Is he playing games with me?!

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Slave4Hair

Well-Known Member
Hey ladies. I really need your advice because I am driving myself crazy!

I met this guy. I REALLY like him. I think that may be part of the problem :perplexed

He's perfect, he's really cute, smart, in med school, and super attentive (when were together). BUT I feel like he's playing games with me for some reason.

Our first date was amazing. We ended it with a kiss and he texted me as soon as I got home and told me he couldn't wait to see me again. We texted eac other constantly for a week throughout the day until or next date. On our second date, things got super awkward. Conversation died off, and he seemed like he was in a bad mood. We ended the date with no kiss.

I was super surprised when he called me a week later. He acted like nothing ever happened and asked me how I was doing. We started talking again and agreed to go on a third date.

The third date was awesome! We made out all night, watched movies at his place and just talked. He didn't pressure me to sleep with him or try to take things too far. The next day I didn't hear from him! 2 days later he texted me and asked if I could come over to hang out again. So last night I went over to his place and we studied together. Then we made out...again, and I slept over. He was really sweet! He didn't try to go to far with me and we just cuddled all night. I left pretty early because I had a lot of work to do for school today. He pretty much begged me to stay and when I said I couldn't he asked me to come over later in the day. Here's the thing. Once again I've heard nothing from him. It's so weird that he just fades away after each date and pops back up days later. Does this mean he's not that into me? Is he looking for a FWB? Am I being too anxious? Over analytical? I texted him today to see how he's doing and he said "good :)" but there was no effort to continue communication on his part. I'm just so confused because when I'm with him he seems really interested, but when were apart he seems distant. For those of you into astrology, he's a cancer...aren't they know for their disappearing acts. I'm starting to think I should move on. Any advice?
 
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There seems to be little effort on your part as far as communication. You should text or call him more often, instead of waiting on him to do those things.
 
IndifinableJoli said:
There seems to be little effort on your part as far as communication. You should text or call him more often, instead of waiting on him to do those things.
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I texted him today and he didn't really seem to want to continue conversation. Isn't it usually the man that should initiate conversation in the beginning?
 
IndifinableJoli said:
There seems to be little effort on your part as far as communication. You should text or call him more often, instead of waiting on him to do those things.
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I heartily disagree but that's just my opinion. I shouldn't have to work so hard at the start of a relationship to get a man's attention. He will be ACTIVELY pursuing me.

But I'll let someone else elaborate on the why's and what nots, I just woke up and need a cup of tea.
 
OP you're doing this all wrong. From now on, when there's a post like this I'm just going to refer the OP to the book "why men love *****es."

Just go read that book OP, or search for the thread on here.

Stop spending the night at his house. He's in med school so I'm sure he's got plenty women- he's probably ****** them and getting his nut off that way so that he can control himself around you. Just be cool and show almost no interest

Also, people in med school are extreeeemely busy. DH was in med school when I met him and he would always disappear around test time and finals time.
 
The short answer to your question is yes.

You should have dropped him when he disappeared that first week with no explanation.
 
Why are you being so available to someone who is ignoring you for days at a time? He should still be taking you out on proper dates and you should quit all the heavy making out without any consistency on his part. I would fall back and make him work harder.
 
hopeful said:
Why are you being so available to someone who is ignoring you for days at a time? He should still be taking you out on proper dates and you should quit all the heavy making out without any consistency on his part. I would fall back and make him work harder.
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I wasn't at first. But he complained that I was hard to get a hold of and he "gives up." I made him wait a week after I hadn't heard from him after our second date. So I told him we could hang out Friday. We had a really good time so when he invited me over yesterday I said yes. We're both on spring break and he's leaving for a conference tomorrow so I wouldn't be able to see him for the next 5 days.I agree about the proper dates, but he seems to be struggling financially. The first two times we went out we did actually go out lol.
 
MzLady78 said:
The short answer to your question is yes.

You should have dropped him when he disappeared that first week with no explanation.
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I thought because he actually contacted me, maybe he did actually like me? Maybe I'm making excuses for him. lol. I need to go back to my old ways and date several guys at once so I don't trip off of one!
 
Layluh said:
OP you're doing this all wrong. From now on, when there's a post like this I'm just going to refer the OP to the book "why men love *****es."

Just go read that book OP, or search for the thread on here.

Stop spending the night at his house. He's in med school so I'm sure he's got plenty women- he's probably ****** them and getting his nut off that way so that he can control himself around you. Just be cool and show almost no interest

Also, people in med school are extreeeemely busy. DH was in med school when I met him and he would always disappear around test time and finals time.
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:sad:

Ugh...I was concerned about that, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. I think I need to step away from him for awhile. I'm kind of glad he's leaving tomorrow.
 
He might like you. But you don't want to make it too easy, especially since he's probably feeling himself due to his promising future.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
Slave4Hair said:
He's perfect, he's really cute, smart, in med school, and super attentive (when were together). BUT I feel like he's playing games with me for some reason.
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1st mistake - no one is perfect

I think if you go out again, he should actually take you out. Don't be so attached and let him chase you.
 
For some reason this makes me think of the Craigslist killer. I don't think the guy is a murderer, but the disappearing acts and strange mood swings make it seem like has some weird double life. Don't mind me, I'm sure he's just a regular run of the mill dog and not a psycho.
 
Why don't you ask him....casually of course. Don't make it seem like you're hung up on him. Communication is key, especially in the beginning. He might lie, and say that he had exams, but the truth will come out eventually. You just need something to go on and right now you have nothing. All you know is that he disappears every so often. I would see where it goes. Doctors usually get engaged while in med school or while during their residency. I'm just saying lol. I wouldn't drop him just yet, but if his weird behavior continues without any explanation you may have to leave him alone.
 
Slave4Hair said:
I thought because he actually contacted me, maybe he did actually like me? Maybe I'm making excuses for him. lol. I need to go back to my old ways and date several guys at once so I don't trip off of one!
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Aww I think he probably does like you :yep:.

Slave4Hair said:
:sad:

Ugh...I was concerned about that, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. I think I need to step away from him for awhile. I'm kind of glad he's leaving tomorrow.
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You don't have to step away, just slow down a bit and see where things go. Let him pursue you and date you. Give yourself a chance to get to know him and him a chance to get to know you. And I'm not impressed by the whole med school thing at all. What's important is the kind of human being he is and how he treats you and others. Do not put him on a pedestal. He is not perfect:nono:, nobody is. Slow down a bit and be observant. You don't want a guy who goes ghost on you:nono:. And you don't need a lot of money to date. Walks in the park, picnics, Starbucks, ice cream, matinee movies, pizza, etc. are not too expensive.
 
Pretty sure he likes you, but pretty sure he's playing games too.
I mean he can't even send a simple text saying "hi" everyday?

Maybe it's just me, but when I was dating, I never went a day without hearing something from a guy in some form (call, text, email, social network, etc.)....thats how I knew if they were still interested.
 
Also OP, if he's struggling financially he may be having a really hard time in school.

Some people can go to med school and not have to worry about money but when you're taking out loans and the loans are barely enough then it gets rough. DH was severely depressed when he was in med school and I didn't know about it until the end. He tried taking anti-depressants which made him feel even worse. I honestly had no idea how bad it was. There's honestly no telling with your guy what he's going through. I would just take a step back and get to know him and where he's coming from before moving any further. It'll save you a world of heart ache in the end.
 
I dated a guy who was in med school... very sweet guy...came from a great family. Very attentive most of the time... but he too would disappear for days and his study schedule wasn't working for me. He wanted me to have patience with him for 2 more years... I couldn't do it. I shut the door on that one.

I don't know this guy's situation but I'm the type that prefers to have a conversation. I would say speak to the guy directly and let him tell you what he wants and if he even sees anything serious for the 2 of you. Take all the assumptions and guessing games out of it.
 
The first mistake you made was thinking he's "perfect" (per your OP).
He's not..he's just a man.

Fit him into your schedule and not vice-versa. He's not worth all this analyzing.
 
Girl, he's training you to not expect much from him other than something physical. I agree with @gabulldawg that you have a chance to turn things around. Be less available and stop with the hanging out at his house and heavy petting. Girl, no. You sound like you're in your early 20s/late teens (are you?) I'm asking because of the hanging out at home stuff and he's in school so it sounds like you may be in school too.
 
Layluh said:
OP you're doing this all wrong. From now on, when there's a post like this I'm just going to refer the OP to the book "why men love *****es."

Just go read that book OP, or search for the thread on here.

Stop spending the night at his house. He's in med school so I'm sure he's got plenty women- he's probably ****** them and getting his nut off that way so that he can control himself around you. Just be cool and show almost no interest

Also, people in med school are extreeeemely busy. DH was in med school when I met him and he would always disappear around test time and finals time.
Click to expand...

I agree, too. Read "Why Men Love *******". It will explain everything. Don't make him take you granted. Show your worth. :yep:
 
hopeful said:
Why are you being so available to someone who is ignoring you for days at a time? He should still be taking you out on proper dates and you should quit all the heavy making out without any consistency on his part. I would fall back and make him work harder.
Click to expand...

This was going to be my reply. You have to teach people how to treat you. Don't be so readily available when he decides to pop up out of oblivion. Have other "plans"... which could be sitting at home watching The Real Housewives :lol:

When he's distant, be distant.... When he's attentive... be semi-distant lol. If he's into you, this will make him work harder to be with you.

He could also be dating someone else and is so simple minded, that he can only focus on one person at a time. Either way, stop being so available.
 
Maybe he's just busy?

Now I don't know if he's playing games or not. It isn't clear to me. But I do know he's a man. And men don't sit around yucking it up on the phone a lot or acting like one of your girlfriends. I haven't read every post in this thread. But if this is a fairly new relationship I'd chill out if I were you.

It's OK to date a guy without sizing him up for marriage (LOL)! Maybe this guy is the real deal? Or maybe he's meant to be a nice little short term relationship (which still has value, right?). I think you should just have fun with this thing and learn to enjoy the young man's company.

Oh, and I love the fact that you aren't in a hurry to "color" with him. Somehow I think coloring too soon would change everything....and not for the better.
 
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