Keeping In Touch with Former (Male) Classmates
- Thread starter w332
- Start date
hopeful
Well-Known Member
It's okay I kinda want to punch him too. He thought he was slick huh? I hate sneaky people so that's what especially bugs me about this dude. And he's selfish. He is not who you remembered. Don't try to teach him a lesson. Ignoring him is the best lesson for him and you. The innocent let's just be friends talk is bs.
Oh and thanks for the update.
I think it's good of him to tell you he is engaged, pretty promptly after he proposed. I didn't read every post...skimmed to get the gist. But it sounds to me like a bitter man just trying to let you know he did alright without you. ...I can't fault him for that. He did say how much you really hurt him. Anyway, I think you should wish him luck/congratulate him and be the bigger person.
I think he was being sneaky becuase he said "Happy birthday. I just got a grant. I'm traveling to Germany for a convention, etc." But he never said he was engaged until a week of conversations later. When I was engaged, and he called me, it was the first thing I told him before I said anything else. Also, when other male classmates exchanges messages with me, that is the first thing they will say. They will say "Oh, I've been busy with XYZ, and btw, I'm getting married." So there is no further conversation. I say Congrats and good luck, and that's it. He let the messages between us go on for a while before he said anything.
At the end of the day, he moved on, and I'm moving on. We were young, and love can be a learning curve. Needless to say, I have learned a lot, and I am now working on meeting Mr. Right (I was married right out of college, and it did not work...now I am in my early 30s and want to marry for life this time).
At the end of the day, he moved on, and I'm moving on. We were young, and love can be a learning curve. Needless to say, I have learned a lot, and I am now working on meeting Mr. Right (I was married right out of college, and it did not work...now I am in my early 30s and want to marry for life this time).
Last edited:
Theo
New Member
He sounds like he's still salty about you turning him down back then. I think most men have the fantasy of telling a woman they used to love, "back then you didn't want me, now I'm hot and they all on me"... but most of the time the woman they would say that to is either doing way better than they are and has moved on, or is doing much much worse than they are... either way, neither situation is very satisfying.
either way, i'm glad you shut him down 6 months ago... i the women in the relationship forum can be a pretty good resource... as long as you take their advice
either way, i'm glad you shut him down 6 months ago... i the women in the relationship forum can be a pretty good resource... as long as you take their advice
Wanderland
Well-Known Member
This is all you need to know. No other lesson to be had. The answer to any questions you have even have later, THIS is the answer.
Little shortcut, when old friends call and go down that "Are you in a relationship" question, I pass that ball right back with a simple "and you?". Everything out in the open. Getting the deets upfront is efficient, saves wasted emotion and unnecessary pain.
^^^^Yeah, I think you are right. It was wishful thinking on my part~ although he actually said he could never love her as much as he loves me, and he wanted to meet face to face to see if the feelings were as strong as it seemed before he got engaged...I was the one who said it wasn't the right thing to do...and I am currently ignoring his e-mails, as he continues to want to stay in touch after his engagement.
Also, it takes a lot for me to fall for a man. I loved him when I was a sophomore in college, and he was a junior. We just clicked. So, all of this has been hard to deal with. I am so grateful that I posted my feelings on this board because I got all of the emotional stuff out, and when I communicated with him, I could be logical, objective and brief. So, thank you ladies!!!
I just hope he turns out to be the best thing I never had!
Also, it takes a lot for me to fall for a man. I loved him when I was a sophomore in college, and he was a junior. We just clicked. So, all of this has been hard to deal with. I am so grateful that I posted my feelings on this board because I got all of the emotional stuff out, and when I communicated with him, I could be logical, objective and brief. So, thank you ladies!!!
I just hope he turns out to be the best thing I never had!
Last edited:
He just said this:
you know something, it does not have to be this way. I thought that we are friends or as you American's say "homies." So why the cold shoulder?
I hold these truths to be self-evident:
1. I did not get engaged to hurt you, get back at you or punish you in anyway. ( I am not a spiteful or vindictive person!)
2. The intervening years have caused us to drift apart and we (especially me) are both coming to terms with the past. (When we last spoke on the phone several months back it seemed very clearly that we were no longer very compatible for various reasons).
3. It was a tragedy and a travesty what did and did not happen between us. It hurt back then and it will hurt for a long time to come.
4. I care for you deeply and wish the best for you. (That has never changed!)
5. I will never forget you or erase the imprint that you have had on my life.
6. Time heals all wounds.
7. Repeating past mistakes gets one nowhere.
8. Friendship is for a lifetime, love is eternal.
you know something, it does not have to be this way. I thought that we are friends or as you American's say "homies." So why the cold shoulder?
I hold these truths to be self-evident:
1. I did not get engaged to hurt you, get back at you or punish you in anyway. ( I am not a spiteful or vindictive person!)
2. The intervening years have caused us to drift apart and we (especially me) are both coming to terms with the past. (When we last spoke on the phone several months back it seemed very clearly that we were no longer very compatible for various reasons).
3. It was a tragedy and a travesty what did and did not happen between us. It hurt back then and it will hurt for a long time to come.
4. I care for you deeply and wish the best for you. (That has never changed!)
5. I will never forget you or erase the imprint that you have had on my life.
6. Time heals all wounds.
7. Repeating past mistakes gets one nowhere.
8. Friendship is for a lifetime, love is eternal.
erplexed^^^^Yeah, I think you are right. It was wishful thinking on my part~ although he actually said he could never love her as much as he loves me, and he wanted to meet face to face to see if the feelings were as strong as it seemed before he got engaged...I was the one who said it wasn't the right thing to do...and I am currently ignoring his e-mails, as he continues to want to stay in touch after his engagement.
Also, it takes a lot for me to fall for a man. I loved him when I was a sophomore in college, and he was a junior. We just clicked. So, all of this has been hard to deal with. I am so grateful that I posted my feelings on this board because I got all of the emotional stuff out, and when I communicated with him, I could be logical, objective and brief. So, thank you ladies!!!
I just hope he turns out to be the best thing I never had!
That is the game. You should feel sorry for his fiancee', no telling how many other exgirlfriends he is spitting his venom on. Dude is fishing big time.
Block his email and calls and you have a wonderful life. Onto your dream guy.
intergalacticartist
New Member
What's really up with this guy?
I spoke to some other former classmates- my girlfriends from college who knew both of us- and they think he's just confused. I think so too. I think he wants to be engaged and married to his fiance, but he also wants to be a single man and talk to whatever females he choses. I think he doesn't know how to be in a committed relationship.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I don't think he's confused. I think he knows exactly what he wants: a pretty Indian wife and side chicks to stroke his ego. He wants it all.
. But you know I just don't like how he's approaching you, how disrespectful he is being to his fiancee, how innocent he tries to act, it's all quite annoying.You are right hopeful. I really started to feel down for allowing it, and for being so gullible just because I used to think he was so trustworthy. Then, I realized that if it could happen to Halle Berry (re: Eric Benet), it could happen to anyone. This too shall pass. I hope to be happily engaged as soon as possible!
Bnster
New Member
OP, tell him all that if he tries to email you again and ask what is up. You thought he was all trustworthy an all, you got nothing to loose now. I was sort of hoping for you in this situation, but when he still went ahead and asked his gf to marry him Nah man that is true s*it and he is full of it. If he kept all that emotional ring a roll out of the convos with you then the two of you could have been friends. Not with everything aired as is, that will not possible and healthy for the 3 of you. He doesn't love his FW as he should and he doesn't truly love you, that is what it boils down to.
Mr.Right is out there for you, he did you a favour cause you are now more determine to find him and now you don't ever have to wonder about the what ifs with this guy and you.
Hi Ladies! I have a VERY INTERESTING update about this story. Remember the boy I liked from college? Who was about to get engaged to his Indian girlfriend, and then actually got engaged? Well, he told me yesterday that the engagement is off. He claims he ended it. Then he asked me 1 million questions about how I feel about him . . . basically trying to figure out if I still love him. I was trying to be nonchalant at first because I didn't want him to know how I feel because he basically pushed me aside and got engaged to that girl, and it hurt.
I'll be honest, I was miserable when I found out about the engagement. Because he was my first love, and I still have feelings for him. It's a situation where I can't help myself. Today he told me that he thinks I am the one true love of his life! I was ecstatic of course! But there are so many issues surrounding it . . . and I had just promised myself to never have anything to do with him again.
What do y'all think? I know it's confusing because even I'm confused. I'm shocked, and I actually believe him.
I'll be honest, I was miserable when I found out about the engagement. Because he was my first love, and I still have feelings for him. It's a situation where I can't help myself. Today he told me that he thinks I am the one true love of his life! I was ecstatic of course! But there are so many issues surrounding it . . . and I had just promised myself to never have anything to do with him again.
What do y'all think? I know it's confusing because even I'm confused. I'm shocked, and I actually believe him.
Last edited:
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
@w332, I just read the below response he made earlier this year:
I found that very offensive. I figure he is not black American??
As for your dilemma, what do YOU want? He's placed his cards on the table and if this is something you want to explore I would observe and see if he remains consistent. Have you even met each other in person again after all these years? Maybe a public meet between the two of you will clarify things for you both. Don't get caught up in all the fire and smoke. Whatever you decide, approach it level-headed and if there is a possible future for you both, give it time.
I found that very offensive. I figure he is not black American??
As for your dilemma, what do YOU want? He's placed his cards on the table and if this is something you want to explore I would observe and see if he remains consistent. Have you even met each other in person again after all these years? Maybe a public meet between the two of you will clarify things for you both. Don't get caught up in all the fire and smoke. Whatever you decide, approach it level-headed and if there is a possible future for you both, give it time.
Last edited:
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Similar threads
