Marriage in trouble

I have maintained the friendship because he has always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to. Uhm....why do you need to talk to "another man" all of the time

My husband has his friends who are married and all they do is play sports. How is THIS a problem?




I don't know what to do because like I said before this is not the first time this has happened. It happened with someone else. Oh dear....


I just can't stop calling them. Why CAN'T you? What are ya'll talking about that has you all wrapped up?

I have gotten to the point that maybe I just have a problem. I can't seem to stop calling, and I love my husband dearly.

This just makes me laugh...are you serious? :lachen: So calling men is an addiciton?

I will try counseling. I will call around and see what's out there. -I think you need to step away from the phone.


Are we being punk'd?
 
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BackToMyRoots said:
For the life of me I can't imagine why you would contemplate divorcing your husband of 4 years over this.

What kind of "friends" are these and why do you need so many?

Are they the type of friends that can come over for dinner with you and DH? Are you introducing him to them? If you keep them secret, then be honest with yourself and admit something else may be going on.

And I also don't think you should be acquiring male friends after you are married. If they are not mutual friends of you and your husband.....uh no.
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Sounds like she should have had one of the friends "put a ring on it." :rolleyes:
 
Sounds like the OP maybe having an emotion affair with the other men due to the lack of intimacy in the marriage. Emotion affairs are just as devastating if not more so than physical ones. Sounds like OP know this is getting out of hand. hope all is well at this point.
 
Unless there is something negative that you haven't revealed about your husband, it's quite simple:

Either your friend(s) or your husband.
 
honeycomb719 said:
Sounds like the OP maybe having an emotion affair with the other men due to the lack of intimacy in the marriage. Emotion affairs are just as devastating if not more so than physical ones. Sounds like OP know this is getting out of hand. hope all is well at this point.
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Both are horrible but...I think they're (emotional) worse.
 
Things are getting a little better. My husband and I communicate more. We still have problems at times, but what marriage doesn't. I have realized that talking to other guys is not worth my marriage. I love my husband and I will not allow a friendship with another man to come in between my marriage.
 
TRINITY05 said:
Things are getting a little better. My husband and I communicate more. We still have problems at times, but what marriage doesn't. I have realized that talking to other guys is not worth my marriage. I love my husband and I will not allow a friendship with another man to come in between my marriage.
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That's good to hear.

Also, do you have any female friendships you can nurture?
 
Not really. I have some female friends but they are never available. They are married also and spend most of their time with their husbands. I don't have any female friends I actually talk to on a daily basis.
 
You should MAKE your husband meet this friend. If this personis important to you he should want to know him. It sounds like you would like more couple freindly activity with your hubby. if this friend has a so why don't you double for a sporting event. So your huubby gets what he like while getting to know your bud. My bf is m and my hubby didn't like it but kept it frm me. I would never cut him off because we have been there for eachother since 6th grade and I had to explain that we see each other as siblings not romantic. Now they get along much better because both like comics and stuff. WHat you need is a common ground to get the ball moving if he is JUST a friend.
 
I soooo agree with this position, because they are one now.


firecracker said:
I hope these are old tried and true friendships you maintained prior to marriage. You can't have new male friends in a marriage unless your hubby approves sweetie. I'm going to keep my other thoughts and questions to myself. :lachen:
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Good luck OP. I note you said both of you were very alike in personality. That can be an issue for some for eg - if both find it hard to communicate their feelings or wishes to each other. Each is waiting for the other to make the move...
Sometimes it's better if you're different - a vocal, open man can coax his conservative shy woman into being more open and she can in turn calm him down if neccessary.
However this does not mean two similar personalities cannot be compatible. It may involve more work than usual but who said marriage was a picnic anyway?
The great thing is you have identified the issue (lack of communication) and are willing to work on your marriage. Thing is - you also have to work on those aspects of your personality which prevented you from achieving the intimacy and understanding you obviously needed. It means being the one to initiate communication or getting him to open up and pay you more attention. You need to be proactive and at first it will seem like hard work but like all things you will get used to it. That way you will be less likely to drift into intimacy with another man.
I think sometimes we women have a romanticized view of love or marriage and while that is not a bad thing, unrealistic expectations can do more harm than good. We may not realise that we actually have to WORK very hard at making a go of it. That merely loving each other is NOT enough.
Don't sit back expecting him to sweep you off your feet or be a mindreader. You've got to lay the groundwork by pursuing active, loving communication all the time and you'll find that everything else will fall into place. I guess what I'm trying to say is you need to approach the issue with your heart AND head.
Good luck.
 
1star said:
all of my friends are men, save one, and as each one got married, some were able to maintain a friendship with me and other female friends some were not. OUT OF RESPECT for the marriage first and the friendship second i gladly agreed to end all contact with my male friends who had wives that did not feel comfortable with the husband having female friends. i may have been there before they ever met her but marriage vows and trust within that marriage trumps my friendship. real friends are always friends no matter what and even if you go 20 years without communicating, real friends are always there when you need them.

my opinion CUT OFF ALL TIES to the male friend(s), seek counseling if necessary for your marriage and work at rebuilding the trust that you lost by being dishonest with your husband.

i am confident that his love for you and his commitment to the marriage will allow him to forgive you and learn to trust you again.

just make sure you don't break that trust again over someone you did not take life long vows with. maintaining a friendship is not worth losing a marriage IMO.
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:yep: mmmhmmm...uh, does your DH know about the "friend" in your siggy? :lick:

:lol: j/k
 
TRINITY05 said:
Not really. I have some female friends but they are never available. They are married also and spend most of their time with their husbands. I don't have any female friends I actually talk to on a daily basis.
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Girl PM me!! I live in SoMd and I'm married. Save me as a friend!!!
 
Your husband needs to get over the whole no male friends..Men can be so selfish at times.I mean if he thinks your messing around then you shouldn't have any friends...you go either way...with male or female..Pray about it and see where God leads you...I wouldn't stop my life because I'm married..a marriage is a coming together like a merger not a acquistion...
 
TRINITY05 said:
Things are getting a little better. My husband and I communicate more. We still have problems at times, but what marriage doesn't. I have realized that talking to other guys is not worth my marriage. I love my husband and I will not allow a friendship with another man to come in between my marriage.
Click to expand...

Yay!!! Work on getting what you need from your MARRIAGE, every last drop. Then nurture some relationships with a married female. If you need someone to chat with you--tell your husband. If you need him to talk to you about work, tell him. If you need him to be more spontaneous, tell him. AND love him for trying.

You guys should go to Married Peoples Meetings at church (churches have different names for them, seems like you desire fellowship.
 
coco_diva4 said:
Your husband needs to get over the whole no male friends..Men can be so selfish at times.I mean if he thinks your messing around then you shouldn't have any friends...you go either way...with male or female..Pray about it and see where God leads you...I wouldn't stop my life because I'm married..a marriage is a coming together like a merger not a acquistion...
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With respect Coco, are you married?

And it is an acquisition, A woman acquires her husband and a husband acquires his wife. (Behold, I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine ~Song of Solomon, Bible.) They form "one flesh." It is NOT easy, and you do not need to stop life, but marriage is more than 2 people dressing up, and living in the same space. It's also a merger...They merge their 2 selves into each other. There is a give and take, or that "one flesh" cannot survive. Basically, to be successful, the levels and types of mergers, acquisitions, gives and takes are too complex for words and too daunting to be attempted without Christ...but on those moments when it's successful, it it trrrrruly, a work of art.
 
UPDATE:

My husband and I are doing well. I have finally stopped the urge to talk to other men on the phone. It was really hard, but I realized through counseling that my marriage is far more important. Thanks ladies for all your comments.
 
TRINITY05 said:
UPDATE:

My husband and I are doing well. I have finally stopped the urge to talk to other men on the phone. It was really hard, but I realized through counseling that my marriage is far more important. Thanks ladies for all your comments.
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Good for you. I think you made the right decision. God bless you and your DH.
 
TRINITY05 said:
UPDATE:

My husband and I are doing well. I have finally stopped the urge to talk to other men on the phone. It was really hard, but I realized through counseling that my marriage is far more important. Thanks ladies for all your comments.
Click to expand...

Good you put your marriage first. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would want your husband to do the same thing. A marriage is headed for trouble any time either spouse puts someone else ahead of the other. I'm happy for both of you.
 
qchelle said:
Wow. Can't have male friends while married. I learn something everyday from this site :lol:
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I don't think people are saying that you can't have male friends when you're married. :nono: The issue is having male "friends" behind your husband's back. OP stated that she had pictures of her male friend saved on her computer. I never followed the whole thread, so I didn't get the explanation on that. :look: She was also talking to him on the phone behind her husband's back. :perplexed
 
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