Making him notice u beyond friendship

[CourtneyD]

(Sorry if duplicated)

Let me be transparent. (no judging, please) I am extremely interested in this brother from my church. We hang out every now and then, but only if I iniitiate - he then accepts) but he has never made a move: no excuse to touch my hand,, no playful/testing flirting words, no texting, no references at all so OBVIOUSLY I have to conclude that "he's just not that into you!"

But I'm "boo-boo the fool", at least for now and so I still am interested. I'm afraid to make a genuine move because I am older than he is, and sometimes I think he is a little intimidated by that (older translated means I have a house and he doesn't, I have a more senior job, he doesn't, etc.) and making the serious moves, well, it's not really my style, plus I hate rejection, and it might hurt our friendship. Also, I prefer the man to initiate things. Now, I do know how to flirt as a woman and I've thrown some hints out there and have given him many an opportunity to ask me out or text me something, or flirt, etc.

So what did you do (if anything) to get your SO or DH to see you as more than a friend? Can you get answers from your man on what works (without me having to put my boob in this guy's face!). A man's perspective is appreciated.

Some Facts:1) personalities click 2) physically - he likes what he sees (tested and confirmed) 3) intellectually we're compatible 4) he's not dating anyone else 5) he's not the classically handsome type so it's not like women are all over him. 6) we always have a good time together 7) neither of us have children or "drama."

I've been single for sooooo long so I've forgotten what it takes to date. Should I keep asking him out? Should I pull away or try to get together more often? My old style used to be inaccessible (because I usually am - not a game) but whether I am or not- doesn't seem to affect him. (I know, I know.... help me Jesus! The heart wants what it wants sometimes...)

Oh yeah, don't judge me. You were "boo boo the fool" once, too!

Any tips would be great. (Not going to sleep with him, though!) Here's my tip to myself: "Move on girl, move on!"

 

[FluffyRed]

IMO, gotta give him a chance to initiate. Be less available. Let him miss you.

Does he have something else going on that is causing him not to want to date in general?

 

[CourtneyD]

Thanks for the feedback. No, there's nothing going on his life that I know about beyond the financial and not having his own place (at the moment) that would stop him from dating right now. I tried the "less available" thing for two months and ... nothing. So I think I really have to either accept him as a friend or just walk away. Just easier said than done, that's all. That's the problem. Thanks!!!!! ;-)

 

[JinaRicci]

He may really like you but you might just feel out of his league. Also no matter what sometimes guys will not make a move for a serious thing until he feels financially ready & stable. Drop a hint- you could casually bring up the subject since you're friends you should be able to talk about what you're looking for in a man & ask him what he is looking for too since you don't want to come right out & say- I like you. It might put him at ease. But let him do the asking out.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

What to do to make him notice you beyond friendship? Nothing. Let the man pursue you. Girl, don't even try to figure it out. Men aren't that complicated. A man knows what he wants. If he really wants you, he will pursue you. If not, wait for the man that will.

I was very standoffish to my SO at first. We met in passing, for like one minute. He pursued me, got in contact with me through a friend, challenged me and we are still together after several years. The man has to want it. Don't do his work for him. Please.

We all have been boo boo But we are going to save you from doing it one more time. Keep him as a friend and wait for the dude who has the gall to initiate things with you.