Married and Vacationing with Single Friends

[Lishaboo]

Married Ladies!!

Need your opinion. I've been married for about 6 months and this conversation has come up a couple of times. Out of all my girlfriends, all are single but one. My DH has a handful of married friends and we do couple things with them. I've always traveled and gone on trips with my friends and they feel that it should not be any different now that I'm married.

DH is like why would a married woman go on vacation with a bunch of single women?

So my question is since I'm no longer single does that mean "Girls Trips" are out? What if my friends were married, do you think that would make a difference?

He is like if I go on trips with my friends he would do the same with his friends. I really don't mind if he goes on trips with his friends but I don't want to be opening up a can of worms that I will regret 10 years from now. perplexed

I love traveling with DH and I have no problem with NOT going on trips with my friends but I just wanted to know if anyone else has had to deal with type of situation.

 

[Xerxes]

Married Ladies!!

Need your opinion. I've been married for about 6 months and this conversation has come up a couple of times. Out of all my girlfriends, all are single but one. My DH has a handful of married friends and we do couple things with them. I've always traveled and gone on trips with my friends and they feel that it should not be any different now that I'm married.

DH is like why would a married woman go on vacation with a bunch of single women?

So my question is since I'm no longer single does that mean "Girls Trips" are out? What if my friends were married, do you think that would make a difference?

He is like if I go on trips with my friends he would do the same with his friends. I really don't mind if he goes on trips with his friends but I don't want to be opening up a can of worms that I will regret 10 years from now. perplexed

I love traveling with DH and I have no problem with NOT going on trips with my friends but I just wanted to know if anyone else has had to deal with type of situation.

By any chance is your name Porsha??? LOL

Anyhow, you know what kind of "girl trips" you plan on having with your single girl friends and you should explain to your husband what your trips will entail so that he has a clear understanding of what your intentions are.

If you watch the Atlanta housewives series then you know that they just dealt with this very problem with a character Porsha after a girl trip to Vegas.

I'm not married yet, but I have included my SO on every trip and explained to him how innocent or rowdy things would get so he could be comfortable and not find out later on FB.

It's all about communication. Bon voyage!

 

[Lymegreen]

Every marriage is different. "girl trips" would not fly in my marriage but I'm sure it's perfectly fine in others.

It's up to you and DH to set the ground rules. Since you are newly married what you are going through is very normal.

You have to think about it long and hard and think about your marriage and the 'rules' if you will that you both can agree on.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I regularly take "girl trips" with my friends. They were single, then some got married, divorced, and so on. I don't change my travel plans based on their marital status. DH had never had a problem

Are your friends really wild or something? I can't see my DH being upset over me hanging out with my friends.

 

[michelle81]

You both will have to negotiate the rules of your marriage.

With that said, trust is trust IMO. I see nothing at all wrong with trips with single friends. Does he fully trust you in other areas are is it just this one. I'm asking because I'm going through something kind of similar and it may be the cause for us to eventually split. This is one issue we did not bring up prior to marriage, but I honestly don't see where it would have helped anyway.

 

[hopeful]

I would think that you would travel less often with your single friends now because most vacations/travel will be with your dh. I don't see anything wrong with an occasional trip. But it's what you and dh decide together, not really what your single gf's think or want, it's not their decision IMO. I personally have very little interest in vacationing with anyone but my dh and daughters, but that's just me. You and dh need to discuss this and come up with some type of a agreement, maybe like you each can go on a short trip with friends once a year, whatever works for you guys. I understand how your dh feels though, after just six months of marriage he probably doesn't even understand why you would be pressed to travel with single girlfriends when you have him. I also understand your situation and not wanting to hurt your friends' feelings. I will say that it's hard to hold onto many single friends after you get married simply because of time constraints and different priorities.

 

[sunnydaze]

I guess he is assumng that a whole bunch of single girls traveling together are looking to party and meet guys (which is what a single guys' trip would likely involve). Your friends are single, so that may or may not be the case, but like others said, it comes down to him trusting you to behave as a married women would regardless of the situation.

I'd be like, these are my friends, if you love me then trust me and allow me to have a good time.

 

[lux10023]

ditto---
i respect and trust dh and i know he feels the same for me---he knows my friends..and he knows me---everyones marriage is different but for me and mines a trip with your friends is fine---dh does one trip a yr just the fellas i do actually 2 trips a yr with the ladiesss..some of my friends are married some are singleee but its all girlsss...i include dh in everything via communication so OP you two are very early in your marriage and just have a talk...

the problem i see with this is if you dont trust or like me doing xyz when does that end or stop--? like who wants a dad i want a husband a partner someone who respects and trusts me...i dont need someone parenting or polciing every move i make--im good!

I've been married for almost 6 years and I regularly take "girl trips" with my friends. They were single, then some got married, divorced, and so on. I don't change my travel plans based on their marital status. DH had never had a problem

Are your friends really wild or something? I can't see my DH being upset over me hanging out with my friends.

 

[Southernbella.]

I like to cut loose on vacation...drinking, dancing, tight clothes, and sex all the time. As such, I vacation with dh only.

I would do a short girls' trip with my besties because they are married and the vibe would be such that we would be doing married woman friendly activities. I don't know that I would do a trip with single women because the vibe would be different. That's just me though.

If you are the type who goes on vacation to rest and catch up on your reading, I think you'll be fine.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[SmileyNY]

TBH, your hubby sounds insecure. Your friends being single doesn't have anything to do with you.

I mean, really. What's going to happen? You'll be out with your single friends & decide to act single too? Maybe find a man that you like better? Are you that untrustworthy?

 

[jamaicasmodona]

I've been married for 8 months and Hubby and I are both planning trips with our friends.. He's going to DR next month and in June, my friends and I are going to PR.

He knows my friends and I know his. Some single or in serious relationships, but not married. I think it's all based on the trust you have for each other. Although we've only been married 8 months, we've been together for 13yrs.

Besides having sex, it'll be like any other vacation to me.. you eat, drink, party, shop, lay on the beach.. so It's not like you'll be doing anything different just because your fiends are single. I say if anything, you just set your boundaries.. If your friends will be doing something you know you and/or your husband won't be comfortable with, lay out your rules to your friends ahead of time, or if you don't want to be "that girl" just exclude yourself. If your friends know you, then they should understand as a married women you wouldn't be doing the same things you were doing before you got married..

I wouldn't say that this situation is the same as what happened on RHOATL because these ladies didn't know Porshia before.. Maybe it would have been taken lightly had they had known her and know that she's not about the stip club.

IJS..

 

[ChasingBliss]

Dh and I have had this discussion and he pretty much has asked the same question. Why would a married woman want to go on a vay cay with single women? I dont take issues with it either because like hopeful said, I'd rather vay cay with him anyway than anyone else.
He feels the same way for himself. Saying he sees no reason to vay cay with his single friends as he did before marrying. And we all know what most single men do on vay cay...especially in groups. So yeah, I have no problem with his sentiments

 

[jamaicasmodona]

I've been married for almost 6 years and I regularly take "girl trips" with my friends. They were single, then some got married, divorced, and so on. I don't change my travel plans based on their marital status. DH had never had a problem

Are your friends really wild or something? I can't see my DH being upset over me hanging out with my friends.

With this said, i can then understand why her husband would be reluctant for her to go on a girls trip. But, at the same time, whether her friends are wild or not, if he trusts her, he should have nothing to worry about.

 

[Lishaboo]

I've been married for almost 6 years and I regularly take "girl trips" with my friends. They were single, then some got married, divorced, and so on. I don't change my travel plans based on their marital status. DH had never had a problem

Are your friends really wild or something? I can't see my DH being upset over me hanging out with my friends.

No they are not wild and he don't have any problems with me hanging out with my friends. I just think cause we are still new in our marriage and we enjoy spending time together so I guess we haven't gotten tired of each other yet. And there are trips that we want to do this year so he may also be thinking where would I have time to even on a girls trip.

I'm sure it will come up again. A few months ago some of his friends wanted him to go to Miami sometime this month and he turned them down. But we are also going to closing on our house this month so he didn't want to spend any money.

 

[Lymegreen]

OP I can totally see where you are coming from. Most people only get 1 or two weeks a year for vacation. And it is not uncommon for a new DH or wife to think that they would be spending all of their vacation time with each other.

Then when you factor in 'girls trips' or 'guy trips' you can get squeezed on vacation time. I assumed you don't have trust issues but rather vacation time spend together is the issue.

Plus, if you are going to call him every night anyway when you'r with the girls lol (you may find that you miss him) you probably didn't want to vacation without him anyway.

I think it's really up to the couple to decide.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Every marriage is different. "girl trips" would not fly in my marriage but I'm sure it's perfectly fine in others.

It's up to you and DH to set the ground rules. Since you are newly married what you are going through is very normal.

You have to think about it long and hard and think about your marriage and the 'rules' if you will that you both can agree on.

Brief getaways to a spa or something for a weekend would probably be okay for us. DH goes on deep sea fishing trips with some men in his family and God knows I do NOT want to be out there doing all that. However, an excursion out of the country without DH would NOT fly.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

If it's a question of time or money, that's one thing. I could understand that. I just don't subscribe to the idea that because I'm married I can't go anywhere without my husband.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Lishaboo

Don't take too seriously posts which say that your DH is insecure or that something is wrong with your relationship because he's not thrilled with you going out of town with your primarily single friends.

Do what is right for you and your DH because no one here has to live with the consequences of any decisions you make.

The he must not trust you or the he must be insecure or the YOU must not be trustworthy card should be ignored because at the end of the day it's about what's right for YOU as a couple. You should not rely on LHCF or any of your single friends to help you make decisions in your marriage. Your marriage is brand new and maybe he's just not ready to be away from you yet. That doesn't have to mean he's insecure.

DH and I have limited vacation time. I'd really love to go to Spain or Portugal but every time I think about going on a long vacation, I just cannot imagine a trip like that without him. I'd want him there for the romance factor and I wouldn't want him to miss anything that I experienced. I only get 3 weeks of vacation per year and I'd rather spend it with DH or DH and another couple, than with my single girlfriends. Like I said single girlfriends for weekend spa trips or a 2 day get away is okay for us but anything much longer and I start to miss DH.

That's just me though. Everyone is different and there is no right answer. It's about what works for you guys. Whatever decision you make that you can both live with is the right decision.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I have a girls trip planned two or 3 weeks from now. It will include my cousin and four other girls, we are all 26 and above I am the only married one. I've know these from girls anywhere from 7 to 26 years. Dh knows all of the girls, he has no problem with it, he knows they all respect him, and our marriage.

On the flip side they know we don't post incriminating photos. It's not that I hide things, he knows I went pole dancing and to the strip club for my bachelorette. but it's one thing to tell dh I will be getting wasted and another if he sees the photos. I also keep my phone on me at all times. If I plan to leave it behind I let him know, but also give him someone else's contact info in case of emergencies. It's all about trust. I have no problem with him going out with his friends, single or married. We met each other in our early twenties so maybe that's part of the reason why. He has also been out with groups of my girls. He knows we get drunk, sing and talk loud, and dance with each other- at army's length tho, no lady humping.
He may not love the idea of a girls week, but he also knows that saying no is not an option.i love my dh and he knows I wouldn't do anything that jeopardizes our union.

Edit: my girls trip is a weekend trip maybe that matters.
I'm a teacher so I have a GREAT vacation schedule
Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[FoxxyLocs]

OP do you want to go or not? If you don't want to go, that's your business and you don't have to explain to your friends. If you want to go and your husband says no, that's something you two have to work out.

 

[jamaicasmodona]

No they are not wild and he don't have any problems with me hanging out with my friends. I just think cause we are still new in our marriage and we enjoy spending time together so I guess we haven't gotten tired of each other yet. And there are trips that we want to do this year so he may also be thinking where would I have time to even on a girls trip.

I'm sure it will come up again. A few months ago some of his friends wanted him to go to Miami sometime this month and he turned them down. But we are also going to closing on our house this month so he didn't want to spend any money.

In this case, I totally understand.. You guys will have to do what works for you.. Every relationship/marriage is different.

Not that it's wrong, but what can work for one may not work for the other..

Good luck OP..

 

[Lishaboo]

OP do you want to go or not? If you don't want to go, that's your business and you don't have to explain to your friends. If you want to go and your husband says no, that's something you two have to work out.

I do want to go probably not this year, but I don't want it to be something that it's not an option. But he never said no, he said that if I go on a girls trip that he can go on a guys trip. He knows that I wouldn't care and he said that because he knows that I trust him. He didn't say yes or no. He just asked the question about me going with my single friends.

 

[Lishaboo]

Lishaboo

Don't take too seriously posts which say that your DH is insecure or that something is wrong with your relationship because he's not thrilled with you going out of town with your primarily single friends.

Do what is right for you and your DH because no one here has to live with the consequences of any decisions you make.

The he must not trust you or the he must be insecure or the YOU must not be trustworthy card should be ignored because at the end of the day it's about what's right for YOU as a couple. You should not rely on LHCF or any of your single friends to help you make decisions in your marriage. Your marriage is brand new and maybe he's just not ready to be away from you yet. That doesn't have to mean he's insecure.

DH and I have limited vacation time. I'd really love to go to Spain or Portugal but every time I think about going on a long vacation, I just cannot imagine a trip like that without him. I'd want him there for the romance factor and I wouldn't want him to miss anything that I experienced. I only get 3 weeks of vacation per year and I'd rather spend it with DH or DH and another couple, than with my single girlfriends. Like I said single girlfriends for weekend spa trips or a 2 day get away is okay for us but anything much longer and I start to miss DH.

That's just me though. Everyone is different and there is no right answer. It's about what works for you guys. Whatever decision you make that you can both live with is the right decision.

True, very good point!!!!

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I do want to go probably not this year, but I don't want it to be something that it's not an option. But he never said no, he said that if I go on a girls trip that he can go on a guys trip. He knows that I wouldn't care and he said that because he knows that I trust him. He didn't say yes or no. He just asked the question about me going with my single friends.

I gave my 2cents but make sure you do what's right for you. Does he know your friends?
Dh doesn't want me going to NO anymore, he doesn't think it's safe and I don't argue about that.

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[ladysaraii]

My marrieds friends take trips with us (girl trips)

Now we probably couldnt take a weeklong excursion without the hubbys coming along, but that's fine, we're all friends.

I'd be offended if my friends husband tripped about a girl's weekend or if my husband said the same to me. But I'm single so take it with a grain of salt.

I dont know what kind of trip you all were talking about, but maybe a smaller girls getaway weekend wiould be a good compromise.

 

[Ganjababy]

I think people have to do what's best for their situation. So the answer would not be the same for every couple.

DH and I do not do separate vacations. It works for us.

 

[Lishaboo]

I gave my 2cents but make sure you do what's right for you. Does he know your friends?
Dh doesn't want me going to NO anymore, he doesn't think it's safe and I don't argue about that.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

Yup, he knows them and thinks they are cool.

 

[NOEChic]

Dh and I have had this discussion and he pretty much has asked the same question. Why would a married woman want to go on a vay cay with single women? I dont take issues with it either because like hopeful said, I'd rather vay cay with him anyway than anyone else.
He feels the same way for himself. Saying he sees no reason to vay cay with his single friends as he did before marrying. And we all know what most single men do on vay cay...especially in groups. So yeah, I have no problem with his sentiments

so before you and your hubby got married and he was going on those trips with his friends he was doing what single men do on a vacation?

I personally think nothing changes when you get married in regards to going on trips. If you were a committed "single" person, you will be just as committed married.

 

[LadyChe]

Shiiiiiiiiidddd.. most of my friends are single. I'm married. I hit the road all the time with them... Dominican Republic, Vegas, Puerto Rico, N.Y., whatever.

Having a part of your life to yourself is critical to happiness in your marriage.

If he doesn't trust you, or thinks something will go on, that's his issue and you all need to address that.

 

[tocktick]

I'm not married but I am on the other side of the situation. My friends and I have done a (very chilled/tame) girls trip for the past couple years too. One of them recently got engaged and will be married next year.

I'm single and so is my other friend but we both acknowledged to each other that these trips for our friend would probably be out. We don't know what she thinks yet but we believe she'll be in a new phase of her life where she'll probably want to spend those days with him. The day trips, hanging out etc will obviously still happen.

I think your friends should be more understanding of your position and be fine with your decision, whatever it may happen to be.