Hey Ladies! Thank you for reading this thread. I think he has a girlfriend because I googled him, and it looks like there's this Indian girl who loves him, and they have a relationship. I'm not going to confirm this with him. I'm just going to silently disappear. Lord. Back to the drawing board!!
Keeping In Touch with Former (Male) Classmates
- Thread starter w332
- Start date
Or you could ask yourself, "Why am I concerned about a dude who's got a girlfriend, when there are millions of fish in the sea?"
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
^^^I was wondering that, but was waiting for another perspective. op, you seem to be doing a lot of solitary feeling and thinking about this when it would be much better to base your thoughts and feelings on what he actually does and says. It seems like you're more inclined to address things internally and without interacting with him to see how things will play out. I say spend more time learning who he is now directly from him.
Last edited:
Hi Ladies. He told me today that he loved me so much back then and that he didn't hear from me in years, so he moved on, and now he's about to get engaged. I told him I loved him too but was too young (19 years old when we met) to know how to show him. I told him congratulations on the engagement. But I'm not really happy about that. I guess I still have feelings for him. He asked me why I keep disappearing out of his life~I'm going to stay away because I can't handle being just friends with someone I really love. What a lesson learned. I'll never love someone and not show it again.
Told ya, he was attached. I am glad he confirmed it though, but you could have had all of this out of the way a week or so ago and I doubt that you would have had such a strong wave of emotions with regards to him.
It also sounds like he is blaming your for the state of affairs. That is not fair of him. He could have just said he was engaged and so be it. The "I longed for you years ago" stuff really isnt relevant. I am telling you it was just a ploy to suck you back in for a bit. Ultimately he is engaged to be married to another woman, that is all you need to know.
It also sounds like he is blaming your for the state of affairs. That is not fair of him. He could have just said he was engaged and so be it. The "I longed for you years ago" stuff really isnt relevant. I am telling you it was just a ploy to suck you back in for a bit. Ultimately he is engaged to be married to another woman, that is all you need to know.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
you two really should meet in person and talk about this. It's too heavy for email.
Unless you are in the mood to play games, I think you should just chalk it up. He sounds like he is all over the place. You can't relive all these what if's, not fair to you and his possible future wife. Just think if you were in his girl's shoes. Wouldn't you want the other woman to just bail out? YOU need to do right by YOU. If he plays that game with another woman and she falls for it then so it. Men only do what women allow them to do and if you continue to entertain his foolishness then you are just as foolish as he is.
What is so confusing? Yeah, you like this guy and you have a sorta history with him, but he is UNAVAILABLE. You didn't open up a can of worms w332, you are just making it more difficult than it is. I just hope you don't get intimate with him. It is easy to do since you are very open and vulnerable.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Yep. If a man thinks for a minute that he can have his cake and eat it too, he's gonna try. Don't give him the opportunity.
Some things just aren't meant to be. I'm sure a lot of us have an old flame that we wonder what could have been. But I don't think that if this was the man for you, he would have been put back in your path with a fiancee.
Do yourself a favor- wish him well and move on before you get caught up. Believe me when I tell you, getting caught up is easy to do.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
It sounds like he has a lot of unresolved feelings as well, which given the facts presented, is understandable. I can't fault him for that--sometimes you move on out of necessity rather than because that's what you really want.
There's something about this dynamic...I think you both are still acting toward one another like you would have when you were 19 and 20. Mixed up feelings, indecisiveness, reluctance to communicate directly. That's not a criticism so much as a way of saying that whatever you do in this situation, approach it like you would approach dealing with a new man that you met today, being older and wiser. Falling back into this old pattern will confuse things.
There's something about this dynamic...I think you both are still acting toward one another like you would have when you were 19 and 20. Mixed up feelings, indecisiveness, reluctance to communicate directly. That's not a criticism so much as a way of saying that whatever you do in this situation, approach it like you would approach dealing with a new man that you met today, being older and wiser. Falling back into this old pattern will confuse things.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I would do as already said. Wish him well and keep it moving. He should have told you he was taken from jump and you should have asked. Both of you made mistakes back then because your were so young. It happens. But now both of you are adults and so now is the time to act like adults. You didn't open up a can of anything -- you just said hey to an old friend and crush. How could you know he was almost engaged? At least now you know. So leave him alone. There are other men in this world. If you stay in touch with him you will regret it and you will get caught up--trust us on that. And don't fall for the okey doke, he may be a great guy but remember he is in a very serious relationship and is re-developing a relationship with an old flame. To me that takes away from some of his "greatness". Time to move on. Journal about your unresolved feelings or talk to a counselor or pastor or a friend, BUT leave him alone. He is in love with someone else now. You cannot win in this situation
.
.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
He's engaged, what is there to talk about?
erplexedShe's already conflicted about the situation when honestly, there shouldn't be any conflict, wouldn't seeing him make it worse?
Last edited:
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Oh ok, reading is fundamental, I overlooked the "about to get" part, LOL.
Glad you made the right move, OP
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I am proud of you. You will look back at this situation years from now and be proud of the decision you made
to protect your heart. The fact that he withheld information from you tells me that he definitely was not the one for you. He was being selfish and protecting himself. You are romanticizing him right now. One day you will meet a guy who loves you and only you and he will communicate that clearly. Good luck!
to protect your heart. The fact that he withheld information from you tells me that he definitely was not the one for you. He was being selfish and protecting himself. You are romanticizing him right now. One day you will meet a guy who loves you and only you and he will communicate that clearly. Good luck!
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
erplexed Um, no. This man is in a serious relationship. No need for all of that. OP I truly hope you leave this boy alone. He was trying to be deceptive and misleading. For all we know he could already be engaged or even married and is not being 100% honest with you. Don't get caught up with him. That's how folks get hurt (figuratively and literally 
). There are other guys out there that are just as great or BETTER than him.Okay, I have an update on this situation (it's now about 6 mos. later):
Y'all were right! I feel so stupid. I left him alone as you guys told me to do, then this dude e-mailed me on my birthday out of the blue. I thought it was sweet, so I responded. He proceeded to talk to me via e-mail for about a good week. We were constantly sending each other messages. Then, after that week he told me he's now engaged. He just sent one line, "I have to tell you something important. I propsed to my gf over Christmas break." Well, after he said that I said Congrats and proceeded to ignore him. He e-mailed me back saying "How come you don't talk to me anymore."
I feel so dumb. Why didn't he just go away and stay away?!!! I think he thinks I'm stupid enough to talk to him while he keeps his fiance waiting for him (he's long distance with the fiance...they're in different countries). I think he thinks I'm such a fool. I would love to teach him a lesson...but right now, I've just been ignoring him. Maybe that's the solution.
I just had to vent about that and get it out. Btw, he's black, I'm black, and the fiance is Indian. We're all well educated...he's working in his profession, as am I, and his fiance is still in grad school.
I think I learned my lesson very well this time!! I never want to see or hear from him again.
Y'all were right! I feel so stupid. I left him alone as you guys told me to do, then this dude e-mailed me on my birthday out of the blue. I thought it was sweet, so I responded. He proceeded to talk to me via e-mail for about a good week. We were constantly sending each other messages. Then, after that week he told me he's now engaged. He just sent one line, "I have to tell you something important. I propsed to my gf over Christmas break." Well, after he said that I said Congrats and proceeded to ignore him. He e-mailed me back saying "How come you don't talk to me anymore."
I feel so dumb. Why didn't he just go away and stay away?!!! I think he thinks I'm stupid enough to talk to him while he keeps his fiance waiting for him (he's long distance with the fiance...they're in different countries). I think he thinks I'm such a fool. I would love to teach him a lesson...but right now, I've just been ignoring him. Maybe that's the solution.
I just had to vent about that and get it out. Btw, he's black, I'm black, and the fiance is Indian. We're all well educated...he's working in his profession, as am I, and his fiance is still in grad school.
I think I learned my lesson very well this time!! I never want to see or hear from him again.
Last edited:
Similar threads
