Men: Their perception of women with natural hair

[naturally nubian]

Hi ladies,

Can anyone tell me about experiences they've had with men who either liked or disliked your natural hair. Please discuss perceptions, attitudes and behaviour of men who you either live with (family), work with or are married to/dating.

Gentlemen: please feel free to leave comments also!

thanks

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Hey naturally nubian,

I think there are two factors to how a sista's natural hair is percieved:

1) The Region she lives in

2) Her mindset & the way she carries herself

I happen to live in New York City, here people absolutely love fro's twa's and baldies on a sista, you'll get complimented left right and center on your authenticity and best of all, men will only approach you with respect and reverence, the only word they'll use to describe you is sista, miss and they will speak to you in proper english...I that!

Another factor is how you feel, no matter how I'm wearing my hair, I wear it like the crowning glory it is. I *rock* it. Whatever you feel inside will resonate and I always know my hair looks fly so other people are simply re-emphasizing what I already feel.

An interesting effect I've noticed that being natural is that is gives you a tremendous "cross-over" appeal with men of other races, white men in particular. I think they pick up on the fact that you're okay with straying from the norm, and they seem to be more likely to come up to you when you wear your hair in highly textured styles. I learned that first hand the first day I decided to wear my unmanipulated BAA out for the world to see the first time, I get men of all kinds normally but when my hair was kinky it seemed like the floodgates had opened lol...I'm used to it now though.

When it comes to men it seems as long as your hair has some length to it and you're wearing your own hair, they're happy lol its really easy being a natural here in NYC

 

[Lynnerie]

My SO met me a few months after I did the BC. He sees it at its best and worst. He loves natural hair and prefers that I keep it natural.

My father wasn't so cool with my BC and he couldn't understand why I would want to cut all my hair off. Now that he sees how much hair I'm retaining in such a short time he likes my hair.

Some guys have referred to me as soul sista and Erykah Badu but never in a negative way.

I get compliments about my hair from random black and white men.

Also, I get compliments from a different set of guys when I press my hair.

At the end of the day- all men have preferences some like it natural and some will like it straight. Some dont care whether its straight or curly as long as its long. Some like short styles. Some prefer certain textures over others. Some dont care.

 

[PPGbubbles]

Hey naturally nubian,

I think there are two factors to how a sista's natural hair is percieved:

1) The Region she lives in

2) Her mindset & the way she carries herself

I soooo agree with black Masterpiece on the above two points!

Now I live in Southern California.... The land of all things plasitc lmao. Im not bashing Cali I love it and I wouldnt trade the weather or the lifestyle for anything... But I know my wonderful state "celebrates" vanity.

Black women with natural hair are not the norm out here... What is the norm is a whole lotta weave lol. I have always considered myself to be a confident women and I love to glam up! it is reflected in the way I carry my self but I have noticed that the level of attention I receive glammed up or not largely depends on the apperance of my hair.

My straightened hair or straight weaves attract a lot more attention from black males. I actually find that wearing my natural hair attracts more men of other races and thats fine with me. Most of the brothas who do compliment my natural hair are rather ummmm militant and my reasons for rocking kinky styles have no politcal basis. So they quickly loose interest when they find I do not share their strong "pro black" beliefs lol

But whats is crazy is I wore my kinky weave in cali and no one made a fuss about me. I traveled to New Orleans and I had so many black men after me lol.... And I changed nothing but my location. So I guess the culture and region has a lot to do with what men are attracted too.

Also I do wanna note that whether kinky or straight, natural or weave, the longer my hair grows the more attention I get.... Which leads me to believe that most males simply like longer hair.

 

[Rocky91]

i'm sexy.
therefore my hair, being a part of me, is sexy.
and no one can tell me otherwise.

 

[Mdmommy99]

This is a good question. I live in Baltimore, MD and when I first started wearing my hair natural almost ten years ago it wasn't that popular here. To be honest, I got a lot of ignorant comments from men but the worst 2 that I can remember were "Why do the prettiest women always do that to there hair?" and "You're light skinned, why aren't you wearing light skinned hair?" ( I lie to you not) There were also a lot of men that assumed that I was gay because I had natural hair.
Now that it has become more normal, I get a lot of compliments. I had locs for about 5 years and men loved them but they also made assumptions about me that got kind of annoying, like just because I had locs I was an activist or really into neo soul music, which I am neither. My DH also confessed to me later that before he met me he didn't think he liked girls with locs.
I also agree with Lynnery, I attract a different group when I straighten my hair.

 

[Yen Oak]

Luckily, I've had a very supportive boyfriend who loves my TW-OH, as he calls it.

 

[Amerie123]

I think it depends on your area, like some have stated already, and i think it depends on the maturity level in a man. some of the more childish men may quickly say things like, "girl you need a perm." while the more mature men may have a better appreciation (this is my assumption).

Now, in actuality, my DH is sooo pro natural. I told BMP in another thread that he gets a little upset at the idea of me doing a BKT, but overall doesn't mind because he wants me to wear it however makes me happy. He love it when women wear their hair in it's natural state. he feels they look very clean, educated, etc. (just his opinions).

However, as far as other men go, i just asked one black dude from my job what were his ideas on women wearing their natural hair, and he said that it was beautiful. he added that he loves it when a women can express who she really is, and things along those lines.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

Bookmarking...
I will be back tonight

 

[*CherryPie*]

IMO, women are way too concerned with how men feel about everything.

Who cares what men think about our hair.

 

[Minty]

As long as it is neat, not dry and crispy - a man will not have a problem with it. The thing that gets me are ladies who want to be broke down and use their hair as an excuse to man bash. No body wants somebody who doesn't manage their grooming.

And yes, the longer (bigger/fluffier/softer) the better.

The same man given the choice between a dull headed thin, see through scalp relaxed head and a full headed, soft and fluffy natural - he'd pick the natural.

**Disclaimer - I am not pro-relaxer or pro-natural.

 

[GabbanaGirl]

Hmmmm, that's a complicated one. Living in Los Angeles, I have come across some very shallow men, with pretty ignorant viewpoints on women with natural hair. I ran into some very open-minded men, who love and embrace natural hair.

There's the "The L.A Native" who likes hair that is sleek and long, or a short and sassy hair cut (that is kept up). This guy will once in a while branch out and date a sista with more natural "Afrocentric" styles if she is model status, or of mixed race, but would never date a "Jill Scott Type". Sickening right?

Then there are the imports as I like to call them, the guys from the south, the east coast and what have you. These guys I have found are a little more tolerant on natural hair, and actually seem to embrace it more than my la native brothas.

Now of course there are exceptions to every rule, but out here in lala land, it seems as though the weaves are the majority. Hell, I would know, at one point and time I was a part of the madness. You couldn't keep me out of Extensions Plus.

 

[BklynFox]

Hello Naturally Nubian,

I shaved all of my hair off in Oct. and to my surprise DH was very encouraging and supportive and when I told the men in my family they were very supportive as well, extremely shocked but supportive .
I believe it's all in how you present yourself to the world. Since the day I shaved my head I just knew my head/hair/style was that ish' and thankfully everyone that matters just seemed to get it and loved it.

I believe going natural brings forth and highlights the true you.

 

[Rocky91]

@ GabbanaGirl's comment:
^^dang!! are you serious!!
i'll have to remember to stay off the west coast when lookin for a man, lol, i have no money for Extensions Plus...

 

[PPGbubbles]

Hmmmm, that's a complicated one. Living in Los Angeles, I have come across some very shallow men, with pretty ignorant viewpoints on women with natural hair. I ran into some very open-minded men, who love and embrace natural hair.

There's the "The L.A Native" who likes hair that is sleek and long, or a short and sassy hair cut (that is kept up). This guy will once in a while branch out and date a sista with more natural "Afrocentric" styles if she is model status, or of mixed race, but would never date a "Jill Scott Type". Sickening right?

Then there are the imports as I like to call them, the guys from the south, the east coast and what have you. These guys I have found are a little more tolerant on natural hair, and actually seem to embrace it more than my la native brothas.

Now of course there are exceptions to every rule, but out here in lala land, it seems as though the weaves are the majority. Hell, I would know, at one point and time I was a part of the madness. You couldn't keep me out of Extensions Plus.

Okay so im not alone lol.... I thought I was the only one who noticed the shallowness from our Cali men. I never wore kinky or natural styles untill the last few years so that when I noticed the shift in attitude towards me. I tried to have this dialogue with my friends but im the only one who rocks the "juices and berries" look as they affectionately call it so they couldnt relate.

glad to know im not crazy lol

 

[Ronnieaj]

I soooo agree with black Masterpiece on the above two points!

Now I live in Southern California.... The land of all things plasitc lmao. Im not bashing Cali I love it and I wouldnt trade the weather or the lifestyle for anything... But I know my wonderful state "celebrates" vanity.

Black women with natural hair are not the norm out here... What is the norm is a whole lotta weave lol. I have always considered myself to be a confident women and I love to glam up! it is reflected in the way I carry my self but I have noticed that the level of attention I receive glammed up or not largely depends on the apperance of my hair.

My straightened hair or straight weaves attract a lot more attention from black males. I actually find that wearing my natural hair attracts more men of other races and thats fine with me. Most of the brothas who do compliment my natural hair are rather ummmm militant and my reasons for rocking kinky styles have no politcal basis. So they quickly loose interest when they find I do not share their strong "pro black" beliefs lol

But whats is crazy is I wore my kinky weave in cali and no one made a fuss about me. I traveled to New Orleans and I had so many black men after me lol.... And I changed nothing but my location. So I guess the culture and region has a lot to do with what men are attracted too.

Also I do wanna note that whether kinky or straight, natural or weave, the longer my hair grows the more attention I get.... Which leads me to believe that most males simply like longer hair.

Well let me tell you Northern California isn't much better!! I went home for Christmas, back to Oakland, and the first thing I noticed was that I'm the only woman with obviously natural hair there. And I had a 10 inch blown out fro too? Lawd gracious, I was stared at, even though I'd pulled it back. I twisted it for a wedding (for my grandmother's sake, who couldn't stand the thought of my hair all "out" like that). I was relieved to come back to Virginia.

I'll be honest, I don't know that I would have gone natural if I'd stayed home. I think I would've felt too "different" erplexed. But going natural in Northern VA was no problem; I was the last of my friends to go natural so I had plenty of support and my boyfriend lurves it .

 

[GabbanaGirl]

@ GabbanaGirl's comment:
^^dang!! are you serious!!
i'll have to remember to stay off the west coast when lookin for a man, lol, i have no money for Extensions Plus...

Yah, it was terrible. Hell, I didn't have the money for it either. There came a point in time where I really needed to re-eval my priorities, and look at why I felt I needed to wear weaves consistently. Ultimately it was the way I felt about myself, my surroundings contributed greatly to my insecurities though. Los Angeles is soo fakey fakey. LOL

 

[Ms. Feliz]

As long as it is neat, not dry and crispy - a man will not have a problem with it. The thing that gets me are ladies who want to be broke down and use their hair as an excuse to man bash. No body wants somebody who doesn't manage their grooming.

And yes, the longer (bigger/fluffier/softer) the better.

The same man given the choice between a dull headed thin, see through scalp relaxed head and a full headed, soft and fluffy natural - he'd pick the natural.

**Disclaimer - I am not pro-relaxer or pro-natural.

 

[GabbanaGirl]

Okay so im not alone lol.... I thought I was the only one who noticed the shallowness from our Cali men. I never wore kinky or natural styles untill the last few years so that when I noticed the shift in attitude towards me. I tried to have this dialogue with my friends but im the only one who rocks the "juices and berries" look as they affectionately call it so they couldnt relate.

glad to know im not crazy lol

NO. You are definitely not alone!!! Out of all of my friends, only myself, and my other friend (who is also a LHCF member and showed me to the light) wear kinky/natural styles. The rest have the opinion that it is "tree huggerish" or "unprofessional/unpolished" etc. I happen to like the "Juices & Berries Look" ....hysterical.

 

[softblackcotton]

Natural Hair Wearer in Atlanta

The GOOD: Whenever I wear my hair out in a big afro puff/ afro (which is very, very, very rarely since I'm doing a braid extension regimen), Mexican guys approach, white guys approach, "Mother earthy" black guys approach, ASIAN (?!) guys even approached. I love diversity. I agree with what the girl said earlier that the guys that approach have the utmost respect saying things like "Excuse Miss?" "Good Morning Miss Lady" "How do you do today Beautiful?" "Good Day My Nubian" as opposed to "YO MA!" "SHAAAWWWTTAYYY!" "AAAA CHOCOLATE" "AAAA YOOOOO!!! YO! YO! YO!" Extra bonus: Other naturals approach you for exchange of hair care tips.

THE BAD: Black women with weaves, damaged relaxed, died, fried. laid to the side hair give you the extreme side eyes. African hair braiders chase/stalk you down to give you fliers to "get something done to that hair" When my hair was much shorter I might've heard a under a rude breath whisper from time to time "She need to slap a perm in that mess."

THE UGLY: Just this past New Year's Eve I was so amazed with how big my afro puff had gotten that I wore it to the lounge/bar/resturant where some associates and I went to celebrate. I got so many compliments. However, as I was riding the elevator up with one goon he thought it was wise to say: "You know from the looks of you from head (emphasis on head) to toe, I would think that your name was Dashiki or something." erplexed I believe he said it out of spite, since I refused let him hug me since I don't hug completes strangers. I couldn't get out of that elevator fast enough! Typical "Euro-Centrically" brain-washed Black Male!

 

[PPGbubbles]

Well let me tell you Northern California isn't much better!! I went home for Christmas, back to Oakland, and the first thing I noticed was that I'm the only woman with obviously natural hair there. And I had a 10 inch blown out fro too? Lawd gracious, I was stared at, even though I'd pulled it back. I twisted it for a wedding (for my grandmother's sake, who couldn't stand the thought of my hair all "out" like that). I was relieved to come back to Virginia.

I'll be honest, I don't know that I would have gone natural if I'd stayed home. I think I would've felt too "different" erplexed. But going natural in Northern VA was no problem; I was the last of my friends to go natural so I had plenty of support and my boyfriend lurves it .

I sooo agree with the bolded when i first cut off all the heat damaged ends and went from a straight press and curl APL to ear/nape-length and started rocking the "fly" short kinky styles I saw on YT and here... ppl thought I was crazy! It made me feel very awkward...No one around me was doing the "natural" thing so I definately felt different.

Even now I still feel a bit "out the loop" but not as much as before... I really had to come to terms with who I was as a women and face my insecurites...now you pretty much cant tell me nothing

Crazy thing is the few times I have gone up north lately I have gotten more attention...... well more as opposed to what I do in so cal... There seems to be a bit more awareness or "conciouness" up north....not much just more than in LA and the IE

 

[softblackcotton]

Natural Hair Wearer in Atlanta

The GOOD: Whenever I wear my hair out in (the only styles I do well so far) big afro puff/ afro (which is very, very, very rarely since I'm doing a braid extension regimen), Mexican guys approach, white guys approach, "Mother earthy" black guys approach, ASIAN (?!) guys even approached. I love diversity. I agree with what the girl said earlier that they approach with utmost respect saying things like "Excuse Miss?" "Good Morning Miss Lady" "How do you do today Beautiful?" "Good Day My Nubian"as opposed to "YOOO MAAA!!!" "AAA SHAAAWWWTAAAY!!!" "AAA CHOCOLATE!!!" "YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO!" Extra bonus: Other naturals approach you for exchange of hair care tips.

THE BAD: Black women with very damaged relaxed, died, fried, and laid to the side hair give you the extreme side eyes. African hair braiders chase/stalk you down to give you fliers to "get something done to that hair" When my hair was much shorter I might've heard a rude whisper from time to time "She need to slap a perm in that nappy mess."

THE UGLY: Just this past New Year's Eve I was so amazed with how big my afro puff had gotten that I wore it to the lounge/bar/resturant where some associates and I went to celebrate. I got so many compliments. However, as I was riding the elevator up with one goon he thought it was wise to say: "You know from the looks of you from head (emphasis on head) to toe, I would think that your name was Dashiki or something." erplexed I believe he said it out of spite, since I refused let him hug me since I don't hug complete strangers. I couldn't get out of that elevator fast enough! Typical "Euro-Centrically" brain-washed Black Male!

 

[Lola Laughs]

I soooo agree with black Masterpiece on the above two points!

Now I live in Southern California.... The land of all things plasitc lmao. Im not bashing Cali I love it and I wouldnt trade the weather or the lifestyle for anything... But I know my wonderful state "celebrates" vanity.

Black women with natural hair are not the norm out here... What is the norm is a whole lotta weave lol.

^^^ ITA. I've been in Atl (quickly becoming know as Black Hollywood) for a decade and I've seen a slow but growing appreciation for natural hair. But a weave is quickly becomeing the norm.

I always wonder--are the mass amount of weaves in response to what women think men want, or do men just want it because that's all they see and know? Kind of the chicken and the egg question.

 

[chickory_bee]

I have been natural for several years now (almost 7 years!!) and have had my hair at varying lengths and have worn it in differing styles.

I have noticed that men of African descent (Yes, this does include African American's) usually (80% of the time) prefer seeing my hair in straight styles or something that seems to conform with the stereotypical standard of beauty.

Now, other races seem to have a different reaction, for example, I was walking from the Silver Spring metro to get my hair done at the Dominican salon. I had my natural hair in a fro and I got several positive comments from races other than my own, and a few people in cars at the light, said I looked nice...

My SO used to always tell me that he loves my hair either braided or straight. I told him that God didn't make me with straight hair and to straighten it constantly isn't healthy for my hair. He recently saw someone with traction alopecia from weaves and braids and decided that his NEW favorite hair style is "healthy hair" as he doesn't want me bald!

Also, I have been told that only people with "Good Hair" should go natural...But IMO God didn't make anything "bad" so the concept of good and bad hair is a myth.

 

[sharifeh]

I find that men just like long hair. And I don't think non-black men would necessarily know the difference between relaxed and not relaxed. I didn't realize there was a difference until recently. They just like groomed hair, the longer the better(generally). That's what I've observed. But being in the NYC area, there are lots of women with afros, and textured styles and stuff like that. Sometimes I feel like there's less relaxed women or it's half and half. (I don't actually know any stats) It's pretty cool actually.

 

[Mdmommy99]

^^^ ITA. I've been in Atl (quickly becoming know as Black Hollywood) for a decade and I've seen a slow but growing appreciation for natural hair. But a weave is quickly becomeing the norm.

I always wonder--are the mass amount of weaves in response to what women think men want, or do men just want it because that's all they see and know? Kind of the chicken and the egg question.

I think it's the latter. I think the super long, straight hair is what they always see as beautiful so that's what they want. Before I met DH he didn't like natural hair. Now he doesn't like it when I straighten my hair. I think its just because he's so used to it now that it's what's normal and beautiful to him. I guess it's probably the same for other men also.

 

[thehairmaverick]

i'm sexy.
therefore my hair, being a part of me, is sexy.
and no one can tell me otherwise.

I LOVE THAT LOL!!

 

[chebaby]

most of the men i deal with i have known for years. they have seen me with red hair, light brown hair, and a somewhat orange hair. all of this on bone straight relaxed hair. when i went natural most of them was more concerned with my hair being super short rather than the actual texture. none of the guys ive dated or hang around make negative comments abut my hair or natural hair in general.
most of the guys i know say they love for a woman to wear her hair natural and get rid of all the chemicals and weaves.

 

[Triniwegian]

I met my SO when I was transitioning and he saw my permed hair.
He loves my naural hair and the texture, he doesn't like the thought of chemicals so close to one's brain..lol
But yes, he is my number one supporter on my natural journey.

 

[thehairmaverick]

The first positive comment I got from a stranger was from a black man. He was at the grocery store soliciting for the D.A.R.E program...he had a small fro himself...when I went into the store, I got strange looks and snickering from the black girl at the register and her gay friend. I didn't care tho because I got compliments going in the store and coming out. Besides, I looked cute that day anyway