfriend who made the decision to transition about two weeks ago. She is only about 6 weeks post, but scared out of her mind -- partly because she is single and she feels like the kind of guys she is attracted to won't like her "new look". She specifically told me about an ex boyfriend who commented on her "nappy roots" when she said she was in need of a perm....when she asked him if he would still like her if she was natural, he flat out told her he would never date a woman without a relaxer in her head. It goes without saying that the mental part of her transition will be key in ensuring her success as a natural.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
When I was single and natural (about 20 of the 24 months since I've BC'd) I felt like it made me way more confident. I have lots of fond memories of being the girl in the club with the BAA....playing it up for the camera....just feeling oh so sexy with my hair big and curly.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
We probably wouldn't be together for long.

Love the pictures....I gotta find that article.

 

[Kneechay]

LilSparkle, the article's in my OP

 

[LoveCraze]

For more pix!!

 

[Ediese]

Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? I can only speak from my experience. I've yet to meet a black man that has had an issue with my natural hair. As a matter of fact, I've had a few of them request that I wear it in certain natural styles.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? I don't think I feel any less confident than when I was relaxed.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? Good question. I think a lot of people think tonly artsy, neo soul 'brothas' approach natural black women, but I don't think that's the case. I've been approached by all kinds.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? I don't know. If it's just a boyfriend, I don't think I would take his request that seriously.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? Not applicable. I don't think it's changed it either way. If you want to talk about how long hair has improved it, then that's different. lol

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? Yes, I do. I think once it's neat, and you're well put together, I don't think most of them care. This guy I'm kinda dating said, "as long as I doesn't notice it long enough to comment, I'm cool." lol

(sorry but I had to blur the face. he'd kill me lol)

 

[GeauXavi]

Ediese...you're absolutely gorgeous!