Married Ladies & Committed Relationships: Can Alpha Men Make Good DH/SO?

[BeautifulFlower]

Beta men are said to be "good husbands and good fathers" and Alpha men are those men you have fun with but avoid getting attached.

Has any ladies married or in a committed relationship with an Alpha male and he's a "good" man to you (loyal, provider, affectionate, etc...)?

 

[Etherealsmile]

Interesting post

*lurking*

 

[lesedi]

great thread

 

[BeautifulFlower]

So does that mean alpha men make terrible husbands?

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

This is interesting and definitely something to think about. But I have no experience so I'll keep checking back. I've been with my beta man for 4 years and everything's good. My dad's beta too and they've been together for 27 years. Would be interesting to read a study. Off to search.


I did just realize a few days ago that I'm not even attracted to alpha men for a long-term relationship. Especially my que friends. I find them sexy and fun and good friends but definitely not relationship material.

 

[Britt]

This is a good question. I am instinctively attracted to alpha males before I even knew they were called 'alpha' males. I've been wondering this tho. Ideally, I'd love an alpha male that has respect, adoration, and a soft spot for me

 

[NaijaTroll]

Cant answer the question myself but I like this article

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/alpha-male-vs-beta-male/

I reckon a lot of black women would be just as annoyed as this woman is with her beta. Lol

 

[Britt]

Cant answer the question myself but I like this article

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/alpha-male-vs-beta-male/

I reckon a lot of black women would be just as annoyed as this woman is with her beta. Lol

This beta woman's face is exactly how I feel with beta males...
I read the article and it sums up my feelings pretty well

 

[Etherealsmile]

I think alpha males can make great husbands as well, however ladies need to watch out for what i call alpha male in sheep's clothing. These are men who appear to have the alpha male traits but are low key possessive, controlling, insecure and will show their crazy in due time.

Be careful ladies

 

[qchelle]

Oooh! I'm interested in more responses

I'm always most attracted to beta males. My dad is a beta male...my parents have been married for 22 yrs. I don't know if this has anything to do with my attraction I'm just gonna say no

 

[aribell]

You should really read this perspective: http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/923-the-male-matrix-alpha-beta-gamma—part-i/

 

[NaijaTroll]

This beta woman's face is exactly how I feel with beta males...
I read the article and it sums up my feelings pretty well

Do you agree with this comment

I noticed an interesting, alpha ‘version’ of PDA. The intent is not to show affection, but to control and dominate the women. The man grasps with his right hand the upper left arm of his woman, or vice versa, with the woman walking slightly in front. The man’s arm is bent, allowing him to exert strong tension.
Any woman in this position damn well knows her place. It’s how you’d walk a docile inmate or blind man.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Cant answer the question myself but I like this article

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/alpha-male-vs-beta-male/

I reckon a lot of black women would be just as annoyed as this woman is with her beta. Lol

I've read Roissy's blogs and find them both depressing and offensive with a bit of truth thrown in to keep his audience lapping up his diatribe. Here is what he thinks of Black women. WHOA at the comments from White men regarding Black women. :

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2007/10/31/interracial-loving/

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I think it may be a good idea to pair up with someone like you.

If you're an Alpha woman, then you'd more than like want an Alpha man, because a Beta man would bore you to tears--If you're a Beta woman, you'd want to pair up with a Beta man, because an Alpha man might become bored with you.

Is it possible to have a man with the mixture of the two? Beta men, although they appear to be boring, from what I heard have been known to make the best husbands and best lovers--they are less selfish and are willing to do what their woman wants.

Bottom line it all depends on what you're looking for and what you want in a man--everyone is different and has different needs when it comes to a relationship, so I'm not going to knock either one.

 

[NaijaTroll]

Thanks CurlyMood. I was doing random alpha vs beta searched a few days back and found this article. Ive never read the rest of his "blog" cos I do get a feeling that alot of his followers are daft.

Thanks for those links. I'll check them out

 

[barbiesocialite]

Cant answer the question myself but I like this article

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/alpha-male-vs-beta-male/

I reckon a lot of black women would be just as annoyed as this woman is with her beta. Lol

OT: I used to like Roissy, however, nowadays I'm starting to feel like he is a bullsh*t artist. He's def over thirty but he can't even keep one of his young pure aryan girlfriends and is still peddling the same PUA game that clearly isnt working for him..... I agree with this article, however, I like some of his couterparts like the Rawness & Obsidian better. Roissy comes across angry and bitter lately. I take him with a grain a salt....

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I think alpha males can make great husbands as well, however ladies need to watch out for what i call alpha male in sheep's clothing. These are men who appear to have the alpha male traits but are low key possessive, controlling, insecure and will show their crazy in due time.

Be careful ladies

I had this kind of man and ohh ohh ohh it didn't take me long to realize I was doomed for a bad situation. I got out in 4 months. He cried and begged and even said he asked my died father for forgiveness for defiling me

Ok crazy...thank you for making this decision easier.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[CurlyMoo]

OT: I used to like Roissy, however, nowadays I'm starting to feel like he is a bullsh*t artist. He's def over thirty but he can't even keep one of his young pure aryan girlfriends and is still peddling the same PUA game that clearly isnt working for him..... I agree with this article, however, I like some of his couterparts like the Rawness & Obsidian better. Roissy comes across angry and bitter lately. I take him with a grain a salt....

Of course he's angry and bitter, his crap isn't working. Most people at some point want a loving relationship that doesn't include mind games, you can't have that if you are so busy trying to one up and control your mate. Doesn't work. His followers tend to be lost puppies looking for a leader and it's like the visually impaired leading the blind.

 

[NaijaTroll]

#

#
on December 29, 2008 at 4:02 pm roissy

This is a good observation, and I also wonder if that’s what’s at play with Roissy’s “She’s black” observation.

T, it’s possible that is a factor, but then i’ve heard the slut complaint about black girls from black guys as well, who surprisingly didn’t seem to mind so much.

wow. Good to know black men continue to give others reasons to run their mouths about black women

 

[barbiesocialite]

Of course he's angry and bitter, his crap isn't working. Most people at some point want a loving relationship that doesn't include mind games, you can't have that if you are so busy trying to one up and control your mate. Doesn't work. His followers tend to be lost puppies looking for a leader and it's like the visually impaired leading the blind.

ITA. Most of his associates have been fading away lately as well. I came across the PUA lifestyle by a few male associates as a teenager so I've been hip to these kinds of guys for a while. These guys are quite a bit older than I am and I find them very immature. Point blank: they are blatant a$$holes. It was all fun and games when they were prowling about the DMV in their mid-twenties, now if you want a meaningful relationship it's time to grow up and quit the games. It's not cool and cute anymore and these type of men are turning off most women all together, including the ones they want. None of them have a version of "happily ever after" as far as I can tell...

ETA: I don't follow PUA anymore but the Rawness is black and married, so that's the closest PUA male blogger I'd ever give a bit of credibility to. Even then, I'm glad my SO doesnt hold some of these viewpoints and I'm pretty traditional and actively anti-feminist....

 

[NaijaTroll]

what's PUA and what's their game? or should I say how does one get hip to their game

 

[Prudent1]

I think it may be a good idea to pair up with someone like you.

If you're an Alpha woman, then you'd more than like want an Alpha man, because a Beta man would bore you to tears--If you're a Beta woman, you'd want to pair up with a Beta man, because an Alpha man might become bored with you.

Is it possible to have a man with the mixture of the two? Beta men, although they appear to be boring, from what I heard have been known to make the best husbands and best lovers--they are less selfish and are willing to do what their woman wants.

Bottom line it all depends on what you're looking for and what you want in a man--everyone is different and has different needs when it comes to a relationship, so I'm not going to knock either one.

ITA w/ Honeycomb. I married a beta male who I later discovered had some gamma tendencies (we are divorced now). If I look back over my romantic life, I have had the most happiness when in LTR with alpha males posessing some (very few) beta qualities. That's what I like best. The right amount of beta-ness gives you a strong sure man that is not an insensitive jerk. I cannot stomach gammas at all!! I can usually locate them in a matter of minutes. Nor can I stomach predominantly beta types for very long. I have several female acquaintances IRL who migrate to betas and gammas and then when it's time to man up (for protection, decision making, and the like) they are sorely disappointed. Many of them are selfish though( my female acquaintances). They want to be able to call the shots on everything when it is convenient but then expect these guys to man up at certain points. Life doesn't work that way. Or at least not from what I've observed. I do need to say I am more of the alpha female type. It takes that kind of man to deal with me, understand me, balance me. I'm told I can be a real handful for such a petite package. Great thread!

Off to read links posted by CurlyMoo...
Finished reading now...

I've read Roissy's blogs and find them both depressing and offensive with a bit of truth thrown in to keep his audience lapping up his diatribe. Here is what he thinks of Black women. WHOA at the comments from White men regarding Black women. :

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2007/10/31/interracial-loving/

Ok, just read those two blog entries. Umm yep, I'd have to agree with your assessment CMoo. It's never fair to make generalizations like he did in the first link but we all know life is not fair and the way BW imitate the celebs/ video ho s allows such generalizations to remain alive and well. I know that's not PC though**shrugs shoulders**

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

My dad is an Alpha male. My parents have been married for 29 years. When it comes to my mom and I, he is a softie!

 

[CurlyMoo]

There is also a blog by a white male, self proclaimed beta who explains why he thinks they are perfect for Black women. I can't find the link now, but will do it when I get back from work later. If I have time or remember.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I'm in a relationship with an alpha male and we plan on getting married soon. He has all the qualities I lOVE in alpha males, but at times it's that same alpha sh*t that can get on my last nerve. The good definitely outweighs the bad. I'd love to go into detail but I have to get my thoughts together...

I have always preferred alpha males to beta. I spent many years with a beta male and he bored and annoyed me to pieces...not to mention he was extremely passive aggressive. He definitely sealed the deal for me on what type I DID NOT want.

 

[NaijaTroll]

ITA w/ Honeycomb. I married a beta male who I later discovered had some gamma tendencies (we are divorced now).

The one I posted dealt with alpha/beta males. the ones CurlyMoo posted are about how racist the site is.

Did a quick search on gamma and apparently they are the best of both worlds?

 

[barbiesocialite]

To answer the OP: can alpha males make a good DH? It depends on your personal definition of "good."

My father and the men on my paternal side of my family are textbook alphas. My grandfather is the prototype alpha, so to speak. He is the epitome of many black women's IBM (ideal black man). He's a Que-dawg, has the looks, always had the career, post-graduate education and the money. Women swoon over him now and he is 70 years old. That said, he is a good father, provider, protector and leader, but it's debatable whether or not he is a good husband. He isn't romantic, everything is his time & his way and on his terms: 24/7. He's been with my grandmother since they were teenagers, and although I don't have the proof, I'm pretty sure he's cheated on her. I love him and have idolized him to superstar status my entire life but as an adult woman, observing the way he treats my grandmother at times and over the years-he can be a downright jerk. Yea my grandmother has the lifestyle, but is she happy? I don't think so. She's been on anti-depressants and has had a shrink for years.

Comparing her and my maternal grandmother, who married a lesser alpha-almost borderline beta (not quite beta though, my grandma was a SAHM and he is a man's man), my maternal grandmother is much happier and has always been much happier despite being diagnosed with a life threatening illness for a hefty portion of her life. She goes on more romantic trips and vacations and received more considerate treatment even up until last year before my grandfather died of cancer. People would consider my paternal grandfather the most successful overall, but IME money and the appearance of good/ideal that most alphas put forth to others is not sustainable for a woman's personal happiness in the long run unless her understanding of happiness & love is MONEY.

 

[NaijaTroll]

There is also a blog by a white male, self proclaimed beta who explains why he thinks they are perfect for Black women. I can't find the link now, but will do it when I get back from work later. If I have time or remember.

Lol I'll remind you. I personally dont see many black women favoring betas

 

[CurlyMoo]

Lol I'll remind you. I personally dont see many black women favoring betas

Well he posted all the good qualities of Black woman and Beta males and explained it in such a way that I understood. But for me personally I would like a man to have characteristics of both alpha and beta.

Based on what he posted. Beta's tend to be shy, which I understand and like the aloofness but I am strongly attracted to the assertive male who goes after what he wants. But they tend to be extremely argumentative, which I don't like. Just broke up with a Beta, never knew where I stood with him and with a Alpha you always know.

I'll find the article will take some digging through.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I do need to say I am more of the alpha female type. It takes that kind of man to deal with me, understand me, balance me. I'm told I can be a real handful for such a petite package.

GIRRRLLLLL, we the same person. Especially the bolded.

I had a friend tell me I was a handful. Conversation....

HIM: "You're a handful."
ME: "But I'm fun."

I was beginning to feel bad about my Alpha-ness and thinking, "You know, PFANB, if you want to get married one day you may have to look to them Betas more seriously." I've tried it and I've tried it again. It simply does NOTHING for me. I've come to terms with my desires in a mate. I need an Alpha male and I'll wait for that one that is strong as steel on the outside and has a firm center just for me.