Importance of Trust for Men

BeautifulFlower

BeautifulFlower

Well-Known Member
I have this guy that I dig mucho grande. He digs me mucho grande. He pursues me and all that good stuff but is hestitant to be with me because of my trust issues with men. I know he's a good guy. A great guy. He doesnt want to be subjected to my trust issues.

Why is trust so important to men?
 
The same reason it's so important to us.

No one wants to spend their relationship proving to the other how trustworthy they are and how different they are from the last person that hurt you.

Either trust me or don't deal with me. Can't blame him.
 
Trust is important for men and women for the same reasons. Men love to feel like you trust them enough to call on them when you need them, but hate when you make them pay for another man's mistakes...

If you are still having trust issues then you need to resolve them before getting involved in another relationship because this new guy cannot fix what he didn't create...
 
^^I'd have to agree.

I think you should try and repair your trust issues before you seriously date...I'm the same way and that's why I'm taking a breather...it can really bring issues into a relationship...
 
CocoSlim83 said:
The same reason it's so important to us.

No one wants to spend their relationship proving to the other how trustworthy they are and how different they are from the last person that hurt you.

Either trust me or don't deal with me. Can't blame him.
Click to expand...

Yikes a lil harshy harsh? lol

ummm you're fabulous he should want to deal with every issue that you have, and in the grand scheme of life thats so miniscule
love is patient...
love does not judge...
i feel like you've been missin out on love slimcoco
 
how about big girls? should they lose weight before they enter a relationship? cuz thats an issue just like trusting is...
all of our imperfections are loveable, what's better is if you know about them and communicate them to your SO early on, cuz people are not so strong that we can squash our issues. We may calm them down, but just like glass with a bullet hole in it, we will always have the weakness...
and just like big girls need unconditional love, so do women that don't easily trust
 
It's one thing not to easily trust, (which is smart) but another to have trust issues.(which usually means they were caused by another dude and need to be gotten over before dating a new person)

He probably has dated a woman with trust issues before.

He sounds like me and recently divorced men.
 
First of all good for you! It sounds so sweet..promising
& your new siggy rocks~

but is hestitant to be with me because of my trust issues with men. I know he's a good guy. A great guy. He doesnt want to be subjected to my trust issues.
Click to expand...

How does this actively come up ...as in a action? and how does he know about it?
Like did have you mentioned it or have you two been out before..and ..then what happens that either he or you say...uh-oh...there go my {or her }trust issues again
what is an example of what happens? :)
 
Right. I'm actually doing fine in the love department but thanks. And we all have our own issues but lack of trust in a relationship is usually projected on the other person or each other. To say someone just needs to accept that ur not going to trust them just isn't fair to the other person.
 
kayte said:
First of all good for you! It sounds so sweet..promising
& your new siggy rocks~



How does this actively come up ...as in a action? and how does he know about it?
Like did have you mentioned it or have you two been out before..and ..then what happens that either he or you say...uh-oh...there go my {or her }trust issues again
what is an example of what happens? :)
Click to expand...

We both just got out of a relationship (Me - 4.5 mths ago; Him - a couple weeks). We've known each other about 6mths or so (he's my sister's husband's best friend). He was actively looking for a wife.

He's tried of 'fixing' women with all these trust issues with men. His last relationship ended because of her lack of trust (and other stupid things she managed to pack into only 4mths of a relationship). He emphasizes his need to be trusted by his potential wife. I told him I know I have trust issues from my past relationship. We are EXTREMELY open with each other about our thoughts and feelings (which has never happened before). He wants me, is willing to wait for me, but is discouraged by yet another broken woman.
 
but is discouraged by yet another broken woman
Click to expand...

I hardly think of you as broken...and I question his assertion of of fixing broken women
and weariness of it.

just that it takes two..meaning whatever happened in his past relationship...he's had his part in it too..
so you don't need to assume that automatically you are the designated one with the trust issues...he has them too and maybe when it's safer for him to be vulnerable he'll own that...

Why don't you two just ..go out ...take it date by date...
or if this a courtship....still learn to trust one date at a time!
you both just got out of relationships anyways ..and as clearly there is mucho attracion
so go out..but go slow....

and I'd lay off the heavy duty talks ..it's GREAT that you are open..but just see about learning to trust ..the other...and having fun ...
see if he likes hard or soft tacos with guac ...or bean or chicken burritos
that kind of thing!

instead evaluating/ possibly mistrusting each other's personal dating histories :)
that can come as things progress
and if you have not gone out..yet...then all of this projecting ...is premature....
he has no reason to be discouraged by you or label broken woman

look at you ....
you glow
 
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what i am saying is communicate your issues and then let the other person decide if they want to love you or not...
i have seen so many good relationships between people with way crazier issues than just trust... and theyre all married...
let your SO decide what's fair and unfair
and you be fair by communicating your faults and needs with them...
 
kayte said:
I hardly think of you as broken...and I question his assertion of of fixing broken women
and weariness of it.

just that it takes two..meaning whatever happened in his past relationship...he's had his part in it too..
so you don't need to assume that automatically you are the designated one with the trust issues...he has them too and maybe when it's safer for him to be vulnerable he'll own that...

Why don't you two just ..go out ...take it date by date...
or if this a courtship....still learn to trust one date at a time!
you both just got out of relationships anyways ..and as clearly there is mucho attracion
so go out..but go slow....

and I'd lay off the heavy duty talks ..it's GREAT that you are open..but just see about learning to trust ..the other...and having fun ...
see if he likes hard or soft tacos with guac ...or bean or chicken burritos
that kind of thing!

instead evaluating/ possibly mistrusting each other's personal dating histories :)
that can come as things progress
and if you have not gone out..yet...then all of this projecting ...is premature....
he has no reason to be discouraged by you or label broken woman

look at you ....
you glow
Click to expand...

that was tight...
you're amazing and he's stupid if he doesn't you
and besides...
PEOPLE are broken in general. ALL OF THEM
 
music-bnatural-smile said:
how about big girls? should they lose weight before they enter a relationship? cuz thats an issue just like trusting is...
all of our imperfections are loveable, what's better is if you know about them and communicate them to your SO early on, cuz people are not so strong that we can squash our issues. We may calm them down, but just like glass with a bullet hole in it, we will always have the weakness...
and just like big girls need unconditional love, so do women that don't easily trust
Click to expand...
How is weight and trust even comparable?
 
music-bnatural-smile said:
how about big girls? should they lose weight before they enter a relationship? cuz thats an issue just like trusting is...
all of our imperfections are loveable, what's better is if you know about them and communicate them to your SO early on, cuz people are not so strong that we can squash our issues. We may calm them down, but just like glass with a bullet hole in it, we will always have the weakness...
and just like big girls need unconditional love, so do women that don't easily trust
Click to expand...



I think thats a different type of issue...while they are both flaws, they impact the relationship differently...you cant overlook trust 4 very long...

Not easily trusting and not trusting at all are two different things...if shes the first...thats a diff story...they can work with that

I personally feel that trust is necessary for a healthy relationship
 
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music-bnatural-smile said:
Both are issues that are riddled with human imperfections...
issues in both areas should be overlooked by love.
they are very comparable, think deeper mah dear
Click to expand...
Why should either be overlooked?
If a man isn't attracted to an overweight woman then he won't try to be in a relationship with her. Nothing wrong with that.

Same with this man not wanting to be in a relationship with a woman with trust issues. Again, nothing wrong with that. Especially if those trust issues can interfere with the relationship. Why should he completely overlook that to be with her, especially since he just got out of a relationship with a woman who had a similar issue?

You don't have any deal breakers when it comes to relationships? Love really conquers all, huh?
 
music-bnatural-smile said:
Yikes a lil harshy harsh? lol

ummm you're fabulous he should want to deal with every issue that you have, and in the grand scheme of life thats so miniscule
love is patient...
love does not judge...
i feel like you've been missin out on love slimcoco
Click to expand...

I don't think she's harsh at all, lol
I fully agree with her.
Get your ish together if you expect someone with the same qualities.

Don't expect a man to trust you if you don't trust them.


... Love does not judge, but people do.. and last i checked, we're all human...
 
Tarae said:
Why should either be overlooked?
If a man isn't attracted to an overweight woman then he won't try to be in a relationship with her. Nothing wrong with that.
Click to expand...

weight is a superficial qualifier, within a certain range.
People who "aren't attracted to" chubbies get over that every day.
(and under it, quiet as it's kept)

Trust issues will.destroy.the.relationship.

5 extra lbs ain't destroying anything, except that tight belt.
 
I dont know much about trust issues.

But personally I think lack of trust boils down (ultimately) to lack of respect. And I know I wouldnt want to be with anyone who doesn't respect me.
 
Thank you ladies. I do need to get it together. I dont want to subject him to things my idiot ex did to me. We've known each other for some time (6 mths)??? but never been on a date alone before. Only group/family stuff. So far everything is cool and I like him alot. We both agreed to take it slow and heal from past wounds. Yet, I know he expects to be married in the next year or two which is cool. And we have other issues to deal with so we taking it slow but it refreshing to have a guy actually be honest with how he feels about stuff I do that bothers him. Usually men just play like its ok and he be boiling inside about stuff.
 
Dear PrettyFAce,

Start making deposits into his emotional bank account.
It will help you too... we learn by doing, so unlearn your trust issues by practicing good trusting habits, especially with Kayte's advice, by having fun together by being in light-hearted situations.
 
That is one of the biggest secrets to relationships of all times. With women it's love with men it's trust

IT"S BIBLICAL

Proverbs 31:11
 
prettyfaceANB said:
Thank you ladies. I do need to get it together. I dont want to subject him to things my idiot ex did to me. We've known each other for some time (6 mths)??? but never been on a date alone before. Only group/family stuff. So far everything is cool and I like him alot. We both agreed to take it slow and heal from past wounds. Yet, I know he expects to be married in the next year or two which is cool. And we have other issues to deal with so we taking it slow but it refreshing to have a guy actually be honest with how he feels about stuff I do that bothers him. Usually men just play like its ok and he be boiling inside about stuff.
Click to expand...

PrettyfaceANB, I think you are definitely headed in the right direction. You two have already taken the biggest step, and that's recognizing that 1. You have both been hurt, thus creating the trust issues, and 2. That you are willing to work on them. Many people are not brave enough to accomplish these two things. If you feel that this man is a good one, then I say take your time to truly get to know him, and if he is a man with a strong character, morals, faith in GOD, integrity and respect, then trusting him will come naturally.
 
I dunno.

I am skeptical of anyone who lays blame entirely on the other person for the demise of their relationship. I mean if what about his actions seemed less than trustworthy to her? What was it about your ex that seemed untrustworthy?

I mean .... She was wrong for not trusting her man but you were right in your intuition for not trusting yours?!!! I just find that we too often accept what men tell us about prior women without looking at the accuser a bit more.

He may very well be a trustworthy person but only time will tell.
 
CocoSlim83 said:
Right. I'm actually doing fine in the love department but thanks. And we all have our own issues but lack of trust in a relationship is usually projected on the other person or each other. To say someone just needs to accept that ur not going to trust them just isn't fair to the other person.
Click to expand...

Thank you. You better believe if someone was expecting me to ACCEPT that he doesn't trust me because of his past experiences, well....we wouldn't get very far. That is a personal issue having nothing to do with me and I refuse to own it. He'd have to overcome his trust issues and heal before we could even try to make it work.

Trust is a way more significant issue than many other relationship issues. Lack of trust...especially when there is no present reason for it stemming from OUR relationship...that's a dealbreaker.

If your man is saying to you "I wish you trusted me" and he's given you no reason not to trust him, then there is a serious issue you should be concerned about...and it isn't good news.
 
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