MARRIED LADIES

Iammoney

Iammoney

Wealth magnet
Question for the married ladies ?
For every time that you and your husband have an argument do you seek advice from outsiders in how to handle your situation ? Or do you handle it amongst you and your husband exclusively ? please give reasons to why and why not.


TIA
 
I am married, and I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER tell people my business. It is just not good business. If you don't won't your friends and family to remember all of the bad (and believe me they will) about you spouse, you will be better served not telling them about your problems. I mean I think the rule is that you never tell others about your relationship, but that is the rule. There are exceptions to the rule, but I would not bet on it.
 
Sorry I'm not married.
But I do not recommend going outside of your marriage for "counsel" unless the situation you're arguing about is so ridiculous/strange that you need an outside opinion.

And even then that "counsel or consultation" should only be with a trusted friend/family member.

Just my humble opinion
 
Not anymore. I used to be like, "Outside opinions are good."

But then when you and DH make up everybody else still has the screwface on him, expecting me to hold a grudge for 80,000 years.

Not to mention the choruses of "Girl, I'd leave him" and "I could never put up with that". Some folks don't realize you may be able to up and leave a BF but marriage is a whole 'nother ballgame and headache.

I have a few close friends that I can depend on to give me objective opinions and to never judge. But I remain for the most part tight lipped now. It was hard. I'm an open person...
 
My BFFFFFF was visiting last weekend and when I told her DH and I have never had a real argument she was FLOORED (knowing ME. LOL). We have our little spats or as I call them debates...I never take my pistivity with him out of the house. I keep it between us until he realizes that I was right all along. LMAO

WHEN we do end up having a real argument, I'll keep it the same. I've never been one to "runteldat." I handle my issues with the person directly...I don't need anyone on the outside looking in trying to assess or manipulate my circumstance.
 
To me it depends on what the argument is about. If it's that serious, I would talk to my Pastor or even seek a marriage counselor, but definitely not a family member or friend. Some things are meant to remain personal. Now if the argument leads to abuse, then tell someone and get the heck out!


We handle things ourselves, because it's never that serious. Usually something we can't agree upon:wallbash: 99% I win, because I got the GOODS:grin:
 
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I have been married for a while now.
We have had some real ups and downs
Never tell anyone -- Married couples should not allow outside opions
Learn to trust yourself.
 
I peep game on the whole don't tell your business to the streets thing. I was like that for a long time. Minor complaints to friends and fam here and there but the real deal stuff I kept in...
But when things went south for awhile, I felt so isolated and alone. I felt so much relief when I finally started to tell people what was going on... and it helped me to realize I wasn't crazy (which my dh was trying to convice me I was).
I am still married to the same man, and I dont tell all the business to everyone... but I do confide in one of my good girlfriend almost everything.
I guess I have a lot of growing up to do and our relationship has a loooonngg way to go.

I have learned that men can sometimes distort the picture and play off of your insecurities, deplete your resources and not add anything to the pot. I'm not ready to put myself in a situation like that again. Staying faithful, taking care of my kids and keeping my house clean is all I can offer right now- and I think that that is plenty for where we are right now.
sorry about the OT rant... yes... I selectively tell my business...
 
I'm not married but I think you should keep as many people out your rlp (whether you're married, dating, or just long term rlp) as possible.
 
Yes, keep people out! Especially family. They will hold grudges, they were not there when you worked things out, so they don't understand why you let things go...
Not to mention when we are upset we tend to paint things in our favor and exaggerate. Sometimes even say things we don't mean.

Also, I would hate it if every time we fought somebody out there is looking at me knowing what we fought about and passing judgment on me and seeing me as the bad guy because that is how it was painted to him.

Sometimes too, people will give you the whole "leave him, girl" speech when it really isn't that serious. Or even if it is marriage is a HUGE commitment.

I would advise that you keep it between the two of you and if you must involve a 3rd party:
1. Let it be someone who is a mutual friend.
2. Let it be agreed between the two of you that this is your go-to person.
3. This better be someone both of you would trust with your life
4. Someone who is a friend of the marriage - they want it to succeed.
5. someone you know who will not spread your business around town
6. Only consult this person when the two of you cannot solve the issue between yourselves.
 
I was married for ten years. I learned early on to keep my business to myself. However, there were times when I NEEDED to talk and get feedback. Those were the times I talked with a TRUSTED friend and my parents. I was confident they would tell me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear.

You have to decide when you need to talk to an outsider. However, those times should be far and in between.
 
If you think the issue is too big to handle...talk to your husband and talk to God. Pray together. Prayers can help you grow closer and keep your business off the streets.
 
My DH and I are serious about hashing out arguments between the two of us. We are not big on adding others to our relationship. Sometimes I slip and say something to a friend but I catch myself real fast. I'm just not comfortable with telling others about it. I do however have a true friend who I tell almost everything to. She is like a sister and we have been there for each other. I trust her for advice and vice versa.
 
I agree with MsPretty and Crittle....trust me, my sister whose not marrierd unlike me, remembers EVERYTHING NEGATIVE about my biz between dh and I...she has taught me a valuable lesson about talking about personal issues. I thought I could trust here but as soon as she had the opportunity, she put my biz on blast...her anger towards me showed me she has some jealousy issues towards me that I've never thought she'd have. Critter I know exactly what you mean...
If things get to out of hand and you want a 3rd party, maybe a marriage counselor may help, someone whose not a friend, family, pastor....this one can be iffy, since gossip goes on in church and just when you think you can talk to them....:drunk:.
I have a journal- I talk to the Lord...I write to him and only him. I haven't wrote in it in a hot minute, but if I have a prayer or some confessions I need to get out, I jot it down just for him. I do leave out certain things I feel that will get read and I know I just want to be between me and Him and I keep it out of sight and out of mind, sort of speak. It helps me.
 
BillsBackerz67 said:
If I were married I would ONLY ask my mom for an opinion because she is unbiased.
Click to expand...

This is a lesson I've learned over the years. When I've told my friends stuff, there have been occasions where the information that was given in confidence was used against me. But with my mom, I've told her some really heavy stuff over the years and she has never used it against me, and she's never been biased. She may give her honest advice, but after that she leaves it up to me, and she supports me in doing so. I also confide in my DH's aunt. Those are the two women who have helped me in our ugliest times, and they cheered us on during the best times.
 
I tell my other friend (who is getting married in 3 weeks) and my twin sister. I HAVE to tell someone. I am so much of a better person if I am able to vent about my frustrations. I have a tendency to become passive-aggressive about things if I hold them in. If it's the first time me letting go and I explode, I may say
(or do) something that may seriously harm our rel. Like, right now, we are going through some serious issues. I was contemplating asking advice on the board, but this very argument has gotten in teh way of me doing that.

I don't want two years from now someone bring it up in an argument. The women on this board remember everything!

Anywho, yeah I have two people I tell. Mianly my twin because she needs to know why I may sound a certain way when I call, or why I may not want to talk at the moment.
 
I'm newly married and I just don't know? I don't like not saying anything but if I do say anything it is automatically too much. When we first got married my Grandmother told me to keep it all to myself but I like to Yada Ya with my girlfriends.

I have a mentor who has watched me grow up and I respect her marriage and she is just heaven sent to me. I tell her the deep issues that have been affecting my marriage and me and I seek her counsel when I need to know how to be a better Christian wife. I love her and she has been invaluable to me during the begining of my marriage.

I know that God directs her counsel, but I do know that as I grow closer to God and my husband I will be better equipped to handle marriage
 
If I really, really need guidance with something I have people I can ask that are mature enough to handle it. Meaning they will be objective, tell me the truth even if I am wrong, and won't tell my business. These people are not your everyday people and none of them are family. They have been tried and tested. You have to be careful because some people will just side with you automatically. Also, they are not there for the making up so they will still hold grudges against your spouse. And they are married as well most of them longer than us. Now I would never tell anything that would embarrass him. We would probably seek that type of advice together or with our Pastor. But I think it is important to have someone to talk to if you really need help with something only after you guys have tried to work it out on your own. Q
 
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