Let me comb your hair, you're looking like Buckwheat

[*Happily Me*]

sigh...

That's what a co-worker said to me yesterday in front of another non-black co-worker. And, I did not respond well... I punked out by saying no, you cannot comb it... My curls will fall.

She began finger combing my bang. I just looked down... Why am I such a punk?

Let me tell you about this gurl. She has a beautiful face. She's gorgeous but she has very thin hair that she perms every 4 - 6 weeks. I met her while I was transitioning last year. She said i was gangsta for transitioning. I was like whateva...

Anyhoo, I've relaxed again but I've been stretching my perms. My hair has been growing fast as I have a lot of thick newgrowth. I wore my hair out yesterday... I curled my hair using flexi-rods the night before and I must say that it came out nice.

This girl wanted me to go with her to her salon to get my touchup a few months ago. As much as i wanted to bond with her at the time, i had to decline. I believe her beautician perms from root to tip 'cause her hair has not grown in the past 8 months and her ends are chewed! I am just getting my hair healthy again and I don't need any setbacks, okkkaaayyy!

Some people...

 

[Isis]

She put her hands in your hair too?!! She sounds like she is jealous of your beautiful gorgeous hair and your great progress. That was also a racist comment she made about you and it has nothing to with your hair, it was meant to put you down.

ETA:
When I'm in a situation where I wished I reacted differently, every time the scenario would run through my mind ('cause it will, over and over again), I would change it, mentally change my role in particular and say or do exactly what I wanted to do. I would visualize the best possible outcome for this past event. This powerful exercise works energetically and positively in many ways.

 

[Plenty]

That Bi+th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry that happen to you. I have punk'ed out to. I have learn to say how I feel right them and there to get over it. She is jealous. I don't mean to sound cliche. But you know whats up. Jealous Bit8h. Your beautiful to, plus you have the locks to back it up and she just doesn't...

 

[napgurl]

D Pull this "lady" to the side on Monday and tell her under no conditions is she to "ever, ever ever refer to you in such a derogatory manner. That her buck wheat terminology is degrading and unprofessional. Tell her that you are here to do a job not here to impress her." Then say thank you and walk away.

You did the right thing not making a scene before others, but you still need to do the right thing for your personal space. Use the quick and direct approach and then say "alrighty" and then walk away.

 

[Starian]

Oh HELLLLL no. I'm sorry that happened to you, D. You want me to call my cousin and bomb her house?

But on the serious side, I'd talk to her privately and rip her a new one. In a nice, tactful, classy, respectable way.

 

[goldensensation]

As some of the others have already said, I think that you should call her to side and tell her about herself.

 

[so1913]

If you don't confront her about it, she'll keep doing stuff like that to you :-(

 

[baglady215]

Sylla, you are better than me because I would have knocked her out! Which would have been the wrong thing to do. I agree with the other ladies... Fuss her out, all the while with a smile on your face. The nerve of her! Your hair is beautiful!

 

[Leslie_C]

She put her hands in your hair too?!! She sounds like she is jealous of your beautiful gorgeous hair and your great progress. That was also a racist comment she made about you and it has nothing to with your hair, it was meant to put you down.

ETA:
When I'm in a situation where I wished I reacted differently, every time the scenario would run through my mind ('cause it will, over and over again), I would change it, mentally change my role in particular and say or do exactly what I wanted to do. I would visualize the best possible outcome for this past event. This powerful exercise works energetically and positively in many ways.

lol, Isis I do the same thing!

Sylly, u sound just like me, you are too nice to ppl! Ive JUST now started standing up for myself for the first time in my life and I must say it feels good! I used to be little miss nonconfrontational,dont want to hurt anyones feelings Leslie....but in my profession I had to learn quick to put catty B*'s in their place or else I will get walked all over. The turning point for me was when I realized a bully is nothing but a coward bc when you call them on anything, they dont know what to do and back down with a quickness. You gotta let ppl know they cant talk to u any kind of way!

 

[Tene]

I would have cussed her out real good.

 

[bluebearfanatic]

i can't believe she said that...and she had the nerve to touch your hair?!? I would definitely talk to her aside about it...knowing me I probably would have punked out too! when people say things like that it really cuts you off guard and me personally i would have not known how to react...but definitely talk with her aside...and dont' be letting that B**** touch your hair again! and tell her that too!..lol

 

[caltron]

Wow, that girl was foul. I have no words...

 

[Miss*Tress]

sigh...

That's what a co-worker said to me yesterday in front of another non-black co-worker. And, I did not respond well... I punked out by saying no, you cannot comb it... My curls will fall.

She began finger combing my bang. I just looked down... Why am I such a punk?

You're not a punk, DSylla. She caught you off-guard in front of another co-worker and you didn't want to make a scene.

Take her aside and tell her quietly that if she does that again you'll break her fingers off...joint by joint...one by one. You see, no need to make a scene at all.

 

[naturaline]

If you don't confront her about it, she'll keep doing stuff like that to you :-(

yeah, i agree!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

She's just jealous of you. I would have put her in her place politely and firmly. That Buckwheat character would've gotten her beat down in my neck of the woods!

 

[macherieamour]

D Pull this "lady" to the side on Monday and tell her under no conditions is she to "ever, ever ever refer to you in such a derogatory manner. That her buck wheat terminology is degrading and unprofessional. Tell her that you are here to do a job not here to impress her." Then say thank you and walk away.

You did the right thing not making a scene before others, but you still need to do the right thing for your personal space. Use the quick and direct approach and then say "alrighty" and then walk away.

OKKKKKAAAAYYYYY! Thats exactly what you should do. Put her on blast. Remember people hate what they cant understand. She sees you getting mad growth and is hating big time.

 

[locabouthair]

you should tell her about her raggedy see through ends IN FRONT of another co worker. im glad u didn't go to her salon. she has some nerve saying things like that and to top it off in front of another co worker with her raggedy ends. she's probably jealous of you because i have looked at your album and your hair is full and gorgeous. i have learned that you can't tell people about your hair or hair goals because they will laugh and wish you bad. keep doing wat u doin and let her hate.

 

[*ElleB]

you should tell her about her raggedy see through ends IN FRONT of another co worker. im glad u didn't go to her salon. she has some nerve saying things like that and to top it off in front of another co worker with her raggedy ends. she's probably jealous of you because i have looked at your album and your hair is full and gorgeous. i have learned that you can't tell people about your hair or hair goals because they will laugh and wish you bad. keep doing wat u doin and let her hate.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but this woman is a HATER posing as a friend! Next time she does that you should put her in her place! As well as never let her put her hands in your hair!

She had a lot of nerve! You know ur hair looked nice, and she dared to make a comment like that??! THat means that she knew it too and didn't want to be a mature woman about it and compliment you, so she put you down...

 

[TrustMeLove]

Check her. Thats all I have to say cause they will continue to make comments like that. I have dealt with bullies before and have been on the side of being the bully.

Check them now or regret it for a long time.

 

[JewelleNY]

D, I'm so glad you posted b/c I know I am not the one who goes through these things So called friends love to tell you what is wrong with you from your hair to your clothes and everything in between. My co-workers loved to put me on blast until I took a step aside and realized that the ones who did this were lacking in the areas that they criticized me on. Sometimes you just have to respectfully let them know that what they say is unacceptable and remember that these people are not true friends so don't waste your time with their negativity. I am doing this now and it is a little lonely but I am on a mission to find positive, confident people to be around.

 

[Teacake]

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

 

[hottopic]

She is jealous of your hair and I am sorry she made you feel bad.Maybe, you should have stood up for youself, but taking the high road. Like saying "I love my hair the way it is, but I thank you for your concern." and " When you are ready to grow out your hair to be heathly like mines, let me know. I will have no problem helping you learn to love what you where born with."

 

[qtgirl]

She was trying to use reverse psychology on you, she knows her hair looks bad so she was trying to act like yours was. Your hair is beautiful and she's a hater who should be taking notes instead of potshots.

 

[Suri]

Wow that was not cool, but this is what people do to bring negative attention to you when they know the truth is your hair is BEAUTIFUL. Well...nothing you can do except keep taking care of that gorgeous hair. Definitely pull her to the side and let her how you feel about her comments. I'm right across the bridge if she has problems with the gansta transitioners!

 

[CreoleInDC]

You shoulda slapped snot out her nose.

 

[MizAvalon]

lol, Isis I do the same thing!

Sylly, u sound just like me, you are too nice to ppl! Ive JUST now started standing up for myself for the first time in my life and I must say it feels good! I used to be little miss nonconfrontational,dont want to hurt anyones feelings Leslie....but in my profession I had to learn quick to put catty B*'s in their place or else I will get walked all over. The turning point for me was when I realized a bully is nothing but a coward bc when you call them on anything, they dont know what to do and back down with a quickness. You gotta let ppl know they cant talk to u any kind of way!

Girl, this is SO TRUE!! Those big mouth smart arses always back down when you actually get up in their face!

 

[zzirvingj]

Your hair is gorgeous. She was ignorant for saying that, especially in front of someone else, but at least now you know how she really is. Sometimes I politely "school" those who make stupid comments like this-at other times I just let it go; depends on my mood that day.

But like I said, your hair is beautiful. Keep up the good work and take others' comments with a grain of salt at times because it's not worth the stress. I've learned that for every one person that says something dumb about your hair, there are at least two people secretly admiring how beautiful your hair actually is. Keep ya head up

 

[*Happily Me*]

I wore my hair in a wash and go style today. Well, miss missy came over as I was chatting with a male co-worker and began to point out the gray hairs in my head. She must have been looking 'cause I only have 2 gray hairs that *I* see.

I'm not gonna sweat her that much. This is a girl that uses the N-word casually and whose boyfriend sleeps with his thumb in his mouth. She's 30 years old...

She's the admin in our group and she supports the CIO. She can potentially make my life harder here by starting ish.

I'm gonna leave this alone for now.

Thanks ladies.

 

[Nita81]

I wore my hair in a wash and go style today. Well, miss missy came over as I was chatting with a male co-worker and began to point out the gray hairs in my head. She must have been looking 'cause I only have 2 gray hairs that *I* see.

I'm not gonna sweat her that much. This is a girl that uses the N-word casually and whose boyfriend sleeps with his thumb in his mouth. She's 30 years old...

She's the admin in our group and she supports the CIO. She can potentially make my life harder here by starting ish.

I'm gonna leave this alone for now.

Thanks ladies.

Just let Karma kick her butt!!!! Watch you'll see.....

 

[sunnyjohn]

sigh...

That's what a co-worker said to me yesterday in front of another non-black co-worker. And, I did not respond well... I punked out by saying no, you cannot comb it... My curls will fall.

A swift beat down was in order! That no-manners, rude *****!

*getting out her nunchucks to go beat up Dsylla's rude co-worker!*