Married ladies share post-wedding thoughts! (Do's & Dont's)

[naturalgyrl5199]

Now that you are married, what's the best choices you made in the planning process and the thing you wish you'd either left out, wish you'd included...Definite DO and Definite DONT'S

Hopefully our bride-to-be's can find this useful!
I really enjoyed my wedding, it was on time, and I would do it again if I could.

Wedding date:
DO:
DON'T:

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Wedding date: 3/3/07---Just Celebrated 5 Years!

DO:

1. Hire a planner if you need to! I did b/c I was in graduate school, working on research & writing, working part time as a TA, and doing an internship....I do a lot, but I'm not superwoman! She was worth EVERY PENNY!

2. Invest in a good photographer! I found a physics professor who was breaking into the business. We got a 2000.00 job for 800.00. Now he is demanding and making 2500-3000K/wedding....soooo worth it. If you go cheap, see examples of his work...He had just done some friends wedding a few months prior to ours, and his work even then was great....Remember, these are the only memories and best you'll have from your day. The day is really fast and is a blur. Looking at beautiful finished photos will let you re-live your special day....
3. Create a budget and stick to it from day 1! Include extra (500-1000) for incidentals and fluff. We came 1000 under budget and had NO debt after the wedding, except the 400.00 for the hotel stay that we put on CC. We took about 800.00 in wedding gift cash with us to our honeymoon....

4. Pay ahead and pay cash if you can! Hubby opened a Helzberg account and put my rings on it. He was paying that off by the time he proposed. We picked his ring and put it on that account (I gave him cash for his ring so he can make the payments since he had the account) and paid it ALL off 3 mos before the wedding...BEFORE interest was charged! Helzberg was running a deal on jewelry and delaying interest for new customers....
5. KEEP receipts and records....be anal about documentation.

DON'T:
1. Don't be late. its your day but the presence of guests make the wedding. The guests are doing you a favor not the other way around. We spread the word that we were starting ON TIME and we did. I coordinated my family members to come at a certain time to be seated and they did great. So did his. I designated an aunt to handle the whole crew. That way my ushers...who didn't know my family members but knew they were coming early had them in place when guests arrived. PLUS...every1 still says to this day...now timely and smooth my wedding was....I know a girl who was 2.5 hours late with no real reason why. The wedding was beautiful but people were pissed. Took away from all her effort....Not hot.com.

2. Don't stress. Its just one day. You have a whole lifetime to live together.
3. Don't be a bridezilla....nuff said.
4. Don't be cheap. If you can't afford a certain detail, a cheap substitute is just that...unless you create it from hand and it LOOKS expensive. If not, leave it out.

 

[stephluv]

Wedding date: 3/3/01---Just Celebrated 5 Years!

DO:

1. Hire a planner if you need to! I did b/c I was in graduate school, working on research & writing, working part time as a TA, and doing an internship....I do a lot, but I'm not superwoman! She was worth EVERY PENNY!

2. Invest in a good photographer! I found a physics professor who was breaking into the business. We got a 2000.00 job for 800.00. Now he is demanding and making 2500-3000K/wedding....soooo worth it. If you go cheap, see examples of his work...He had just done some friends wedding a few months prior to ours, and his work even then was great....Remember, these are the only memories and best you'll have from your day. The day is really fast and is a blur. Looking at beautiful finished photos will let you re-live your special day....
3. Create a budget and stick to it from day 1! Include extra (500-1000) for incidentals and fluff. We came 1000 under budget and had NO debt after the wedding, except the 400.00 for the hotel stay that we put on CC. We took about 800.00 in wedding gift cash with us to our honeymoon....

4. Pay ahead and pay cash if you can! Hubby opened a Helzberg account and put my rings on it. He was paying that off by the time he proposed. We picked his ring and put it on that account (I gave him cash for his ring so he can make the payments since he had the account) and paid it ALL off 3 mos before the wedding...BEFORE interest was charged! Helzberg was running a deal on jewelry and delaying interest for new customers....
5. KEEP receipts and records....be anal about documentation.

DON'T:
1. Don't be late. its your day but the presence of guests make the wedding. The guests are doing you a favor not the other way around. We spread the word that we were starting ON TIME and we did. I coordinated my family members to come at a certain time to be seated and they did great. So did his. I designated an aunt to handle the whole crew. That way my ushers...who didn't know my family members but knew they were coming early had them in place when guests arrived. PLUS...every1 still says to this day...now timely and smooth my wedding was....I know a girl who was 2.5 hours late with no real reason why. The wedding was beautiful but people were pissed. Took away from all her effort....Not hot.com.

2. Don't stress. Its just one day. You have a whole lifetime to live together.
3. Don't be a bridezilla....nuff said.
4. Don't be cheap. If you can't afford a certain detail, a cheap substitute is just that...unless you create it from hand and it LOOKS expensive. If not, leave it out.

Never been married or engaged but I have walked in over 20 weddings and I can tell you that all the above is true!!
I will also add to the DO pile

DO: get a good DJ and Reception Co-ordinator--- cant tell you how many weddings I've been in that the DJ didnt know what order to call the Bridal Party and played inappropiate music

 

[Anakinsmomma]

Wedding Date: 08/25/2011

Dos:
1. The music is important! I drove my poor DJ crazy with a very specific set list. I had almost every song picked out. But the music flowed just how I wanted it to and everyone dance the night away!

2. If you have a budget, be flexible about everything but the money. I would have loved a Saturday evening affair, but in NYC that means $$$$$$$. Having my wedding in the late afternoon on a thursday saved THOUSANDS. The (main) festivities ended early enough that no one was out too late if they didn't have to be.

3. Cut out what you deem unnecessary. Every one will tell you what you HAVE to have, especially at bridal shows! Everyone thought I was crazy for not having a videographer... But me and DH hate watching ourselves on video Besides, with all the camera phones, there was video up on FB before we even left for the honeymoon.

4. Ditto on the just starting out photographer. My photographer was wonderful with a professional website... For $800. She was literally just starting out, but she had such an eye!

5. Research places besides bridal shops for a wedding gown. I paid $600 for my designer gown. I got it from a trunk sale for Brides Against Breast Cancer. I got a great price on my dress and all the money went to charity. Win win!

Donts:
1. Don't be a bridezilla but don't be a doormat either. I had a family member from HIS side try to change the whole ceremony at the last minute behind my back! DH and I had been very careful about blending his Filipino traditions with some of my family traditions. This woman wanted a strictly Filipino wedding. But it was OUR wedding. The officiant handled that My MIL also was trying to insist that DHs brother was the best man. He wasn't able to attend at all because he's in the army and no one faults him for that. But DH and I did fault him for not showing any interest... No phone calls, no well wishes, nothing. But he did manage to propose to his wife (yea, figure that one out) 2 weeks before the big day. My DH almost threw the computer out the window the big fight was over the programs, which I didn't want anyway. We kept the programs, and had a very nice shoutout to BIL, but he was not the best man. DH handled that one with my support.

2. Don't fight over small things your FH wants. Just let him handle it and if he really wants it, he'll get it. DH really wanted us to hand release doves because his parents did it. I wasn't too crazy about touching some albino pigeons. So I left it to him. I even reminded him about it as we got closer to be a good sport It kept slipping his mind and no one got pooped on. He didn't miss them.

3. Depending on the culture, don't expect your registry to be anywhere near completion. Apparently, Filipinos give money. So do Italians. So while we have a nice little nestegg, we still don't have a full china service

4. Don't be afraid to be crafty! I did my flowers and most accessories. I just couldn't find what I wanted a lot of the times. I wanted a cherry blossom theme in the middle of August... Origami to the rescue!!! I mustve folded hundreds of those things. Doing my own flowers was really relaxing the day before. And since ones going for a natural, easy going feel, it was easy! I made my own broom to jump and it's hanging in my living room.

5. Don't expect to eat any of the food you pick out for the cocktail hour

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Oh yes!

The day was such a blur we barely ate. Our so smart wedding planner had the chef set extra to-go plates for me and DH to grab when we left so we'd have something to eat afterwards..knowing we'd barely eat.
Of course we FORGOT to grab them. So here we are starving at the hotel, leave hotel cause we forgot our yummy plates, and so off to Wendy's we went on our wedding night, cause we were soooo hungry.

 

[remnant]

bumping bump

 

[snillohsss]

delegate. I had a few ladies who had my back and acted like extensions of myself. It was great.

Make sure you EAT. My mom and I spent all that time taste testing, and picking out all the food, and the only thing I remember eating is a small piece of chicken.

Make a list of EVERYTHING you want to do and make someone in charge of that list. The entire day was a blur for me, and it all went very fast. Like Naturalgyrl said.. we had plates set aside, but we left the reception hall around midnight...went to my parents for a few hours to look at gifts...then we headed back to our place because we had a 6am flight to catch for our honeymoon. We never ate.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

delegate. I had a few ladies who had my back and acted like extensions of myself. It was great.

Make sure you EAT. My mom and I spent all that time taste testing, and picking out all the food, and the only thing I remember eating is a small piece of chicken.

Make a list of EVERYTHING you want to do and make someone in charge of that list. The entire day was a blur for me, and it all went very fast. Like Naturalgyrl said.. we had plates set aside, but we left the reception hall around midnight...went to my parents for a few hours to look at gifts...then we headed back to our place because we had a 6am flight to catch for our honeymoon. We never ate.

Always make sure they have YOUR WISHES in mind! Delegation is key. My wedding planner and her team were awesome!

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Do:

Shop around - look for deals - I got a great deal on everything. I ordered my veil, invitations, cake topper, and materials for my centerpieces online at deep discounts.

DIY - some things are easy to make yourself (like centerpieces)

Get a good photographer - The pictures are the thing you keep forever so you want them to be nice.

Don't:

Spend a fortune - it's just a one day party. Don't go crazy. You can have a beautiful, classy wedding on a budget. Think of all the other things you could do with 30k.

Let other people take over - it's your day so do what you want.

Stress - don't drive yourself crazy trying to make everything perfect. Have fun!

 

[tmhuggiebear]

Not married yet but I do have something to add.

1. Don't choose your bridesmaids too soon. I made the mistake of doing that and now I'm stuck with all my bridesmaids being out of state or out of country and I'm basically fending everything for myself. I definitely wish I thought that one through more before I said anything to them. Having them just turned out to be more a stress than a help. I should have just opted to have no bridesmaids like I originally wanted.

 

[Country gal]

Great thread. I hope more members chime in.

 

[chestnutblonde]

I'm planning my wedding now, and it's a destination wedding. With that said, with a destination wedding, please provide yourself with ample buffer time for receipt of the RSVPs because people will definitely wait until the last minute and beyond to reply. Grrr

 

[locabouthair]

Bump........

 

[Fab_Nikki]

Wedding date: 4-28-07

Do: plan a wedding you can afford. We paid for our entire wedding and had zero debt from our wedding.

Don't: let the planning stage/ day of stress you out. If people don't RSVP on time, bridal party not involved, runners aren't perfect, caterer forgot your topper or they messed up your first dance song. Most likely no one will know but you. Lol

Do: enjoy the day. It goes by sooo quickly.

Do: remember the wedding is just a day, marriage is a lifetime.

 

[Menina Preta]

Such a good thread to bump! I hope some more ladies chime in.

 

[MizAvalon]

Excellent thread, I will be back with my thoughts!

 

[brittle_hair]

Date: 06/09/14

Do:
- Have a schedule for getting ready on the day to ensure bridesmaids/hairdressers/make-up artists don't make you late
-Our photography took 2 hours - I allocated 1 hour which messed up our timing - try and get the photographer to be clear on precisely how long they usually take
- I'm glad i printed the programme myself because the printers wanted to charge me an extortionate price to print and fold 150 bits of paper
- Give more than one person the seating list
- The venue we had charged us an additional fee for not clearing out of the ceremony venue on time while we were taking pictures, so my advice is to emphasise that with your planners - I was more focused on the reception venue timings rather than the ceremony venue
- Make a plan for who gets to keep the fresh flowers its such a waste otherwise

Don't:
Don't - Skimp on waiters/waitresses - We could have done with and extra 5 which meant that it took a while for the champagne and food to be served
Don't be afraid to ask for help - I did all the stationery by myself but could have done with more help with the cutting, printing and sticking so that I could have relaxed more the week before

 

[FemmeCreole]

4/19/13

We eloped. Called up the hotel, had them plan the event, we showed up, got married on the beach and called it a day. We spent the entire day frolicking with each other. just us two and no distractions. I would do it that way all over again.

 

[Oasis]

4/19/13

We eloped. Called up the hotel, had them plan the event, we showed up, got married on the beach and called it a day. We spent the entire day frolicking with each other. just us two and no distractions. I would do it that way all over again.

omg this is perfect! my bf would never go for this.

where did you get married?

 

[R4L]

Don't alienate the bm's by being evil. No one HAS to give you gifts. Remember these ladies are spending a lot of time and $$$$. Don't end relationships over your wedding

 

[FemmeCreole]

omg this is perfect! my bf would never go for this.

where did you get married?

Oasis Destin, FL

 

[MizAvalon]

Don't alienate the bm's by being evil. No one HAS to give you gifts. Remember these ladies are spending a lot of time and $$$$. Don't end relationships over your wedding

Agreed. I made things very, very easy for my wedding party. They took off work and spent a lot of money to be involved in the wedding. Hair, makeup, dress, shoes, hotel, gas, rental cars, etc. And those are just expenses for the actual wedding day. If there is a bridal shower and bachelorette party, that's even more money.

Participating in a wedding is very expensive and they are doing YOU a favor by saying yes. Don't be a bridezilla and end years-long relationships over one day.

 

[Nayeli]

Married in mid-2013 on a Monday morning, with three people present and my musician. Had a spectacular photographer and secured a gorgeous venue at an insane price, because there's no monopoly on Monday mornings as far as weddings go. Afterwards, we jumped in the car, dropped off my 'rent the runway' jewelry at ups, went home and changed and got to the airport before four pm.

Do - consider a small wedding if you think it would make you happy. Long ago, I had convinced myself that I just couldn't get married without a barrage of friends and family members. And a wedding without my mother present was just unthinkable. Well, the day was pure bliss and like Femme Creole said, I'd do it again just the same tomorrow.