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Look what she did to my baby's hair.....cry, mad, angry!! I NEED HELP!!!

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Just sending love and support your way. There really aren't enough words to express my unhappiness with your cousin. It's sad because being a working mom myself I know how it is when you have kids but still need to handle your business. I am not sure how she could even stand to look at herself. Hold to these things if you can, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous, her hair in the before picture looks very healthy and I am sure that it can and will be restored. I am so sorry about this!
 
Girl why you got me mad over here!!!!!! I soo feel you on this!!! I agree with the many,many other posts that you should get it braided and hopefully have someone else be in charge of your daughter's hair... I find that odd that your cousins daughter's hair was on point but your daughter's wasnt ewww!!!!! Some deep seeded jealousy going on there??? Any hoo, many blessings to you and your daughter, her hair will rebound just keep your head up ok???
 
That is so out of order! Sorry...
I would say braids as well, by someone else...

God bless
 
Your daughter is a cutie! I hope you will be home safe and soon to take care of your daughter's hair - the way it's supposed to be. I have no advice except a cyber hug. :bighug:
 
I am so so sorry your this chick did your daughter like this... :nono: :huggle:

It will be okay tho. She will regain her healthy head of hair in time!! But like everyone else has already said, and like I'm sure you more than already know - ol' girl needs to be dealt with. I'm not suggesting anything physical :lol: but she needs to be handled firmly. This is a horrible thing to do to a child, let alone someone elses child!!! :wallbash:
 
  • She needs to be put OUT of your house.
  • You need to see if anyone on your side of the family can take this little girl. If not, *** what your husband says, get a friend to watch her.
  • Either cut off the damage and get braids... or get braids... something that can last 3 months or so like box braids and teach your lil girl how to wash it and spray it.
  • JUST GET THAT WOMAN AND HER GOOD HAIRED BABY out your house.
 
i can see why u would have trusted your cousins triflin *** since she keeps her own dd in tip top health only to do that to your daughter :nono: that got me buzzing cause im sooo mad my flatmate had to ask me if everything is alright cause i was hollering at the screen i would be in jail right now after whooping her *** especially after the full story of wat ole cuz is doing in ur house...i would have taken care of that girls hair for free and done wat u asked and more washing an 8 yr old girls natural hair does not take all day cause i was once an 8 yr old natural headed girl and it didnt take all day for my mom to do my hair im so angry
i hope someone here who is close to you can help take care of your dd's hair
 
I think I would have fainted if I were you!! I'm surprised that things didn't turn physical b/c I know that if I saw that some one took such horrible care of my child I don't think I would have been able to control myself. But I agree with the other ladies that you should definitly do as much as you can to it b/f you have to leave again and try and find someone else to maintain it. But also try and teach her yourself about how she needs to take care of her hair and to scream bloody murder if someone even comes near her with another relaxer.
 
OMG. I can't believe that she betrayed your trust like that! My heart hurts for you. Luckily with time and hard work, her hair can and will get back to normal. I have tears in my eyes. I would've cried too. I hope you can find a solution that you're comfortable with.
 
Okay, she is just a straight leech!!! She is basically a stay at home mom with her kids and your kids. She has no bills to pay, no cars to take care of and all she had to do was take the kids and have baby girl's hair braided (which I'm sure you paid for as well). And she is wearing your clothes?!?!

I know you have calmed down over the last few days but FIRST she needs her *** kicked and SECOND - she needs to be kicked out of your house. Wha tis you husband saying about all of this? Has he even commented on baby girl's hair?

Clearly she is not even remorseful about what she did to you and your child and the only way to make her feel it is for her to go back to paying her own bills.....all because she could not be bothered to follow simple directions and care for your child's hair care regimen as she obviously does her own child.

Can the kids stay with their father? Or with your mom? Would u consider having your soon to be ex move back to the house so the kids lives are not disrupted as much in moving? Or maybe ask your mom or sister to move in to your house?

I am grasping here but my DH had TWO leeches living with him back when we were dating so I know how much damage they can cause to your household. When they finally moved out they handed him $30 - yes THIRTY dollars after living with him RENT FREE & BILL FREE for over 1 year. He was always at my house so it was not a huge deal for the two extra people to live at his place but still they were leeches. Sounds like your cousin by marriage may be a relative of my DH.



SpicedTee said:
I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.
Click to expand...
 
WOW!:blush: I am so sorry she did that to your baby's hair! She should be ashamed for read. I agree with those that said find someone else to do her hair or find a styist that she can take her to every other week.

Good Luck!
 
Wow... this is so sad. I am sorry for what's happened to you. She has violated both you and your daughter. I can understand, you are in a hard situation because you have to go back to Iraq in a week. I know, you can't put her out because your daughter is living with her at your house which is convenient with stable home living, school and such, right? Darn... I so wish I coould help out because my heart is aching for you. Just contact the LHCF member who lives close to your home and have her care for your daughter. My questions are: Besides her hair, is she taking care of your children well?? Are your children well fed? Are they clean and neat?? Is she treating them well, meaning how she talks to them and acts toward them? These would be the things that would make me re-consider the living situation. The fact is, no one will care for your child (especially with something that people find trivial like hair) like you will. That's the exact reason why her child looked well groomed and your's didn't, I'm not suprised- especially how you described her. It takes a low person to do your baby girl like that. It's sad, but it's true. Once you come back, hopefully for good, you can kick her trifling ass out. She is infact a leech. <<<BIG HUGS>>> Her hair WILL get healthier, I promise. Just contact the LHCF lady. I don't think you should do the braids because that may be added stress on already damaged hair. I think the LHCF lady should do the DCs, scalp massages w/ oils, protective styles, SLOWLY cutting off damaged ends, etc. to bring her hair back.
 
I've been reading this thread since last and I'm still in shoock. Why someone INTENTIONALLY do this to a child is beyone me? I think a braid regimen is a great idea. But please be careful and instruct any braiders not to braid her hair too tightly. You don't want to cause her hair and scalp any more damage.

BTW: Your dd is very pretty and looks like a sweet girl. I'm sure she'll rebound from this...:yep:
 
SpicedTee said:
I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.
Click to expand...

wouldn't it be possible for you to sue her? How does your husband feel about your daughter's hair? How does your daughter feel about her hair?
 
:bighug: for you. I am soo sorry this happened. Perhaps you can contact the stylist yourself that you mentioned in the posting. Explain your situation and maybe she could pick your daughter every 2 weeks to cornrow her hair or something.

Do you think now maybe grandmother or auntie will help out? How are the kids doing in school? Also, how much longer will you be in Iraq? Where do you live, there is probably someone on this board that is willing to help you with this :yep:

Sorry for all the questions.
 
bravenewgirl87 said:
wouldn't it be possible for you to sue her? How does your husband feel about your daughter's hair? How does your daughter feel about her hair?
Click to expand...
Sue her for what, that blonde weave she was putting in her hair? The girl doesn't have anything:ohwell: I can't believe it. That girl as truely earned a Grade A ass whooping... when the OP comes back for good, that's just what she should give her too!
 
SpicedTee said:
I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.
Click to expand...


Okay, so after reading this I wonder...what did your husband have to say about your daughter's hair? Did he notice that it had been relaxed?

Also, I wonder how she was caring for your child in general. How was she eating? How was she talking to her? Why didn't she take her to the braider? Did she get money for the braider? If so, what did she do with it?

Is she resentful that you're divorcing from her cousin?

I thank you for defending my liberty and will pray for your safety. It angers me to the core of my soul that you not only have to worry about fighting in a war abroad, you have to fight in a private war being waged on you in your own house.

May God bless and keep you.
 
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Your daughter is so adorable with that pretty skin! I have a theory and it's just an opinion. Something is not right with how your cousin feels about you and your daughter. I feel like there is some sort of jealousy there. She should love your daughter as much as she loves her own daughter. She made sure to keep up her daughter's hair, but not yours? Something's not right. I feel she did this to hurt you. But that's just an opinion.
 
:hug3: I can only sympathise and co-signing with a lot of suggestions that u organise someone to come round periodically to cornrow/ braid your daughter's hair while you're away...
 
so sorry to hear about this...as someone else mentioned perhaps braids would do so your cousin wouldn't be tempted to style her hair...
 
:nono: You must have very good self control. Id be in jail right now. I mean that will all sincerity. I honestly want to beat you cousin for you. SHe needs to go. If it were my child Id cut it down to JUST a braidable length and schedule for someone to come braid her hair and maintain it. Maybe the braider can keep in contact with you to set up a schedule. Who wanst to turn down steady money? Your ocusin... She needs to be divorced too.
 
after reading additional info you added I think this lady is jealous of you and your fam.

perhaps your strenght to move on after seperating from your hubby..owning a home, cars etc etc..

easier said than done..get rid of her...or work towards it
 
SpicedTee said:
I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.
Click to expand...

:nono::nono::nono:


BABE!!! I live in the San Fernando Valley. My niece lives in Victorville - and is also is in the military............

I can come and help with that baby....... I think we all have been near or in this situation......

Just be the woman you are. Forgive -and....... "Whatever happens -conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel"......

I would do her hair with no problem... God Bless you. PM me!!!! Seriously!!! I will help!
 
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I WANTED TO SAY THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL... I AGREE W/ THE OTHER POSTERS WHO SUGGESTED BRAIDS. MAYBE YOU CAN TRANSITION HER BACK OR JUST KEEP THE BRAIDS IN FOR A WHILE. HER HAIR WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL IN NO TIME.
 
I have to agree with a lot of the posters. As soon as you can you need to get that leech out of your home and life. She's disrespecting you AND your daughter. Living in your house and not having to pay a THING and she STILL didn't think to take care of your baby?

I'm so mad right now for you.

You might consider her your family, but she considers you her free-ride meal ticket and doesn't respect you at all.

I can't believe the nerve.

Since there are a few LHCFers in your area I hope you'll let them help you while you're away. Progress pics would just be a post away and you'd see how your daughter was faring without having to rely on a trifling cousin.
 
Gosh SpicedTee, I'm so sorry that you had to come back to such turmoil :sad:. You are going through so much right now, I know it's hard. It sounds like you have fallen victim to family members who have taken you for granted. You've over compensated for many things to accommodate your cousin, your other family members and they've just taken...not given anything in return. Your family members are usually the one's to hurt you the most. Do you have enough time to make other arrangements before your return to Iraq? I would recommend that you have your husband's cousin move on and take responsibility for her own lifestyle.

I wouldn't recommend the braids on relaxed hair that is already over processed. Your daughter's hair needs to be "babied" at this point. My instructions to whoever the new caregiver will be is to: try to smooth it (using minimal products), do deep conditioning treatments once or twice weekly, pin it in a bun and keep her hair covered every night at bedtime. Also, use minimal heat. You'll probably need to confirm with your daughter that these things are actually happening since it appears as if you can't depend on the other folks.
 
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