In 3 Weeks He's In Love......

[sky_blu]

No, not with me! With someone else. I met this guy 8 months ago, he said he wasnt looking for a relationship and neither was I. So I was cool, he was cool, we were cool. We had long conversations (talking about everything under the sun other than my arse or having sex with me), hang out often, and never had an arguement. Things had changed over that time, while we still were friends and he said he cared for me, he wanted to spend more time with me and blah blah blah. Then within a months time, he told me he's "really feeling this person hard", he getting married (he told me this on a Saturday that he was getting married the following Monday to this chick he met 2.5 [he didnt but he told me that he was]) because he was feeling that happy, and this past Thursday he told me she moved into his place. I have to keep laughing to keep myself from crying....but its like what about me? Granted we were "friends" (its in quotes for a reason) Why does everyone but him think this was foul? I mean we were basically seeing each other and feeling each other for 8 months and all that has went down the drain because he met some chick 3 weeks ago. When he told me I thought he was joking bc it just seemed totally out of his characted and thats the type of humor he has but he was dead serious. Im sure its stuff Im leaving out bc this is the short story but geez! Im just bombed...my birthday is in 2 days and he chose to break me right around the corner from my birthday and my favorite holiday I just dont understand it, I just have bad taste in men I guess. And I thought I had lucked up because he's nothing like anyone Ive dealt with. Through some investigative work I found out who she is (he was going to tell me that but I told him not to but then changed my mind and found out my way). 19 yr old with no job and no place of her own LOL and he's 26. He left me for a downgrade.

 

[Farida]

No, not with me! With someone else. I met this guy 8 months ago, he said he wasnt looking for a relationship and neither was I. So I was cool, he was cool, we were cool. We had long conversations (talking about everything under the sun other than my arse or having sex with me), hang out often, and never had an arguement. Things had changed over that time, while we still were friends and he said he cared for me, he wanted to spend more time with me and blah blah blah. Then within a months time, he told me he's "really feeling this person hard", he getting married (he told me this on a Saturday that he was getting married the following Monday to this chick he met 2.5 [he didnt but he told me that he was]) because he was feeling that happy, and this past Thursday he told me she moved into his place. I have to keep laughing to keep myself from crying....but its like what about me? Granted we were "friends" (its in quotes for a reason) Why does everyone but him think this was foul? I mean we were basically seeing each other and feeling each other for 8 months and all that has went down the drain because he met some chick 3 weeks ago. When he told me I thought he was joking bc it just seemed totally out of his characted and thats the type of humor he has but he was dead serious. Im sure its stuff Im leaving out bc this is the short story but geez! Im just bombed...my birthday is in 2 days and he chose to break me right around the corner from my birthday and my favorite holiday I just dont understand it, I just have bad taste in men I guess. And I thought I had lucked up because he's nothing like anyone Ive dealt with. Through some investigative work I found out who she is (he was going to tell me that but I told him not to but then changed my mind and found out my way). 19 yr old with no job and no place of her own LOL and he's 26. He left me for a downgrade.

I'm sorry sweetheart. Though he broke your heart, I can't really blame him. Both of you went in to this with the express knowledge that neither one of you was looking for a relationship. Your interaction had no boundaries. It seems you just became more into him than he was into you. Correct me if I'm wrong but at no point did you ask for exclusivity or a relationship.

Judging by what you say about him, I would also conclude that he didn't meet this chick three weeks ago. He is just saying that so he seems like less of a jerk for stringing you along.

It says a lot about a man if he cheats when a relationship is new and in the infatuated happy stage.

It hurts a lot sweetheart but look at this as a favor. He would've cheated sooner or later and it is good you didn't end up committed to a jerk. Cheer yourself up by the idea that he "downgraded." sounds to me that you know you are an "upgrade" and so you should stick around for a man who knows your true value. You know a 26-year old is with a 19 year-old he is moving in with so soon for only one thing.

Anyway next time you date someone make sure you define your relationship and aspirations early on so that you aren't left slighted and blindsided. You'll be okay...keep your head up and happy birthday!

 

[gone_fishing]

I truly believe there is no rhyme or reason as to why a man or a woman chooses to fall in love with someone.

There's so much involved that it would be impossible to pinpoint WHY a man or woman would choose one person over another.

What I have learned about human nature is that generally when someone says I'm not ready for a relationship, that means, the right person has not come along yet.

When I got my divorce I used this line ALL day long on dates and with men who I really didn't have an interest. At the time I thought the REASON I didn't have an interest was because I wasn't ready but in fact when my SO came along...I was totally willing to commit when I hadn't even entertained the thought before.

I think it's this way for many men. They will tell a woman that they aren't ready for a relationship - not really even understanding themselves why.

But, suddenly when "the one" appears you are ready and willing to do for that person what you weren't for the person previous.

This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you at all. It's just one of those things that will never be explainable. It doesn't take away from you as a person or as a lady. It's just one of those "luck of the draw" situations.

The best thing you can do for yourself in the future is not to make yourself available to men who are emotionally unavailable. Infact, I wouldn't waste my time on any man who said they weren't ready for a relationship. I would believe them and keep it moving.

The thing about men is that as much as we fuss about them, we RARELY listen to them. Generally, they tell us the most important things about them in the first several conversations. Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us.

 

[Bunny77]

The best thing you can do for yourself in the future is not to make yourself available to men who are emotionally unavailable. Infact, I wouldn't waste my time on any man who said they weren't ready for a relationship. I would believe them and keep it moving.

The thing about men is that as much as we fuss about them, we RARELY listen to them. Generally, they tell us the most important things about them in the first several conversations. Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us.

I agreed with your whole post, but especially this part.

And double especially on the bolded.

 

[sky_blu]

I'm sorry sweetheart. Though he broke your heart, I can't really blame him. Both of you went in to this with the express knowledge that neither one of you was looking for a relationship. Your interaction had no boundaries. It seems you just became more into him than he was into you. Correct me if I'm wrong but at no point did you ask for exclusivity or a relationship.

Judging by what you say about him, I would also conclude that he didn't meet this chick three weeks ago. He is just saying that so he seems like less of a jerk for stringing you along.

It says a lot about a man if he cheats when a relationship is new and in the infatuated happy stage.

It hurts a lot sweetheart but look at this as a favor. He would've cheated sooner or later and it is good you didn't end up committed to a jerk. Cheer yourself up by the idea that he "downgraded." sounds to me that you know you are an "upgrade" and so you should stick around for a man who knows your true value. You know a 26-year old is with a 19 year-old he is moving in with so soon for only one thing.

Anyway next time you date someone make sure you define your relationship and aspirations early on so that you aren't left slighted and blindsided. You'll be okay...keep your head up and happy birthday!

Nope, I didnt ask for a relationship b/c when I first met him, he said he wasnt looking for a relationship and though he said different stuff after (like your starting to make me change my mind about a relationship and that he cared for me) I would change the subject and shut him down...I know, I know its going to sound strange but I felt like he was trying to set me up. Let me know how he felt so I could put myself after that then say oh its a joke or something. But apparently everything was really a joke. And I know why she moved in with him and I cant be mad because if I was 19 and saw all the material things he had (nice townhome, nice car, every new and electronic thing out plus him having a decent amt of money) I'd be all in too (maybe not moving in) but thought Id hit the jackpot too. I think thats one of the reasonsn why we lasted as long as we did is because he knew I wasnt after none of that and never asked him for anything. But I know once all of that stuff fades, they'll be over. I sound a little bitter right now, well hell I am. *sigh* Oh well he wins again.

 

[sky_blu]

I truly believe there is no rhyme or reason as to why a man or a woman chooses to fall in love with someone.

There's so much involved that it would be impossible to pinpoint WHY a man or woman would choose one person over another.

What I have learned about human nature is that generally when someone says I'm not ready for a relationship, that means, the right person has not come along yet.

When I got my divorce I used this line ALL day long on dates and with men who I really didn't have an interest. At the time I thought the REASON I didn't have an interest was because I wasn't ready but in fact when my SO came along...I was totally willing to commit when I hadn't even entertained the thought before.

I think it's this way for many men. They will tell a woman that they aren't ready for a relationship - not really even understanding themselves why.

But, suddenly when "the one" appears you are ready and willing to do for that person what you weren't for the person previous.

This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you at all. It's just one of those things that will never be explainable. It doesn't take away from you as a person or as a lady. It's just one of those "luck of the draw" situations.

The best thing you can do for yourself in the future is not to make yourself available to men who are emotionally unavailable. Infact, I wouldn't waste my time on any man who said they weren't ready for a relationship. I would believe them and keep it moving.
The thing about men is that as much as we fuss about them, we RARELY listen to them. Generally, they tell us the most important things about them in the first several conversations. Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us.

Yea, your right about that but I wasnt looking for a relationship either when I met him. I thought we would just be friends but things just didnt work out that way when we had so much in common and got along so well.

 

[laCriolla]

Nope, I didnt ask for a relationship b/c when I first met him, he said he wasnt looking for a relationship and though he said different stuff after (like your starting to make me change my mind about a relationship and that he cared for me) I would change the subject and shut him down...I know, I know its going to sound strange but I felt like he was trying to set me up. Let me know how he felt so I could put myself after that then say oh its a joke or something. But apparently everything was really a joke. And I know why she moved in with him and I cant be mad because if I was 19 and saw all the material things he had (nice townhome, nice car, every new and electronic thing out plus him having a decent amt of money) I'd be all in too (maybe not moving in) but thought Id hit the jackpot too. I think thats one of the reasonsn why we lasted as long as we did is because he knew I wasnt after none of that and never asked him for anything. But I know once all of that stuff fades, they'll be over. I sound a little bitter right now, well hell I am. *sigh* Oh well he wins again.

grrr the nerve of this guy!! I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how you feel.

honestly, in my opinion i think he was scared. 26 year old guys these days are usually selfish and not ready for marriage. you said they moved in together- but are they engaged? i mean, maybe you dodged a bullet!?

anyway
since she's 19 and a 'downgrade', i think he was really reaaallly into you, and enjoyed your companionship. he liked being with someone BUT it was scary for him because, for whatever reason he didn't feel in control. a lot of times when guys feel out of control (either because they fall for a woman and that makes them feel new emotions for the first time, or because they can't control HER because she has her life together) then they flee.

so he found some young girl he can control. and he gets to be in a relationship on HIS terms (moving in w/o marriage). simple as that. it's selfish.


so don't pain yourself over trying to understand why. there's nothing wrong with you. you were too good for him and he couldn't handle that. he took the easy way out instead of rising to your level because it's easier to just cut and run.


if I were you I wouldn't be his friend. cut him off. give him ALL of what he wants- which is to be with her. you know? because he's having his cake and eating it too if he can be with a woman he can control (her) and then call you for the quality convo and friendship when HE wants without having to be a man and commit!! nonono

 

[MizzBrown]

This is SUCH a good example of the "80/20" rule. You were an 80 or above and he left you for a 20. He'll see his mistake later on. You dodged a bullet. Move on and God always has something better for you. Don't look. He'll come to you and he'll appreciate all the 80% and more that you bring to the table.

 

[gone_fishing]

I realize we are trying to make her feel better about the situation but we don't know this young lady. We don't know anything about her except she's young. Unless, the OP knows her personally, it's sort of presumptuous to say, well she is only with him for material things. It's also presumptuous to put her down or claim she's just a 20 (not an 80) to make ourselves feel better.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are and try not to over-analyze.

Deal with the pain. KNOW that you are worth someone who is capable of returning the affection you want/desire.

Thoughts of yourself should be totally independant from thoughts of her.

Comparisons (and I may be wrong but that's what I read here) is not going to be healthy or productive, to me.

I don't think making the other girl out to be some type of monster or less of a woman is going to really fix the OP's problem.

It seems to me that she lied to herself or was not aware of her own desires because she went from not wanting a relationship to being appauled that he had found someone with which to have one.

I think once she (I don't mean to discuss you in 3rd person) gets a handle on what she really wants, she will be better able to find a person to fulfill those needs.

 

[Nola Darling]

grrr the nerve of this guy!! I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how you feel.

honestly, in my opinion i think he was scared. 26 year old guys these days are usually selfish and not ready for marriage. you said they moved in together- but are they engaged? i mean, maybe you dodged a bullet!?

anyway
since she's 19 and a 'downgrade', i think he was really reaaallly into you, and enjoyed your companionship. he liked being with someone BUT it was scary for him because, for whatever reason he didn't feel in control. a lot of times when guys feel out of control (either because they fall for a woman and that makes them feel new emotions for the first time, or because they can't control HER because she has her life together) then they flee.

so he found some young girl he can control. and he gets to be in a relationship on HIS terms (moving in w/o marriage). simple as that. it's selfish.

Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us. - adequate

WOW! You ladies are dropping knowledge! *Taking Notes*

 

[NeeSee]

Sorry, you deserve better.

 

[indigodiva]

Don't sweat the "downgrade" as a reflection on you...80/20 rule didn't get famous for nothing...Guys who downgrade ALWAYS pay for their rash judgments sooner rather than later --and you can take that to the bank!!! even though you might never know it one day, old dude is going to realize that he made a mistake..I don't know if that's any comfort right now, but it will come to pass.

 

[sonce]

I feel sympathy for you but how is it foul for him to fall in love? He clearly wasn't with you since you were friends all this time. You accepted friendship, so you can't now flip the script and want to feel hurt as if you were his girlfriend. You weren't his girlfriend and he was free, and while I feel for your pain, the fact is that he did nothing wrong.

And as for the downgrade, I guess you've learned a good lesson about men. Men are not women. Most men who aren't gigolos value beauty and personality in women over earning capacity and financial stability, and as a general rule, having a good job will help a man keep a woman but it won't help a woman keep a man.

 

[honeycomb719]

I realize we are trying to make her feel better about the situation but we don't know this young lady. We don't know anything about her except she's young. Unless, the OP knows her personally, it's sort of presumptuous to say, well she is only with him for material things. It's also presumptuous to put her down or claim she's just a 20 (not an 80) to make ourselves feel better.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are and try not to over-analyze.

Deal with the pain. KNOW that you are worth someone who is capable of returning the affection you want/desire.

Thoughts of yourself should be totally independant from thoughts of her.

Comparisons (and I may be wrong but that's what I read here) is not going to be healthy or productive, to me.

I don't think making the other girl out to be some type of monster or less of a woman is going to really fix the OP's problem.

It seems to me that she lied to herself or was not aware of her own desires because she went from not wanting a relationship to being appauled that he had found someone with which to have one.

I think once she (I don't mean to discuss you in 3rd person) gets a handle on what she really wants, she will be better able to find a person to fulfill those needs.

Great post! I also agree with the poster that said men tell us what their intentions are early on we just choose not to listen. Excellent point!

 

[poetist]

I realize we are trying to make her feel better about the situation but we don't know this young lady. We don't know anything about her except she's young. Unless, the OP knows her personally, it's sort of presumptuous to say, well she is only with him for material things. It's also presumptuous to put her down or claim she's just a 20 (not an 80) to make ourselves feel better.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are and try not to over-analyze.

Deal with the pain. KNOW that you are worth someone who is capable of returning the affection you want/desire.

I totally agree. To the OP: this is a lesson learned and is only a set up for you to move you closer to meeting the man of your dreams. I can relate to your post because I was in a long term relationship, ended it, and a few months later met someone else. Within about 2 weeks, we fell in love and realized that we wanted to be married. I am sure that my now DH was dating when I first met him. So when he told the woman that he had been seeing about me - Im sure they were confused as you are. Similarly, when I told my ex that I was getting married, I am SURE that he though that I had been cheating on him, because it made no sense that within 2 weeks, 2 people could meet and fall in love. As Adequate said, its pointless to try to understand how and why people fall in love. I am really sorry that you are hurting, but the fact that your friend is involved with someone else has nothing to do with you or your self worth. In time you will heal and find some even better, who was created JUST FOR YOU.

 

[MzTami]

OP, I do sympathize with you, but I agree with adequate and sonce.

You both agreed to be "friends with benefits." Why lie to yourself and sell yourself short if you wanted more?

I will not make you feel any worse than you already do, but just take this as a lesson learned and move on. There are plenty of men out there, just take your time and be true to yourself. (((HUGS)))

 

[Much2much41]

I don't have anything to add, except I've been EXACTLY where you are, and am still in shock, to be honest. I think Martin said it best, "F' em guurrrrrl....F' em....F' em guuuurrrrrl, F' EM!!!! "

 

[JFemme]

I feel sympathy for you but how is it foul for him to fall in love? He clearly wasn't with you since you were friends all this time. You accepted friendship, so you can't now flip the script and want to feel hurt as if you were his girlfriend. You weren't his girlfriend and he was free, and while I feel for your pain, the fact is that he did nothing wrong.

And as for the downgrade, I guess you've learned a good lesson about men. Men are not women. Most men who aren't gigolos value beauty and personality in women over earning capacity and financial stability, and as a general rule, having a good job will help a man keep a woman but it won't help a woman keep a man.

So sorry to hear this.... *Men*

ITA ^^^^with Sonce's sentiments.... on the real.... specially the bolded... lawda mercy...

 

[Farida]

Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us. - adequate

That is brilliant. Men are simple creatures.

I also agree that when a man says he isn't ready for a relationship it is usually because he is immature or you are not the right woman for him.

 

[Much2much41]

Men are surprisingly upfront about their intentions. OUR problem is that we often think that what they are saying is "for now" and that if we are sweet enough, sexy enough, good enough in bed, we can change them and MAKE them love us. - adequate

That is brilliant. Men are simple creatures.

I also agree that when a man says he isn't ready for a relationship it is usually because he is immature or you are not the right woman for him.

Yup. "I'm not ready for a relationship" is code for "I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU". Them mofos are ALWAYS interested in a relationship when the woman comes along that either has what he's looking for, or is everything he never knew he wanted. You never can tell what is going to pique a man's interest. It can be the dumbest thing ever, but to them, it's perfection. They are simple creatures, alright. "Idiots" is more like it .

 

[sky_blu]

Ok, thanks ladies for the responses. But let me first say it wasnt foul for him to "fall in love" it was foul the way he let me know and when he let me know. I had talked to him several times within the 2.5 weeks that he said he met this person, he could have let me know then but you know what? He didnt. If I had been feeling someone as hard as he said he was feeling her, I would've told him day 1 and no later than day 2. THIS MFer TOLD ME VIA TEXT MSG! After I talked to him. And she very well couldnt be using him for the material stuff he has I would through some other things out there but I could see you all looking at your screens thinking she's dumb for even wanting him if I said it LOL. But if you I told you that then you would understand why I would believe that once the facade fades, she'll be throwing up the duece. And no, we were not in relationship but the way he was leading me on was to think that we would be there. If you knew us, you would have already thought we were together. And yes he told me what he intentions were when I met him but he also said things and did things of the opposite, which is why I believed we would be in a relationship and heading towards that way soon. And he was in no way scared of marriage, we talked about it several times and he is very much ready to get married which is why I think he told me he was getting married on that Monday after he told me he met her the previous Saturday, 2.5 weeks ago. I was cool and still ready to be his friend until he told me she lives with him after meeting her 3 weeks (which I thought it had been longer, but nope it really had been 3 dang weeks [another story]) Everything just seemed totally out of his character and Im just shocked that this whole situation happened. Im ready to let this go, continue to move on, and let karma handle him. Especially since I never even got an apology and we were friends before anything else, I think he should apologize for handling it how he handled and not being man enough to tell me from the beginning and not continuingly lead me on as if we were on track.

 

[Much2much41]

Ok, thanks ladies for the responses. But let me first say it wasnt foul for him to "fall in love" it was foul the way he let me know and when he let me know. I had talked to him several times within the 2.5 weeks that he said he met this person, he could have let me know then but you know what? He didnt. If I had been feeling someone as hard as he said he was feeling her, I would've told him day 1 and no later than day 2. THIS MFer TOLD ME VIA TEXT MSG! After I talked to him. And she very well couldnt be using him for the material stuff he has I would through some other things out there but I could see you all looking at your screens thinking she's dumb for even wanting him if I said it LOL. But if you I told you that then you would understand why I would believe that once the facade fades, she'll be throwing up the duece. And no, we were not in relationship but the way he was leading me on was to think that we would be there. If you knew us, you would have already thought we were together. And yes he told me what he intentions were when I met him but he also said things and did things of the opposite, which is why I believed we would be in a relationship and heading towards that way soon. And he was in no way scared of marriage, we talked about it several times and he is very much ready to get married which is why I think he told me he was getting married on that Monday after he told me he met her the previous Saturday, 2.5 weeks ago. I was cool and still ready to be his friend until he told me she lives with him after meeting her 3 weeks (which I thought it had been longer, but nope it really had been 3 dang weeks [another story]) Everything just seemed totally out of his character and Im just shocked that this whole situation happened. Im ready to let this go, continue to move on, and let karma handle him. Especially since I never even got an apology and we were friends before anything else, I think he should apologize for handling it how he handled and not being man enough to tell me from the beginning and not continuingly lead me on as if we were on track.

Unfortunately, you may never get an apology, because he may not feel he did anything wrong. It would be nice if you get one, but don't hold your breath. I have an ex that did me the same way, and he grins all up in my family's face every week (they go to the same church). Not once has he pulled them to the side to apologize, or to inquire if I'm okay or anything. He even tried to introduce his fiancee to my mother, but mom played like she was distracted by something and he never got to. I told her to go ahead and meet the chick; that girl bears no blame in the situation. Besides, she can't avoid the girl forever. I believe someone much better is coming into my life, and I won't have to guess if he wants me. Be glad you didn't get sucked into that confusion.

 

[SEMO]

Ok, thanks ladies for the responses. But let me first say it wasnt foul for him to "fall in love" it was foul the way he let me know and when he let me know. I had talked to him several times within the 2.5 weeks that he said he met this person, he could have let me know then but you know what? He didnt. If I had been feeling someone as hard as he said he was feeling her, I would've told him day 1 and no later than day 2. THIS MFer TOLD ME VIA TEXT MSG! After I talked to him. And she very well couldnt be using him for the material stuff he has I would through some other things out there but I could see you all looking at your screens thinking she's dumb for even wanting himi f I said it LOL.

Why did you want him but she's dumb for wanting him?

But if you I told you that then you would understand why I would believe that once the facade fades, she'll be throwing up the duece. And no, we were not in relationship but the way he was leading me on was to think that we would be there. If you knew us, you would have already thought we were together. And yes he told me what he intentions were when I met him but he also said things and did things of the opposite, which is why I believed we would be in a relationship and heading towards that way soon. And he was in no way scared of marriage, we talked about it several times and he is very much ready to get married which is why I think he told me he was getting married on that Monday after he told me he met her the previous Saturday, 2.5 weeks ago. I was cool and still ready to be his friend until he told me she lives with him after meeting her 3 weeks (which I thought it had been longer, but nope it really had been 3 dang weeks [another story]) Everything just seemed totally out of his character and Im just shocked that this whole situation happened. Im ready to let this go, continue to move on, and let karma handle him. Especially since I never even got an apology and we were friends before anything else, I think he should apologize for handling it how he handled and not being man enough to tell me from the beginning and not continuingly lead me on as if we were on track.

Why would you have wanted to be his friend after this?

I agree with adequate and sonce. Also, I believe that if a man is really interested in you it doesn't take him that long to figure it out. And once he figures that out a real man will pursue you and make it clear that's what his intentions are, not keep you tied up in some undefined, quasi-dating relationship. It hurts and I can't say the same thing has happened to me, but if he wasn't the one for you the sooner you find out the better.

I know it must seem worse to have this happen before your birthday and Christmas, but don't stay down about it. The one for you might be coming to you in the next few weeks, and now you're free to be with him rather than stuck in a "friendship" with a guy you hoped would date you.

 

[ichephren]

You know, the same thing happened to me this year. Well maybe not the same thing. Met him 8mths ago and we became friends. It was obvious there was chemistry and he played it to seem like he wanted something more. All the while, we talked for HOURS, like 6hrs at a time sometimes and he was constantly emailing me all sorts of things that were fun. We talked about everything and he even told me some of his issues. I saw him cry and we apparently got really close. He even cooked for me, and made me a CD of bar study information as a gift. Then nothing happened btwn us and we remained friends until he started acting like an ass. I let a few things slide b/c his actions came out of nowhere but then he did something I couldn't forgive that was outright disrespectful. I wrote him a short email telling him I was cutting him off and we haven't talked since. I thought about emailing him back a few times, especially b/c he didn't pass the bar that we had studied for together. I don't think it's worth it. If he felt something, he knows what to do

 

[caribeandiva]

Why did you want him but she's dumb for wanting him?



Why would you have wanted to be his friend after this?

I agree with adequate and sonce. Also, I believe that if a man is really interested in you it doesn't take him that long to figure it out. And once he figures that out a real man will pursue you and make it clear that's what his intentions are, not keep you tied up in some undefined, quasi-dating relationship. It hurts and I can't say the same thing has happened to me, but if he wasn't the one for you the sooner you find out the better.

I know it must seem worse to have this happen before your birthday and Christmas, but don't stay down about it. The one for you might be coming to you in the next few weeks, and now you're free to be with him rather than stuck in a "friendship" with a guy you hoped would date you.

i agree. he let u know early on what was up. It was your decision to stay even though he made it clear he didn't want a relationship w/u. Learn your lesson, wipe off your tears and move on.

 

[Farida]

Ok, thanks ladies for the responses. But let me first say it wasnt foul for him to "fall in love" it was foul the way he let me know and when he let me know. I had talked to him several times within the 2.5 weeks that he said he met this person, he could have let me know then but you know what? He didnt. If I had been feeling someone as hard as he said he was feeling her, I would've told him day 1 and no later than day 2. THIS MFer TOLD ME VIA TEXT MSG! After I talked to him. And she very well couldnt be using him for the material stuff he has I would through some other things out there but I could see you all looking at your screens thinking she's dumb for even wanting him if I said it LOL. But if you I told you that then you would understand why I would believe that once the facade fades, she'll be throwing up the duece. And no, we were not in relationship but the way he was leading me on was to think that we would be there. If you knew us, you would have already thought we were together. And yes he told me what he intentions were when I met him but he also said things and did things of the opposite, which is why I believed we would be in a relationship and heading towards that way soon. And he was in no way scared of marriage, we talked about it several times and he is very much ready to get married which is why I think he told me he was getting married on that Monday after he told me he met her the previous Saturday, 2.5 weeks ago. I was cool and still ready to be his friend until he told me she lives with him after meeting her 3 weeks (which I thought it had been longer, but nope it really had been 3 dang weeks [another story]) Everything just seemed totally out of his character and Im just shocked that this whole situation happened. Im ready to let this go, continue to move on, and let karma handle him. Especially since I never even got an apology and we were friends before anything else, I think he should apologize for handling it how he handled and not being man enough to tell me from the beginning and not continuingly lead me on as if we were on track.

I agree he should have told you from the beginning seeing as your relationship was open. The bold font above makes it seem like you were convinced your relationship was more than the two of you had agreed on. On track to where?

 

[FlowerHair]

I feel sympathy for you but how is it foul for him to fall in love? He clearly wasn't with you since you were friends all this time. You accepted friendship, so you can't now flip the script and want to feel hurt as if you were his girlfriend. You weren't his girlfriend and he was free, and while I feel for your pain, the fact is that he did nothing wrong.

And as for the downgrade, I guess you've learned a good lesson about men. Men are not women. Most men who aren't gigolos value beauty and personality in women over earning capacity and financial stability, and as a general rule, having a good job will help a man keep a woman but it won't help a woman keep a man.

This is a little harsh, but true. Both of you decided from the get go that you were going to be friends and that neither of you were looking for a relationship. Next time a man suggests that, just smile and move on to someone else.

 

[FlowerHair]

Yup. "I'm not ready for a relationship" is code for "I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU". Them mofos are ALWAYS interested in a relationship when the woman comes along that either has what he's looking for, or is everything he never knew he wanted. You never can tell what is going to pique a man's interest. It can be the dumbest thing ever, but to them, it's perfection. They are simple creatures, alright. "Idiots" is more like it .

ITA. I don't have anything to add

 

[tocktick]

19 yr old with no job and no place of her own LOL and he's 26. He left me for a downgrade.

1) maybe he wanted someone he could mould and control. thus her being a teen with no source of income. she may idolise him somewhat because he is much older and more "mature".

2) it's better he told you sooner rather than later. there would have been no good time to tell you anyhow. just be glad that you're able to celebrate your b-day and christmas without this waste of space still taking up room in your life.

3) i understand you may have developed feelings for the dude but it doesn't seem your relationship was really ever that serious. as far as i'm aware, he never cheated on you because you weren't a couple. he lead you on, maybe. but after 8months, if he was not ready to make even the simple commitment of being your bf, you should have kept it strictly platonic friends or cut him off.

4) this dude sounds mad fickle and totally not serious. are you sure you really wanted to be with someone who would readily jump into marriage and co-habitation within one month of meeting someone? this sounds like the type to run from. imo, you had a lucky break.

5) i hate to be cynical but i think their marriage will be over pretty quickly. i think they are in the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship where they think they know each other well (when really, they don't), can only see the good sides of each other and are blinded by lots of sex . that's quite a combination. they (or he, at least) are in the infatuation stage. even if they are truly in love, that alone isn't always enough to make a marriage/relationship work. in this day & age marriage is taking more work than ever. imo, they most likely do not know much about each other and have yet to experience how they are as a couple through all kind of situations (good and bad). i bet she wouldn't even know how this guy would cope if she got seriously ill. can she honestly say he'd be there for her? and vice versa. you do not get married on a whim because you think/are you're in love after 3 weeks together. but they could defy the odds and make it last (although i doubt it ) but they've just made it that much harder for themselves by rushing into it in this way.

 

[sky_blu]

Why did you want him but she's dumb for wanting him?

No I was saying if I had typed some other stuff about him, you all would say that IM DUMB for even wanting him.

[Why would you have wanted to be his friend after this?

I agree with adequate and sonce. Also, I believe that if a man is really interested in you it doesn't take him that long to figure it out. And once he figures that out a real man will pursue you and make it clear that's what his intentions are, not keep you tied up in some undefined, quasi-dating relationship. It hurts and I can't say the same thing has happened to me, but if he wasn't the one for you the sooner you find out the better.

I know it must seem worse to have this happen before your birthday and Christmas, but don't stay down about it. The one for you might be coming to you in the next few weeks, and now you're free to be with him rather than stuck in a "friendship" with a guy you hoped would date you.

And yeah your right. I had met others during the time Ive been hanging out with him but I was so focused on him, I ignored them. And Ive met two potential guys recently but I know Im still not ready because I was into this guy and I dont want to mess them up just to be with somebody, so Im chillin.