Love in the Sanctuary-- How do you Date at Church?

[Xerxes]

Ok, I'm tired of dating guys who claim to be Christians yet expect premarital sex, so it's about time I start to date my own kind. lol

It's shocking but after 28 years, I have never dated a guy from church. Never. I just couldn't figure out how to flirt innocently whilst in the pews or in Sunday School. It just seems so dangerous too with all of the gossipmongers.

However, after the men's choir performed last Sunday at my new church and I bumped into them on their way to the stands and got some "respectful" appreciative glances, comments and stares, I'm ready.

My first action would be to join a ministry once I'm allowed to after my new member's training is complete next month. I need to get to know these people and find out who is married and who is a waste of time.

So ladies, if you have dated in the church successfully (i.e. are engaged, married or otherwise happy with a real Christian church-goer), please give me some advice.

 

[theAlist]

I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be. But I thank you for starting this thread. I am talking to a young minister now. I say talking because we have gone out a couple of times...but what's so hard is taking it to the next level like actually being in a relationship.

He gives me hints all the time, but I'm not a hint taker, I don't just assume anything. He has told me several times he has something to tell me and he says that I already know what he's going to say...but why doesn't he just say it? Maybe he doesn't feel right as a minister telling me he likes me.

Idk, its just frustrating sometimes, because I don't know what to do or what's not appropriate to a minister. It doesn't help that he recently moved either. He constantly asks me to come visit...which means of course I would have to spend the night...that don't sit right with me. Idk...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Well I didn't meet him in church but my man is a real Christian church-goer. He plays the organ and travels all over. I go to a different church in a different city but he's mentioned he wants me to go to church with him and the different engagements he goes to play at. I'm excited about it because he has a lot of videos of him playing in church and he really really gets into it.

All my years of going to church I would have loved to meet a man there but just never came across anyone I liked (except when I was younger I remember having a crush on a boy but he grew up to be a mess). I've always wanted to end up with a man that would feel it is important to go to church just as a much as I do, especially about raising children in up in church and I didn't want to be the only one going, like many women church goers whose husbands are just not into it. So meeting this one outside of church in another very important common aspect of our lives, I just feel I really really lucked up. I KNOW that there are probably alot of women that have their eye set on him everytime he goes to church but he's very very picky and there are probably going to be alot of hate towards me when he starts bringing me around and them wondering how the hell I caught him. He's already 'warned' me of this. Thing is he caught me. His lifestyle outside of it is also a bit of a conundrum and it would take a unique Christian woman to be able to fall into all aspects of it..that's where I come in! We share a unique balanced view on life.

ADVICE: If a man who is going to your church is interested, he'll find a way to let you know. All you really need to do is show up and consistently let your light shine. One thing all Christian men should know is a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. He understands that he should be the one to pursue the woman who's first love is Christ.

 

[Xerxes]

I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be. But I thank you for starting this thread. I am talking to a young minister now. I say talking because we have gone out a couple of times...but what's so hard is taking it to the next level like actually being in a relationship.

He gives me hints all the time, but I'm not a hint taker, I don't just assume anything. He has told me several times he has something to tell me and he says that I already know what he's going to say...but why doesn't he just say it? Maybe he doesn't feel right as a minister telling me he likes me.

Idk, its just frustrating sometimes, because I don't know what to do or what's not appropriate to a minister. It doesn't help that he recently moved either. He constantly asks me to come visit...which means of course I would have to spend the night...that don't sit right with me. Idk...

Oh, my! You've already snagged a preacher! LOL

You two have already gone out together and you aren't sure of his intentions? Hmm, what does your gut say? Forget the white collar and Bible under his arm, does your gut scream out that he's "shady" or untrustworthy? And is it really necessary for you to spend the night with him when you visit? Can you meet somewhere neutral (i.e. church)? If he's a minister, everything should be on the up and up and you should not be placed in a situation that seems "unsanctified". lol

I say pray about it and let him do the chasing to prove who he is. You should not have to go out of your way to see him or be placed in a compromising position, there are other men who might be better.

 

[Xerxes]

Well I didn't meet him in church but my man is a real Christian church-goer. He plays the organ and travels all over. I go to a different church in a different city but he's mentioned he wants me to go to church with him and the different engagements he goes to play at. I'm excited about it because he has a lot of videos of him playing in church and he really really gets into it.

All my years of going to church I would have loved to meet a man there but just never came across anyone I liked (except when I was younger I remember having a crush on a boy but he grew up to be a mess). I've always wanted to end up with a man that would feel it is important to go to church just as a much as I do, especially about raising children in up in church and I didn't want to be the only one going, like many women church goers whose husbands are just not into it. So meeting this one outside of church in another very important common aspect of our lives, I just feel I really really lucked up. I KNOW that there are probably alot of women that have their eye set on him everytime he goes to church but he's very very picky and there are probably going to be alot of hate towards me when he starts bringing me around and them wondering how the hell I caught him. He's already 'warned' me of this. Thing is he caught me. His lifestyle outside of it is also a bit of a conundrum and it would take a unique Christian woman to be able to fall into all aspects of it..that's where I come in! We share a unique balanced view on life.

ADVICE: If a man who is going to your church is interested, he'll find a way to let you know. All you really need to do is show up and consistently let your light shine. One thing all Christian men should know is a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. He understands that he should be the one to pursue the woman who's first love is Christ.

Aw, ITA, especially with your advice!

I'm so happy that you found a good musician who is a church-goer! Those are rare and I pray that he doesn't come to play for my church because I might wish you a lil' hate too, before I repent! lol

And you're so right, the guys at my church do openly pursue and I just am not sure who to start talking with because I do value my reputation and time. I'll just stop running away and allow myself to enjoy conversations with these guys and just let things happen.

It's funny because I prayed for God to show me my husband Saturday night and Sunday morning in walked the men's choir right in front of me all dressed in black suits and bow ties, all looking like perfect grooms! And they were every color, height and body type, I love black men! Can you imagine 60 men serenading you and confessing their love of Jesus in unison? Shoot, that's my personal version of heaven and I take it as God answering my prayer!

 

[theAlist]

Oh, my! You've already snagged a preacher! LOL

You two have already gone out together and you aren't sure of his intentions? Hmm, what does your gut say? Forget the white collar and Bible under his arm, does your gut scream out that he's "shady" or untrustworthy? And is it really necessary for you to spend the night with him when you visit? Can you meet somewhere neutral (i.e. church)? If he's a minister, everything should be on the up and up and you should not be placed in a situation that seems "unsanctified". lol

I say pray about it and let him do the chasing to prove who he is. You should not have to go out of your way to see him or be placed in a compromising position, there are other men who might be better.

At the first bold
Um hm yea I know...my friends were like nono: "Wow...ok" But, the only time it ever crosses my mind that he's a minister is when I see him preach. Other than that he's like a regular nice guy lol

2nd Bold
Thank you...I needed to read that!! I don't get the feeling he's shady. From what I can see he lives what he teaches but...I get the feeling that he wants me to...I guess "chase" him, because he can't say that he likes me in fear that I may not be feeling him like that....I know that sounds stupid and childish but it's hard to explain. We are still very young though..I'm 22 he's 25. And from what I know he's only been in one real relationship...compared to my um several...lol

Anywho, He always wants me to travel to see him...HOWEVER he has been back down to where I live at least 3 times since he has moved and he never called me to let me know. I found out from other people. I did address this with him and he kind of played it off like he didn't think I would care. Again...I guess that's his way of avoiding potential rejection all together. In other words we are both wondering how deep each other's feelings are for one another and we are both scared to say something about it. I am partly to blame though, I NEVER call him. He always has to call me...I'm getting better at that. Since he's the busiest between us both (a full time student with a full time ministering job) I tell him to call me whenever he's free.

Idk, the issues arn't TOO serious with us, we laugh and joke and share opinions more than anything ...I just want to know what are his intentions...does he plan on having a relationship or are we really just friends. Matter of fact, I'll just call him tonight and see what he says. But like you said, I'm not going to go out of my way and pry it out of him. Again, we arn't TOO serious as of yet, so it should be easy to keep it moving.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

It's funny because I prayed for God to show me my husband Saturday night and Sunday morning in walked the men's choir right in front of me all dressed in black suits and bow ties, all looking like perfect grooms! And they were every color, height and body type, I love black men! Can you imagine 60 men serenading you and confessing their love of Jesus in unison? Shoot, that's my personal version of heaven and I take it as God answering my prayer!

OMGosh I would have melted! Sure sounds like God worked quickly on your behalf, just waiting for you to ask!

I too went to God about my future husband and I wrote down a list of things I'd wish him to be. I swear everything about this man is tailor made for me. It's truly incredible, the equally yoked feeling. And it was a while ago that I prayed on it and I knew when I did I wasn't ready for him to walk into my life right that second. Still feeling happy to be single, fortunate even for a long while, for some reason about 3 days before we met, I began to have this yearning for someone to hold me, not just anyone but THE ONE. Out of nowhere. And this feeling would come over me sporadically and consume me for those three days, I even fell asleep comforted one night imagining it. And then I met him and he let it known in our first meeting that he wanted to take it there with me, very straightforward. One of the questions he asked me is if I like to cuddle because he loves to cuddle. There were and are so many signs that God sent him into my life and I'm really really enjoying him.

I hope you experience that joy, sounds like you are in the right place to be 'found'.

 

[ThickHair]

I met a young minister (30) and he seems interested. I am on the fence right now about him because I am in the process of making a decision if I am going to stay with the guy I am with. I have just been playing cool. Never in a million years would I think I would consider dating a minister.

Oh wow is all I have to say. BTW I am 37 so there are two things I am shaky about.

 

[Xerxes]

At the first bold
Um hm yea I know...my friends were like nono: "Wow...ok" But, the only time it ever crosses my mind that he's a minister is when I see him preach. Other than that he's like a regular nice guy lol

2nd Bold
Thank you...I needed to read that!! I don't get the feeling he's shady. From what I can see he lives what he teaches but...I get the feeling that he wants me to...I guess "chase" him, because he can't say that he likes me in fear that I may not be feeling him like that....I know that sounds stupid and childish but it's hard to explain. We are still very young though..I'm 22 he's 25. And from what I know he's only been in one real relationship...compared to my um several...lol

Anywho, He always wants me to travel to see him...HOWEVER he has been back down to where I live at least 3 times since he has moved and he never called me to let me know. I found out from other people. I did address this with him and he kind of played it off like he didn't think I would care. Again...I guess that's his way of avoiding potential rejection all together. In other words we are both wondering how deep each other's feelings are for one another and we are both scared to say something about it. I am partly to blame though, I NEVER call him. He always has to call me...I'm getting better at that. Since he's the busiest between us both (a full time student with a full time ministering job) I tell him to call me whenever he's free.

Idk, the issues arn't TOO serious with us, we laugh and joke and share opinions more than anything ...I just want to know what are his intentions...does he plan on having a relationship or are we really just friends. Matter of fact, I'll just call him tonight and see what he says. But like you said, I'm not going to go out of my way and pry it out of him. Again, we arn't TOO serious as of yet, so it should be easy to keep it moving.

Aw, please don't call him. Your time is more important.

 

[Xerxes]

OMGosh I would have melted! Sure sounds like God worked quickly on your behalf, just waiting for you to ask!

I too went to God about my future husband and I wrote down a list of things I'd wish him to be. I swear everything about this man is tailor made for me. It's truly incredible, the equally yoked feeling. And it was a while ago that I prayed on it and I knew when I did I wasn't ready for him to walk into my life right that second. Still feeling happy to be single, fortunate even for a long while, for some reason about 3 days before we met, I began to have this yearning for someone to hold me, not just anyone but THE ONE. Out of nowhere. And this feeling would come over me sporadically and consume me for those three days, I even fell asleep comforted one night imagining it. And then I met him and he let it known in our first meeting that he wanted to take it there with me, very straightforward. One of the questions he asked me is if I like to cuddle because he loves to cuddle. There were and are so many signs that God sent him into my life and I'm really really enjoying him.

I hope you experience that joy, sounds like you are in the right place to be 'found'.

Thanks so much, SvelteVelvet, and I can't wait to hear how things go with you and your man.