Marriage clock

[Qtee]

I know many women in their mid 30's who never has had children feel their biological clock ticking. But what about women around the same age who has never been married?

Now, I will be 36 this year and has been engaged twice but never married. My last relationship ended after 2 years because we were in 2 different stages in our lives. He was a few years younger..just moved out on his own and was still finding his way. Me on the other had has been on my own since I was 18 and am ready to settle down and get married.

Now, since about a year into the last relationship, I have been feeling my marriage "clock" ticking..I want to get married....and start a life with someone. I have been dating someone for a few weeks..still too pre-mature to know if he is the ONE..but thats not the point..I'm like this....I want to get married..if this isn't what u want at some point..let me know now so I can keep it moving..I'm not getting any younger and dont want to waste another 2 or more yrs on a dead-end relationship..

 

[mischka]

interesting. i will be checking for the replies in this thread because im starting to wonder if its time for me to grow up some when it comes to guys and dating. im only 24, but im thinking i need to start having experience with serious relationships. before you know it im gonna look up and be 30...

 

[chocolat79]

Well, I'm in a similar boat, but I'm in my early 30's. I decided that I'm going to be in a stable relationship (hopefully) leading to marriage by the end of this year. I can't say that my marriage clock is ticking per se, but I've just done mostly everything I've wanted to do as a single woman, so now it's time to move into the next phase of my life and do things with a partner.

I ask the guys upfront what their expectations are. Are they looking for marriage or not? If they're not, it's a waste of time to put a lot of energy into them. I may still hang out with them if I've nothing else to to do, but I wouldn't be investing in them like that. I have a potential SO right now and he's definitely looking for a marriage and so am I. If he wasn't, I wouldn't really be studd'n him, LOL.

 

[Bun Mistress]

@OP I can totally understand what you are saying. But, I think that at this stage in the game if you are even in the relationship forum, you are tired of the relationships that go no where. I don't have a marriage clock though. I think I did at one point, when I was dating several men, and I just had a birthday. I was feeling old then, I guess.

I won't waste my time anymore with men that I don't have a gueniune interest in or I don't feel are worth my time. But it's not the first thing on my list. Yes, I am getting older (29 this year) and I have still thoughts about childern and marrige. But I don't want to sacrifice my ideals and what I find acceptable in a mate. I have done that before, the relationship didn't work, and I realized later that I wasn't really happy.

But if you are hearing the tick tock, then choose carefully, and live well.

 

[MzLady78]

Mine has been ticking for awhile now and I'm in my early 30s. But the reality is that I just don't come across many marriage-minded men. And even the ones who say they are seem to act very contradictory to that.

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy my life and not dwell on it too much because it really does depress me sometimes.

 

[Qtee]

Thanks ladies for ur input....I will take my time and choose wisely..but I will not waste my time on a man that doesnt see marriage in his near future..

 

[Angelicus]

Even while dating-- and even during serious relationships-- I have always felt alone. I always found myself doing things by myself (hobbies, church, etc.). I'm tired of doing things by myself. I would like to have a partner. I'm so tired though...

I feel like an old maid and I'm not even 30 yet. Everyone around me is married and starting families. I go to a church where many people marry early. I feel like "The Last Mohican."

I hear it ticking... I feel like a stick of dynamite on it's last inch of fuse. I feel like if I'm not married by 30, I'll just be a old maid for life

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I will be 36 this year, never engaged, never married. I don't know why my life played out this way. Kicking rocks now

 

[Glib Gurl]

OP, I feel you completely. I am turning 33 in just over a month and with my brother getting engaged, the marriage clock has been ticking louder than ever. It got so bad for me that last week I had to take down all of the pictures and cards I'd received from friends with wedding announcements, baby pictures, etc. It was just aming me entirely too anxious . . . .

I'm trying to focus on the fact that even though I very much want to be married, I don't want to be married to the WRONG person for the *sake* of being married. So right now, I'm just trying to live my life, have fun, and hope to meet someone along the way that I'd actually WANT to live and start a family with . . .

Mine has been ticking for awhile now and I'm in my early 30s. But the reality is that I just don't come across many marriage-minded men. And even the ones who say they are seem to act very contradictory to that.

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy my life and not dwell on it too much because it really does depress me sometimes.

Even while dating-- and even during serious relationships-- I have always felt alone. I always found myself doing things by myself (hobbies, church, etc.). I'm tired of doing things by myself. I would like to have a partner. I'm so tired though...

I feel like an old maid and I'm not even 30 yet. Everyone around me is married and starting families. I go to a church where many people marry early. I feel like "The Last Mohican."

I hear it ticking... I feel like a stick of dynamite on it's last inch of fuse. I feel like if I'm not married by 30, I'll just be a old maid for life

Ditto to both of these.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I’m in the same boat, I’m in my early 30s and it’s hard for me not to feel like some sort of a weirdo for not being married with kids.

My family is African and all of us kids were born and raised in America. Locally, most of the blacks that are within my workplace are African. Most are African born. Let me tell you, many will not loose a beat to rub it in your face that you are not married with kids and that you are old…even do I’m not. These same women might be in a horrible relationship, miserable and broke. They are still going to rub it in your face that they have a HUSBAND and KIDS!!

Sometimes I feel that if it wasn’t for this forum. I would assume I’m some sort of alien life form.

I hate it. In a way, even if I marry someone like me the African relatives will criticize me for marrying old and will give the man a hard time for marrying old me. That is even if the man is the same age as me…he will expected to marry someone younger as in someone in her 20s.

Heck, when I was in my 20s I assumed my 20s would be all about career, travelling and enjoying the fruit of my labor (studies) and then do the marriage thing at 30. For many people marriage is a business!! It’s letting people know that you are a home owner at any cost.

I’m scared and at the same time I’m happy that I still have the freedom to move to where I want to move without having any strings attached.

 

[nappystorm]

I never cared about having kids so my clock is a little slower. Besides, I reached several milestones later than my peers. Once you've reached them, you realize all the stressing and drama was pretty pointless.

 

[greight]

I'm more worried about being married to the wrong person than a marriage clock.

Nothing will age you faster than a no good man.

 

[Qtee]

I'm more worried about being married to the wrong person than a marriage clock.

Nothing will age you faster than a no good man.

That is soo true..I realized that after my last relationship ended, I stopped getting migraines during my menstrual..When you are unhappy it can make u physically sick..and old..

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I'm more worried about being married to the wrong person than a marriage clock.

Nothing will age you faster than a no good man.

That is also one thing on my mind as well. I also happen to be aware of how it can impact not only my well being, but the well being of the kids. Especially, if I have daughters. It will be a nightmare for them to dealing with daddy issues/ men issues. Don't want that , it can affect not only daughters, but grand daughters, great grand daughters, etc. Gotta choose wisely cause its not just your basket case and can be the basket case for the numerous generations

 

[Keen]

I will be 36 this year, never engaged, never married. I don't know why my life played out this way. Kicking rocks now

At least you have a child. If I get to my late 30s and I'm still not married with kids, I'm going to stop kicking rocks and adopt or become a foster mom. My family is very supportive so it shouldn't be that hard being a single mom.

 

[hopeful]

Even while dating-- and even during serious relationships-- I have always felt alone. I always found myself doing things by myself (hobbies, church, etc.). I'm tired of doing things by myself. I would like to have a partner. I'm so tired though...

I feel like an old maid and I'm not even 30 yet. Everyone around me is married and starting families. I go to a church where many people marry early. I feel like "The Last Mohican."

I hear it ticking... I feel like a stick of dynamite on it's last inch of fuse. I feel like if I'm not married by 30, I'll just be a old maid for life

I will be 36 this year, never engaged, never married. I don't know why my life played out this way. Kicking rocks now

Both of your posts broke my heart. I am so sorry things have not turned out how you hoped. I really hope things work out for both of you. You are beautiful, smart, sweet ladies. Hang in there .

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I will be 36 this year, never engaged, never married. I don't know why my life played out this way. Kicking rocks now

I also kind of fell the same way at times. Sometimes I wonder what is going on. But I have gut feeling that god is keeping me aside for someone wonderful. Its almost like it's not a regular guy.

 

[MzLady78]

OP, I feel you completely. I am turning 33 in just over a month and with my brother getting engaged, the marriage clock has been ticking louder than ever. It got so bad for me that last week I had to take down all of the pictures and cards I'd received from friends with wedding announcements, baby pictures, etc. It was just aming me entirely too anxious . . . .

I'm trying to focus on the fact that even though I very much want to be married, I don't want to be married to the WRONG person for the *sake* of being married. So right now, I'm just trying to live my life, have fun, and hope to meet someone along the way that I'd actually WANT to live and start a family with . . .





Ditto to both of these.

That's nothing. After holding a friend's baby a few weeks ago, I got so depressed I actually cried.

But yeah, as much as it sucks, I definitely have to co-sign that being single is being better than being married to the wrong person. I know a few people in that situation and unfortunately, their solutions aren't to work on the marriage or leave, it's to cheat. And it's hard not to internalize all that stuff and start to feel like what's the point when NO ONE around you seems to be happy in their marriage and EVERYONE seems to be cheating.

 

[MissSenegal]

I feel like this. The sad thing is I'm only 23 but my facebook feed is full of people I went to high school with talking about their upcoming weddings or getting engaged. I stupidly feel like time is running out because by 23 my mom and sister were married with kids.

 

[Britt]

I'm more worried about being married to the wrong person than a marriage clock.

Nothing will age you faster than a no good man.

This is the truth right here! I took it lightly, but I'm going to continue to keep praying for the right man. After a terrible date this Sat, my gf rang my bell and came over to check on me yesterday b/c she was worried. And she sat on my bed and spoke to me, and I told her that I need to pray not just for a man, but for the right one and more importantly ask God to open my eyes and heart so that I know when I come across him. I think I may have some tweaking to do within myself and readjust my lens so that I know he's the one when I meet him.

That is also one thing on my mind as well. I also happen to be aware of how it can impact not only my well being, but the well being of the kids. Especially, if I have daughters. It will be a nightmare for them to dealing with daddy issues/ men issues. Don't want that , it can affect not only daughters, but grand daughters, great grand daughters, etc. Gotta choose wisely cause its not just your basket case and can be the basket case for the numerous generations

yeppppppp!

That's nothing. After holding a friend's baby a few weeks ago, I got so depressed I actually cried.

Awwwwww MzLady! ((((hugs))))

 

[MzLady78]

This is the truth right here! I took it lightly, but I'm going to continue to keep praying for the right man. After a terrible date this Sat, my gf rang my bell and came over to check on me yesterday b/c she was worried. And she sat on my bed and spoke to me, and I told her that I need to pray not just for a man, but for the right one and more importantly ask God to open my eyes and heart so that I know when I come across him. I think I may have some tweaking to do within myself and readjust my lens so that I know he's the one when I meet him.



yeppppppp!



Awwwwww MzLady! ((((hugs))))

Thanks. I felt like a friggin lunatic but it was hard. This person is actually more a friend of my younger brother's and this is his 2nd child. It's like all the people having kids are the ones who didn't plan for or necessarily want them but I've ALWAYS wanted them. I just can't find a husband to have them with.

I started researching adoption agencies last week.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

to all the single ladies who feel lonely.

I don't want to discourage anyone from living their dream... but adopting a kid will make it that much harder for you get married! If you want marriage and kids, you will be best served by holding off on the kids until you find that quality husband Have any of you ladies thought about seeing a matchmaker?

 

[MzLady78]

to all the single ladies who feel lonely.

I don't want to discourage anyone from living their dream... but adopting a kid will make it that much harder for you get married! If you want marriage and kids, you will be best served by holding off on the kids until you find that quality husband Have any of you ladies thought about seeing a matchmaker?

Why do you think that? This has just been my experience, but I have yet meet a man who takes issue with a woman with kids, probably because the majority of them have kids themselves. And if I were to meet one who did, clearly he's not the man for me.

I'm 33 years old. I'm not trying to be 40 years old having my first kid and there's no guarantee I'm even going to find a husband. Not my preference, but if that's what happens, so be it.

But I am going to be a mother, however I have to go about making it happen.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Why do you think that? This has just been my experience, but I have yet meet a man who takes issue with a woman with kids, probably because the majority of them have kids themselves. And if I were to meet one who did, clearly he's not the man for me.

I'm 33 years old. I'm not trying to be 40 years old having my first kid and there's no guarantee I'm even going to find a husband. Not my preference, but if that's what happens, so be it.

But I am going to be a mother, however I have to go about making it happen.

You are obviously free to do as you see fit. I know that you've mentioned before that the demographic of men around you has tons of kids with multiple women, and cheats. Is that the group you want to find a husband in?

Have you really never heard this before, that men prefer to marry childless women?

Obviously you'll do what you think is best and I wish you well.

 

[Britt]

Why do you think that? This has just been my experience, but I have yet meet a man who takes issue with a woman with kids, probably because the majority of them have kids themselves. And if I were to meet one who did, clearly he's not the man for me.

I'm 33 years old. I'm not trying to be 40 years old having my first kid and there's no guarantee I'm even going to find a husband. Not my preference, but if that's what happens, so be it.

But I am going to be a mother, however I have to go about making it happen.

I hear ya.... I get quite annoyed when people say to me "oh Halle berry had her first kid after 40".. I'm like.. wtf does that have to do with me?!?!? And who the helll told you I want to be having kids then?!?!?!? We all know it's possible to have kids when you're older, that doesn't mean you necessarily want to. MzLady, good luck on the adoption proccess!!! I still have my fingers crossed for you in the meantime, you just never know... you could be posting something very different by even the end of the year .... You could be boo'd up then with it moving towards marriage

 

[MzLady78]

You are obviously free to do as you see fit. I know that you've mentioned before that the demographic of men around you has tons of kids with multiple women, and cheats. Is that the group you want to find a husband in?

Have you really never heard this before, that men prefer to marry childless women?

Obviously you'll do what you think is best and I wish you well.

Umm, no, of course not. That's part of why I'm still single.

That's why I said it's been *my* experience. I hear plenty of women say they don't want to deal with a man with kids, but I haven't come across the reverse yet. Not to say that those men aren't out there, I know they are. But I'm not giving up my desire to have a child because my hypothetical husband who may never come MAY not want to marry a woman with a child.

But thanks for the well wishes.

 

[Britt]

Have you really never heard this before, that men prefer to marry childless women?

yeah, there is some truth to this... Even arseholes ideally prefer a woman w/ little to no kids. We're like a dying breed, so when dudes hear you have no children, I think they favor that. This isn't to say they'd turn down a woman w/ kids at all, but I find some of them perk up a bit when they see you are childless.

 

[MzLady78]

I hear ya.... I get quite annoyed when people say to me "oh Halle berry had her first kid after 40".. I'm like.. wtf does that have to do with me?!?!? And who the helll told you I want to be having kids then?!?!?!? We all know it's possible to have kids when you're older, that doesn't mean you necessarily want to. MzLady, good luck on the adoption proccess!!! I still have my fingers crossed for you in the meantime, you just never know... you could be posting something very different by even the end of the year .... You could be boo'd up then with it moving towards marriage

Right. I know it's possible biologically, but that's not what I want.

As far as the adoption thing, that was more just a preliminary search to see what agencies were out there, what the process is like, etc. I'll give it another year or 2 before I start to feel like I really need to seriously look into in.

 

[MzLady78]

yeah, there is some truth to this... Even arseholes ideally prefer a woman w/ little to no kids. We're like a dying breed, so when dudes hear you have no children, I think they favor that. This isn't to say they'd turn down a woman w/ kids at all, but I find some of them perk up a bit when they see you are childless.

Exactly. It's like they've hit the lottery.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Yeah, in my experience men strongly and openly prefer childless women. Ask single moms and some of them will tell you they have greatly restricted options due to the "baggage" of kids.