Is it easier or more difficult to divorce someone with a mental disorder???

[ccd]

I would like to know, if you've been married to someone (going on 7 yrs), entered into the marriage knowing they have a mental illness (M.I). Then things are not going well and the person with the M.I* has been in and out of the marriage for about 6 months....complaining about things and eventually moved out.

*This disorder is Bipolar and this causes mood swing and depression.


What part does the mental condition play in the divorce? Please participate whether you or someone you know has experienced this...and anyother pieces of advise are appreciated.

TIA

Background: A good friend is going thru it and she just filed papers for sole custody, she sited the mental illness in the documents. The husband is pissed now and asked her whether she has something against him....she replied, I'm just protecting my daughter and myself. They haven't filed for divorce yet, they are just seperated now.

 

[Lucie]

It might work in her favor if she can show how this illness has affected his parenting skills towards their daughter. The only issue I can see is that this tactic may cause the daughter to have to go on the stand. Some lawyers treat children like adults.

 

[ccd]

It might work in her favor if she can show how this illness has affected his parenting skills towards their daughter. The only issue I can see is that this tactic may cause the daughter to have to go on the stand. Some lawyers treat children like adults.

Thanks...wow! She is 6 about to be 7....you think they would put her on the stand?

 

[MizzBrown]

This doesnt sit right with me at all.

 

[kittenz]

This doesnt sit right with me at all.

Me neithererplexed.

 

[ccd]

This doesnt sit right with me at all.

EXPLAIN!!! please Explain...... I really have my own feelings too but I wanted to hear opinions before I breakout talkin ya know Please Explain!!!

 

[ccd]

Me neithererplexed.

COMMMMMEEEEE BACCCCCCKKKKK

This is a very close friend and she's not dealin with things well, so I have to becareful what I say to her. I have actually refrained from saying too much at all cause she is blaming him for a lot and I see it a little differently.
But at the same time, I wouldn't want her to get bad advice from me or anyone else.

She has a lawyer, but I'm not sure she was advised by him to say this in the custody papers,

 

[kittenz]

I just think it's weird that she knew about his condition, decided to marry him and then have a child but now it's too much for her. Giving her the BOD if things changed too much fine, couples split everyday but to use his MI as ammo and to try and get out and sole custody of the child is... it's just seems off. I don't have all the details and things could have gotten much worse with his condition but that's where you have to be her friend and tell her the truth very gently, given that you have more details.

It just seems like using his MI as a get of of jail free card is a little shady since she knew prior to the marriage. IDK Good luck.

ETA: I went back and read the OP again. To clarify I think the divorce/separation is fine- he left anyway it's just the part about the kid and the fact that she thought he was sane/well enough to have kids with but not sane/well enough to share custody.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Hmm. Well, some states have mental illness as a grounds for divorce, so his bipolar disorder may make it easier for your friend to get a divorce in that sense. Of course most states have no-fault divorce anyway, so that's not much of a bonus for her.

But she has to be careful with stressing out a bipolar person like that. Depending on what subtype he has, he could become psychotic and the results could be ugly.

 

[Lucie]

Thanks...wow! She is 6 about to be 7....you think they would put her on the stand?

It is quite possible. However, when I had to decide who I would live with, each lawyer spoke to me alone with the judge and asked me why I made the decision I did. And if any parent coached me as to what to say. They gave me scenarios of things that could happen and who I do I feel would be better to handle it.

 

[MizzBrown]

I just think it's weird that she knew about his condition, decided to marry him and then have a child but now it's too much for her. Giving her the BOD if things changed too much fine, couples split everyday but to use his MI as ammo and to try and get out and sole custody of the child is... it's just seems off. I don't have all the details and things could have gotten much worse with his condition but that's where you have to be her friend and tell her the truth very gently, given that you have more details.

It just seems like using his MI as a get of of jail free card is a little shady since she knew prior to the marriage. IDK Good luck.

What she said!

Its almost like marrying someone who you KNEW was infertile and then divorcing them later and using that reason...saying you suddenly want to have a family or something.

Using someones weakness for your gain.

Was he taking meds? And what was he complaining about? She put him out or he moved out?

 

[tatiana]

In the state of Virginia, she would not be allowed to divorce the guy.
A person can not divorce someone that has been diagnosed with a MI but the person with a MI can get a divorce. So in the state of VA, it would be more difficult.

 

[ccd]

I just think it's weird that she knew about his condition, decided to marry him and then have a child but now it's too much for her. Giving her the BOD if things changed too much fine, couples split everyday but to use his MI as ammo and to try and get out and sole custody of the child is... it's just seems off. I don't have all the details and things could have gotten much worse with his condition but that's where you have to be her friend and tell her the truth very gently, given that you have more details.

It just seems like using his MI as a get of of jail free card is a little shady since she knew prior to the marriage. IDK Good luck.

ETA: I went back and read the OP again. To clarify I think the divorce/separation is fine- he left anyway it's just the part about the kid and the fact that she thought he was sane/well enough to have kids with but not sane/well enough to share custody.

Yes, I see your point and I too question why she would mention this in custody papers.....that's why I wondered and asked how this would effect divorce proceedings or future visitation/custody.... I'm concerned in that by her stating this about him, the court could restrict his visit which would PISS him off.... or would start questioning her cause she entered into a marriage with him....why is it a problem now... ( for sickness and in health) HOWEVER:

More info: He requested the seperation because he was not happy with her as a wife, he blamed her for his unhappiness and complained that she wasn't home enough.

They work different shift..... NOW this is where I have issue with her; She works 9-5or 6
He works 4-12midnite
He is off on Sundays

She would spend 2 to 3 nights at her mother's as it was closer to her daughter's school ( she enrolled her daughter in a school downtown/for "a better district") I have a HUGE problem with this because, where is the home.....

He complained that she didn't cook; wasn't keeping the house and that he was unhappy. He went to school, "to better himself".....cause she had mentioned early in the relationship that she would like whoever she is with to have a similar educational background......

He reiterates this often and feels inadequate so, this was also cause for his unhappiness.

SO this is not a one way thing for their seperation...but I haven't been able to get my friend to see her part in it. Her and her family are blaming him ( saying he abandoned his family)

Hmm. Well, some states have mental illness as a grounds for divorce, so his bipolar disorder may make it easier for your friend to get a divorce in that sense. Of course most states have no-fault divorce anyway, so that's not much of a bonus for her.

But she has to be careful with stressing out a bipolar person like that. Depending on what subtype he has, he could become psychotic and the results could be ugly.

This was also a reason for my search, cause I was asking my mom about it and she said...they don't let people divorce so easy based on M. I.

It is quite possible. However, when I had to decide who I would live with, each lawyer spoke to me alone with the judge and asked me why I made the decision I did. And if any parent coached me as to what to say. They gave me scenarios of things that could happen and who I do I feel would be better to handle it.

WOW! I'm sorry you had to go through that!!!!

Yes, this is one thing that is of concerned in my mind.....in the beginning of the seperation, the little girl said she wanted to live with her dad.....she was confused cause he moved out.

I have stressed to both parents, the importance of looking after the child's feelings in this situation..... they can't see it now; but I have tried to let them know she will have issues because of this. They have to keep an eye on her.

What she said!

Its almost like marrying someone who you KNEW was infertile and then divorcing them later and using that reason...saying you suddenly want to have a family or something.

Using someones weakness for your gain. YES I don't know why she mentioned his M.I in the documents....He met with her and asked her why she said this, and if she has something against himerplexed ( she may set things off in a WHOLE new direction now)

Was he taking meds? And what was he complaining about? She put him out or he moved out?

In the state of Virginia, she would not be allowed to divorce the guy.
A person can not divorce someone that has been diagnosed with a MI but the person with a MI can get a divorce. So in the state of VA, it would be more difficult.

SORRY soOOOOOO Long

Oooohhh...How do you find that out about NYC??

 

[ccd]

Bumpity Bummpppppp Bummpp Bump!

Someone asked if he was taking meds....yes he does, but I'm not sure as she is not sure whether he is taking them now ( or for the past 6 -8months months for that matter)

She recently asked him and he flipped on her ( on the phone yelling) saying he is not the one with the issues....stop asking him about that When she first told me about it....I was like really, this guy is the nicest, kind of mild manner person so when she said he was loud with her

I was like, but now looking at the disease I see why he would react...in general and with her. She has to watch how she talks to him

 

[cestlachic.]

it sounds to me that she's bitter with him for "abandoning" his family. & she also has her family telling her what to do. i don't think his illness is the issue, it sounds more like revenge ..

 

[ccd]

it sounds to me that she's bitter with him for "abandoning" his family. & she also has her family telling her what to do. i don't think his illness is the issue, it sounds more like revenge ..

Wow....thanks ....

I saw her today and asked her why she brought that up in the papers, she said she filed the papers herself and maybe she shouldn't have worded it that way but it is the truth...also she is also hoping the court may have him get back to therapy and documentation that he is on his meds. she is not sure he is continuing his meds.

I also tried to bring up the subject that she may have aggrevated some parts of the destruction of the relationship that has brought it to this level; didn't work
She go upset , crying about how he made her feel like a horrible wife; she wasn't that bad to him...etc.etc..

IDK....I did mention to her that she should search online the process of divorcing someone with this disorder...I did and found a lot of info on how some of his behavior is typical of someone who's has BP and that as she continues her efforts to deal with him she should be aware of what his reaction may or maynot be.....I think that's all I can do now until she is ready to look at herself.

 

[ccd]

More input please.....

 

[amara11]

Hmm. Well, some states have mental illness as a grounds for divorce, so his bipolar disorder may make it easier for your friend to get a divorce in that sense. Of course most states have no-fault divorce anyway, so that's not much of a bonus for her.

But she has to be careful with stressing out a bipolar person like that. Depending on what subtype he has, he could become psychotic and the results could be ugly.

Yeah, especially since Bipolar Disorder is a treatable disease. Either way, the person can't help being Bipolar. If they're refusing treatment and/or steadily declining in mental state that's one thing. But to divorce over something the partner cannot control?

I mean, what if a man knew you (general you) carried the gene that predisposes you to cancer and you had a high likelihood of getting it based on family hx. Then you marry, develop cancer, and he wants out?

I mean, for better or for worse is literal. I would think you would work through seeking help together. As a married couple, you're a team (I'm still using 'you' in general). I thought you fought through battles like this together.

 

[ccd]

Yeah, especially since Bipolar Disorder is a treatable disease. Either way, the person can't help being Bipolar. If they're refusing treatment and/or steadily declining in mental state that's one thing. But to divorce over something the partner cannot control?

I mean, what if a man knew you (general you) carried the gene that predisposes you to cancer and you had a high likelihood of getting it based on family hx. Then you marry, develop cancer, and he wants out?

I mean, for better or for worse is literal. I would think you would work through seeking help together. As a married couple, you're a team (I'm still using 'you' in general). I thought you fought through battles like this together.

I agree to trying to work it out but the problem is the husband....he wanted out of the marriage. The problem there is he hasn't filed for divorce; I believe for financial reasons...he makes less than her.

I'm not sure she wants to file either because she would have to pay it.erplexed

Crazy right!

 

[MizzBrown]

I agree to trying to work it out but the problem is the husband....he wanted out of the marriage. The problem there is he hasn't filed for divorce; I believe for financial reasons...he makes less than her.

I'm not sure she wants to file either because she would have to pay it.erplexed

Crazy right!

They should've had a pre-nup! Sorry i had to go there based on the Tyrese thread.

Its sad when you need money to leave someone or CANT really leave someone legally because of money...it truly is.

 

[amara11]

I agree to trying to work it out but the problem is the husband....he wanted out of the marriage. The problem there is he hasn't filed for divorce; I believe for financial reasons...he makes less than her.

I'm not sure she wants to file either because she would have to pay it.erplexed

Crazy right!

Whoa,

So who has the BD, him? And she wants to site his BD in the paperwork, though she doesn't want a divorce and he was the one who filed? That sounds vindictive. Idk what to say. I need sleep and to re-read tomorrow (today).