Keeping In Touch with Former (Male) Classmates

W

w332

New Member
Hello Ladies,

A friend in college advised me to stay in contact with this boy that I really liked. He is smart, attractrive, ambitious, kind, and very successful. :lick: I knew these things when we were in college, and I enjoyed spending time with him, but he transferred to another school up North the year after we met to finish his degree (he was doing a dual degree program).

He visited me at college the semester after he left, we exchanged e-mails, and he sent me post cards. Once he sent me an e-mail saying that he loved me...it was very long, but I did not believe him because I thought if he meant it he would tell me in person (at least by telephone). Things waned off as time progressed. Once in a while I would hear from him, but it was not often. I got engaged to someone else and got married a couple of years after all that, and I told him that I got married when he contacted me.

Now I'm divorced, and I saw him again on a social networking website (not facebook and not a dating site). I think he might have a girlfriend, but I'm not sure. I sent him a message, and he responded, but he seemed short/distant. He said he was happy to hear from me, but I don't know. I got a weird vibe from him :drunk: (maybe because of our relationship history~but we were never formally boyfriend and girlfriend or exclusive).

Anyway, I'm going to stop obsessing over this now that I got it off of my chest. I realized that I must really like him because I kept thinking about it/him (even though I'm casually dating right now).

Do you guys think it is a good idea to just keep things friendly and be encouraging when/if HE contacts ME (not the other way around, as I do not intend to stalk him or constantly find excuses to communicate with him) and stay in touch as my friend in college suggested because I NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN ONE DAY??
 
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I think I should just be cordial and stay in touch. If something happens, then great. If not, it wasn't meant to be. It's so hard when you have feelings there, and it's not like it's raining good looking, well educated, christian-like brothers out there to date.
 
Yeah, you are right. You know how girls are sometimes. When you like someone and you want it to work, you are hopeful. More fish in the sea though.
 
OMG! He contacted me again today! Just talking. He did get around to asking me if I'm married yet with kids and a nice house. I told him I am not and tried to be pleasant and responsive. I'm just going to stay in contact and see what happens.
 
Sounds good. Aren't you glad he contacted you and is taking the lead now? And now he knows you're available...so good luck...and keep us updated.
 
Nice, I think he was being cool, but was happy to hear from you, but because he did not fly off the handle with it- you assumed otherwise. Be cool about it and don't over anaylze the situation. It sounds promising! Keep us updated!
 
I am so happy he is taking the lead because we got to know each other very well, and I really like him! He is the kind of man you just want to be friends with even if you cannot be anything else with him.

I'm going to keep being sweet to him. He actually told me that he visited my hometown twice in the past five years and that he really enjoyed the visits (it has been about 9 years since we were in college together, and I had been going to graduate school and working outside of my home state~ I'm back home now). I hope I get a chance to see him again one day soon!

I will keep you ladies posted! Thanks for taking the time to read my story and post comments!!
 
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Good luck OP!!

I thought I was going crazy for a minute :lol: This exact same thread is also in the Off Topic forum, too :lol: It was like deja vu for a minute.
 
Has he told you if he is single or not yet? If not, make sure you find out sooner than later. Otherwise, play it cool and have fun.
 
I have not found out yet, but hopefully soon. I'm not going to get my hopes up too high, and I'm going to keep dating others in the meantime.
 
If you find out he has a girlfriend or a wife, I would not pursue a friendship with him. We could be professional associates, that would be it. I think you like him too much to just be friends. And that would be a tricky situation. Crossing my fingers that he is free and single:yep:.
 
Thank you hopeful!! I appreciate that, and I hope he is free and single too! There are not that many great guys out there. Even though I am currently dating, it is hard to find guys of high caliber/quality. This makes me think that my mama and grandma were right when they told me to find a husband in college because once you get out, there are not that many good men around. I found that to be true. The only problem for me was that when I was in college, I had no idea how to find the right guy for me~particularly because I had a strict upbring and no dating was allowed before college.
 
My mother told me the same thing and I met my husband in college. I've noticed that most women do have a harder time after college. Keep a positive attitude though.
 
Hey Ladies!!

I thought I'd post an update. We're still chatting back and forth. I think I'm just going to have fun with this. If something more develops, great. If not, oh well. He's young, intelligent, and hot!! I'm just going to keep talking and have a good time because at least he will be a friend/professional contact.

If he were a girlfriend from college, I would talk to her once in a while and have fun when I do. It should be the same for him unless and until he takes things another step. Meanwhile, I'm still looking. But I'm also focused on getting myself established in my career, so a relationship is not my main focus right now anyway!!
 
I still don't know because I didn't ask him point blank, and he did not volunteer the information. I didn't ask because I don't want to look like I want to get with him...I thought he'd volunteer the deets, but he didn't.
 
^^^You are an adult and I think asking is reasonable. If he automatically thinks you want to get with him then that is HIS problem.
 
I disagree. I think she should wait a bit for him to volunteer the info. She doesn't want to seem like she's pouncing on him. Still drop a few hints OP and see where this leads.
 
awhyley said:
I disagree. I think she should wait a bit for him to volunteer the info. She doesn't want to seem like she's pouncing on him. Still drop a few hints OP and see where this leads.
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Drop hints? They're not in middle school. I don't understand why asking someone's relationship status is such a big deal or has to equal pouncing. :perplexed
 
awhyley said:
I disagree. I think she should wait a bit for him to volunteer the info. She doesn't want to seem like she's pouncing on him. Still drop a few hints OP and see where this leads.
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If anything you should have learned on LHCF is that men do not pick up on hints. There are gazillions of post on how women have been upset or felt they have been misled because a dude didn't pick up her hints.
 
I agree with Thickhair. Ask him point blank. He asked you point blank and you saw it as just a question. It is one of the 1st questions most people ask from jump when they haven't seen each other in years. And honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't volunteered such info. My dh is forever letting people know he has a wife & kids because we are a big part of his life. It's best for your protection, protecting your heart. You do not want to get caught up. Something like "So do you have a wife, 2.2 kids & the big house yet?" Just like he asked you. I would not want to spend much time chitchatting with a married or boo'd up man. You need to know. If it runs him off so be it, like Thickhair said, if he has a problem with the question, that's his problem.
 
I will take your suggestions and ask him the next time we speak. You are right hopeful, I do not want to waste time with a man who is already taken.
 
OMG guys!! I finally found out why he was acting all salty and distant. He admitted that he had feelings for me that were not reciprocated. I told him that I felt abandoned after he left and forced myself to move on to avoid being hurt. Still don't know if he's attached~didn't get to that because this was a lot to digest. The saga continues...
 
^^^

I am going to be honest with you. It seems like he is feeling you out and may be attached. He may or may not be happy in his current situtation and if you presented something better he may hop on it. JMHO

I have only had one guy from my past profess feelings for me and the first thing he said was that he was single, unattached, available, every word you can think of so that he make it crystal clear that he was single. Unfortunately I wasn't.

There was absolutely no way to work the question into that little situation? Mmmk
 
You know I'm going to find that out soon!! I'll post an update as soon as I find out. If I know him, and I think I do, he just wouldn't hurt me blatantly like that. He'd let me know he's attached if he were. If he's still the kind of guy I remember him to be.
 
Patiently waiting to find out if he is attached... Nothing else matters until we know that...
Good luck and thanks for keeping us updated.
 
w332 said:
You know I'm going to find that out soon!! I'll post an update as soon as I find out. If I know him, and I think I do, he just wouldn't hurt me blatantly like that. He'd let me know he's attached if he were. If he's still the kind of guy I remember him to be.
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Can you ask Him already!!! :lol:
 
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