Is my SO faking his illness? Need advice!

[TG2000]

Hi ladies, I am writing this with no sleep within the last 24 hours
I have been in a relationship with my SO for almost two years and from the beginning he told me about his high blood pressure and heart disease. I was sympathetic for him and did everything possible to help him maintain his health. Recently we have been fighting a lot and I am getting feed up! I went this entire weekend and didn't call him (he didn't call me either)

So yesterday I get a phone call from him telling me he is in the emergency room with a major headache and elevated blood pressure. Then the phone disconnected. I called him back about 5011 times and he did not answer! His work requires him to travel and he does not get his assignments until the Sunday before the work week. Being that I did not talk to him this weekend, I have no idea what hospital to call! I tried calling a family member of his and their phone is disconnected. I have major anxiety and have not slept at all! I can't go to work! He has done this to me before when we got into a major argument!

I feel in my heart that he is ok and is just craving for my attention. One time when I threaten to leave the relationship, he started hyperventilating (sp?). I can't deal with this punkish behavior! Everytime we argue and have a disagreement, before we can resolve the issue, he will get sick. At times I still want to resolve the issue but his illness will put any discussions on the back burner. Time will go by and the wounds will still be open (on my end). I like to resolve conflict, but everytime I bring something up he will start complaining about a headache or chest pains! I don't know! I feel like I am rambling.

Am I being difficult and overreacting?

 

[lexi08]

How old is this guy

 

[TG2000]

He is 37! I think this is childish. I know stress can cause high blood pressure, but this is ridiculous!

 

[Filmatic]

If you wouldnt have been said that he has done this before I would be more inclined to believe he was really sick. He looks like he's playing wolf again and you know what happens in that story.

Seriously, how much longer can you put up with this manipulation from this man? If you get married, will you lifetime of him using these childish things to get his way?

 

[-Volare]

I've been in a relationship like this. RUN! He sounds like a hypochondriac. Everything is fine until you're mad, or the situation isn't going in his favor then he fakes sick to divert attention away from the real issues.

 

[MD_Lady]

Am I being difficult and overreacting?

No, and this is why:

He has done this to me before when we got into a major argument!

One time when I threaten to leave the relationship, he started hyperventilating

Everytime we argue and have a disagreement, before we can resolve the issue, he will get sick.

...everytime I bring something up he will start complaining about a headache or chest pains!

I know quite a few people with high blood pressure and, so far, all of them have managed to keep it in check, in spite of having to deal with life issues along the way. If he's not running to the doctor's office to either change his current medication or get a new prescription, he's faking.

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

He is playing games. You should get the book "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". He is a grown arse man. He needs to learn that conflict needs to be resolved and not avoided. I think you should let him stew for a while. If it was THAT serious, he would have told you where he was or put you down as the emergency contact.

You are not overreacting, he needs to grow up.

 

[dlewis]

If you have to wonder it's time to move on.

 

[FlowerHair]

He needs therapy...

 

[nychaelasymone]

move on...life is too short to allow this man to manipulate you. Obviously, he didn't get enough hugs when he was growing up....and guess what? You are not his mama. Live your life and stop worrying about him. He's grown and he can take care of himself.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Sounds a though he's using his illnesses to control you, or run a guilt trip on you, that's not healthy for a relationship.

 

[Bunny77]

No, and this is why:







I know quite a few people with high blood pressure and, so far, all of them have managed to keep it in check, in spite of having to deal with life issues along the way. If he's not running to the doctor's office to either change his current medication or get a new prescription, he's faking.

Yep.

My dad has had legitimate health issues in the last year (heart disease/diabetes) and has been in the hospital a number of times... but he lived with high blood pressure for years and never had to go to the hospital for it.

Same story with my uncle. Hospitalizations recently for surgery, etc., but they managed to go for YEARS never having to be admitted.

So he lyin'.


P.S.: On a different note... and this applies to a lot of situations... why do women who see OBVIOUS BIG GLARING HONKING RED FLAGS keep asking if they're being difficult/overreacting/overly sensitive? Why are you all questioning yourselves about your feelings on obvious screwed up situations?

In most cases, you're probably underreacting and not being difficult enough!

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Yes. Don't fall for it anymore.

 

[spinspinshuga]

Well, he might be, but if he is a hypochondriac he is not necessarily faking and manipulating you; he might really think he is ill. If he is a hypochondriac and isn't doing this to manipulate you and all else is well with the relationship, you could encourage him to seek help for his preoccupations with illness.

 

[awhyley]

I have major anxiety and have not slept at all! I can't go to work! He has done this to me before when we got into a major argument!

Regardless to whether or not he's sick; he's literally making you ill!!!!

You have to protect yourself first. He's playing you. Don't let him cause you to land in the hospital over his stress, cause he obviously is putting himself first, and not thinking about how you feel.

 

[-Volare]

Yep.

My dad has had legitimate health issues in the last year (heart disease/diabetes) and has been in the hospital a number of times... but he lived with high blood pressure for years and never had to go to the hospital for it.

Same story with my uncle. Hospitalizations recently for surgery, etc., but they managed to go for YEARS never having to be admitted.

So he lyin'.


P.S.: On a different note... and this applies to a lot of situations... why do women who see OBVIOUS BIG GLARING HONKING RED FLAGS keep asking if they're being difficult/overreacting/overly sensitive? Why are you all questioning yourselves about your feelings on obvious screwed up situations?

In most cases, you're probably underreacting and not being difficult enough!

Ain't that the truth. My friend has big red flags about her bf being on the dl, but she just chooses to ignore it. smh.

 

[TG2000]

Thank you ladies for all the advice! He still has not called and his phone is off. I am getting pissed off now! Some of you have really made me think about this situation. He is manipulating me! I am a caring person and I hate to feel as if I am being fooled. I still can't help but hope he is ok. Whenever I get in touch with him, I am going to break it off! I can't deal with it! He is a coward and very selfish!

 

[Makenzie]

Thank you ladies for all the advice! He still has not called and his phone is off. I am getting pissed off now! Some of you have really made me think about this situation. He is manipulating me! I am a caring person and I hate to feel as if I am being fooled. I still can't help but hope he is ok. Whenever I get in touch with him, I am going to break it off! I can't deal with it! He is a coward and very selfish!

I wouldn't even contact him. I'd just be done with it. He purposely calls you and then don't answer the phone after telling you he's in the emergency room.

 

[DragonPearl]

He sounds like he is manipulating you.

Even if he is not and he is genuinely ill, you need to ask yourself, are you willing to be with a man whose health problems would make it impossible for you to resolve relationship issues? You can't spend the rest of your life being afraid to address these issues for fear of his health.

Also, he is only 37. I understand the high blood pressure, but what specific heart ailment has he been diagnosed with?

 

[scoobygirl]

I'm almost positive he is faking. I know several people who have high bp (including myself) both younger and older than this guy. And none of them were constantly in a state of needing hospitalization. High bp doesn't usually show obvious symptoms. (That's why it's called the silent killer)

But even if he had the worst health imaginable, using it to manipulate you is grounds for immediate break-up. You will never be able to have an honest discussion with him, your feelings and concerns will always take a back seat to his health, and as you see now, your own physical and mental health won't ever get priority. You deserve better.

 

[TG2000]

Thanks ladies! Still no word from him. He better be dead I'm not serious, but he really has me stressed out. Sadness is turning into anger!

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks ladies! Still no word from him. He better be dead I'm not serious, but he really has me stressed out. Sadness is turning into anger!

Oh he is sooo lying!

Another thing I thought of... when someone is in the hospital, they usually want someone they love to come and visit. Hospitals are boring so folks are usually BEGGING for someone besides a doctor or nurse to talk to them.

Sounds more like he's throwing a hissy fit than anything.

Also, how much do you really know about his health issues? Is he being truthful about the degree of his heart/blood pressure problems?

 

[song_of_serenity]

Any updates, OP? TRUST me, I was ENGAGED to a faker like this and enough way enough!
I hope for his sake he'd BETTER be sick.

 

[HAIRapy]

Once I found out he is actually okay, I'd get rid of him. Playing with your emotions by crying wolf like that is not cool at all and this is not once, but twice. He's beginning a pattern.

 

[TG2000]

Oh he is sooo lying!

Another thing I thought of... when someone is in the hospital, they usually want someone they love to come and visit. Hospitals are boring so folks are usually BEGGING for someone besides a doctor or nurse to talk to them.

Sounds more like he's throwing a hissy fit than anything.

Also, how much do you really know about his health issues? Is he being truthful about the degree of his heart/blood pressure problems?

His mom and dad died from hypertension and heart disease. His sister also has high blood pressure. I think he just makes it out to be an issue at his convenience.

 

[TG2000]

UPDATE! He called about 30 mins ago sounding like he got a frog in his throat! Sounding so fake! He told me they released him this afternoon. His phone went dead because he didn't have a charger. He claim to be resting in his hotel room in Charlotte. I want him to show me his triage paperwork. I never asked to see them before. I don't know, I have a feeling of disgust now.

 

[Bunny77]

UPDATE! He called about 30 mins ago sounding like he got a frog in his throat! Sounding so fake! He told me they released him this afternoon. His phone went dead because he didn't have a charger. He claim to be resting in his hotel room in Charlotte. I want him to show me his triage paperwork. I never asked to see them before. I don't know, I have a feeling of disgust now.

They do have landline phones in hospital rooms, so it shouldn't have mattered if his phone went dead... just bringing that up...

 

[song_of_serenity]

UPDATE! He called about 30 mins ago sounding like he got a frog in his throat! Sounding so fake! He told me they released him this afternoon. His phone went dead because he didn't have a charger. He claim to be resting in his hotel room in Charlotte. I want him to show me his triage paperwork. I never asked to see them before. I don't know, I have a feeling of disgust now.

Why even bother? The fact that he's pulled this MESS before everytime you guys get in a fight, etc should be enough for you to say "screw that, I don't wanna be bothered"
...you can cry wolf one time too many and I bet that this is another time. Cut him OFF. It's only going to continue and LOOK AT HOW YOU'RE BEING AFFECTED...Been there, done that, TRUST me!
~*Janelle~*

 

[LoveLiLi]

Smdh, I think he's lying so you can feel sorry for him. My ex does the same thing. He grabs his chest and says he has pains and complains of migraines from stress.

I cut contact with him and he said it put him in the hospital, and he was showing me the papers and his little wristband. Now he tries to use that as a way to make me answer his calls saying "You can't do this to me. You know I worry about you and I have a high blood pressure".

I told him he can't expect me to care when he still smokes cigarettes everyday, showing that he doesn't care about his health.

Men will try anything, lol.

 

[TG2000]

Thanks everyone! I hate feeling like this. I think it is time for me to move on from this childish man/boy! My stomach has been in knots all day. Do you know that he didn't even apologize for making me worry? Then he gets all mad because I am not saying things like: "baby are you ok"? "Do you need for me to come to you"? forget that! I am not going to fall for it! He even had the nerve to tell me that I act like I want him to die! WTH!? I can't take it no more!