Just Checked into the HeartBreak Hotel...

[Golong]

he realized your too good for him....got scared, and left with his tail between his legs. Ol'girl is probably more his type (silly)and which makes him feel like a big man...whatever his loss.

 

[LadyChe]

Hey ladies --

Day 2.
I barely slept last night, and I can't keep any food down.

I tried to throw his stuff away, but I can't bear to do it yet. So I hid it in another room.

I just wanna know why. Or how.
Why am I never the one that the guy chooses? I just wanna win ONE TIME.

Being dumped confirms all of your greatest fears of your own inadequacies.

I spent all night wondering if I wasn't feminine enough. Or if he hated that my hair was always in a bun (LHCF all the way!). Or that I didn't dress like a video model. Or maybe I'm just boring. I gained a little weight - he said that he liked me with more booty - was he lying about that too? Maybe my skin, or my skin color? My teeth aren't perfectly straight.

How do you just drop someone like that?
What makes other women better than me?

 

[Integrity]

I just wanna win ONE TIME.

I wanna shake you! You just WON!!! He is clearly a LOSER who has no respect for you. To lose a LOSER means you win your dignity, self-respect and precious time. This could have been much worse. Would you have preferred this to happen years down the line with kids, property etc...???

It'll get better, I promise.
I can't wait for you to bring yourself to trash all his belongings...

 

[january noir]

Hey ladies --

Day 2.
I barely slept last night, and I can't keep any food down.

I tried to throw his stuff away, but I can't bear to do it yet. So I hid it in another room.

I just wanna know why. Or how.
Why am I never the one that the guy chooses? I just wanna win ONE TIME.

Being dumped confirms all of your greatest fears of your own inadequacies


I spent all night wondering if I wasn't feminine enough. Or if he hated that my hair was always in a bun (LHCF all the way!). Or that I didn't dress like a video model. Or maybe I'm just boring. I gained a little weight - he said that he liked me with more booty - was he lying about that too? Maybe my skin, or my skin color? My teeth aren't perfectly straight.

How do you just drop someone like that?
What makes other women better than me?

Other women are NOT better than you; they may be different, but not better. Honey, I know you have to "go through" but please hold on to yourself. A few short months from now, you will look back and say to yourself, "why was I even "TRIPPIN' about this guy?" You WILL find someone who'll honor and adore you.

If you can't bear to throw his belongings away (don't want you to be on Judge Judy or Judge Brown with him sueing for his stuff), AT least bag it up and put on the curb in front of his apartment/house, whatever!

 

[LadyChe]

I wanna shake you! You just WON!!! He is clearly a LOSER who has no respect for you. To lose a LOSER means you win your dignity, self-respect and precious time. This could have been much worse. Would you have preferred this to happen years down the line with kids, property etc...???

It'll get better, I promise.
I can't wait for you to bring yourself to trash all his belongings...

Integrity --

I know logically that you're right. I wish my logical side was in control right now!

OT: You and my mama said the same thing. (Including the choking part! Ha!)

 

[sunnydaze]

I wanna shake you! You just WON!!! He is clearly a LOSER who has no respect for you. To lose a LOSER means you win your dignity, self-respect and precious time. This could have been much worse. Would you have preferred this to happen years down the line with kids, property etc...???

It'll get better, I promise.
I can't wait for you to bring yourself to trash all his belongings...

She is on point with this!

 

[MochaSilk]

I wanna shake you! You just WON!!! He is clearly a LOSER who has no respect for you. To lose a LOSER means you win your dignity, self-respect and precious time. This could have been much worse. Would you have preferred this to happen years down the line with kids, property etc...???

It'll get better, I promise.
I can't wait for you to bring yourself to trash all his belongings...

That's the TRUTH right there!!!!

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone. Why? Some men can't stand to know that there's at least one woman who wants nothing to do with him.

((((((((LadyChe))))))))) You said in your first post that you didn't even want to be with him in the first place. You said he "wormed" his way into your heart, and you went "kicking and screaming." Learn from your own words. "Wormed" and "kicking and screaming" aren't words used to describe the beginning of a healthy, sane relationship. I used to say "he grew on me like a rash" to describe the guy I went thru this with.

After that, you wrote "BAM" - you spent the weekend together, now he's not interested. There's no BAM, hindsight's 20/20. There will be things you ignored, brushed off.

You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? I feel the way to a woman's heart is through her vanity & ego. The man mixes up and pours out the right words, stroking our ego, seemingly making our insecurities go away. Truth is, the way to a man or woman's heart is a direct road. No ego, no worming, no kicking & screaming, no rash.

You're wondering if it was your hair, your body, your clothes, your teeth? Relationships that end with self-doubt start with doubt. You knew from the jump he was no good. Think about why you didn't want to have anything to do with him back when you first met.

BUT, because the guy was so persistent, so focused on YOU, you took that as a genuine love interest. Why? I used to believe in movies & fairy tales... they play that mess all the time in movies. Someone wears someone's "emotional walls" down, and they ride off into the sunset. It doesn't work that way, that's why it's a movie.

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. It happens to the best of us. Destroy that path from your ego to your heart. The insecurities we have are not for someone else to take away. They're ours, it's our job to work through them on our own.

This type of man almost turned me into a spiteful woman. I won't tell you how I handled things with him because it was wrong. I expended too much energy towards him and found myself emotionally attached to seeing him squirm. Still am, in a way. Everytime I see him (he lives near my parents), I remember him crying and feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

Funny how these fools always live within walking distance.

I feel these type of men are sent our way to force us to deal with our insecurities. After they're gone, that's all we're left with, all polished up and put under a spotlight. Go thru your grief at the loss, it's natural. After that, refuse to ask yourself why he didn't want you anymore and what you did wrong. Ask yourself why you set aside your initial feelings to get involved.

Like everyone has said, it does get better.

 

[MJ]

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone.

This happened to my sister. Her ex-husband pursued her like crazy. They got married after a year or so, and the next thing I know he's living with another woman even though he's still married. Yet, when she started to move on and date other people, he began threatening her, calling her names, and threatening to take the kids from her.

 

[january noir]

WELL SAID TBeBe!

That's the TRUTH right there!!!!

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone. Why? Some men can't stand to know that there's at least one woman who wants nothing to do with him.

((((((((LadyChe))))))))) You said in your first post that you didn't even want to be with him in the first place. You said he "wormed" his way into your heart, and you went "kicking and screaming." Learn from your own words. "Wormed" and "kicking and screaming" aren't words used to describe the beginning of a healthy, sane relationship. I used to say "he grew on me like a rash" to describe the guy I went thru this with.

After that, you wrote "BAM" - you spent the weekend together, now he's not interested. There's no BAM, hindsight's 20/20. There will be things you ignored, brushed off.

You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? I feel the way to a woman's heart is through her vanity & ego. The man mixes up and pours out the right words, stroking our ego, seemingly making our insecurities go away. Truth is, the way to a man or woman's heart is a direct road. No ego, no worming, no kicking & screaming, no rash.

You're wondering if it was your hair, your body, your clothes, your teeth? Relationships that end with self-doubt start with doubt. You knew from the jump he was no good. Think about why you didn't want to have anything to do with him back when you first met.

BUT, because the guy was so persistent, so focused on YOU, you took that as a genuine love interest. Why? I used to believe in movies & fairy tales... they play that mess all the time in movies. Someone wears someone's "emotional walls" down, and they ride off into the sunset. It doesn't work that way, that's why it's a movie.

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. It happens to the best of us. Destroy that path from your ego to your heart. The insecurities we have are not for someone else to take away. They're ours, it's our job to work through them on our own.

This type of man almost turned me into a spiteful woman. I won't tell you how I handled things with him because it was wrong. I expended too much energy towards him and found myself emotionally attached to seeing him squirm. Still am, in a way. Everytime I see him (he lives near my parents), I remember him crying and feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

Funny how these fools always live within walking distance.

I feel these type of men are sent our way to force us to deal with our insecurities. After they're gone, that's all we're left with, all polished up and put under a spotlight. Go thru your grief at the loss, it's natural. After that, refuse to ask yourself why he didn't want you anymore and what you did wrong. Ask yourself why you set aside your initial feelings to get involved.

Like everyone has said, it does get better.

 

[BK Bombshell]

That's the TRUTH right there!!!!

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone. Why? Some men can't stand to know that there's at least one woman who wants nothing to do with him.

((((((((LadyChe))))))))) You said in your first post that you didn't even want to be with him in the first place. You said he "wormed" his way into your heart, and you went "kicking and screaming." Learn from your own words. "Wormed" and "kicking and screaming" aren't words used to describe the beginning of a healthy, sane relationship. I used to say "he grew on me like a rash" to describe the guy I went thru this with.

After that, you wrote "BAM" - you spent the weekend together, now he's not interested. There's no BAM, hindsight's 20/20. There will be things you ignored, brushed off.

You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? I feel the way to a woman's heart is through her vanity & ego. The man mixes up and pours out the right words, stroking our ego, seemingly making our insecurities go away. Truth is, the way to a man or woman's heart is a direct road. No ego, no worming, no kicking & screaming, no rash.

You're wondering if it was your hair, your body, your clothes, your teeth? Relationships that end with self-doubt start with doubt. You knew from the jump he was no good. Think about why you didn't want to have anything to do with him back when you first met.

BUT, because the guy was so persistent, so focused on YOU, you took that as a genuine love interest. Why? I used to believe in movies & fairy tales... they play that mess all the time in movies. Someone wears someone's "emotional walls" down, and they ride off into the sunset. It doesn't work that way, that's why it's a movie.

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. It happens to the best of us. Destroy that path from your ego to your heart. The insecurities we have are not for someone else to take away. They're ours, it's our job to work through them on our own.

This type of man almost turned me into a spiteful woman. I won't tell you how I handled things with him because it was wrong. I expended too much energy towards him and found myself emotionally attached to seeing him squirm. Still am, in a way. Everytime I see him (he lives near my parents), I remember him crying and feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

Funny how these fools always live within walking distance.

I feel these type of men are sent our way to force us to deal with our insecurities. After they're gone, that's all we're left with, all polished up and put under a spotlight. Go thru your grief at the loss, it's natural. After that, refuse to ask yourself why he didn't want you anymore and what you did wrong. Ask yourself why you set aside your initial feelings to get involved.

Like everyone has said, it does get better.

Dang TBeBe,

I wish you were around when I was younger to tell me these things. I'll be printing this one out and putting it in my LHCF Book of Wisdom.

BKB

 

[Integrity]

I agree with TBeBe. Being insecure about yourself can make you REALLY vulnerable and susceptible to attract and fall in love with abusive and manipulative men (happened to me!). Take your time to assess your heart and if you are so inclined pray about it. You are certainly in my prayers. Muah!

 

[Keen]

Hey ladies --

Day 2.
I barely slept last night, and I can't keep any food down.

I tried to throw his stuff away, but I can't bear to do it yet. So I hid it in another room.

I just wanna know why. Or how.
Why am I never the one that the guy chooses? I just wanna win ONE TIME.

Being dumped confirms all of your greatest fears of your own inadequacies.

I spent all night wondering if I wasn't feminine enough. Or if he hated that my hair was always in a bun (LHCF all the way!). Or that I didn't dress like a video model. Or maybe I'm just boring. I gained a little weight - he said that he liked me with more booty - was he lying about that too? Maybe my skin, or my skin color? My teeth aren't perfectly straight.

How do you just drop someone like that?
What makes other women better than me?

For some reason, I don't think your feelings has much to do with this guy. This is just an event that brought forth some insecurities. Take him out of the equation and take care of YOU. You are perfect just the way you are. When you find true love, he will love you and bun.

 

[Cien]

EXCELLENT posts Integrity and TBeBe!!!!!!!

-----

I wanna shake you! You just WON!!!

EXACTLY!!!

 

[calm_delight]

Please (try to) ignore Natalie Portman and listen to this song called, "Bruised but not Broken" by Joss Stone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE2BFXFXdKg


And this too shall pass.

 

[rabs77]

Hugs...I think most of us have been where you are now. Just reading your posts have made me remember what its like to be there. Just remember..this too shall pass.
I see situations like this as lessons of life. I consoled myself when I was last in your situation by telling myself that this jerk...has prepared me, and will prevent me from falling for an even bigger jerk, who can potentially hurt me more...make sense? Only way to make yourself feel better is to occupy your time with other stuff.

 

[Shardonay11]

I don't know why some black men behave this way. Some men think there big shots if they hurt women or get them to have low self-esteem. I work with really old men every one is fifty or way older. I am the only woman on my floor and in my 20, you could cut the sexually tension with a knife. These old black men go out of there way to try to make me feel bad or effect my self-esteem. It use to work, when I was younger (I been here for five years) now they stuck looking stupid because I come to work looking super pretty and with tons on confidence and I am un movable.

My advice is do the same, whatever you do. Don't give his the satisfation of seeing you down and blue. Get pretty go out with some girlfriends. Meet new people and work on yourself in this time. Exercise is good way to relieve stress and it will have you looking great to.

He's one of those; like the men at my job, girl f**k um.

 

[MochaSilk]

Dang TBeBe,

I wish you were around when I was younger to tell me these things. I'll be printing this one out and putting it in my LHCF Book of Wisdom.

BKB

See, I thought I was the only one who had an LHCF Book of Wisdom! I don't have a title for mine yet, but I'm leaning towards "LHCF Breakin' it Down."

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

I am stunned. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this and I pray that you get through it all.....

 

[LadyChe]

I don't know why some black men behave this way.

OT: He wasn't black. No biggie though. A man of any color can hurt ya...

 

[BAP28]

GLAD YOU CLARIFIED THAT BECAUSE THIS IS A MAN THING NOT A BLK MAN THING!

I don't know why some black men behave this way.

OT: He wasn't black. No biggie though. A man of any color can hurt ya...

 

[Ms Red]

(((((((((((((Hugs LadyChe)))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I were in this situation, I would try to keep as busy as possible. Drop my clothes to the cleaners, run my errands, if I had a close girlfriend who I could stay at for a few days, I would pack a small back and go over there to clear my head and get out of the apartment.

I wouldn't take time off work or deviate from my schedule because it's too easy to start thinking about the past and get depressed. I hope you feel better soon.

PS. Please if he tries calling or stopping by, don't answer his calls/knocks. Please make a clean break, if possible, so you can start to heal.

ETA: TBeBe, you were right on point with your post.

 

[NessaNessa]

That's the TRUTH right there!!!!

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone. Why? Some men can't stand to know that there's at least one woman who wants nothing to do with him.

((((((((LadyChe))))))))) You said in your first post that you didn't even want to be with him in the first place. You said he "wormed" his way into your heart, and you went "kicking and screaming." Learn from your own words. "Wormed" and "kicking and screaming" aren't words used to describe the beginning of a healthy, sane relationship. I used to say "he grew on me like a rash" to describe the guy I went thru this with.

After that, you wrote "BAM" - you spent the weekend together, now he's not interested. There's no BAM, hindsight's 20/20. There will be things you ignored, brushed off.

You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? I feel the way to a woman's heart is through her vanity & ego. The man mixes up and pours out the right words, stroking our ego, seemingly making our insecurities go away. Truth is, the way to a man or woman's heart is a direct road. No ego, no worming, no kicking & screaming, no rash.

You're wondering if it was your hair, your body, your clothes, your teeth? Relationships that end with self-doubt start with doubt. You knew from the jump he was no good. Think about why you didn't want to have anything to do with him back when you first met.

BUT, because the guy was so persistent, so focused on YOU, you took that as a genuine love interest. Why? I used to believe in movies & fairy tales... they play that mess all the time in movies. Someone wears someone's "emotional walls" down, and they ride off into the sunset. It doesn't work that way, that's why it's a movie.

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. It happens to the best of us. Destroy that path from your ego to your heart. The insecurities we have are not for someone else to take away. They're ours, it's our job to work through them on our own.

This type of man almost turned me into a spiteful woman. I won't tell you how I handled things with him because it was wrong. I expended too much energy towards him and found myself emotionally attached to seeing him squirm. Still am, in a way. Everytime I see him (he lives near my parents), I remember him crying and feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

Funny how these fools always live within walking distance.

I feel these type of men are sent our way to force us to deal with our insecurities. After they're gone, that's all we're left with, all polished up and put under a spotlight. Go thru your grief at the loss, it's natural. After that, refuse to ask yourself why he didn't want you anymore and what you did wrong. Ask yourself why you set aside your initial feelings to get involved.

Like everyone has said, it does get better.

In referenece to the large portion, Um, can you pm a sista directions??



J\K



In referenece to the word in italics: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD PAY TO SEE THIS, AFTER BEING MISTREATED OR DOGGED OUT BY A MAN!!!!!!


LadyChe, we have all been through something with a man and have lived to be more than grateful it was over!!

 

[MochaSilk]

In referenece to the large portion, Um, can you pm a sista directions??



J\K



In referenece to the word in italics: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD PAY TO SEE THIS, AFTER BEING MISTREATED OR DOGGED OUT BY A MAN!!!!!!


LadyChe, we have all been through something with a man and have lived to be more than grateful it was over!!

NessaNessa, I'm tempted to tell, but it's a public forum and the story ended with someone I love getting hurt (emotionally). It was a mistake what I did, and could've gone real wrong, real quick. I was still reeling from a divorce the year before, and THEN had to deal with this fool who hurt me. I was drinking heavily during that time, and I just said "*** all this, it's ON!"

But yes, I have to admit, I still giggle to myself at how everything played out before the second act. What sucks about it is that I'll never forget HIM. I just wanted to before I made my exit. That experience showed me just how deceptive & cruel I can be, when I thought I was all sweetness & light.

 

[Much2much41]

That's the TRUTH right there!!!!

Having dealt with a man like that, I've figured this out. There are men who persue women they feel are a challenge. If a woman initially doesn't show interest, he will make it his life mission to get her to love him. The guy will turn into a hunter/con-artist. Once he's satisfied that she's sprung, he's gone. Why? Some men can't stand to know that there's at least one woman who wants nothing to do with him.

((((((((LadyChe))))))))) You said in your first post that you didn't even want to be with him in the first place. You said he "wormed" his way into your heart, and you went "kicking and screaming." Learn from your own words. "Wormed" and "kicking and screaming" aren't words used to describe the beginning of a healthy, sane relationship. I used to say "he grew on me like a rash" to describe the guy I went thru this with.

After that, you wrote "BAM" - you spent the weekend together, now he's not interested. There's no BAM, hindsight's 20/20. There will be things you ignored, brushed off.

You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? I feel the way to a woman's heart is through her vanity & ego. The man mixes up and pours out the right words, stroking our ego, seemingly making our insecurities go away. Truth is, the way to a man or woman's heart is a direct road. No ego, no worming, no kicking & screaming, no rash.

You're wondering if it was your hair, your body, your clothes, your teeth? Relationships that end with self-doubt start with doubt. You knew from the jump he was no good. Think about why you didn't want to have anything to do with him back when you first met.

BUT, because the guy was so persistent, so focused on YOU, you took that as a genuine love interest. Why? I used to believe in movies & fairy tales... they play that mess all the time in movies. Someone wears someone's "emotional walls" down, and they ride off into the sunset. It doesn't work that way, that's why it's a movie.

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. It happens to the best of us. Destroy that path from your ego to your heart. The insecurities we have are not for someone else to take away. They're ours, it's our job to work through them on our own.

This type of man almost turned me into a spiteful woman. I won't tell you how I handled things with him because it was wrong. I expended too much energy towards him and found myself emotionally attached to seeing him squirm. Still am, in a way. Everytime I see him (he lives near my parents), I remember him crying and feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

Funny how these fools always live within walking distance.

I feel these type of men are sent our way to force us to deal with our insecurities. After they're gone, that's all we're left with, all polished up and put under a spotlight. Go thru your grief at the loss, it's natural. After that, refuse to ask yourself why he didn't want you anymore and what you did wrong. Ask yourself why you set aside your initial feelings to get involved.

Like everyone has said, it does get better.

Girl, you put some "stank" on this!!! I try to "go with my gut". It will let you know when you're making a mistake. It's when you ignore those feelings that you end up in a world of hurt. I feel very sorry for OP, because I think at one time or another, most of us have been there. It's the very fortunate woman that has not.

As far as her assertion that other women "win", you can "win" something, but it have no value. Many of the very women that you believe have it made are the very women shedding many a tear behind closed doors. You want to win big, not win a fake ring in a Cracker Jack box. Focus on YOU and only YOU, what you desire, and how you can go about attracting it in your life. Hugs to you!!!