Marriage with no sexual chemistry?

Mz DEE DEE

Mz DEE DEE

Member
I have a friend who is in a relationship with a wonderful guy who wants to marry her. He treats her like a queen: takes care of her whens shes sick, expensive gifts, cooks her dinner, has a great relationship with her family, etc... He is well educated, makes a solid income ( 6 figs) but... she doesn't feel a strong sexual attraction. She said he tries to please her in the bedroom, open to suggestions etc and its not his "performance". She's considering ending the relationship because of the lack of sexual chemistry. IMO you cant have it all.... A good guy who would be an awesome husband and a great father but doesn't get you as hot and bothered as you like is still a good catch in my eyes because hes got points in the most important categories...am i wrong??
 
I wouldn't advice her if I were you....this is a very personal decision, you might be able to live with this situation but some women will be miserable in a marriage like this, you don't want her feeling unhappy talking about no 'chemistry' years down the line.
I would encourage her not to be hasty in her decision but just let her make a decision. Chemistry doesn't guarantee a good home....another woman will be happy to take this man off her hands, which might be better for her and the man.
 
Yup I know some folks that have lack luster bedroom time, and that has affected their relationship. So while the dude was awesome at first, after playtime no one was satisfied and the emotions turned negative.
 
Mz DEE DEE I think in the big picture of life, chemistry is not a deal breaker, and I'm surprised some women make it such a big deal, as long as I'm not repulsed and a man treats me well, and can provide for a family......chemistry for me is over-rated.
I think offering her your opinion isn't out of line, after all she's discussing this with you and values your opinion, sometimes discussing with friends put things in perspective. I think it would be unfair not to share your thoughts but wise to distance yourself from the final decision making.
 
Hmmmm. I think there has to be some form of chemistry there. Some type of passion to hold on to as well. After a while you'll become resentful and it will spill over into other areas of the relationship. You should want to make love to ur DH / SO and be aroused mentally. IME you treat your partner differently in little ways when you have some type of passion for them. Little things like looking into their eyes, being more receptive and eager towards their advances. Also, it's a really shytty feeling when you love someone but find yourself lusting elsewhere. She may be happy with him but that's a big missing piece there.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
While I do not think a relationship should be based upon chemistry -- it's important. Several married here have even said that years later they are still in love with their hubby, that's beautiful. I was talking to a coworker the other day and she said she still gets a little excited when her hubby comes home. All of that ties to chemistry.
 
feelings of sexual chemistry will dwindle in time anyway, his character, ability to provide etc. is of the utmost importance.
looking back i wish i'd realized this before...

but then again... a complete lack of sexual chemistry could lead to cheating...
idk, this is a tough one.
 
I completely agree with Brittster. There's a saying 'if the s-x is good, it's 10% of the marriage. If it's bad, it's 90%'

I believe it's important, not th emost important, but important. And no matter how good a guy he is, saying with that person is just blocking both of them from someone who will fulfill them.
 
Sexual chemistry is very important, a man would not even ask this question lol. I guess the question I have is, does he have chemistry with her?

His attraction and chemistry towards you is important, how affectionate he is and how much he adores you. Because if that is intact then the chemistry can grow for you. But I think it's some thing that needs to be discussed because if you decide to stay with him her emotional needs are important. Don't glaze over the importance of it.

Because as a man he won't glaze over anything. Nothing. Try to find a balance if he is really what you want. Do you feel his sexual energy when you are together? What you don't want is a married but we act like roommates situation?

The biggest plus for your friend: he is willing to learn!
 
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How important is sex to her? If she wants a provider, then she should keep him. If she wants a stallion with a good enough job then she should put him back on the market. (Not to say she won't ever meet a man with it all) Him being good to her doesn't seem to be enough to meet her idea of happiness.
 
^^ I think sex is important to her but she is one of those people who looks at the practicality of everything so she knows the importance of having a person who can provide and offer stability.
 
No man is perfect but if I do not feel the chemistry, I cannot stay. I would tell her to follow her heart. I was at a wedding on Sunday and for a while we forgot it was not our wedding. Something about him draws me to him and pulls him towards me. I wish your friend all the best. :)
 
here's the real question: do they have any real physical chemistry/intimacy at all and its just the sex that's lacking? or do they have zero physical chemistry?

If there's no physical chemistry then they should end it. If they have some, they may need to just do counseling or something.
 
Lucie said:
No man is perfect but if I do not feel the chemistry, I cannot stay. I would tell her to follow her heart. I was at a wedding on Sunday and for a while we forgot it was not our wedding. Something about him draws me to him and pulls him towards me. I wish your friend all the best. :)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I know myself well enough to know that this would be extremely problematic. I couldn't be with this person long term.
 
Chemistry is extremely important...but BUT it doesn't always present itself initially. Some of you may know what I'm talking about.

You know...we dumped the good guy we had no chemistry with, then see him on the arm of another women and suddenly we just HAVE to have him back.

Men will fall in love with a women they find attractive, women become attracted to the man they fall in love with. (Something like that...it's an old saying)
 
LiftedUp said:
:bump:


Any 2015 thoughts on this :look:
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I still feel the same exact way and wouldn't have it any other way. As a matter of fact, I feel it more even now. That chemistry does affect how you treat you the person. For me, I have to like the person, not necessarily in a "I need to jump his bones all the time" but I def do look at the person and feel attraction to them, I'm far more touchy feely... far more and just overall more warm towards them. I realize I've been deprived of this feeling in the past. But for me, attraction is a funny thing, it's physical, mental, emotional and I can't explain it.. or maybe, I don't want to go into all that lol. One thing I know is, it can't be forced on my end. Attraction for me has a huge mental/emotional component tied into the physical.
 
I couldn't do it. That sexual attraction is what softens my heart towards him. Makes me want to care for him when he's sick. Makes me not be repulsed by him and give in when he's coming at me fresh out the gym and sweaty and smelly as all hell. Makes me get up and cook for him when I'm too tired to cook for myself. Draws me to him and makes me stay when he's doing nothing wrong but still getting on my nerves.

Without that attraction, he/we would have been history long ago.
 
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