Loaning Money to an Ex?

V

Victory1

Active Member
OK ladies, I need advice. I'm back in contact with my college boyfriend. He was my 1st love and I also my 1st lover. I have not seen him or talk to him since I graduated in 1999 (we broke up in 1997 a few months before his graduation). We recently reconnected about 3 months ago. I now live in Atlanta, GA and he lives in Charlotte, NC. We are both from Florida and met at University of Florida. We have been talking on the phone for hours but have yet to meet in person. Yesterday, he threw for a loop when he suddenly asked me to borrow some money.:sad: I was very uncomfortable but agreed to wire him the money today. I decided to talk it over with my best friend, who told me that I should have said no. I'm having 2nd thought and just want to call him to tell him that I changed my mind. I know, we had a personal relationship over 14 years ago but I have not seen him for almost 12 years. We are able to have personal conversations since we were in an intimate relationship for almost 2 years. I can't even picture myself asking him for money at this point of our relationship. Yes, back then, when we were broke college kids, I gave him money but now the man is 35 years old.
I need to hear from people who are not personally involve. What would you do?
 
It's never a good idea to "loan" anyone money. 9 times out of 10 you will never see it again so if you can't afford to lose it, don't give it. No comment on the rest.
 
No, unless you never want to see that money again.

There's a reason he has to reach so far across all the people he's dealt with for the last 12 years & the people in his local area & the men he knows (asking a woman for money is a no no) to ask YOU for money.

If you change your mind and your answer is no, it has to be a firm no because it's likely that he will attempt to turn it into a long drawn out conversation about his needs and how he will pay you back.
 
Co-signing on what everybody else said. If you can't afford to lose your money, don't give it out. That's for everybody....ex's, friends, cousins, etc. My ex-husband was in a bind, and I wired him some money. Fortunately I got it back the next day.
 
No. You can tell him that on second thought, you can't wire the money.

Sent from my Samsung Epic :)
 
Victory I had a couple friends like that I had to cut it off.. I understand he was your first love do some feelings are still there but please do not wire him any of your hard earned $$.
Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300
 
It makes me think he just called you to use you. Just say no. If he's upset...well...you haven't seen him in 12 years. Why didn't he call you 6 years ago if he cared at all? He only called because he needed money. He dated you so he hoped he still knew you enough to manipulate your emotions. Men asking for money is kind of disgusting. Where's your pride OP? Don't lower yourself, or get conned. Don't drag yourself into his desparate situation. There is a reason he had to reach in his past to get the funds. He's had 12 years of time to meet people to give him money, and he had to go back to someone he broke up with in 97???

No.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
Nope, nope, why are you even considering it? Be prepared for another 12+ years to pass before you hear from him again.

He has gone through all of his local resources. Next thing you know he will want to come visit and homeboy aint never leaving. Spare yourself all the future heartache and drama by cutting his behind off now.
 
OK, I just got off the phone with him and told him that I would not wire him the money. I feel bad and relieve at the same time (it's hard to explain).
I only said yes before because I was completely caught off guard. I was also shock since I would NEVER ask him for money.:perplexed He acted all understanding and stuff and told me he can respect that! He kept reassuring me that he's OK with my decision but the fact that he went there in the 1st place has put an awkwardness in our communication. I don't know if I like him as much as I did before this.:sad: I need to take a step back and think about this.

Thanks ladies for the great advices and support!:yep:
 
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I agree with everyone else. Don't wire a penny over to him. It sounds like he is using you. You don't even need to come up with an excuse.
 
Victory1 said:
OK, I just got off the phone with him and told him that I would not wire him the money. I feel bad and relieve at the same time (it's hard to explain).
I only said yes before because I was completely caught off guard. I was also shock since I would NEVER ask him for money.:perplexed He acted all understanding and stuff and told me he can respect that! He kept reassuring me that he's OK with my decision but the fact that he went there in the 1st place has put an awkwardness in our communication. I don't know if I like him as much as I did before this.:sad: I need to take a step back and think about this.

Thanks ladies for the great advices and support!:yep:
Click to expand...
He may or may not give your 1 or 2 more obligatory calls then you won't hear from him again. Do the holy dance.
 
I'm so glad you didn't give him the money. This experience will probably help you to get him out of your system for good!
 
um,. don't dot it ...

and all I read is EX


Victory1 said:
OK ladies, I need advice. I'm back in contact with my college boyfriend. He was my 1st love and I also my 1st lover. I have not seen him or talk to him since I graduated in 1999 (we broke up in 1997 a few months before his graduation). We recently reconnected about 3 months ago. I now live in Atlanta, GA and he lives in Charlotte, NC. We are both from Florida and met at University of Florida. We have been talking on the phone for hours but have yet to meet in person. Yesterday, he threw for a loop when he suddenly asked me to borrow some money.:sad: I was very uncomfortable but agreed to wire him the money today. I decided to talk it over with my best friend, who told me that I should have said no. I'm having 2nd thought and just want to call him to tell him that I changed my mind. I know, we had a personal relationship over 14 years ago but I have not seen him for almost 12 years. We are able to have personal conversations since we were in an intimate relationship for almost 2 years. I can't even picture myself asking him for money at this point of our relationship. Yes, back then, when we were broke college kids, I gave him money but now the man is 35 years old.
I need to hear from people who are not personally involve. What would you do?
Click to expand...
 
Victory1 said:
OK, I just got off the phone with him and told him that I would not wire him the money. I feel bad and relieve at the same time (it's hard to explain).
I only said yes before because I was completely caught off guard. I was also shock since I would NEVER ask him for money.:perplexed He acted all understanding and stuff and told me he can respect that! He kept reassuring me that he's OK with my decision but the fact that he went there in the 1st place has put an awkwardness in our communication. I don't know if I like him as much as I did before this.:sad: I need to take a step back and think about this.

Thanks ladies for the great advices and support!:yep:
Click to expand...

You have nothing to feel bad about. He should feel bad and ashamed of himself. How dare he get back in touch with you after all these years and think it's okay to ask you for money? You need to step way back and re-evaluate. This is not the kind of man you want in your life.
 
That fool may have contacted you just to have an open line of funds. He should be ashamed of himself. If he needs money that bad let him sell his musty b*lls.
 
I wouldn't give a man money. Also how would he take care of his money problems if he didn't have you?

I'm glad you thought about it and decided not give him the money. If you gave him money this time, he would ask you again in the future for more guaranteed. And like another poster stated, you may hear from him one more time maybe, then you probably won't hear from him again because "his friend that he thought he could depend on didn't give him money." Yall ain't in college anymore.
 
Because of past histry he's trying to get over. Just think. Who is an easier touch to get over on than someone who has an intimate history with you.

Been there.

Didn't give him the money.

Neither should you.
 
Don't do it :nono: :nono: :nono:

Have you ever watched Judge Judy? At least one of her shows deal with someone loaning out money too soon in a relationship then ending up in Court to try and get their money back.
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
Don't do it :nono: :nono: :nono:

Have you ever watched Judge Judy? At least one of her shows deal with someone loaning out money too soon in a relationship then ending up in Court to try and get their money back.
Click to expand...

I said no after saying yes. He actually called me yesterday and apologized for ever asking me to borrow money. He talked to friends and reassured me that he saw were he went wrong and promise never to ask me for anything ever again!:lol: I was thinking, you had to talk to friends to see that was a punk move? Anyway, my best friend who also is my cousin decided to share the story with her brother; so I've been getting phone calls from guy cousins all day and they have not been pretty.
One of them said that even though he was sorry and has regrets but the fact that he went there showed that we were "unevenly yoke" (biblical) due to the fact that he lacked pride and I had a abundance of it. He said both are bad but we have no happy median and I would be wasting my time since he would not be someone I would respect. Basically, he said to leave the past in the past in this case!
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
Don't do it :nono: :nono: :nono:

Have you ever watched Judge Judy? At least one of her shows deal with someone loaning out money too soon in a relationship then ending up in Court to try and get their money back.
Click to expand...

:lachen: I was on Judge Judy for... You guessed it... Loaning money to an ex. Glad OP didn't do it!!
 
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