Married woman's sexuality

[melodee]

For those married women on this forum, how to you feel about/approach your sexuality? My husband is totally in love with me physically, but I struggle with perfectionism. I am not really out of shape or anything, but I'm not the tiny girl I was when we married and kids have kind of changed things.

May I share? After having my first, I became depressed because my body did not go back to the way it looked prepregnancy. My husband would get so angy that i was depressed over this, because he didn't see anything wrong.

Well, I am better, but not over this. I know the Lord does not want me to feel this way, but I lament over imprefections.

What do you guys think?


Also, we have a very healthy relationship despite my little rants. I hear that many couples stop having physical realtionships after a few years. I have Christian friends who aren't as intimate as we are. What kind of relationship do you have.

 

[webby]

I can relate 200%. I have been wanting to start this topic, but was too chickened.

 

[melodee]

Webby, I am chicken too. But I'm glad I put it out there. I know y'all won't laugh.

 

[webby]

Webby, I am chicken too. But I'm glad I put it out there. I know y'all won't laugh.

Never

I'm so bad that despite losing close to 70 pounds, I don't want my hubby near me I feel awful about that, but I feel awful about how I look too.

 

[good2uuuu]

I can totally realte. These issues run deep, but, having been 60+ pounds heavier and still about 25 or so pounds from where I want to be, I still do what I gotta do becuase no matter how strong a christian and how committed my husband is to me and to God, no need of me denying him because of my hangups. No need for me to open a door to temptation for him when that is not necessary. I'm going to 'do it' and 'do it' gladly. Because of his profession and persoanality I know there are women out there who would jump at the chance to get him if possible. Did I mention how much I HATE my thighs? And my saggy boobs from breatsfeeding two and going up and down in the bra cup size area? And did I also mention that my husband couldn't care less about these things because he loves my body regardless of how it looks? He actually fusses when I talk about wanting a boob lift, tummy tuck, etc.

Ladies, let's pray that God will help up overcome the hangups and insecurities. I believe it is another ploy of the devil to drive a wedge between us and our spouses. He has done everything to destroy marriage and the family, so let's not give him a chance to get us also. You know sex is the first place the devil witll try to get us.

 

[melodee]

I can totally realte. These issues run deep, but, having been 60+ pounds heavier and still about 25 or so pounds from where I want to be, I still do what I gotta do becuase no matter how strong a christian and how committed my husband is to me and to God, no need of me denying him because of my hangups. No need for me to open a door to temptation for him when that is not necessary. I'm going to 'do it' and 'do it' gladly. Because of his profession and persoanality I know there are women out there who would jump at the chance to get him if possible. Did I mention how much I HATE my thighs? And my saggy boobs from breatsfeeding two and going up and down in the bra cup size area? And didi I alos mentiont hat my husband couldn't care less about these things because he loves my body regardless of how it looks? He actually fusses when I talk about wanting a boob lift, tummy tuck, etc.

Ladies, let's pray that God will help up overcome the hangups and insecurities. I believe it is another ploy of the devil to drive a wedge between us and our spouses. He has done everything to destroy marriage and the family, so let's not give him a chance to get us also. You know sex is the first place the devil witll try to get us.

Yes! Someone who knows how I feel about these issues AND what GOD says about them. My husband and I have a good sex life, but I'm always asking him about cosmetic surgery. I can't beleive that he isn't looking at my imperfections, no matter how small they may be. It's like I have anorexia he says, I'm making a big thing out of nothing. But to me, it's big.


Goodtuyou, I will be in prayer for you, Webby, and any others who struggle with body image insecurities. Please be in prayer for me.

 

[LondonDiva]

I'm not married. But from an outsider lookin in you 3 ladies are all sexy stunners. And Webby, you had it going on right up until you had your lil man. I'm not going to tell you not to worry about it because we all see things within ourselves that we don't like and that's easier said than done. I pray that you guys can come to terms and overcome your physical insecurities. Lord knows I need to sort mine out also.

 

[webby]

Mel, Good and LD thank you for the encouragement.
This thread really hit the nail on the head for me. It's so funny how we may feel as if we are the only one's feeling a certain way, then someone else opens up the can of worms.

Yes, let us pray for one another and not assume that even if we lost all of our weight tomorrow, that we would not have to overcome issues pertaining to our self-image

 

[melodee]

I will pray girl. And it's not even the weight issue for me. I've always been small (except when pregnant). But I still struggle with not looking like the 105 lb. 34b 24 inch waist , size 3 girl I was I married.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Well ladies, I have learned through trail and era that its not about physical appearance it's about whether or not you have self confindence. I spent a year of my marraige worrying about appearance and weight because I no longer was the size 2-4 that I used to be. My husband absolutely loved to 25lb weight gain and told me all the time that I was sexy. The only thing I saw was an overweight pig. It does affect the way you feel in intimate situations.

Through prayer I gained self confidence and learned to love my 130lb+ self. Once my self confidence rose I began to see myself as an attractive sexy person. I have been that way since and my husband eats it up. Our love life has never been better and we are almost at 11 beautiful years on marraige.

Overcoming physical iinsecurites can be a struggle especially if your self esteem has been low most of your life. I have learned to look in the mirror and love myself unconditionally. Its a hard thing to do. Once you are able to overcome this a whole new wonderful world will open up to you and people will be drawn to you because of the confidence. Your husband won't be able to keep his hands off you!

 

[webby]

Well ladies, I have learned through trail and era that its not about physical appearance it's about whether or not you have self confindence. I spent a year of my marraige worrying about appearance and weight because I no longer was the size 2-4 that I used to be. My husband absolutely loved to 25lb weight gain and told me all the time that I was sexy. The only thing I saw was an overweight pig. It does affect the way you feel in intimate situations.

Funny thing is my husband has hinted around that he prefers me with some "meat" and I KNOW that I should be appreciative, but it's me and my perception of myself that gets in the way.

I was a size 4-6, couldn't gain weight if I wanted to, then I suddenly was thrust into this new body, new shape and didn't recognize myself at all. I even have friends who comment about my "wash-board" stomach after gaining so much weight during my pregnancy, but it's not enough.

I prayed about this last night, because I pray for others and never pray for me. This really did need to be discussed, because it's something I've thought about for a long time.

 

[redeemed516]

Ladies, I can totally relate!! I am 24 (will be 25 next monday YEA!!) with one child and I used to totally [bold]HATED[/bold] my body. I was depressed because I didn't look the way I used to. I would be sooo down and hard on myself and I would stress myself even more. I went almost 2 weeks eating almost nothing. My husband used to have to force me to eat!!!! [bold]SATAN HAD ME BOUND!![/bold] I was sooooo wrapped up in the way i looked, thinking that my husband wouldn't be attracked to me.

But [bold]THANK GOD FOR DELIVERENCE!![/bold] Through prayer and revelation God showed me that I was beautiful and that i didn't have to worry about being skinny. He showed me that I needed to be healthy enough to serve him. With the way I was depressed I couldn't serve Him. I wasn't caring for my family and I was driving my husband away because we weren't even being close,let alone intimate. But God brought me through. My goal is to be healthy HIM. He set my husband up especially for me. I gained a good 65-70 lbs while pregnant. I was over 200 when i had my pooh. That was a year ago and daily God encourages me and reasures me. Satan will take the smalles imperfections and BLOW THEM WAY OUT OF PROPORTION!!! He attacks our weaknesses and in this case uses them in an attempt to wreck our marriages. I really wish I could explain how God lead me through and out of that state of mind. I can't put it into words, but I know it was Him!!

I think that one of the great things about being married to someone in Christ and being in Christ yourself is that you can take everything to God and know that if you tell your spouse something is bothering you they will do the same and / or do it with you. My husband was a big support and encouragment.

 

[ThickHair]

I am totally grossed about about my weight but DH can not keep his hands off of me and I do not understand it. I feel like I am cheating him out of something because I am not the shaply type woman. I KNOW that it is all in my head but it is a very nagging item.

 

[melodee]

Anyone find some scripture on sexuality and body image?

 

[melodee]

Quote:
Satan will take the smalles imperfections and BLOW THEM WAY OUT OF PROPORTION!!! He attacks our weaknesses and in this case uses them in an attempt to wreck our marriages.

Yes, girl he will do that. My husband tells me that is so. I am also temptedto feel this way because I have an eighteen year old sister who looks as I did at her age and wears little clothes and doesn't have to go out of her mind finding a perfect minimizer/support bra. She is not in my stage of life, and often talks about how women my age are "showing their age" and look saggy etc. The devil uses that against me.

 

[MSee]

I am so glad I'm not the only one going through this. When I got back to work 3 months after having my daughter I was stunned at the reaction I got from people. It seems like everyone liked my new figure (actually I don't mind the butt ). I still feel I looked much better before and feel self conscious undressing infront of my DH. Added to that I had a hormonal imbalance for several months after and my self image shrivelled. The strange thing is that when I was pregnant many ladies were very negative to me with their comments about my weight but I was determined to enjoy every aspect of my pregnancy so I began looking at myself everymorning and said "I am a healthy, sexy, beautiful pregnant woman" until I actually believed it and it seems like people around me started believing it too but now I struggle with my image. My husband doesn't know why and I don't think I can explain.

Psalms 139 has been a help when I can get the negatives out of my head. Especially verse 14 "I will praise thee; for I amfearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well"

I am determined to get over this insecurity though and I have actually experienced the power of using God's word when one night while actually feeling half hearted about my husbands desires I remembered the verse "Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled" I was suddenly liberated .

I have heard it said that to love our neighbour as ourself we must first love ourself and I believe to give my self without reservation to my husband I must start accepting my body and do what I can to keep it healthy and fit and not debase the parts that are not picture perfect. I will be praying for us all.

 

[Phoenix]

I used to struggle with this issue a lot. I don't have any kids, but a while back I gained about 30 lbs. It's funny because my husband says that he can't really tell when I gain weight. He says the way he knows I'm gaining weight is that I stop letting him see me naked.

Lately his love of my body has helped me appreciate it more. If he loves my body with all its flaws, I should be able to too. When it comes down to it, women are much more judgmental about our bodies than men are. The average man doesn't mind a woman with some meat on her bones.

But I am worried about what will happen when I do have kids and when I start to age. I KNOW that I am going to want a breast-lift and tummy tuck if those areas start to sag after I have kids.

 

[options]

Can we please not let this thread die? It could be so interesting.

I feel much different about my body since I had a baby. I have lost all of my weight and am back in shape, but I feel different.

 

[Supergirl]

Can we please not let this thread die? It could be so interesting.

I feel much different about my body since I had a baby. I have lost all of my weight and am back in shape, but I feel different.

different how? Please share more.

 

[Honeyhips]

I will look. But I have a guy friend who has stated over and over that it is confidence that makes a woman. I have to admit I'm jealous of plus size ladies that feels sexy and fabulous. (not the ones who look sloppy and trashy).

Anyone find some scripture on sexuality and body image?

I was going through some of the books my mother has and a few seemed like they'd be a good starting point.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0884194876/ref=sid_dp_dp/103-5073029-2678210?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance
one of the chapters is you are not what you weight. I haven't read it, but I think I might start tonite. My problem is I'm trying to read 30 books at once.

Woman love your body (and let your husband love it too!) Apostle Louis S. Greenup Jr.









(you know I didn't realize the wisdom I had all around me if I read this stuff when I was younger I wouldn't have gone through half the mess, no, I'll say all the mess I've gone through),

 

[melodee]

Options, I know what you are talking about by feeling different. There are various battle scars that occur. You may lose all the weight, but it's distributed a bit differently.

 

[Honeyhips]

that seems so unfair to me. what kind of battle wounds do men get. seems like women get the brunt of everything. I know I need to change my thinking, but sometimes it is easy for me to fall into this.

Options, I know what you are talking about by feeling different. There are various battle scars that occur. You may lose all the weight, but it's distributed a bit differently.

 

[MSee]

Options, I know what you are talking about by feeling different. There are various battle scars that occur. You may lose all the weight, but it's distributed a bit differently.

Yeah. I got stretch marks on my breast and upper thigh of all places. I was fortunate not to get them on the tommy, but everytime I look at my breasts I see droop and lines. By the way I read somewhere that women in the past used lavender oil to firm their breast after pregnancy. Have anyone else heard this?? Even if it is true I am not supposed to use lavender oil because I have low blood pressure and that's a contraindication to its use

 

[options]

I feel different in that no matter how many people tell me I look good (some even think I look better than pre-baby), I just don't feel that way. I know the scale says I weigh what I used to, and I am even back in my "skinny" jeans, but I do not feel the same.

Before I had my baby, I was very, very sexual. I'd say almost hypersexed. I thought about it probably as frequently and in as many ways as men stereotypically do.

Now it seems like I now prefer sleep to sex. And it seems like it takes me MUCH longer to get aroused and ready. Plus, I find myself trying to cover up my body, especially my breasts, because they have shrunken and lost volume - and I didn't even breastfeed.

It really makes me sad sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna cry.

 

[melodee]

Yeah. I got stretch marks on my breast and upper thigh of all places. I was fortunate not to get them on the tommy, but everytime I look at my breasts I see droop and lines. By the way I read somewhere that women in the past used lavender oil to firm their breast after pregnancy. Have anyone else heard this?? Even if it is true I am not supposed to use lavender oil because I have low blood pressure and that's a contraindication to its use

Millie, what you're experiencing is very normal. As far as firming, there are things to try, but alas, nothing will bring back the old breasts. What we need to do now is look at ourselves as perfect beings created by God to mature in this way. Our created designed us so that our bodies would go through changes as we mature-men and woman.
My pastor compares our physical states to that of a rose- at first a tiny undeveloped bud, then blossoming into a beautiful full bloom, and then eventually petals start to droop....
But this is how God made us. I don't quite understand it, maybe He's preparing us to be "wowed" when our glorified body finds its way to us. I am praying that I, as well as you guys, can get to that place where we are secure and confident that we are beautiful with the flaws. You see,as a perfectionist, I tend to zero in on flaws instead of counting up the assets. Many people say "you are perfect--pretty face and nice shape". When in my mind I struggle with accepting it. My mind thinks "yeah, but I see little tiny lines where there were none five years ago".

God knew exactly what I was going to look like at 30 when I was in the womb. And He knows what is in store for me at 40,50,60 and beyond (unless He takes me home and then who will be countin').

 

[melodee]

What do your husbands say when you show insecurity about your bodies? Do they pray for this? Do they get angry? Do they comment on the flaws ever? Do they praise your body?

 

[options]

What do your husbands say when you show insecurity about your bodies? Do they pray for this? Do they get angry? Do they comment on the flaws ever? Do they praise your body?

I don't know if my husband prays on it or not, but when I have expressed dissatisfaction, his emotional response ranges from telling me how beautiful I am to getting frustrated by my continued self-consciousness. He doesn't think I have any physical flaws. I think we as women are much more critical of ourselves than men are, but when we do not feel good about how we look - no matter how petty someone else might think the complaint is - it does affect how we interact and relate to not only ourselves but the man in our lives.

 

[MSee]

Thanks Melodee. We certainly need to encourage each other. I am on a quest to accept my body and glorify God in it. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit and as Jesus said "It is not what goes into the body that defiles it but what comes out" I believe negative speaking does me more harm than accepting the natural changes.

My husband has no problem with my body.

 

[EbonynIvory]

When my husband and I met, I was a size 3. Before I got pregnant with our first child I was a size 5/6 and after the first child was born I wore a size 10 for almost a year. After the second child was born, I wore a size 8 and now I am in a size 6.

I have a lot of hangups about my body, i.e. stretchmarks, acne, uneven skin, sagging boobs, everything that goes with having children. My husband is always telling me that to him I am beautiful. I have started to buy myself cute outfits that I have always wanted to wear but was afraid to because of what I thought other people would say. Sometimes for me, wearing a new outfit, having a manicure and pedicure, getting my hair done really puts me into overdrive and I have this awsome feeling about myself and it makes me feel really sexy. I may not have the Janet Jackson boobs, or the J-Lo or Beyonce butt, but with what I have, I intend to strut my stuff even if it is for my husband.

For those married women on this forum, how to you feel about/approach your sexuality? My husband is totally in love with me physically, but I struggle with perfectionism. I am not really out of shape or anything, but I'm not the tiny girl I was when we married and kids have kind of changed things.

May I share? After having my first, I became depressed because my body did not go back to the way it looked prepregnancy. My husband would get so angy that i was depressed over this, because he didn't see anything wrong.

Well, I am better, but not over this. I know the Lord does not want me to feel this way, but I lament over imprefections.

What do you guys think?


Also, we have a very healthy relationship despite my little rants. I hear that many couples stop having physical realtionships after a few years. I have Christian friends who aren't as intimate as we are. What kind of relationship do you have.

 

[webby]

What do your husbands say when you show insecurity about your bodies? Do they pray for this? Do they get angry? Do they comment on the flaws ever? Do they praise your body?

My husband has got to be one of the most supportive, considerate people I have ever met. He recognized that I had an eating disorder and worked through that with me. When I gained the 90 pounds during my pregnancy, he was just as supportive.

He compliments me all of the time and tells me that he understands that I need to feel comfortable with my own body, but says that "He is proud of me for working so hard to lose weight, but he actually enjoys me with some weight."

So, my issue really is MY issue, not his.