kayte
Well-Known Member
It seems like some of the relationships gone wrong
that I hear of ...remind me of those times when I was so vulnerable,
and was more invested
in the person,
the relationship,
or the idea of being "in love,"
not only more than loving myself...but even worse....
to the detriment of myself. While I have not been in anything close to that barring an abusive involvement last year I quickly detached from.....
Here were some symptoms and solutions
I can either relate to or did
though I am a different person,by the grace of God
nonetheless
I am still vigilant....
Some symptoms....
1.Anaylzed him..kept the focus on him..HIS PROBLEMS.. ignoring ..me
2.Love was defined by obsessive from observers..constantly thought about the person to the exclusion of anything else
3.Jeopardized work! Too much in pain to go work and/or took days off
or dropped everything "to be with him"
4. Clung to the person... no..definable sense of space or boundary
5. Felt like I would cease being alive if that person did not
acknowledge me
6. Friendships disappeared or disappeared when
they refused to co-sign the harmful relationship
7. Lost all autonomy
8. Future only had meaning if the person was in it regardless of the reality
9. Normalized pain and abuse***
10. Health suffered... ate too much or ate nothing for days
11. Needed drinking or some thing to numb the pain of missing the person
12. Multiple late night tearful phone calls to a voicemail
13. Long "I care about you" messages that went unanswerd along
excessive emails & emails on the birthday or holidays unanswered
14 Interfering in his "new' relationships
15. Calling on a pretense of something "important",
but really just to have an excuse to connect
16. Attempting to seduce him or using sex or sexual behavior as bait
17. Enmeshing even more...when he'd moved........ on
Solutions
Stopped dating for a while to get to core issues
Focused on work that me feel alive
developed my own sense of beauty without needing "his" validation
Surrounded my self with loving friends
Had postive platonic only friendships with men
Therapy with a caring woman
involved in church small group activites
prayer and dates with God
submerged in creative work
attended free 12 step groups that focused on support from love addiction
stopped having sexual relations****
made new boundaries and definitons of what was needed in a committed relationship
new boundaries and definitions of what was acceptable in casual dating
mande new bottom lines of what would no longer be acceptable or tolerated
educated self of male /female relatinoship dynamics
identified RED flags in advance..his and mine
ate healthier foods
reconnected with family
had fun..did lighthearted things
Any thoughts,ladies?
Adding anonymous poll..on defining any familiar behaviors
that I hear of ...remind me of those times when I was so vulnerable,
and was more invested
in the person,
the relationship,
or the idea of being "in love,"
not only more than loving myself...but even worse....
to the detriment of myself. While I have not been in anything close to that barring an abusive involvement last year I quickly detached from.....
Here were some symptoms and solutions
I can either relate to or did
though I am a different person,by the grace of God
nonetheless
I am still vigilant....
Some symptoms....
1.Anaylzed him..kept the focus on him..HIS PROBLEMS.. ignoring ..me
2.Love was defined by obsessive from observers..constantly thought about the person to the exclusion of anything else
3.Jeopardized work! Too much in pain to go work and/or took days off
or dropped everything "to be with him"
4. Clung to the person... no..definable sense of space or boundary
5. Felt like I would cease being alive if that person did not
acknowledge me
6. Friendships disappeared or disappeared when
they refused to co-sign the harmful relationship
7. Lost all autonomy
8. Future only had meaning if the person was in it regardless of the reality
9. Normalized pain and abuse***
10. Health suffered... ate too much or ate nothing for days
11. Needed drinking or some thing to numb the pain of missing the person
12. Multiple late night tearful phone calls to a voicemail
13. Long "I care about you" messages that went unanswerd along
excessive emails & emails on the birthday or holidays unanswered
14 Interfering in his "new' relationships
15. Calling on a pretense of something "important",
but really just to have an excuse to connect
16. Attempting to seduce him or using sex or sexual behavior as bait
17. Enmeshing even more...when he'd moved........ on
Solutions
Stopped dating for a while to get to core issues
Focused on work that me feel alive
developed my own sense of beauty without needing "his" validation
Surrounded my self with loving friends
Had postive platonic only friendships with men
Therapy with a caring woman
involved in church small group activites
prayer and dates with God
submerged in creative work
attended free 12 step groups that focused on support from love addiction
stopped having sexual relations****
made new boundaries and definitons of what was needed in a committed relationship
new boundaries and definitions of what was acceptable in casual dating
mande new bottom lines of what would no longer be acceptable or tolerated
educated self of male /female relatinoship dynamics
identified RED flags in advance..his and mine
ate healthier foods
reconnected with family
had fun..did lighthearted things
Any thoughts,ladies?
Adding anonymous poll..on defining any familiar behaviors
Last edited:
erplexed. Its crazy! The characteristics of Love Addicts, Love Avoidants and Co-Dependents seem so common in so many people I know. Had I not known someone who was seeking help and not asked I would have never thought this was an actual problem in my life. Needless to say I will continue to speak with the therapist and am now preparing to recover from this addiction I seem to have.
