Living with a SO on anti-depressants

[LoVeMYLIfe]

Hello all,

I am mostly a lurker on all the boards here, but from time to time I will participate in some of the posts. This has been one board that I have never posted in, but I just have to get some advice on what has just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have had a ongoing battle with my DH about well, EVERYTHING for the past few years. I would find myself complaining to him about things not being the way that they were when we first meet, even right after marriage. To make a long story a little shorter, I finally had enough of the stress, and packed our three kids up and left, that was about 2 years ago. I just did not understand his I don't give a damn attitude that he walks around with when it came to our oldest son not doing well in school, many financial problems (that would not have been problems had he did what he was supposed to do) on top of many other things.

We were separated for a few months before, yes, I let him come back to his family, of course he said the things that I wanted to hear, and did the things that he was supposed to do. Unfortunately, that lasted a hot minute and we fell right back in the same boat.

Now, I know that my husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety/depression and has been on antideppresants for a long time, but I NEVER, not once suspected these meds to play a part in what we were going thorugh until the other day. My husband has been having a hard time getting a refill on his meds, without going in to see his doctor first, so he has been without them for a little over a 2 weeks now. It is like he has done a 360 degree turnaround as far as his attitude towards everything. He actually talked to me for hours about our problems and what needs to be done to change them and move forward with his family for the first time in what seems like forever. For some reason while we were talking I thought about the meds, and the way he has been while taking them and said to myself this may be exactly what has caused my DH to react the way that he has to our situations for soooo long. I have been reading online about different side effects that those on the meds can experience, and after having read what some were going through I know in my heart that the meds played a big part in our struggle.

The only thing that I am struggling with now is getting him to see it this way, and to not have his prescription refilled. I know it is easy for me to say this, because I am not a depression sufferer, and never had to take a antidepresant in my life, but I am asking those who have dealt with this, or knows someone who has to share what their experiences have been.

Whew... if you got this far, thanks for reading, I feel comfortable sharing things here with you ladies, seems to take a load off

 

[tatiana]

In my experiences most people act better off meds HOWEVER there was a reason why he got them in the first place. He may be real nice now but what happens if he tries to kill himself, can't stop crying, or start acting extremely nasty towards you. Do you think you can handle that?

I would suggest Christian counseling or counseling but the kind that does not prescribe meds. Try different counselors that you and your hubby feel comfortable and safe with. The counseling sessions are for him but at times you may need to sit in.

I wish you luck.

 

[starfish]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My bff suffers from manic depression and it's been a struggle for her and her friends and family.

1. First, did he ever get a second opinion on his diagnosis? My friend was misdiagnosed for years until a doctor finally got it right. Just from reading your story, the fact that he talked for hours about planning and what to do next sounds very manic to me. Might seem fine to you know but if he really suffers from depression the coming low without meds will be VERY low.
2. Has he ever been on a variety of meds or just the same meds? many times the body adapts to the medication and strength, so they need to change it up. Also, if the first diagnosis is incorrect, the meds might be wrong.
Meds are not a negative things when they are needed and the correct ones are prescribed in the right dosage, AND the person is actively going to counseling. Meds have to constantly monitored.
4. How active and involved have you been with his illness? I don't mean to sound harsh but since you married him you have to be involved with his condition. it's not just his condition it's YOUR condition now too. When my bff started exhibiting symptoms her family and friends got together and decided it takes a village to help pull her through it. Now she has an excellent doctor and the right meds and she's like she used to be, be we are on her a$$, making sure she is taking her medication and seeing her doctor.

I think too many shrinks just precscribe pills and leave the patient on their own. If your husband truly suffers from depression, you can have your old husband back but I think a holistic approach with a really good shrink is better. Sometimes situations trigger a depression episode and you'll both have to figure out what his triggers are. Good diet, exercise, natural vitamins, sleep, counseling, etc. help too.

I really hope it works out for you and your husband. Depression and other similar illnesses are so painful for loved ones. you know the person you love is in there, and if you're up for the struggle, and it is not easy, you CAN have that person back.

Good luck and my prayers are with you!

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with starfish!

I wouldn't be so quick to tell him to just stop taking the anti-depressants cold turkey because there are usually some serious withdrawal effects that happen once you're off them for awhile and they are NO picnic... however, you, he and the psychiatrist need to discuss options so that he can handle his illness AND his responsibilities in the marriage.

Many times, the anti-depressants will help you deal with the depression and anxiety, but they can zap your energy and you won't really give a damn half the time (which probably explains why he acted how he did during your marriage).

If he needs to still be on medication, maybe the dosage can be adjusted or he can be shifted to another drug. Or, if it is time for him to be weaned off the drug, work with the doctor to make sure it's done safely.

Holistic measures are also good as well. The main thing is, his illness must be managed, and it's not as easy as just putting him on meds or taking him off cold turkey (because the condition could come back).

You're going to need to take a multi-faceted and active approach... and Starfish is right... you HAVE to be involved!

 

[TracyNicole]

I am sorry you are going through this. It isn't as easy for me to understand your situation because I've never dated someone on antidepressants but I have taken them myself. I definitely agree with the recommendation of getting a second opinion and maybe even seeking an opinion from an alternative medicine practitioner.
All I can say is you don't realize how mind altering those substances are until you stop taking them. My SO begged me to consider not taking them and my therapist wasn't willing. After 5 years of antidepressants, today I manage my depression through a combination of yoga/meditation, careful diet and occasional sessions to talk with a counselor but no meds. I don't think it is reasonable for everyone but at the very least it's worth having another opinion, especially if your SO feels he's noticed a change for the better.

Tee

 

[dlewis]

When I was on anti-depressants my feelings were numb. I had that I don't care attitude. I still have it now about somethings but it was worse back then plus I was still depressed most of the time.

He should talk with another doctor. Depression is hard and I've been able to stay off meds for over 14 years but now I'm considering getting back on them. Sometimes some people need a little help.

 

[Bunny77]

I have taken anti-depressants, and won't hesitate to go back on them if need be... but my conditions were more situational and I know that I don't have an illness where I need to take them for life (like bipolar disorder).

That being said, you definitely have to find a doctor who doesn't just want to dispense prescriptions for the rest of one's life and who is willing to determine whether a person is ready to go off the medication (or go to a lower dose or take a different type).

Your husband may not need them anymore... but he might need them again in the future. And then again, if he does, he might only need them for a year... every person is different.

I don't think that meds are bad AT ALL, because they've helped me and so many other people. But I do know that they aren't the ONLY solution and that some people don't need to take them all that long... and your husband could be one of those people.

P.S. Look up Joseph Glenmullen online. He is a psychiatrist in Boston who's written some great books about anti-depressant dependency. He's not against the medications, but he's against the idea of folks needing to be on them for life UNLESS they are bipolar, schizophrenic or something to that degree.

 

[snugglez41685]

Hello all,

I am mostly a lurker on all the boards here, but from time to time I will participate in some of the posts. This has been one board that I have never posted in, but I just have to get some advice on what has just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have had a ongoing battle with my DH about well, EVERYTHING for the past few years. I would find myself complaining to him about things not being the way that they were when we first meet, even right after marriage. To make a long story a little shorter, I finally had enough of the stress, and packed our three kids up and left, that was about 2 years ago. I just did not understand his I don't give a damn attitude that he walks around with when it came to our oldest son not doing well in school, many financial problems (that would not have been problems had he did what he was supposed to do) on top of many other things.

We were separated for a few months before, yes, I let him come back to his family, of course he said the things that I wanted to hear, and did the things that he was supposed to do. Unfortunately, that lasted a hot minute and we fell right back in the same boat.

Now, I know that my husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety/depression and has been on antideppresants for a long time, but I NEVER, not once suspected these meds to play a part in what we were going thorugh until the other day. My husband has been having a hard time getting a refill on his meds, without going in to see his doctor first, so he has been without them for a little over a 2 weeks now. It is like he has done a 360 degree turnaround as far as his attitude towards everything. He actually talked to me for hours about our problems and what needs to be done to change them and move forward with his family for the first time in what seems like forever. For some reason while we were talking I thought about the meds, and the way he has been while taking them and said to myself this may be exactly what has caused my DH to react the way that he has to our situations for soooo long. I have been reading online about different side effects that those on the meds can experience, and after having read what some were going through I know in my heart that the meds played a big part in our struggle.

The only thing that I am struggling with now is getting him to see it this way, and to not have his prescription refilled. I know it is easy for me to say this, because I am not a depression sufferer, and never had to take a antidepresant in my life, but I am asking those who have dealt with this, or knows someone who has to share what their experiences have been.

Whew... if you got this far, thanks for reading, I feel comfortable sharing things here with you ladies, seems to take a load off

Sorry ttoo hear about your situation. I have had this problem but in the reverse. I use to bee on antidepressannt (Lexapro) for almost a year. I suffer from recurrent major depression. I understand it can be hard but I agree with the other ladies. Don't have him do it cold turkey. I did this myself cause i couldn't afford the meds outside of the free ones i got from my counseling program. I went off of them and started cutting again and then tried to commit suicide about three times. So get a second opinion and see what happens. I'm not on them now and i'm doing very well now but would have rather weened myself off instead if i could have to avoid what happened.

 

[LoVeMYLIfe]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, and after reading each one very carefully, I completely see your points. I need to also think about what is best for my DH instead of putting myself first in this relationship. I never thought that things could go downhill for him emotionally if he stops cold turkey, and I see your point about being involved in his depression, because now that I think about it, I really never was. erplexed I mean I listened to him when he needed to talk about it, but I was really never THERE for him like he probably needed me to be.

Thanks again, I think I have some ideas as what needs to be done now, for my DH as well as my family

 

[Bublin]

Sorry ttoo hear about your situation. I have had this problem but in the reverse. I use to bee on antidepressannt (Lexapro) for almost a year. I suffer from recurrent major depression. I understand it can be hard but I agree with the other ladies. Don't have him do it cold turkey. I did this myself cause i couldn't afford the meds outside of the free ones i got from my counseling program. I went off of them and started cutting again and then tried to commit suicide about three times. So get a second opinion and see what happens. I'm not on them now and i'm doing very well now but would have rather weened myself off instead if i could have to avoid what happened.

Oh my goodness snuggles. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better now. You have gone through so much.

Your story makes me seem so ungrateful - in fact i feel i often sound like a moany old woman....i have nothing to moan about at all.

I was prescribed meds for mild depresion 2 months ago but i decided on my own i wasn't going to take them as i didn't want the stigma. The thing is it doesn't take much for me to fall into that horrible state of mind. It can be the stupidist of triggers. I htought i was just a sensitive soul. Like today i went shopping for an outfit to go clubbing/wine bar in. Nothing fitted. On the train home my eyes were filling with tears. I walked in my door and i cried for about 20 minutes. A bad shopping experienced turned into me feeling doomed about my whole life and how sh*tty it is.

My point is - to the OP - he may be OK now but something very small may trigger him off again so perhaps him not taking the meds at all is not a good idea until he has had a consultation.

 

[stinastina]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, and after reading each one very carefully, I completely see your points. I need to also think about what is best for my DH instead of putting myself first in this relationship. I never thought that things could go downhill for him emotionally if he stops cold turkey, and I see your point about being involved in his depression, because now that I think about it, I really never was. erplexed I mean I listened to him when he needed to talk about it, but I was really never THERE for him like he probably needed me to be.

Thanks again, I think I have some ideas as what needs to be done now, for my DH as well as my family

Good luck with everything. I've known a few people who really needed their meds. Once they went off, it turned their lives upside down. It sounds like your Dh wasn't monitored when he was on them. Maybe his imbalance corrected itself and like the other posters he only needed them a short time. I hope things get better for your family.

 

[AmyInAtl]

When I was taking anti-depressants, they gave me brain freeze. What I considered of being inside of a squre, to navigate out of the square seemed complex. I was on them for less than a week, and could not deal with being on them. As a result, I depend on the LORD, to get me through. My anxiety on the other hand, is the total opposite. I can not see being w/o my ativan. i carry one pill, in my bra, at all times. The best advice I can give, in dealing with a person with thes conditions, is patience, alot of love, and alot of support, be it physical, or emotional. Also, my biggest support person is my best friend, who has a very strong spiritual faith. Depressiopn and anxiety are treatable conditions, please don't give up. Best wishes to you and your fanily.
SR