"Is all that your hair?"

[Kimberly]

Okay, Fam. Yesterday for the second time in a few weeks, one of my coworkers came up and stuck her hand in the back of my hair feeling for tracks. Granted, I mostly wear my hair up and these were a couple of rare occasions I decided to wear it down.

What do you guys do?

It's not like I have long hair by any means...it's about 1 1/2 inches from APL...and there are definitely people around here with hair longer than mine (males included). I just never heard of such a thing. I would never do such a thing.

The girl yesterday said that the thought maybe it was a weave because my ends are dark, shiny, and straight and my roots are brown, dull and nappy. I have no explanation for the difference in color but that I used a cheap rinse several months ago...it should have all rinsed out a long time ago now. I am in need of a retouch (which I'm getting Friday) but that's why my roots are nappy...

And you know what? I did, at first try to come up with explanations but I don't have to explain anything to her or anyone else. She even checked to see if my fingernails were real and asked me if my vitamins did "all of that". "Yes, sweetie. GNC Hair, Nail, and Skin vitamins" "Hair, Nail, and Skin? Well, bring me a couple so I can see what they look like".

What do you do when people act weird about your hair? What difference does it make to anyone else if I bought it, sewed it in or glued it on, or if I grew it out myself? These people hardly ever have anything positive to say... "hmph, your hair sure is growing"

The first girl that did it a few weeks ago, had been talking about me all day. You know how you can just tell when someone is talking about you? Anyway, I guess she was trying to get her nerve up to ask me, and i would have preferred if she had just asked me, but instead she did like a reach and feel pass through! I saw her walking towards me while I wsa bent over working on something. She spoke. I spoke back and went back to work. Before she cleared me...that is, before she got all the way past me, I felt fingers on my scalp!

I will admit. These are people that I've worked with for about 5 years so they aren't strangers to me but, really, if they had asked I would have told them. They also poo-poo'd me when I told them of my plans about 18 months ago to grow my hair out. So, they could've been right here with me. We could've all been hair buddies!

I apologize. I seem to be ranting a little bit.

 

[Queenie]

That has not happened to me yet. Someone did ask me questions and I later figured out that she thought my hair was a weave. I didn't know if I should be insulted or feel complimented. You know, my hair looked so good she thought it could not be mine.

I don't know why people have to be so jealous! They should just ask how you did it. They could have your hair too, if they would swallow their pride and ask.

 

[antoine]

First of all, i dont care HOW long you have worked with someone, rude is rude. How the hell do you walk up to someone and put your hands in their hair? i have never heard of such nonsense. This has happened to me a gazillion times since i grew out my relaxer. See since my hair is now about brastrap when stretched and below shoulder when not (i silken once or twice a year), i get women asking me if its mine or my favorite: what number hair is that? Since these are people you work with, you might have to be a little more cordial than with a total stranger, but i have told people i work with: mine, as opposed to what? is all WHAT my hair? um, i dont think i follow? i MAKE them say it. then i laugh, and go "now that was funny" and keep talking. this usually nips it in the bud. Strangers get it worse. no yelling, screaming or cussing needed, not my style - just nice nasty.

All i can say is be prepared for even more because the longer you know people, the more comfortable they are with opinions. Be especially prepared if you are growing out your relaxer and going natural.

It continues to amaze me how people feel entitled to have something negative to say.

 

[Kimberly]

I don't know why people have to be so jealous! They should just ask how you did it. They could have your hair too, if they would swallow their pride and ask.

They really could've had my hair because we talked about it when I first started. One of them even started the WGO with me last year but I joined the military and she said she never finished her first bottle. The other one is stuck in that pattern of "relax every 6 weeks and get a trim with every relaxer." I told her when I first got back that if she takes care of her ends, she shouldn't need a trim every six weeks...I guess I was speaking Greek.

 

[MizAvalon]

OMG!! Stuff like this just makes my blood boil!

I have got to know, what is your work environment? I can't believe someone would actually come up to someone else at work and be digging their hands in someone else's hair!

Also, what race were these women? Yes, it *does* matter, in this case!

 

[sugaplum]

I think this is just flat out rude. When I wsa a little girl, everyone would do that and my mother would get so pissed!! I haven't experienced this as an adult, but I do get the questions "Is that a texturizer?" "What do you add to your hair to make it curl like that?" Like black women can't have long, flowing hair!!

 

[Kimberly]

i get women asking me if its mine or my favorite: what number hair is that?

That is too funny!!!

My hair is back up in a bun today. I wanted to wear it down while I could because I leave for Ft Lee next week and I have to wear it up. So I wanted to wear it down but Katrina had other plans for me.

 

[Kimberly]

I have got to know, what is your work environment?

Also, what race were these women? Yes, it *does* matter, in this case!

I work in a warehouse, logistics and suff and they are African-American.

 

[honey_jammz82]

That happened to me a while ago. I went to a Mary Kay party and one of the ladies was like I have to know what you use in your hair. I told her my regimine, and she was like yeah, we all were checkin your hair out real close earlier, she was like I did not see any tracks! I felt really uncomfortable after the fact knowing that she and others were all up in my scalp. People can be soo rude!

 

[meia]

yea that used to happen to me all the time and it still does. it makes you feel ashamed, embarrased, and hurt...ive learned in my own experience that the best thing is to keep on going. ignore that. because people who do that are jealous and ignorant in their own right.

thats how i went about it. i said forget it and just walk away from the situation. its nobodys damn business if its my hair, what race i am (which is usually a follow up question), or anything. nobodys business. remember that and next time that happens smile. because that means they are attempting to do this because they are jealous and want to demean you.

otherwise they wouldnt be all up in your damn hair like that for no reason asking you questions. god i hate when that happens..ignorance is a *****..lol
-meia

 

[Kimberly]

Thank you so much you guys. I think posting when you get pissed or frustrated can be very therapeutic! I feel a lot better now. Really, the more I thought about it... and then to come in and see them again this morning.

I don't mind questions. I'll answer questions. I love to talk about hair. Really, my kids and hair...you can't get me to shut up once I get started.

 

[Kimberly]

yea that used to happen to me all the time and it still does. it makes you feel ashamed, embarrased, and hurt...ive learned in my own experience that the best thing is to keep on going. ignore that. because people who do that are jealous and ignorant in their own right.

thats how i went about it. i said forget it and just walk away from the situation. its nobodys damn business if its my hair, what race i am (which is usually a follow up question), or anything. nobodys business. remember that and next time that happens smile. because that means they are attempting to do this because they are jealous and want to demean you.

otherwise they wouldnt be all up in your damn hair like that for no reason asking you questions. god i hate when that happens..ignorance is a *****..lol
-meia

Thank you so much, girl!! See, when I need some positive stuff, I know where to come...

 

[Tami]

This happens to my Best Friend all the time. She has real thick hair and people always mistake it for weave. We laugh about it all the time . She had her hair in a braid out the other day, and this lady asked her what kind of weave it was cuz she wanted some like that !!

 

[Kimberly]

Maybe once I get used to having the hair, I'll get used to the looks and comments but when they just touch you like that...like to suddenly feel fingers in my hair...it's almost like being molested.

 

[MzTami]

I don't like females touching me period, especially my hair. You may want to ask if she swings both ways next time.

 

[antoine]

Maybe once I get used to having the hair, I'll get used to the looks and comments but when they just touch you like that...like to suddenly feel fingers in my hair...it's almost like being molested.

Right, thats my deal. Its not so much the verbal, its the TOUCHING!!! asking is one thing, but touching is much too personal and shouldnt be tolerated. When someone starts touching, they need to be told something. Thats getting a little too familar.

 

[Kimberly]

I don't like females touching me period, especially my hair.

That goes for me, too. I ususally don't like for hardly anyone to touch me...males or females...I'm just funny that way. My husband hardly ever touches my hair. And it's not that I told him he couldn't but, when he does, he doesn't go for the scalp, he's usually just amazed at how soft my nappy mess can be sometimes.

 

[An_Original_Copy]

If that were me i can see them reaching for my hair, i'd swing my hair to the other side of my head as a silent, but direct way of saying that I don't want them to touch my hair!

 

[Porsche19]

Once my teacher ran her hands through my hair.

I was astounded, I had no idea why she was touching me...

She was used to seing my curly fro, but that day I straighted my hair out.

I'm thinking it was to see if it was real, or how it felt (she was white)

Another man put his damned hands in my hair saying that I've got something in it. He actually strcetched a curl out and watched it spring back. He definately was trying to see if it was my hair. I don't know why, he had 5 times the amount of hair that I have, but it was in dreds.

arrrgh, I don't even have long hair yet... just a texture that you don't see everyday.

 

[Lucia]

This happens to my Best Friend all the time. She has real thick hair and people always mistake it for weave. We laugh about it all the time . She had her hair in a braid out the other day, and this lady asked her what kind of weave it was cuz she wanted some like that !!

This so happened to me too and I was wearing a braid out with really light blond highlights around the face, so this brother is like is that all yours, so I made him say it is that what? all your real hair, I'm like yes. I really want to rant and say what I can't have hair?

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Okay, Fam. Yesterday for the second time in a few weeks, one of my coworkers came up and stuck her hand in the back of my hair feeling for tracks. Granted, I mostly wear my hair up and these were a couple of rare occasions I decided to wear it down.

What do you guys do?

I'm not particular of anyone I don't really know touching me... male or female. I only have this problem with other women. I pop their hands like they're toddlers and say NO. A bit extreme but it gets the point across. Don't they have home training? Rude cows.

 

[Miss*Tress]

Maybe once I get used to having the hair, I'll get used to the looks and comments but when they just touch you like that...like to suddenly feel fingers in my hair...it's almost like being molested.

It *is* molestation. Unless you're on a crowded commuter train or similar situation, no one should touch you without your permission. That is not right.

 

[Kimberly]

I'm not particular of anyone I don't really know touching me... male or female. I only have this problem with other women. I pop their hands like they're toddlers and say NO. A bit extreme but it gets the point across. Don't they have home training? Rude cows.

That was very funny. I wonder if it could work for me? So far, they've kinda snuck up on me from behind...I didn't even see them coming. The first girl, as she was passing me, stuck her hand in my hair and said "Is all that you?". By the time I stood up and turned around, she was a a few feet from me.

Don't get me wrong. These are nice ladies and I don't want to alienate anyone. I may be here for another 35 years. Who knows.

That's probably part of my problem.

I have a coworker who grew her hair from a chin-length bob, shaved up the back to waist-length in 3 years or less. They wouldn't dare do that to her because they know she'd cuss them out.

Too nice for my own good.

 

[SherryLove]

Lord knows i get this question all the time.... and i mean all the time....and i do not mind answering.... i just do not like when people start pressing my scalp and feeling my hair for signs of tracks.....

 

[locabouthair]

i can't believe people actually have the nerve to put their hands in someone else's hair. thats mad rude. someone did that to me once and i thought she mustve have been real dumb because my hair is nowhere near long. all they had to was ask if it was a weave. and most of the time its easy to tell if someone has a weave or not. next time someone puts their hands on your hair to search for tracks tell them to keep their hands out of your hair.

 

[SherryLove]

i can't believe people actually have the nerve to put their hands in someone else's hair. thats mad rude. someone did that to me once and i thought she mustve have been real dumb because my hair is nowhere near long. all they had to was ask if it was a weave. and most of the time its easy to tell if someone has a weave or not. next time someone puts their hands on your hair to search for tracks tell them to keep their hands out of your hair.

loca, i am mustering up the nerve to say that one day....LOL

 

[imstush]

I have gotten that all my life. The first time was in 3rd grade, the teacher i had everyday all of a sudden out the blue asked "is that all your hair". Now mind you my hair has always been long, but my cousin braided my hair and apparently she assumed that couldn't be all of my hair. Next instance, my mom's friend (a next door neighbor) I let my hair air dry one day, so it was curly. She asked "what did you put in your hair to make it curly" (she has naturally curly hair), so I said nothing, she said "that's impossible, you had to put something in it to make it curly". Then one day recently some girls were standing behind me...this girl says to her friend "I want a Yakky (i think was the term) weave like that...now i have never had a weave in all my life, and obviously that is no offense to anyone that does. So nowadays I just laugh....but only when I was younger would people tug and pull my hair. Luckily for them no one ever does that anymore.

 

[meia]

kimberly,
hahaha awww girlll!! of course you can come to me for positive stuff! lol! doesnt it make it feel so much better knowing that other girls been through the same thing as well? id say that it doesnt feel as bad and and at the same time it helps to understand why people are the way they are!

-meia

 

[amy1234]

I am so not suprised by the reactions from your co-workers. I always view it as entertaining the way people act when they are in disbelief.

 

[Chinagem]

Man, I can't wait until somebody asks me if I'm wearing a weave. I think i'd be the type of person that sees it as an non intentional compliment. I see it as these women think your hair is so pretty/perfect that it must be a weave.

ETA: However, I would NOT like it if anybody put his/her hands in my hair, especially if they have not washed their hands.