Is it ungodly for me to desire this?
- Thread starter mscurly
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erplexed
pre_medicalrulz
It Always Been About Hair!
You deleted it while I was reading it.
@MsCurly....Hello Sis! This is a good topic. First of all you have a lot to offer. Secondly, you indicate that you are financially sound enough to support a child. The Bible indicates that we should avoid fornication. It is not ungodly to desire being a mother. This is a natural desire for a woman. Have you considered adoption? There are many children that need a good home with a respectable parent. Also, as a Christian you can train up a child in the way that the child should go. This can be a fabulous impact on the life of a child.
I had a friend that was single and decided to adopt. She and her extended family accepted the boy whole heartedly. He was nearly one when she adopted him. His only health issue was asthma. There were a few nay sayers but the boy went to a Lutheran school and is now in college. This is a success story. Someone at her church ( a minister ) stood up and said that single women should not become parents because it did not reflect holiness. Moses was adopted. Uh, Jesus had a stepfather. Jesus had a godly home and felt he should be about his Father's business. Mary agreed with the angel that she would be the mother of the child. This was despite the fact that she was a jewish virgin. She knew that there could be some controversy because of this. Many did not believe that she was honoring God by becoming the mother. I believe that God can call a single woman to be a mother. He said that he would put solitary individuals in families. There may be some fatigue. You can become a great blessing by becoming a mother. It is a great calling!!
I had a friend that was single and decided to adopt. She and her extended family accepted the boy whole heartedly. He was nearly one when she adopted him. His only health issue was asthma. There were a few nay sayers but the boy went to a Lutheran school and is now in college. This is a success story. Someone at her church ( a minister ) stood up and said that single women should not become parents because it did not reflect holiness. Moses was adopted. Uh, Jesus had a stepfather. Jesus had a godly home and felt he should be about his Father's business. Mary agreed with the angel that she would be the mother of the child. This was despite the fact that she was a jewish virgin. She knew that there could be some controversy because of this. Many did not believe that she was honoring God by becoming the mother. I believe that God can call a single woman to be a mother. He said that he would put solitary individuals in families. There may be some fatigue. You can become a great blessing by becoming a mother. It is a great calling!!
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mscurly
Well-Known Member
You deleted it while I was reading it.
lol sorry but long story short I'd rather be a mom than a wife. I have more of a desire for a child than dealing with some guy and getting married.
pre_medicalrulz
It Always Been About Hair!
Ahhh gotcha! Then I agree that adoption is a good way. Or maybe artificial insemination.
mscurly
Well-Known Member
thanks felic1 I don't feel convicted about having children without being married. If I adopt or become a foster parent.
Its not like getting knocked up by some random guy. I had my niece staying with me for a week and felt so sad when she left It felt so nice having someone here to keep me company and plus she was like my little helper.
I really miss her already. Single motherhood is so frowned upon especially in the church but if you are still committed to Christ and not committing any sins. I don't see the harm
Its not like getting knocked up by some random guy. I had my niece staying with me for a week and felt so sad when she left
It felt so nice having someone here to keep me company and plus she was like my little helper. I really miss her already. Single motherhood is so frowned upon especially in the church but if you are still committed to Christ and not committing any sins. I don't see the harm
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
Doesn't the adopted child deserve a father figure? No shade...just something to think about. You have to do what you feel is right for you
Keen
Well-Known Member
Doesn't the adopted child deserve a father figure? No shade...just something to think about. You have to do what you feel is right for you
Is it best for a child to bounce from foster family to foster family because he deserve a dad when there are single women that could give him/her a loving home? Better yet, what if he end up with an abusive adoptive father? Is that OK because at least he has a father figure? What about the welfare of the child? Isn't that what's most important?
mscurly
Well-Known Member
This whole father figure thing is open to opinion. I know some kids who grew up without their father and turned out fine. One of my girlfriends raised her son all by herself and he never asks about his father or cares to know him.
Plus I have my father, brother, uncles and other men who would be in my childs life.
Adoption is a consideration but then another part of me wants to experience being pregnant and having a child that is biologically connected to me.
Plus I have my father, brother, uncles and other men who would be in my childs life.
Adoption is a consideration but then another part of me wants to experience being pregnant and having a child that is biologically connected to me.
The most important thing is that whatever you decide that it is not coming from an emotional moment of feeling 'maternal'.
Children are indeed a joy to have and to hold, but it is a serious commitment. They are not 'visiting', they are here for life.
Single Moms still have to account for taking time off work to attend to their child's needs which are many. Children's issues do not take care of themselves. As Moms we have to take off work for so many reasons to care for our precious ones. Children need so much and we can't change our minds when it becomes overwhelming which indeed it will.
There's a post that one of our members made in OT which is so wise. caltron ( I hope she doesn't mind) shared this so well in her post about not building up becoming a parent just to give folks time to truly be thoughtful and wise regarding that decision. And she was speaking from a heart of love for children; nothing negative was in her post. She simply came from a heart of wisdom which make so much sense.
Children are so loveable that you cannot help but fall in love with them, but even as you mentioned not wanting to be 'bothered' with the Father and Marriage, parenthood has the very same elements that can cause that very same frustration.
Don't let them become a teenager. You'll need all the strength of Samson and the temperance of Job, just to get up in the morning to deal with a tween and teen.
All that love and cuteness goes out the window and you shut it tight so that it won't come back in.
God knows I love my babies (full grown) but the teen and tween years ... Only Jesus kept me and my babies alive. I truly applaude any parent who survives these years.
I'm not trying to discourage you. If this is truly what you are ready for, then by all means please adopt. I don't recommend artificial insemination as it still involves a man's DNA being placed inside of your body and one day you may wish to marry and you might have regrets for getting pregnant outside of him (your new husband).
To give life and joy to another child who has no one to love them is wonderful and should you do so, I wish you and this child all of the very best, indeed. Please don't be discouraged by what I've shared above, just be mindful and most of all, prayerful. This is about the lives of you and the life of the child, both who need stability.
Blessings to you...
Children are indeed a joy to have and to hold, but it is a serious commitment. They are not 'visiting', they are here for life.
Single Moms still have to account for taking time off work to attend to their child's needs which are many. Children's issues do not take care of themselves. As Moms we have to take off work for so many reasons to care for our precious ones. Children need so much and we can't change our minds when it becomes overwhelming which indeed it will.
There's a post that one of our members made in OT which is so wise. caltron ( I hope she doesn't mind) shared this so well in her post about not building up becoming a parent just to give folks time to truly be thoughtful and wise regarding that decision. And she was speaking from a heart of love for children; nothing negative was in her post. She simply came from a heart of wisdom which make so much sense.
Children are so loveable that you cannot help but fall in love with them, but even as you mentioned not wanting to be 'bothered' with the Father and Marriage, parenthood has the very same elements that can cause that very same frustration.
Don't let them become a teenager. You'll need all the strength of Samson and the temperance of Job, just to get up in the morning to deal with a tween and teen.
All that love and cuteness goes out the window and you shut it tight so that it won't come back in. God knows I love my babies (full grown) but the teen and tween years ... Only Jesus kept me and my babies alive. I truly applaude any parent who survives these years.
I'm not trying to discourage you. If this is truly what you are ready for, then by all means please adopt. I don't recommend artificial insemination as it still involves a man's DNA being placed inside of your body and one day you may wish to marry and you might have regrets for getting pregnant outside of him (your new husband).
To give life and joy to another child who has no one to love them is wonderful and should you do so, I wish you and this child all of the very best, indeed. Please don't be discouraged by what I've shared above, just be mindful and most of all, prayerful. This is about the lives of you and the life of the child, both who need stability.
Blessings to you...
Blackpearl1993
Well-Known Member
The most important thing is that whatever you decide that it is not coming from an emotional moment of feeling 'maternal'.
Children are indeed a joy to have and to hold, but it is a serious commitment. They are not 'visiting', they are here for life.
Single Moms still have to account for taking time off work to attend to their child's needs which are many. Children's issues do not take care of themselves. As Moms we have to take off work for so many reasons to care for our precious ones. Children need so much and we can't change our minds when it becomes overwhelming which indeed it will.
There's a post that one of our members made in OT which is so wise. caltron ( I hope she doesn't mind) shared this so well in her post about not building up becoming a parent just to give folks time to truly be thoughtful and wise regarding that decision. And she was speaking from a heart of love for children; nothing negative was in her post. She simply came from a heart of wisdom which make so much sense.
Children are so loveable that you cannot help but fall in love with them, but even as you mentioned not wanting to be 'bothered' with the Father and Marriage, parenthood has the very same elements that can cause that very same frustration.
Don't let them become a teenager. You'll need all the strength of Samson and the temperance of Job, just to get up in the morning to deal with a tween and teen.
God knows I love my babies (full grown) but the teen and tween years ... Only Jesus kept me and my babies alive. I truly applaude any parent who survives these years.
I'm not trying to discourage you. If this is truly what you are ready for, then by all means please adopt. I don't recommend artificial insemination as it still involves a man's DNA being placed inside of your body and one day you may wish to marry and you might have regrets for getting pregnant outside of him (your new husband).
To give life and joy to another child who has no one to love them is wonderful and should you do so, I wish you and this child all of the very best, indeed. Please don't be discouraged by what I've shared above, just be mindful and most of all, prayerful. This is about the lives of you and the life of the child, both who need stability.
Blessings to you...
Excellent advice, dear Shimmie! In regards to the OP: I have two children-- one via pregnancy and one via adoption. I must add to the wise advice already offered, that adoption is a beautiful gift and is often misunderstood. I love both of my children exactly the same and feel absolutely no difference in connection to one versus the other. When God give you a child, you are that child's earthly parent no matter how the child was born. Blessings to the OP as you prayerfully seek God's guidance in this most important matter.
These were some great statements. I want to mention something I have observed. A couple ( 2 people male and female) had been married for years. They wanted a child a lot, the wife more so. This was an appropriate desire. For years the lady conceived and miscarried. It was a long heartache. The woman still desiring to conceive used fertility drugs and in vitro. Her womb conceived triplets and she lost al three. The church was sad.I missed church a lot when my parents were ill. When I finally got back over there, I saw the lady with this little girl. My eyes widened. I went over to talk to her. She and her husband had chosen to adopt. I cried. I was so happy to see this lady finally have a child to nurture. It meant a lot to me that she was up at night nursing a kid's cold and offering ginger ale and some medicine. I am not saying this to indicate that a child's life is complete with two parents. Having two parents is nice. I did not say what I did in my original post because I want to bring the OP or anyone else into condemnation. The man in the family had the little girl with him at prayer tonight. It was sweet to see. If a saved person (OP) or any other saved person adopts a child, the child will be raised in a Christian home and learn first hand what a godly lifestyle involves. It is a blessing to expose a child to the Lord.
I heard a preacher say ( female preacher) that a Mother is God's way of showing a child what love is. What a lovely statement! I divorced when my son was very young. His father was not able to be a positive influence in my son's life. This is a great topic!:scratchch
I heard a preacher say ( female preacher) that a Mother is God's way of showing a child what love is. What a lovely statement! I divorced when my son was very young. His father was not able to be a positive influence in my son's life. This is a great topic!:scratchch
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mscurly
Well-Known Member
Thanks Shimmie you brought up some very valid points. Motherhood is definitely not something to take lightly single or not.
My desire to be a mother has grown since entering my 30's. Its weird how that happens. My sister has a few kids and I never found myself jealous or feeling some sort of way about that until recently. I see how close she is with her son and daughter and I desire to have that type of relationship as well.
Lately I've been feeling like there is something missing from my life. When my niece was here with me it was nice having her around, she was like my little helper. She's come to visit before but this time when she left I teared up when I got back home and realized it was just me. It could also be my hormones that has changed too.
Any women here over 30 she those types of changes???
All I know is I have a lot to offer a child and before my next birthday I want to make a decision about having children. I'm tired of waiting for some "perfect" guy to come along and get married before I'm able to have a child.
My desire to be a mother has grown since entering my 30's. Its weird how that happens. My sister has a few kids and I never found myself jealous or feeling some sort of way about that until recently. I see how close she is with her son and daughter and I desire to have that type of relationship as well.
Lately I've been feeling like there is something missing from my life. When my niece was here with me it was nice having her around, she was like my little helper. She's come to visit before but this time when she left I teared up when I got back home and realized it was just me. It could also be my hormones that has changed too.
Any women here over 30 she those types of changes???
All I know is I have a lot to offer a child and before my next birthday I want to make a decision about having children. I'm tired of waiting for some "perfect" guy to come along and get married before I'm able to have a child.
Farida
Well-Known Member
Mscurly I notice a lot of your reasoning for wanting a child is missing your niece after she left, feeling like something is "missing" and admiring the close relationship your sister has with her kids. I am at the point in my life when I am seriously craving children and I do think it is age-related. I honestly did not even want kids before. Are you OK with adoption or are you bent on biology?
It just sounds to me from your posts like you are really seeking a close relationship that is not a spouse. I am not convinced a child will fill that void.
It just sounds to me from your posts like you are really seeking a close relationship that is not a spouse. I am not convinced a child will fill that void.
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Farida
Well-Known Member
I grew up without a father and I was perfectly ok. I succeeded in school, married well and I didn't really want for love or attention. I have a huge extended family with plenty of role models and father figures. But recently I have a huge desire for a father and no substitute will do. I don't even know how to explain it but it is very strong and very painful. A father-daughter relationship is one of the most beautiful things in the world. If my mother had decided to intentionally deprive me of one I think I would feel worse.
That being said, for foster children or adopted kids I think a single mother is no problem. They don't have anyone and I don't see why God would have a problem with that. With insemination, there may not be a direct biblical reference, but I think that the fact God made pregnancy a two-person-created activity and that sex is intended for married persons only, we can make the logical inference that God didn't intend for us to get pregnant on our own.
That being said, for foster children or adopted kids I think a single mother is no problem. They don't have anyone and I don't see why God would have a problem with that. With insemination, there may not be a direct biblical reference, but I think that the fact God made pregnancy a two-person-created activity and that sex is intended for married persons only, we can make the logical inference that God didn't intend for us to get pregnant on our own.
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