Looking for advice

[ellegantelle]

So I will be getting married next year and I am trying to prepare myself emotionally, financially, and in many more ways for this change in my life. One of the things that has been on my mind are the friendships I have. I am friends with a group of women and we have been friends since high school. Most of them have been in long term relationships (7+ years) and aren't married (which is fine, no judgement from me). The problem with this is that they harbor a bit of negativity because of what they have experienced in their relationships. I also find that they lack in bringing the positivity that my fh and I am looking for, whereas his friend (who will be proposing to his girlfriend soon) constantly speaks positivity on us and our relationship.

Last thing I wanted to mention is: I have noticed that a lot of marriage books I'm reading suggest having at least one married friend though.

Is this important? Do you ladies that are married have friends that aren't married?

 

[tolly]

I think you should keep your old friends and see how things evolve, just make it clear your relationship with FH is off limits if they are going to be negative.
As I grow older I realize different friends serve varying functions in my life and I am reluctant to lose friends until they show clearly they no longer contribute favorably to my life.
IMO it doesn't really matter if your friends are married or not, as long as you keep your relationship details to yourself.
I hope you enjoy the preparation for your wedding and have a blessed marriage.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I have a mix of married and single friends. You can find plenty of negativity among married women, so don't get the idea that the reason your friends are negative is because of their marital status. They will be the same after they get married.

 

[londontresses]

I'd still be friends with them. But I wouldn't talk about my marriage as it sounds like they wouldn't understand or provide any useful advice when I need it. Different friends for different things. Definitely find some positive married friends to discuss that stuff with.

 

[ellegantelle]

This is some great advice! I definitely see where you ladies are coming from about using friends in different capacities. I have refrained for a while now from discussing issues in my relationship with them. It just sucks because I don't get the emotional support from them. No encouragement, no positive talks regarding marriage, nothing. Not that I NEED to hear it, but it would be nice to hear. Whereas I'm that friend that can point out the positives about their companions and their relationships. Oh well...

 

[Mai Tai]

Only one of my closest friends are married. My other friends and my sister are actively dating. What I do when my single friends express negativity, is I remain a friend by listening, trying to help them work through it because most of the time their negativity is rooted in hurt and pain, and I absolutely do not share intimate details of my marriage.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have a mix of married and single friends but I don't typically discuss marital issues with them. My favorite aunt was my go to person for advice about marriage since she was married for over 30 years. She died a while ago. I try to think about what my aunt would say or I call my BFF, single and gives great marital advice.

Some friends will have you in divorce court because he didn't take out the trash knowing that they stayed with their guy over far worse things. I agree that you need some positive friends who are supportive of marriage, single or married friends.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I think everyone should have a mix of married and single friends regardless of marital status.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

I think you should keep your friends and learn how to be selective in the things you discuss regarding your relationship. Not everything needs to be talked about...whether it's good or bad or just neutral. You don't have to hide things just know that whatever you share is being put on the table for your friends to have an opinion on whether it's positive or negative, so keep that in mind.