Is this a black thing?

[Glib Gurl]

I was discussing Dutch Chocolate with some white associates and they thought it was funny/cute that I referred to him as "my friend." One person actually said, "Why do you call your boyfriend 'my friend'?" And I realized that this might be a "black thing" -- or maybe these ladies are just uninformed?

Enlighten me!

 

[Bmack]

I think it is universal not exclusive to one group of people.

Ladies, other thoughts?

 

[Maracujá]

I agree with Bmack, I think it's universal too.

 

[Bunny77]

My parents always called anyone I was dating as "Bunny's friend."

But "friend" was said in a tone that implied that he was more than just my girl, my homeboy, etc.

I don't hear white folks use that terminology much.

 

[phynestone]

I've never heard anyone use this term for someone they were dating. I guess it's new to me.

 

[BrownEyez22]

My parents do/did this to me and my brothers, I thought it was something the older crowd did.

I've never heard them say boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I call my SO my significant other to people b/c I feel like I'm too old to have a "boyfriend." That term seems so high school to me.

 

[Poohbear]

No. It's not a black thing. I'm black and my boyfriend's black, and we certaintly don't refer to each other as "my friend" when introducing each other to our friends or family.

 

[Goombay_Summer]

Not meaning to play devils advocate here but is there a happy medium between an old fashion term such as gentleman caller and friend. Friend in my opinion seems to trivialize the relationship, IMHO. I have male friends, but I don't necessarily want to do naughty things to them, but I don't want to have to always emphasize that he's a 'special friend'. On the other hand some people feel that using the word boyfriend if they're older makes the relationship seem so high school. To get around that I suggest using the word 'lover' for those of you who are brazen enough, for the women who are old fashion and southern try using 'beau'. Or keep it simply by say the guying I am currently dating, my SO, my boo, the list is endless.

 

[Poohbear]

^^^ I agree with hannalight ^^^

 

[Allandra]

No, I don't think it's a black thing.

I think it's cool to say 'your boyfriend'. It's just 'new' to you so it probably feels strange / different (it did for me when dh and I were dating).

 

[Renovating]

Not meaning to play devils advocate here but is there a happy medium between an old fashion term such as gentleman caller and friend. Friend in my opinion seems to trivialize the relationship, IMHO. I have male friends, but I don't necessarily want to do naughty things to them, but I don't want to have to always emphasize that he's a 'special friend'. On the other hand some people feel that using the word boyfriend if they're older makes the relationship seem so high school. To get around that I suggest using the word 'lover' for those of you who are brazen enough, for the women who are old fashion and southern try using 'beau'. Or keep it simply by say the guying I am currently dating, my SO, my boo, the list is endless.

I agree. It may be more of an old fashioned term. The only person I've heard say this is my grandmother. She's always saying," Baaybee (baby), have you found yourself a nice friend guy to take up time with (spend time with), because baaybee it's nothing wrong with having a nice little friend guy."

 

[MissYocairis]

Not meaning to play devils advocate here but is there a happy medium between an old fashion term such as gentleman caller and friend. Friend in my opinion seems to trivialize the relationship, IMHO. I have male friends, but I don't necessarily want to do naughty things to them, but I don't want to have to always emphasize that he's a 'special friend'. On the other hand some people feel that using the word boyfriend if they're older makes the relationship seem so high school. To get around that I suggest using the word 'lover' for those of you who are brazen enough, for the women who are old fashion and southern try using 'beau'. Or keep it simply by say the guying I am currently dating, my SO, my boo, the list is endless.

This reminds me of those SNL characters played by Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch.

 

[MissYocairis]

If you are exclusively dating...take the plunge and use "boyfriend". IMO.


I've heard "friend", "companion", "partner", "honey", "my lady" (from older men)

I don't think I've heard any white people refer to their steady mate as "friend". Only black.

 

[hopeful]

I have not heard this term from blacks or whites when referring to their boyfriend. Well I do have one gf who refers to her mother's bf as her mother's friend. But other than that no. I think it's best to refer to your bf in a more romantic term. Like my guy, my boyfriend, my Beau (lol), but something nicer than friend. People mostly seem to use the term from what I've seen when there is a sexual relationship but not a real romantic/serious one or when actually referring to a real friend.

 

[foxee]

I've heard "friend" being used by both young and older people, black and white. I personally like boyfriend. Yeah, it may sound a little immature but "significant other" is a little too formal and wordy/too many syllables.

 

[Glib Gurl]

See I like "friend" -- but you have to say it with this special *oomph* otherwise it's not any different than referring to one of your girls . . . tee hee . . . .

 

[Filmatic]

I don't like the use of friend. I don't strip friends naked so it's not the same to me. He is my bf, so, or beau. Or I just call him by name. To me he is only a friend if we are not in a monogamous relationship yet.

 

[SeatownSista]

I use the term "friend", and so does my sister. It's something that we picked up from our (black) mother. However, I only use the term "friend" when talking about a boyfriend/someone I'm dating with my mom or sis.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Please don't stone me... But I have never heard the term "friend" for a boyfriend or girlfriend except from a handful of people, all of them black and elderly. For a minute I thought there must be something illicit about the relationship (like one of the people was married to someone else ) or else why wouldn't you just call them your boyfriend/girlfriend? Unless there was some truly valid reason not to do so. "Friend" sounds kinda like shorthand for "friends with benefits" to me. This thread is the first time I'm finding out that my understanding isn't correct erplexed

 

[Supervixen]

I use "beau" or "the guy I date." He uses "my young lady."

I've only heard black people use "friend," my gma's age group uses, "gentleman friend." But, they are southern breed 80+ year old ladies.

 

[MissJ]

I think it might be a black thing. I haven't heard any white people say it.

 

[Strangefruittree]

im calling the next dude SHABBA! LMAO lol... Im not brazen enough to call him lover, So the [people will need to catch the inuendo

 

[ClassicBeauty]

People usually say "my friend" or "this guy I'm dating" until they have the discussion about exclusivity. Then they say "boyfriend" or "SO" IMO.

 

[hrtbndr21]

For me "friend" can read as downplaying the relationship. Some people might not pick up on the twinkle in your eye, or the little giggle you have when you say "friend."

Now that you mention it I know a guy that was talking about his "friend" the other day. I know he was referring to a female, and it seemed like they were dating. But I read the "friend" reference as the whole thing being casual. I guess not. I dunno I'd feel some kinda way if I was being referred to as a "friend" but that's just me. Friends I have plenty of, a SO/BF whatever, I only have one of those.

 

[Blackmagic]

This reminds me of those SNL characters played by Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch.

You mean the "Luvahs"... one of my favorite quotes, "our bellies gorged with goat meat"...

 

[ThickHair]

I like "My Beau".

 

[rabs77]

im calling the next dude SHABBA! LMAO lol... Im not brazen enough to call him lover, So the [people will need to catch the inuendo

 

[dlewis]

My parents, aunts people in that age group has always said "special friend" or "friend".

Now my grandparents and people their age always say "courting" or "lovers".

I remember when my great uncles girlfriend of 20+ years died (they lieved in separate homes and had no kids together) my grandfather called me and said "____ lover of 20+ years died today". I could have died. I was married and had two kids but just the fact that he said it to me made me . I was thinking "I wonder if he thinks I have sex?". I don't think you ever get past that with your grands.