me and and SO and moving in together...but my mom and a prophet say it will fail

[PanamasOwn]

ok..so me and SO have been together going on 4 years now..we have had our ups and downs...but I wouldnt trade him for the world... technically we have been living together for about 3 years now.. (i had my own place and so did he, but I pretty cooked, showered, slept an did my hair there)

so now, we are wanting to get more serious about life and start saving for our wedding. We found a great place that will help save on gas, and we both can save on rent... BUT my mother disagrees...she loves my BF...even calls him son.. but she feels like it will fail if we move in together.. but she doesnt know, we have lived together for 3 years now....

There is also this lady that my mom goes to...a very strong, wise woman and she can tell you your whole life story just by looking at you...she told me flatout that he wasnt the man for me...!

I have done my own praying and soul searching and God has led me through quite a few jungles...and when I asked for God to show me my husband, I was shown my SO, on more than once occasion... and at first I thought it was just me pushing it, but even when we did have a falling out for some time and I despised him, I was still shown the same thing...

I dunno..I am trusting my instincts..but am kinda scared...I know we will be fine once things get going, I just dont want to create "tension" with my folks...

Has anyone gone through this and made it ? Any encouragement would be great...

 

[poetist]

Have you prayed about whether moving into together is the right move?

 

[PanamasOwn]

Have you prayed about whether moving into together is the right move?

I have..I even asked God to show me where I needed to go if this wasnt right and everytime I do that, my SO does something to show how much more he is committed to US... I even told him I wanted to stop having sex, so we can try to live a better life and at least make sure God is happy with us, despite what the rest of world may feel, and he agrees... (he is never really been big on alot sex, too afraid of getting pregnant)..so I personally feel like I am making the right choice... it just kinda sucks that no one else does

 

[Aveena]

Is it too late to add an anonomous yay or nay poll?

 

[jaiku]

What do you have to lose? If the relationship is going to fail it's going to happen eventually whether you move in together or not. Juist make sure moving in is what you actually want to do.

 

[gone_fishing]

As far as him not being the man for you PERIOD. Well, you need to do your own praying about THAT issue. I wouldn't take anyone's word for it period. If God has SHOWN you that he is the husband to be - then you be comfortable with what God has shown you. If he has really shown that to you - you will be certain. He doesn't leave things vague and confusing...

As for the cohabitating...

Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. But, I do this with love ya know?

I wasn't gonna say anything until you said you prayed about it. That made it an issue to me. I mean if you were just doing this just because you wanted to - I'd have nothing to say about that but implying that God may have shown you it was ok....I don't know about that.

If you're praying to God, I do not believe that he would just up and tell you it's okay to move in with each other prior to marriage.

The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.

If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.

Believe me, I've screwed up. I had sex a few times last summer before we got together and it was difficult to stop even though we were engaged and all that. Our wedding isn't scheduled officially until next Spring but because he wants to cohabitate we will have a small ceremony in March to make things legal and pleasing to God.

You don't have to save up and wait to have some big grandiose wedding. You can have a private small ceremony. And still renew your vows at some huge wedding later or just have a huge reception later when you can afford it. But don't convince yourself that God is behind this decision...I mean...at least I don't believe the God I know would be.

 

[Finesse]

Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. But, I do this with love ya know?

I wasn't gonna say anything until you said you prayed about it. That made it an issue to me. I mean if you were just doing this just because you wanted to - I'd have nothing to say about that but implying that God may have shown you it was ok....I don't know about that.

If you're praying to God, I do not believe that he would just up and tell you it's okay to move in with each other prior to marriage.



Believe me, I've screwed up. I had sex a few times last summer before we got together and it was difficult to stop even though we were engaged and all that. Our wedding isn't scheduled officially until next Spring but because he wants to cohabitate we will have a small ceremony in March to make things legal and pleasing to God.

You don't have to save up and wait to have some big grandiose wedding. You can have a private small ceremony. And still renew your vows at some huge wedding later or just have a huge reception later when you can afford it. But don't convince yourself that God is behind this decision...I mean...at least I don't believe the God I know would be.

^^^^^ Tha truth!!!

 

[PanamasOwn]

Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. But, I do this with love ya know?

If you're praying to God, I do not believe that he would just up and tell you it's okay to move in with each other prior to marriage.

true...but God knows my heart... and his...we are really trying to change to do things better and live a more Christian life..and a man and woman living together is not a sin...it is the acts they commit together that are sin..Im not saying were are perfect and wont mess up...but if God knows our true intentions, wont that be taken in consideration?? Besides I really have no other place to go...IM NOT moving back home...and most of my friends are about to move out of state or getting married and live with their fiance.. its just me and him

 

[gone_fishing]

true...but God knows my heart... and his...we are really trying to change to do things better and live a more Christian life..and a man and woman living together is not a sin...it is the acts they commit together that are sin..Im not saying were are perfect and wont mess up...but if God knows our true intentions, wont that be taken in consideration?? Besides I really have no other place to go...IM NOT moving back home...and most of my friends are about to move out of state or getting married and live with their fiance.. its just me and him

I editted if you want to read the rest. You are supposed to flee from temptation and do you really believe you're going to be able to resist having sex living with each other? I just wouldn't want to put myself in that situation. If he is truly the one for you - why not just get married right now?

 

[nychaelasymone]

Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. But, I do this with love ya know?

If you're praying to God, I do not believe that he would just up and tell you it's okay to move in with each other prior to marriage.

I'd have to agree with this comment. In everything you do, you must honor God. Do you honestly believe God would approve of you living with a man who is not your husband? I don't think so, the bigger testimony would be that you were able to live apart until it was right for you to marry and again, you must really ask if this is what God has for you. What is the heart of God? People are going to talk and have opinions but at the end of the day, God should always be gloried......and as Christians we must stray away from the perception of evil....(I'm not saying shacking is evil) but sin is sin and shacking is not glorifying God.

I'm going to scan my pre-marital class syllabus and post it later....it should help you.

 

[deltagyrl]

ok..so me and SO have been together going on 4 years now..we have had our ups and downs...but I wouldnt trade him for the world... technically we have been living together for about 3 years now.. (i had my own place and so did he, but I pretty cooked, showered, slept an did my hair there)

so now, we are wanting to get more serious about life and start saving for our wedding. We found a great place that will help save on gas, and we both can save on rent... BUT my mother disagrees...she loves my BF...even calls him son.. but she feels like it will fail if we move in together.. but she doesnt know, we have lived together for 3 years now....

There is also this lady that my mom goes to...a very strong, wise woman and she can tell you your whole life story just by looking at you...she told me flatout that he wasnt the man for me...!

I have done my own praying and soul searching and God has led me through quite a few jungles...and when I asked for God to show me my husband, I was shown my SO, on more than once occasion... and at first I thought it was just me pushing it, but even when we did have a falling out for some time and I despised him, I was still shown the same thing...

I dunno..I am trusting my instincts..but am kinda scared...I know we will be fine once things get going, I just dont want to create "tension" with my folks...

Has anyone gone through this and made it ? Any encouragement would be great...

At first I thought you meant that God told you to shack so my face was like . After re-reading your post I think you mean that God showed you he was your husband.

I haven't heard you mention a wedding date or an engagement ring. Be careful b/c lots of women get sucked into the "we're savingfortheimaginaryweddingthatwilltakeplaceaftertheimaginaryengagementthatwill magicallyhappenoncewemoveintogether" thing.

I dunno, Panama. The fact that you felt the need to post this tells me that you probably feel that you shouldn't.

People discourage shackin' for a reason. Sometimes it works, a lotta times it doesn't.

My personal vote is no. Wait until he's legally your husband but you're an adult and you can do what you want.

Good luck to you.

 

[envybeauty]

ok..so me and SO have been together going on 4 years now..we have had our ups and downs...but I wouldnt trade him for the world... technically we have been living together for about 3 years now.. (i had my own place and so did he, but I pretty cooked, showered, slept an did my hair there)

so now, we are wanting to get more serious about life and start saving for our wedding. We found a great place that will help save on gas, and we both can save on rent... BUT my mother disagrees...she loves my BF...even calls him son.. but she feels like it will fail if we move in together.. but she doesnt know, we have lived together for 3 years now....

There is also this lady that my mom goes to...a very strong, wise woman and she can tell you your whole life story just by looking at you...she told me flatout that he wasnt the man for me...!

I have done my own praying and soul searching and God has led me through quite a few jungles...and when I asked for God to show me my husband, I was shown my SO, on more than once occasion... and at first I thought it was just me pushing it, but even when we did have a falling out for some time and I despised him, I was still shown the same thing...

I dunno..I am trusting my instincts..but am kinda scared...I know we will be fine once things get going, I just dont want to create "tension" with my folks...

Has anyone gone through this and made it ? Any encouragement would be great...

If that is true, then why not get married now.

I don't believe that God is leading you to move in with him unwed because then you would have no hesitation regardless of what others say.

 

[CandiceC]

I editted if you want to read the rest. You are supposed to flee from temptation and do you really believe you're going to be able to resist having sex living with each other? I just wouldn't want to put myself in that situation. If he is truly the one for you - why not just get married right now?

Adequate speaks the truth. I wasn't going to comment in this thread either, but since you are praying about the situation, I'd advise you not to live together until you're married to avoid further temptation to fornicate. Also if you have children in the future you'll be able to say you waited until you got married to live together. You may be able to fight off the temptation, but you'll set a good example of a Christian couple by waiting. Part of the Christian walk is setting a good example. If you can't wait, then get married and have a ceremony later.

 

[PanamasOwn]

Im not going to lie..I am having mixed feelings... we come from two VERY different backgrounds...My parents wouldnt mind us getting married right now...but his parents...NO WAY...he is an only child.. heir to their fortune..and all this legal crap... they are paying for his school (architecture), but they are *just* now starting to pull back on things they do for him (i.e. pay his rent, car note, etc...) so here we are at this crossroads... He wouldnt mind getting married either, but he wants to have something to give to me... He wants to be able to support me fully and if were to have child that we didnt plan for..(I respect him for that, cause many guys dont think that way...or at least the ones I know)

I just wish we didnt have that one issue...HIS PARENTS...we would have been married already...

 

[envybeauty]

so wait...they don't mind you shacking up with him, they just mind you marrying him?

 

[deltagyrl]

Im not going to lie..I am having mixed feelings... we come from two VERY different backgrounds...My parents wouldnt mind us getting married right now...but his parents...NO WAY...he is an only child.. heir to their fortune..and all this legal crap... they are paying for his school (architecture), but they are *just* now starting to pull back on things they do for him (i.e. pay his rent, car note, etc...) so here we are at this crossroads... He wouldnt mind getting married either, but he wants to have something to give to me... He wants to be able to support me fully and if were to have child that we didnt plan for..(I respect him for that, cause many guys dont think that way...or at least the ones I know)

I just wish we didnt have that one issue...HIS PARENTS...we would have been married already...

Sounds like a really bad idea. How old are you?

 

[PanamasOwn]

they live in another city...they dont know we are moving in together

and when they visit, they always stay in hotel...I dont know why..thats just how they are

 

[Aveena]

obviously my answer is no don't do it but it's your life. erplexed sorry hun even with the financial aspects ... no.

 

[PanamasOwn]

Sounds like a really bad idea. How old are you?

22...23 in march

 

[CandiceC]

Im not going to lie..I am having mixed feelings... we come from two VERY different backgrounds...My parents wouldnt mind us getting married right now...but his parents...NO WAY...he is an only child.. heir to their fortune..and all this legal crap... they are paying for his school (architecture), but they are *just* now starting to pull back on things they do for him (i.e. pay his rent, car note, etc...) so here we are at this crossroads... He wouldnt mind getting married either, but he wants to have something to give to me... He wants to be able to support me fully and if were to have child that we didnt plan for..(I respect him for that, cause many guys dont think that way...or at least the ones I know)

I just wish we didnt have that one issue...HIS PARENTS...we would have been married already...

How does he relate to his parents? Cause someone's parent can say whatever they want, but he's still grown and can do what he chooses.

Is he dependent on them for financial support? Would he still get this support if you guys were shacking, but they'd cut him off if he got married?

What would change between with his parents now and whenever you guys finish saving up for the wedding?

 

[PanamasOwn]

obviously my answer is no don't do it but it's your life. erplexed sorry hun even with the financial aspects ... no.

thanks for being honest....I have alot to think about...

 

[deltagyrl]

22...23 in march

If you were my little sister I'd start shaking you in 5,4,3,2,1....

What is the RUSH?

 

[CandiceC]

they live in another city...they dont know we are moving in together

and when they visit, they always stay in hotel...I dont know why..thats just how they are

Oh. So you'd be sneaking? That's not a way to start toward building a life together. erplexed

 

[nychaelasymone]

This entire statement has me concerned. Major red flag! Has your SO spoken to his family about your relationship? If so, how do they really feel? Is it a matter of them wanting you guys to wait until he has finished school? As Christians we have to also be mindful that our parents have our best interest at heart and are not always trying to hurt us. I hate to sound presumptious but part of the glory is in the struggle. If its God's will for you to marry, than he'll orchestrate things for it to happen. Why not focus on pleasing God and the rest will happen. I hate to sound harsh or like a know-it all but its true....God will get the glory is you do things the right way..... So what if you have to work 2 jobs to pay your rent (in your own home) and live apart, it will be a bigger testimony. Your SO sounds like a really nice guy, so I understand your pain & struggle.

Im not going to lie..I am having mixed
feelings... we come from two VERY different backgrounds...My parents wouldnt mind us getting married right now...but his parents...NO WAY...he is an only child.. heir to their fortune..and all this legal crap... they are paying for his school (architecture), but they are *just* now starting to pull back on things they do for him (i.e. pay his rent, car note, etc...) so here we are at this crossroads... He wouldnt mind getting married either, but he wants to have something to give to me... He wants to be able to support me fully and if were to have child that we didnt plan for..(I respect him for that, cause many guys dont think that way...or at least the ones I know)

I just wish we didnt have that one issue...HIS PARENTS...we would have been married already...

 

[Shimmie]

Im not going to lie..I am having mixed feelings... we come from two VERY different backgrounds...My parents wouldnt mind us getting married right now...but his parents...NO WAY...he is an only child.. heir to their fortune..and all this legal crap... they are paying for his school (architecture), but they are *just* now starting to pull back on things they do for him (i.e. pay his rent, car note, etc...) so here we are at this crossroads... He wouldnt mind getting married either, but he wants to have something to give to me... He wants to be able to support me fully and if were to have child that we didnt plan for..(I respect him for that, cause many guys dont think that way...or at least the ones I know)

I just wish we didnt have that one issue...HIS PARENTS...we would have been married already...

Moving in with him is already showing the signs of failure. He's dependent upon his parents for support. (Ummmm, this is not 'adult' - it's time for him to take care of himself). He'll make it. It takes one step at a time.

Moving in together as opposed to marriage is still going to have his parents dis-own him simply because they are using THEIR money as control over his life. A real man would 'get away' from that control as fast as he can. If he really wants to give you the world, he'll find a way outside of them and anyone else supporting him.

He needs to grow up and before he can make any kind of liviing arrangements with you. He's still living like a baby. Trust me, I've been there and so have many other women.

A real man stands on his own, no matter how much mud or dirt he has to walk through, he stands on his own...not anyone else.

Love and blessings, angel. You deserve better...and better is not so far away.

 

[CandiceC]

This entire statement has me concerned. Major red flag! Has your SO spoken to his family about your relationship? If so, how do they really feel? Is it a matter of them wanting you guys to wait until he has finished school? As Christians we have to also be mindful that our parents have our best interest at heart and are not always trying to hurt us. I hate to sound presumptious but part of the glory is in the struggle. If its God's will for you to marry, than he'll orchestrate things for it to happen. Why not focus on pleasing God and the rest will happen. I hate to sound harsh or like a know-it all but its true....God will get the glory is you do things the right way..... So what if you have to work 2 jobs to pay your rent (in your own home) and live apart, it will be a bigger testimony. Your SO sounds like a really nice guy, so I understand your pain & struggle.

I totally agree!

I didn't realize you guys were that young. You have plenty of time. Do things God's way and he'll have everything fall into place. It won't always be easy, but you'll feel good about it. And no sneaking around!

 

[nychaelasymone]

so well stated Ms. Shimmie.......

Moving in with him is already showing the signs of failure. He's dependent upon his parents for support. (Ummmm, this is not 'adult' - it's time for him to take care of himself). He'll make it. It takes one step at a time.

Moving in together as opposed to marriage is still going to have his parents dis-own him simply because they are using THEIR money as control over his life. A real man would 'get away' from that control as fast as he can. If he really wants to give you the world, he'll find a way outside of them and anyone else supporting him.

He needs to grow up and before he can make any kind of liviing arrangements with you. He's still living like a baby. Trust me, I've been there and so have many other women.

A real man stands on his own, no matter how much mud or dirt he has to walk through, he stands on his own...not anyone else.

Love and blessings, angel. You deserve better...and better is not so far away.

 

[Tallone]

If you have to sneak and keep it hush hush then its not worth it. You know you can continue to work on your relationship without cohabitating. Thats just playing married. Cow, free milk, all that jazz? If you feel that strongly and HE DOES TOO, go ahead and get married.
You are both grown, you can make decisions independent of your parents. But be sure you OWN those decisions and consequences.
<<INSERT THUNDER HERE>>
JK

 

[poetist]

This entire statement has me concerned. Major red flag! Has your SO spoken to his family about your relationship? If so, how do they really feel? Is it a matter of them wanting you guys to wait until he has finished school? As Christians we have to also be mindful that our parents have our best interest at heart and are not always trying to hurt us. I hate to sound presumptious but part of the glory is in the struggle. If its God's will for you to marry, than he'll orchestrate things for it to happen. Why not focus on pleasing God and the rest will happen. I hate to sound harsh or like a know-it all but its true....God will get the glory is you do things the right way..... So what if you have to work 2 jobs to pay your rent (in your own home) and live apart, it will be a bigger testimony. Your SO sounds like a really nice guy, so I understand your pain & struggle.

THis is the truth. It's hard because you're young and want to do things your way, but in time, you'll realize that that's not what the Christian walk is about.

I think we rely too heavily on the "God knows my heart" clause. God is looking at your heart AND your actions. Your heart will tell you what to do. Whether you'll follow or not is the question.

I have a close friend who wanted to get married. She and her SO were planning to move in to save money on rent and get married. My pastor told them not to. That it was a test and they had to have faith.
They decided that they would get an apt, my friend would move in and her SO would move back in with his parents until they got married. Sure, it looked like they were taking a step backwards. Just read some of the posts on here or talk to your friends...no one want a grown man who is living with mommy and daddy.

Needless to say, since he honored God, God honored him with a new job and doubled his salary. They got married and now have twins.

 

[MissScarlett]

At first I thought you meant that God told you to shack so my face was like . After re-reading your post I think you mean that God showed you he was your husband.

I haven't heard you mention a wedding date or an engagement ring. Be careful b/c lots of women get sucked into the "we're savingfortheimaginaryweddingthatwilltakeplaceaftertheimaginaryengagementthatwill magicallyhappenoncewemoveintogether" thing.

I dunno, Panama. The fact that you felt the need to post this tells me that you probably feel that you shouldn't.

People discourage shackin' for a reason. Sometimes it works, a lotta times it doesn't.

My personal vote is no. Wait until he's legally your husband but you're an adult and you can do what you want.

Good luck to you.

I hear this over and over again. And again and over and over and over. So what happens is, you move in......don't get married, you're still saving.

If a man is on the fence at all about getting married, he will stay on it with any little obstacle that comes up and try and put it off and off. He might be agreeable now but later once you're living there, its easier to appease you and say "ok next year" "and ok next year" He has no fear of losing you because you are already there.

.........then OOPS life happens, perhaps you get pregnant, guess what? And then you're still not getting married, because you still can't save cause now you have a baby and then now there is less pressure on him, you're living there, you're probably not going anywhere...but HE can.....I see it ALOT.

I don't agree with it. ITA with delta, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I find it interesting though that there is a true fact out there that the people that more often get divorced are the ones that lived together before marriage. I wonder if its that whole me/you thinking that doesn't transfer over into us/we when the marriage comes.

And about the savings. Well the savings of gas and a couple of bucks on rent isn't worth sacrificing something you *MIGHT* not get and that's the respect of marriage. If you really want to save, cut down on expenses and make a FIRM plan on what date you're getting married, etc.

Good luck, keep your standards high. If you have to wait to get married to 'get yourselves together' then its probably best you don't move in now and get married until both parties are where they need to be.