Low Sex Drive

[Ladyhenri]

Has anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it? I live with my SO (have lived with him for 1.5 yrs). Initially It was often (every other day), but now its more like once every 6 weeks(or more)...and he is always up for it, the problem is me. I love it when he touches me , but if it starts being sexual i make him stop.
I love this man and we will be getting married next year, but i feel like i deny him so much that he may start getting fed up of not getting any. He is very loving and understanding about it, but he has said i may need to talk to someone cos this problem has been for the past year or so.


Please be as cryptic with posts or PM me if too graphic

 

[dlewis]

I had that problem after I had my daughter. I went to several doctors to see if there was something wrong with me (I thought I was going through menopause) and all the test came back OK. I would always go through a spell 2 or 3 times a years where I wanted it pretty often. This lasted for 6 years. I would often go along with him just because he is my husband but I would be thinking about what I needed to do or what I was gonna cook the next day. Just going through the motions.

Over the past year I've delt with somethings and it's 1000 times better. I'm a happier person overall and my marriage is better so that spills over into my (our) sex life.

 

[lexi08]

I have this problem. I have never been able to overcome it. Maybe I just have never found the right person.

 

[Ladyhenri]

I had that problem after I had my daughter. I went to several doctors to see if there was something wrong with me (I thought I was going through menopause) and all the test came back OK. I would always go through a spell 2 or 3 times a years where I wanted it pretty often. This lasted for 6 years. I would often go along with him just because he is my husband but I would be thinking about what I needed to do or what I was gonna cook the next day. Just going through the motions.

Over the past year I've delt with somethings and it's 1000 times better. I'm a happier person overall and my marriage is better so that spills over into my (our) sex life.

I used to do this as well. But i'd add a few oohs and aah so that he wouldnt feel i was staring into space.
Now i just slap his hands away before it gets to that stage.

 

[Ladyhenri]

I have this problem. I have never been able to overcome it. Maybe I just have never found the right person.

hey nikki, Have you always had a LSD? Or did it develop over time? just wondering

 

[january noir]

I love it when he touches me , but if it starts being sexual i make him stop.
I love this man and we will be getting married next year, but i feel like i deny him so much that he may start getting fed up of not getting any. He is very loving and understanding about it, but he has said i may need to talk to someone cos this problem has been for the past year or so.

Hey Henrietta,
I am pretty sure that there is a solution(s) out there for your situation .

I do have a question for you. You said you love your man, but are you "in love with him?"
Reason I asked is because I "loved" a man in my heart, but I didn't like sex with him. I realized over time that though I loved him, I wasn't sexually attracted to him and I dreaded the act. He had a high drive which presented a problem for me. I did not have the heart to tell him and we broke up and that was fine for me.

When I am "in love" with a person, I can't get enough of them ...

 

[Ladyhenri]

Hey Henrietta,
I am pretty sure that there is a solution(s) out there for your situation .

I do have a question for you. You said you love your man, but are you "in love with him?"
Reason I asked is because I "loved" a man in my heart, but I didn't like sex with him. I realized over time that though I loved him, I wasn't sexually attracted to him and I dreaded the act. He had a high drive which presented a problem for me. I did not have the heart to tell him and we broke up and that was fine for me.

When I am "in love" with a person, I can't get enough of them ...

You've made me stop and think long and hard...
i am in love with him and i am sexually attracted to him.
I dont like sex with him now, like i did before...but i am pretty certain it is more because i am no longer intrested in sex than that he is doing something wrong. I think a sexually compatible man for me right now would be someone that doesnt want any sex at all.
Hope this makes sense.

 

[Ladyhenri]

Just noticed my post no was 666...had to post anything quick to take it outta there

 

[glam-]

Are you on any medications? They could be interfering with your interest

 

[eyunka]

i was going to ask if you were on any meds as well. I also find that when I'm not happy with myself (physically) i wouldn't want to be him. I found when i exercise my drive came back I felt more attractive.

 

[january noir]

You've made me stop and think long and hard...
i am in love with him and i am sexually attracted to him.
I dont like sex with him now, like i did before...but i am pretty certain it is more because i am no longer intrested in sex than that he is doing something wrong. I think a sexually compatible man for me right now would be someone that doesnt want any sex at all.
Hope this makes sense.

This makes sense.

My sister is experiencing the same thing you are. She's asked me what to do and the only advice I could give her is to talk to a sex therapist.
Now me...that's a whole 'nutha story Oops! TMI

 

[MzLady78]

This makes sense.

My sister is experiencing the same thing you are. She's asked me what to do and the only advice I could give her is to talk to a sex therapist.
Now me...that's a whole 'nutha story Oops! TMI

Girl, I wish I could lower mine!

I'm always umm......"on", and I don't even have an SO or anything to help me out!

But anyway, I hope you get to the bottom of this, Henrietta. I'm sure it's frustrating as hell.

 

[scorpian]

Are you on any medications? They could be interfering with your interest

I was gonna ask you this too...Some birth control meds lower your sex drive

 

[aliceo]

I was gonna ask you this too...Some birth control meds lower your sex drive

Really??? Which ones?? erplexed

I always used to be "on" when I didn't have an SO..... now I'm with someone, I'm not as interested. I'm very often just doing it because I hate to deny him.... And I never even "reach" if you know what i mean.... Not even by myself Not that I bother with that much anymore.....

 

[Luvmylife]

I was gonna ask you this too...Some birth control meds lower your sex drive

You said it before I could get it out of my mouth.

I also understand that any type of hormonal birth control (pill, patch, injection, ect.) can have effects on your sex drive. (I guess that's some birth control for real right there...you won't get pregnant because you won't want to have sex!)

I have been a victim of decreased sex drive as a result of different medications and within 6-8 weeks of being removed from them...let's just say I was a whole new woman

Some antidepressants are also said to have the same side effect.

 

[Ladyhenri]

Are you on any medications? They could be interfering with your interest

Hey there...no i am not on any medication...
(does MSM, glucosamine, Flaxseed oil, Cod liver oil, Biotin VitC, Vit E etc count as medication)

 

[Ladyhenri]

i was going to ask if you were on any meds as well. I also find that when I'm not happy with myself (physically) i wouldn't want to be him. I found when i exercise my drive came back I felt more attractive.

Ok...this is very intresting. I have gained a few pounds, not overweight or any thing, just not as trim as i like to be... before i was very comfortable with taking naughty pics or having dirty video calls but now, I wont even consider it....and i did start to gain weight when we started living together....

 

[Ladyhenri]

This makes sense.

My sister is experiencing the same thing you are. She's asked me what to do and the only advice I could give her is to talk to a sex therapist.
Now me...that's a whole 'nutha story Oops! TMI

You need to tell me what you're eating

 

[Ladyhenri]

Girl, I wish I could lower mine!

I'm always umm......"on", and I don't even have an SO or anything to help me out!

But anyway, I hope you get to the bottom of this, Henrietta. I'm sure it's frustrating as hell.

It sure is...i miss sex but dont wanna do it
come to think of it, when i was single, i was always in the mood too...i think having sex always readily available does make it a bit less intresting

 

[Ladyhenri]

You said it before I could get it out of my mouth.

I also understand that any type of hormonal birth control (pill, patch, injection, ect.) can have effects on your sex drive. (I guess that's some birth control for real right there...you won't get pregnant because you won't want to have sex!)

I have been a victim of decreased sex drive as a result of different medications and within 6-8 weeks of being removed from them...let's just say I was a whole new woman

Some antidepressants are also said to have the same side effect.

I dont take any BC pills, i count safe days and use a condom otherwise

 

[scorpian]

Really??? Which ones?? erplexed

I always used to be "on" when I didn't have an SO..... now I'm with someone, I'm not as interested. I'm very often just doing it because I hate to deny him.... And I never even "reach" if you know what i mean.... Not even by myself Not that I bother with that much anymore.....

Sorry I didn't see this question yesterday but Luvmylife answered your question in her post and ITA with her answer

I think that part of the reason we as women loose interest once we "settle down" is because the thrill is gone and it becomes blah...When you're dating it's different,fun and new but once you lock him down it becomes more routine and boring and if you have kids and a job and housework sex can become just another chore and it takes away from the fun..
I also know women that are willing and ready but their men don't wanna have sex with them as much once the chase is over.

 

[klb120475]

I use to have LSD when I was married. I went to the doctor I don't know how many times for it. Truth is I didn't desire him............

 

[scorpian]

I use to have LSD when I was married. I went to the doctor I don't know how many times for it. Truth is I didn't desire him............

But did you desire him before you got married and lose desire after?

 

[rayne]

I experienced it after I had my daughter. At first I thought it was because I was too tired due to the stress of being a new mother, wife, work, school, and taking care of the house. But then I suspected it was the depo-shot. So I stopped taking it and still nothing erplexed It tried various pills and they helped some but they were expensive. So I went to a different doctor and she told me about this lady who experienced the same thing. But when she left her husband, her sex drive came back. I knew I was stressed but it wasn't that bad. After I had my son, I started getting it back but it's no where near like it was before. Then I ran into an old friend that I used to have a crush on and man was I on fire kiss2: :fallenang I haven't felt like that in a loooonnnnnggggg time. Nothing happened though, but it made me wonder if my last doctor was right

 

[bluefolli]

Walk around naked, think of yourself as sexy, imagine yourself getting your groove on...sometimes, I have to do that sometimes. Do you watch porn? That helps me sometimes, too.

 

[aliceo]

Sorry I didn't see this question yesterday but Luvmylife answered your question in her post and ITA with her answer

I think that part of the reason we as women loose interest once we "settle down" is because the thrill is gone and it becomes blah...When you're dating it's different,fun and new but once you lock him down it becomes more routine and boring and if you have kids and a job and housework sex can become just another chore and it takes away from the fun..
I also know women that are willing and ready but their men don't wanna have sex with them as much once the chase is over.

Thanks to you and Luvmylife... I guess I have to find another method of BC and/or do some thinking about my relationship....erplexed

ETA: In my case, I really don't think it;s that I don't desire him.... I can't even fantasize about being with ANYONE....

 

[january noir]

You need to tell me what you're eating

Actually I try to steer clear of any prepared foods. The only thing I will buy at a grocery store is meat (lean chicken & turkey), fish and paper products. I buy and prepare all vegetables and fruits fresh from the green grocer. No canned or frozen foods of any kind.

But I don't think that has anything to do with it .
I just have a high drive (also known as "fast"). I always tell my friends that I will be one of those OLD ladies you occasionally hear about still having sex until the day they die!

 

[pink_flower]

Do you feel disconnected from him emotionally? I'm not trying to pry just wanted to give you something to think about.

I remember a time my SO and I were having a rough patch and I felt really distant from him emotionally. This carried over to sex as well, because for ME I could not have sex with someone I was not connected with.

It wasn't until we worked out our issues and reestablished our intimacy that the feeling resurfaced again.

 

[Nic]

I agree with Pink_Flower. Henrietta, I felt like you were taking the words right outta my mouth re: your current status.

My SO and I had a very dry period, where my drive was uber low and a few friends suggested that I may not be attracted to him. And I disagreed, though I didn't dismiss it. What I learned about myself is that I am not attracted to him (at times) - emotionally. Physically, he is all there in my eyes. But when I have ill feelings re: s.thing that occurred in our relationship, our sex life suffers - on my end. When I am happy with him, I am ready to go, we have no problems. It may be an emotional thing, not so much physical.

Porn definitely helps, at least for me. But what I found was that my SO felt insulted that he didn't have the same effect on me as porn. I dunno, it's no simple answer. Some girls have it easy and some have it hard.

BTW, what are some of the BCP that are known to increase your sex drive?

I wish you the best. I know from experience while your man is trying to support you his needs are going unfulfilled. In my case, resentment built and we still struggle with what happened in the past, even though our sex life have improved ten-fold. Try to play around with things, find what makes you excited - porn, role-playing, etc. and self-reflect on what can be the source of the disconnection.

Keep us posted on your progress.

All the best,

 

[Luvmylife]

Thanks to you and Luvmylife... I guess I have to find another method of BC and/or do some thinking about my relationship....erplexed

ETA: In my case, I really don't think it;s that I don't desire him.... I can't even fantasize about being with ANYONE....

Girl, no problem...and please do not let the Dr. "send you off" and say it's just nothing. Please insist that they investigate.

Also to Henrietta, I've experienced some 'slumps' in sex drive over the years and these things have helped me...maybe they can be of some use to you (I'm also echoing the sentiments of other posters):

Losing weight - DH and I went on a diet and lost 30 and 15 pounds respectively...and the immediate effect was on sex. I was attracted to him in a whole new way. It was like being with a different person because it was bodies we weren't used to, KWIM?

Changing it up - If you've been with someone a while, a change might be just the thing to motivate your libido. The prospect of making love on a moonlit beach with a bottle of wine sounds way more arousing then getting the usual Wednesday night hump in the same ol' bed.

Me Makeover- I feel more open sexually,and 'arouse-able' when I feel I look my best. Gorgeous hair, a fly outfit and perfect makeup makes me feel sexy...old ratty pajamas and a headrag don't

Getting rid of inhibitions - doing something that is unusual for you can be quite sexy and arousing. I'm usually pretty reserved so for me it doesn't take much. I'm not a drinker, so having a small glass of wine is waaay out the box for meIt also takes alot for me to loosen up enough to dance, but feeling free enough to do this can be very stimulating.

Fantasize- The biggest sex organ we have is out brain! If what's going on at the moment isn't exactly sexy to you, let your mind wander and place yourself in other scenarios that pique your sexual intrest. That hot stuffy bedroom not doing it for you? Close your eyes and imagine you and your love are on a deserted island...your brain can take you anywhere.

I'm sorry to be so long winded...I could go on for hours
I just really feel passionate about sexuality and truly believe that good satisfying, fulfilling sex is the right of every consenting adult. I hope this can be of some help to you