Ladies How Would You Handle This Situation Between Your Man And Your Daughter?

shortdub78 said:
It's not about keeping secrets and I'm still not sure if you are being facetious. It's like you are purposely trying to pervert my point. You are taking what I said out of context. And you seem very intelligent, so I see nothing but malice coming from your question. I've been pretty consistent with my stance, so I see what you are doing there. Once something has been put into the atmosphere, it totally changes the dynamic. I'm not a mind reader and I would never be cool with a man I have around my daughter secretly lusting after her.
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I have been serious in every post I have made in this thread so there's no more need to question whether I'm being facetious.

I didn't pervert your words. I asked you to clarify what you meant twice, and you chose not to so there was nothing else for me to go off of than my interpretation of what you said.


shortdub78 said:
You bringing up another story like this and putting blame on the niece, shows where your head is at in this manner. You are making a case for a man that didn't display self control, and betrayed his family by crossing the line. You put blame on the niece, like that somehow justifies the husband/uncle.
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Where is the blame on the niece in me saying that the husband should have kept his dyk in his pants AND he should have told his wife? The post is sitting up there unedited, show me the part where I say his reaction to the situation is her fault.

There is absolutely no justification for the husband's behavior anywhere in my post.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I have been serious in every post I have made in this thread so there's no more need to question whether I'm being facetious.

I didn't pervert your words. I asked you to clarify what you meant twice, and you chose not to so there was nothing else for me to go off of than my interpretation of what you said.




Where is the blame on the niece in me saying that the husband should have kept his dyk in his pants AND he should have told his wife? The post is sitting up there unedited, show me the part where I say his reaction to the situation is her fault.

There is absolutely no justification for the husband's behavior anywhere in my post.
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I didn't answer it because I couldn't believe you were being serious. After everything I stated in that post, that's what needed to be clarified? I wasn't falling for it and you decided to assume the worse, because that's where your head was at. What in the world would make you think I would be cool with that?
And you brought up that girl to prove a point about the husband being tempted, and if he would have spoken up, it could have been prevented. There was no reason to even bring her up because he crossed the line! Even if she was standing there naked dripping wet, it was his job to get control of that situation. He did it because he wanted to. Nobody's fault but his! He fell for it. You tried to make him human and play into the boys will be boys mentality.

At this point folks are debating/arguing for entertainment. This should be an opened and closed shut case.
 
Hey ladies, can you pose this question to some men you know and bring feedback on what they think about this whole situation ? Please don't ask SOs and DHs. Too much of a slippery slope there. I don't want to be the cause of a fight in your homes if you don't like his answer.
 
I know someone who knew someone who was in this exact situation. The mother had 2 daughters. The guy became attractive to one of the daughters and just left. He told the mother he needed space and he didn't think it would work out. He never told her the real reason. But confess the real reason to my friend.

I agree with the poster who said how do you fix your mouth to say some bs like I'll be back after she leaves. Please! Some men are just sleazy. There's a tactful way for a man to get out of this situation.
 
shortdub78 said:
I didn't answer it because I couldn't believe you were being serious. After everything I stated in that post, that's what needed to be clarified? I wasn't falling for it and you decided to assume the worse, because that's where your head was at. What in the world would make you think I would be cool with that?
And you brought up that girl to prove a point about the husband being tempted, and if he would have spoken up, it could have been prevented. There was no reason to even bring her up because he crossed the line! Even if she was standing there naked dripping wet, it was his job to get control of that situation. He did it because he wanted to. Nobody's fault but his! He fell for it. You tried to make him human and play into the boys will be boys mentality.

At this point folks are debating/arguing for entertainment. This should be an opened and closed shut case.
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After everything you stated in that post, you ended it by saying that the man was free to think whatever he wanted but it was a problem if he let the words come out of his mouth. Whether you meant it in this way or not, It fully came across as ignorance being bliss in your book. I do not believe your notion that words put into the universe change a dynamic more than people simmering on secret thoughts. People act on thoughts without saying them all the time. The only difference is the ability for people affected to know what's up and act accordingly.

@ The bolded, without mentioning the niece in the other thread or the daughter in this thread there is no conflict or issue to be resolved. Saying that a man should keep his dyk in his pants is the exact opposite of playing into a boys will be boys mentality.

BTW - This is an open and shut case for everyone who has posted. If my way of handling the situation differs from the next chicks that's perfectly fine. I have made no effort to change anybody else's opinion on what they ought to do.
 
That's a sorry man so I'd be happy to see him go.

But I'm more concerned about that girl's pics being used with that question. I think it's wrong to take her persona; pics and post this question, insinuating all kind of things related to her dress and sexual behavior. It's pretty much blaming her for the man's failure to handle himself accordingly IMO. A grown man knows how to resist temptation. This fool is giving a heads-up notice to use as an excuse if something does go down.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
After everything you stated in that post, you ended it by saying that the man was free to think whatever he wanted but it was a problem if he let the words come out of his mouth. Whether you meant it in this way or not, It fully came across as ignorance being bliss in your book. I do not believe your notion that words put into the universe change a dynamic more than people simmering on secret thoughts. People act on thoughts without saying them all the time. The only difference is the ability for people affected to know what's up and act accordingly.

@ The bolded, without mentioning the niece in the other thread or the daughter in this thread there is no conflict or issue to be resolved. Saying that a man should keep his dyk in his pants is the exact opposite of playing into a boys will be boys mentality.

BTW - This is an open and shut case for everyone who has posted. If my way of handling the situation differs from the next chicks that's perfectly fine. I have made no effort to change anybody else's opinion on what they ought to do.
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No you are insinuating I said he can think as long as he doesn't touch. I didn't say it was right. So that's something you came up with. And once the mother is told that her man is sexually attracted to her daughter it does change the dynamic. i know exactly what I said, and I didn't say anything of what you stated. Your thoughts of my statement is perverted. And there is no conflict. You stated about that young lady wearing certain clothes, trying to entice the uncle. You used HER as an example, and tried to humanize him and his feelings. And at the end you said he was at fault for acting on it.
Yet the same people that are trying to humanize the bum, didn't state if they would stay with this man. That's interesting too. I guess momma need a life too huh?
 
fluffyforever said:
Him not wanting to be exposed to a woman dressing like she dresses in his own house doesn't mean he isn't ready for a relationship. Maybe he regularly sees some parts of her daughter that isn't right for a man in a relationship with her mother to see and wants to remove himself from further viewings.

Why should he be subjected to see things he doesn't want in his own house? It's not like he could tell the woman to cover up- people would call him mysoginistic. It's not like he can tell her to move out - it would strain the relationship with the mother.

Maybe there was a better way he could describe his thoughts on the matter, but that doesn't mean his feelings and his desires for his home environment should be ignored because he used a word you don't like.
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If that was the case his private conversation with the mother should have been him expressing his views about the way the daughter dressed in a shared home. If he felt the daughters dress code was inappropriate, it should not have been a problem for him to speak directly on that issue because as you point out it is his home. I don't think people would call him misogynistic for setting rules. Being able to speak up about your expectations, especially in your home is the mark of an adult. Instead he placed blame on the daughter by associating the way she dressed with his inability to control his temptation. (lame af) Then he announces his departure so the mother and daughter have to clean up the mess he left behind. (lame af) He is a grown man not a pubescent boy who lacks the knowledge and tact to control and considerately express himself and as a grown woman I don't see a reason to excuse this behavior by giving him an A for effort. Final grade: This guy is lame AF.
 
okange76 said:
Hey ladies, can you pose this question to some men you know and bring feedback on what they think about this whole situation ? Please don't ask SOs and DHs. Too much of a slippery slope there. I don't want to be the cause of a fight in your homes if you don't like his answer.
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I asked my brother and his response was two fold. 1st he said there is not enough information to make a fair conclusion so he requested I put parameters on the situation. I told him to give me his feedback on the situation as is and then I would place parameters. Below are summaries of his responses:

His response without parameters: What kind of guy is this? Did she just pick him up off the street? If so, I gotta respect the man for sharing his truth and doing the right thing cause any other dude that was using the woman as a trick would have just f'd the daughter and then talked his way out of the situation. What I am questioning is the woman for living with a man she don't know like that then allowing her daughter to be in that situation. What kind of mother is she?

Parameters: Couple have been dating for two years. Moved in together after a year and have been living with each other a year before the daughter moved in.

His response with parameters: He's had four seasons to meet and have some type of discussion with the daughter before she moved into the home, either at a family gathering or some event. Even if he did not see her in person he has seen pictures of her or had the what are your intentions with my mother conversation and built some type of rapport, which in a grown man's mind should shift his view of her from a woman he wants to smash to a woman he is going to protect out of love for the one he loves. He takes into consideration his ride or die like is she worth losing over banging her daughter. In most cases his mind won't let him go there. So, when the daughter came home he should have had no issue with telling the daughter put some clothes on or addressing the mother about how the girl dresses; not on a sexual level, but just as a woman that he is taking seriously and loves. "Like babe you see your little girl out here thotting it up. This ish need to be checked." (direct quote)


Overall: He said a lot I tried to pinpoint the main ideas in my summaries.
 
shortdub78 said:
No you are insinuating I said he can think as long as he doesn't touch. I didn't say it was right. So that's something you came up with. And once the mother is told that her man is sexually attracted to her daughter it does change the dynamic. i know exactly what I said, and I didn't say anything of what you stated. Your thoughts of my statement is perverted. And there is no conflict. You stated about that young lady wearing certain clothes, trying to entice the uncle. You used HER as an example, and tried to humanize him and his feelings. And at the end you said he was at fault for acting on it.
Yet the same people that are trying to humanize the bum, didn't state if they would stay with this man. That's interesting too. I guess momma need a life too huh?
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:lachen::lachen::lachen:did you just quote Baby Boy? :lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
Fine 4s said:
I'm sending this pic to some males for their opinions...
What about this thought....is the girl looking for attention as well? I kinda think at her age, she should be more self aware. Even my skinny self gets layered up around my friends menz, if I'm at their homes.
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This kind of body can't be hidden though no matter what she wears. I think the SO would be wrong for lusting after this young girl.
 
giigii613 said:
If that was the case his private conversation with the mother should have been him expressing his views about the way the daughter dressed in a shared home. If he felt the daughters dress code was inappropriate, it should not have been a problem for him to speak directly on that issue because as you point out it is his home. I don't think people would call him misogynistic for setting rules. Being able to speak up about your expectations, especially in your home is the mark of an adult. Instead he placed blame on the daughter by associating the way she dressed with his inability to control his temptation. (lame af) Then he announces his departure so the mother and daughter have to clean up the mess he left behind. (lame af) He is a grown man not a pubescent boy who lacks the knowledge and tact to control and considerately express himself and as a grown woman I don't see a reason to excuse this behavior by giving him an A for effort. Final grade: This guy is lame AF.
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What mess did he leave behind? You mean the mental mess of him finding the daughter attractive and calls her a temptation?

Also, how would that conversation go telling the mom that her daughter needs to dress differently?

BF: hey honey, I don't mind you letting your daughter stay with us. However, I think she should dress a bit more modestly.

GF: what do you mean? What's wrong with the way she dresses? You like it when I dress that way.

BF: I just don't feel comfortable with her wearing short shorts or tops with low cleavage around the house. There should be dress codes for common areas of the home. It would be more respectful.

GF: respectful of what?

BF: the living space. Besides, the way she dresses is too titillating.

GF: so a grown woman has to change her clothing so you don't sexualize her? Are you slut shaming my girl? And why are you even noticing her cleavage or butt in the first place? She's my daughter, WTF is wrong with you?

BF: I'm just saying its inappropriate for me to see another woman so intimately in my home. I thought you should know how I feel about it.

GF: great, so now I know you want to smash my daughter. get the hell out of my house.

Later that evening...
Mom: baby girl I need you to cover up or get out.

DD: cover what up?

Mom: you can't be wearing all that thot wear around the house.

DD: is it your new BF? He checking me out or something?

Mom: it's inappropriate for him to see you like that.

DD: I dress like this when I'm outside, how's it inappropriate when I'm in my own house?

Mom: this isn't your house, it's mine and there will be rules.

DD: I'll leave then, but mama your man ain't shieet if he can't handle being around me. Stop dating all these fukbois and find a man that can control himself.
 
FemmeFatale said:
Bet a stack that the women here would've still went off if he suggested that the daughter cover up more.
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Not at all. The daughter should dress appropriately, I said earlier I wouldn't tolerate that in my home. I can only speak for myself, but I'm not demonising the man for having the thoughts, I am just stating what the impact that me knowing the thoughts would have on our relationship. Baby comes first- I couldn't date and be intimate with someone I knew lusted after my kin, I would have to protect my daughter. When you know, you have to act.
 
fluffyforever said:
What mess did he leave behind? You mean the mental mess of him finding the daughter attractive and calls her a temptation?

Also, how would that conversation go telling the mom that her daughter needs to dress differently?

BF: hey honey, I don't mind you letting your daughter stay with us. However, I think she should dress a bit more modestly.

GF: what do you mean? What's wrong with the way she dresses? You like it when I dress that way.

BF: I just don't feel comfortable with her wearing short shorts or tops with low cleavage around the house. There should be dress codes for common areas of the home. It would be more respectful.

GF: respectful of what?

BF: the living space. Besides, the way she dresses is too titillating.

GF: so a grown woman has to change her clothing so you don't sexualize her? Are you slut shaming my girl? And why are you even noticing her cleavage or butt in the first place? She's my daughter, WTF is wrong with you?

BF: I'm just saying its inappropriate for me to see another woman so intimately in my home. I thought you should know how I feel about it.

GF: great, so now I know you want to smash my daughter. get the hell out of my house.

Later that evening...
Mom: baby girl I need you to cover up or get out.

DD: cover what up?

Mom: you can't be wearing all that thot wear around the house.

DD: is it your new BF? He checking me out or something?

Mom: it's inappropriate for him to see you like that.

DD: I dress like this when I'm outside, how's it inappropriate when I'm in my own house?

Mom: this isn't your house, it's mine and there will be rules.

DD: I'll leave then, but mama your man ain't shieet if he can't handle being around me. Stop dating all these fukbois and find a man that can control himself.
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Yes, the mess of the unnecessary use of the word temptation, which could one: put in the daughters mind she should be ashamed of the body she was born with and two: could possibly place stress on the relationship between the mother and the daughter through judgement, one version of this is aptly pointed out at the end of of your script.

While I think the guy is lame AF because he is not taking the mother seriously as a mate but is living with her as far as the man talking to the mother he could have simply said:

BF: Hey babe since we are going to be living as a family for a certain period of time we need to have a family meeting and set ground rules for the house.

GF: Ok, that sound reasonable.

BF: We should address a few things. Since I am developing a rapport with your daughter and don't want to overstep my boundaries I will not approach your daughter without outlining these ground rules with you first.

GF: Ok, voice your concerns baby.

BF: For starters cleanliness/chores. I don't want to have to clean up after your daughter and she should not be expected to clean up after you or me. Is that reasonable?

GF: Yes and I am sure my daughter won't have a problem with that.

BF: Dress code it was okay for us to walk around half naked when she was not here but now that she is here we need to make sure we are covered up in the house and I expect the same respect from her.

GF: Ok that makes sense.

BF: Visitors/curfew. I know she is grown but these doors lock at a certain hour and if she can't find herself in this house before that time then she needs to find somewhere else to sleep. (etc. etc. etc.)

Later that evening: GF/mother BF and daughter sit down to talk

GF: I'm happy to have my little girl coming home but as you can see since the last time you were here things have changed. For one you are an adult and BF is now living here and as three adults under one roof we need to communicate so we can all live together.

BF: I spoke to your mother earlier and we decided it was best to set house rules for all of us to abide by before you moved in so you can make a decision as to if you really want to live with us.

DD: What are the rules?

BF: Cleaning up. You clean up after your self and we will clean up after ourselves. Even though you are not paying to live here we do not expect you to be a maid. Fair?

DD: Fair

GF: Dress code, BF and I will make sure we are covered up while in common areas of the home and we expect you to do the same.

DD: What do you mean by cover up? (in my mind most people would get this but let's pretend for argument sake DD does not)

GF: Dress like you're leaving something to the imagination.

BF: I am not your father nor do I intend to pretend to be but I do love your mother and given my love for her I feel it is my duty as a man to protect you as a father would. I know you were raised by a woman so the opinions of a man in the past may not have been highly valued but there is a man here now and I will speak from the perspective of a man and of a protector. As for your dress code in my mind conservative wear for starters shirts that cover your cleavage and bottoms that don't look like they are painted on or cut off your circulation.

DD: Unless you buying my clothes you telling me how to dress is not an option.

BF: If you need me to help with buying you new clothes I will. You are your mother's child in that you are blessed with a beautiful and curvy figure and your are beautiful just like your mother. You have a figure that speaks for itself without having to dress overtly sexual. Is it my place as a person to tell another person how to dress? No, but out of my love for your mother I will tell her and you my perspective. I feel people can be misjudged by the world based on the clothing choices you make daily. If a lawyer walked into a courtroom dressed in booty shorts and a mid drift top they would have to work twice as hard to make not only their client but the judge believe they were capable of conducting a case. no matter what this world tries to make you believe presentation is everything and any woman worth her weight in gold knows how to balance her beauty and brains. I feel you're to smart to go on just your looks. So, we can all go shopping and vamp up how we present ourselves to each other and the world.

This could go on and on and there could be 100,000 different versions but there is always a tactful way to get what you want you just have to have respect for people and be considerate.

Instead the BF decided to not step up like a man and be lame AF and blame his inability to be a man on the daughter. Which means lame AF is the only reasonable conclusion to be drawn about his character.

Final decision: BF is LAME AF
 
lesedi said:
Not at all. The daughter should dress appropriately, I said earlier I wouldn't tolerate that in my home. I can only speak for myself, but I'm not demonising the man for having the thoughts, I am just stating what the impact that me knowing the thoughts would have on our relationship. Baby comes first- I couldn't date and be intimate with someone I knew lusted after my kin, I would have to protect my daughter. When you know, you have to act.
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Protect the daughter from what? She's a grown woman. I'm sure she could handle the situation without being scarred. If he makes a pass at her and she accepts it, that's her ratchet decision. If she doesn't and puts him on blast, then obviously he ain't BF material and she and her mom can kick him out together.

Everyone thinks the daughter should change her attire, but unless she's walking around naked, I don't see the problem. I also don't think the mom doesn't either. If she did think it was an issue, she would have told her daughter before she even moved in. Apples don't fall far from trees.
 
I would appreciate his honesty but the relationship would be over. I just wouldn't be able to get past that.

As for the dd, she looks a tacky mess but with her body, how much less sexy would she look in yoga pants or sweatpants or jeans or anything else women typically wear around the house? Even if her cleavage is covered, the boobs are still huge and the waist is small. There's no hiding that unless you make her wear a mumu.

So for me, it would be a deal breaker.
 
fluffyforever said:
Protect the daughter from what? She's a grown woman. I'm sure she could handle the situation without being scarred. If he makes a pass at her and she accepts it, that's her ratchet decision. If she doesn't and puts him on blast, then obviously he ain't BF material and she and her mom can kick him out together.

Everyone thinks the daughter should change her attire, but unless she's walking around naked, I don't see the problem. I also don't think the mom doesn't either. If she did think it was an issue, she would have told her daughter before she even moved in. Apples don't fall far from trees.
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Protect my daughter from a situation where her stepfather could approach her indecently. I would be traumatized NOW if my mother's man propositioned me.Yes, she's grown, but thats still my baby! The same way I would protect her at 5 is the same way I would protect her at 25.
 
DarkJoy said:
This is my thought . mama bear appears and all hell breaks loose. i would feel my child is unsafe with a man who said that.
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How the mother should or shouldn't protect the daughter is an interesting angle that I didn't consider. Her being an adult who can be on her own (and should be) is also something I'd take into consideration.
 
In the end this is a difficult decision and I don't view it as a simple black/white or open/closed situation but it's a possibility. It's not my point of view based on a host of things (experience, views on relationships, men, sexuality etc.)
People want things to fit in a simple package. Saying he should have avoided this word, that word, should have said it this way, that way, assuming all kinds of background stories are all frameworks to back up one's already held position.
But that's not life, people are messy, simple and complicated at the same time. Learning who to invest in, trust and what situations reveal character, what's a deal breaker ain't always easy. Just make the decision you are most comfortable with and that's it.
All that to say, everyone has presented some good points in this thread. Tis all...
Oh and I hope to not be in this type of situation later in my life! Lol
 
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silverbuttons said:
Lol. So.. the daughter can't go to the gym either huh? How about a beach function.. God forbid theres a pool at the house! She will have to wear a mumu to swim.
GTFOH.
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Right.... asking the daughter to censure herself is the equaivalent of asking a rape victim what they were wearing to encourage the man. Why is it always up to the woman to manage men's sexual urges as if they have no self control.

A decent man should be able to control himself enough out of moral decency not to lust after his gfs daughter. If he can't do that then he likely has no self control and will be out there cheating anyway as soon as he sees other half naked women
 
Fine 4s said:
How the mother should or shouldn't protect the daughter is an interesting angle that I didn't consider. Her being an adult who can be on her own (and should be) is also something I'd take into consideration.
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As a mother that sense of protectiveness of your young, even if the young is an adult by western social standards :rolleyes:, does not go away just because their State ID says it should. Protectiveness of your "babies" is primal and doesn't care about such things. I would probably see this stronger, bigger male as a THREAT to my child.

I find it interesting that others could see the child as sexual competition .
 
DarkJoy said:
As a mother that sense of protectiveness of your young, even if the young is an adult by western social standards :rolleyes:, does not go away just because their State ID says it should. Protectiveness of your "babies" is primal and doesn't care about such things. I would probably see this stronger, bigger male as a THREAT to my child.

I find it interesting that others could see the child as sexual competition .
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THIS ! I couldn't place my finger on why the argument of her covering up bothered me so. I imagine my mother went through this and she outright told me that she prolonged dating because she didn't want to have to kill a man who became sexually attracted to me, especially considering I developed as such an early age. My stepdad is awesome and I would feel more so hurt if he were attracted to me in such a way because I view him as my dad. While this isn't quite the same, that dude is still like family or potential family. It honestly wouldn't cross my mind, even as an adult to think that my mother's boyfiend or husband would be attracted to me in such a way. There are just mental boundaries that I do not cross, and perhaps I would assume others would feel the same. Perhaps the young girl in the OP felt the same. And you can't really hide a body like that (even the first pic is not obscene, we wouldn't look twice if she was a size 2 and wore an A cup). I had my cousin's half brother try to hit on me and though we aren't even blood relatives, I was still disgusted. Like n*gga if my cousin is your brother, you're still my cousin..ewww
 
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