I'm Tired of Crushing...

[Lovelylife]

In this case I would ask you to use words like "in my experience" etc and to tell what encounter led you to this conclusion. I have never had this experience and never had this be true (not that it could not be so)...so yeah

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. Would you rather white guys to be mean to you if they didn't like you. I think it's good that they are respectful in that sense. But just don't read too much into it initially.

 

[almond eyes]

Been there and done that. I am a recovering crush addict for several years now. If a guy likes you he will step regardless of his race. Crushes are fun but at some point you have to move on and face the reality. When I used to have a crush on a guy, I wound up finding out that he was either in a relationship or not that interested. Don't get me wrong I still get butterflies for guys but I know when to chill and not overanalyse. That's why they are called crushes, they aren't reality.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[cutiebe2]

Be very very cautious. Remember that white men have a difference culture than black men. They can hate you and still be very polite towards you.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. Would you rather white guys to be mean to you if they didn't like you. I think it's good that they are respectful in that sense. But just don't read too much into it initially.

I am just pointing out that this is an observation I have not encountered. The white men I have encountered are very friendly, and if they "hate" you, then fine, they may be more polite then blacks, but your post made it seem like they are deceiving, which they are not. If OP has never given him a reason to hate her, then why should she be concerned about that?

 

[HoneyDew]

I'm not a player I just crush a lot.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Ok, so he did ask me if I wanted to go and grab a bite one day. But I had another class and I could not go. He never asked me again

However, it was with him and another girl from our program. So even if I could have gone I was like "Bleh" in my mind.

My cousin says that he is out of my league. I asked her why because he's white? She told me that is wasn't that. She basically said that she did not think he would date a person like me (read black). I probed her further and she had no explanation. It kinda made me feel like crap.

So that is what made me not want to approach him. I have a fear of rejection and it will be worse having to see him in classes for the next year.
I don't know

Your cousin is a dumbazz. Sorry.

 

[Lovelylife]

I am just pointing out that this is an observation I have not encountered. The white men I have encountered are very friendly, and if they "hate" you, then fine, they may be more polite then blacks, but your post made it seem like they are deceiving, which they are not. If OP has never given him a reason to hate her, then why should she be concerned about that?

I don't want to argue. I'm sorry I offended you.
I just told her to be careful. And yes sometimes it is deceptive and sometimes it's not. It depends on the individual's motives and their personality.
I also wanted to add that white people do this to eachother( frequently) not just to black people.

 

[chokolate miss]

I'm not a player I just crush a lot.

Haha, Funny!

Thanks ladies. A lot of interesting points were made. I like the idea about asking him what he normally does for lunch. That is a nice way to go about it.

But what one poster said about a white man not thinking that an attractive black female would be interested is what I get from him. There is another guy in our program and he asked me one day "I hope it's okay when I talk to you. I don't want to just bother you all the time."

I was like huh? I thought we were friends. But to him, he could not imagine that I would want to be friends with someone like that. I had to really break it down for him and let him know that we were cool with one another, LOL! Now I don't like him, just the other one.

And my cousin can be an idiot sometimes. I love her to death, but she puts certain people on pedastols (sp). It did hurt, but I brushed it off.

I would love for him and I to get to know each other better andd become friends outside of class. Facebook does not count!!

I just get the weirdest vibe from him. Like about the staring etc. that was mentioned. We do that! We would sometimes look at each other and get that awkward feeling until one of us would look away. That is what made me first notice him. I thought wait, do I like him? Because otherwise why am I acting this way? So I then put him in my same box and figured he might feel the same way.

The reason that I brought up the fact that he was white was not to say that he was better than a black man or any other race for that matter, only potentially different. We must admit there are cultural differences. Now the whole be nice but really hate you thing. That is new to me and sounds like that might have been a personal problem. I know some phoney baloneys in all shades and colors.

I think I will try to get onto another level with him and see where it goes. By that I mean go to lunch without tagalongs and the likes. If nothing I will still have a cool friend in him.

 

[jade998]

Haha, Funny!

Thanks ladies. A lot of interesting points were made. I like the idea about asking him what he normally does for lunch. That is a nice way to go about it.

But what one poster said about a white man not thinking that an attractive black female would be interested is what I get from him. There is another guy in our program and he asked me one day "I hope it's okay when I talk to you. I don't want to just bother you all the time."

I was like huh? I thought we were friends. But to him, he could not imagine that I would want to be friends with someone like that. I had to really break it down for him and let him know that we were cool with one another, LOL! Now I don't like him, just the other one.

And my cousin can be an idiot sometimes. I love her to death, but she puts certain people on pedastols (sp). It did hurt, but I brushed it off.

I would love for him and I to get to know each other better andd become friends outside of class. Facebook does not count!!

I just get the weirdest vibe from him. Like about the staring etc. that was mentioned. We do that! We would sometimes look at each other and get that awkward feeling until one of us would look away. That is what made me first notice him. I thought wait, do I like him? Because otherwise why am I acting this way? So I then put him in my same box and figured he might feel the same way.

The reason that I brought up the fact that he was white was not to say that he was better than a black man or any other race for that matter, only potentially different. We must admit there are cultural differences. Now the whole be nice but really hate you thing. That is new to me and sounds like that might have been a personal problem. I know some phoney baloneys in all shades and colors.

I think I will try to get onto another level with him and see where it goes. By that I mean go to lunch without tagalongs and the likes. If nothing I will still have a cool friend in him.

Dont be quick to dismis tag alongs at the beginning. It can help with accountability and again you really want to get to know him without the rose tinted glasses.

With a group of people, you can be yourself, without all of the pressure of being on a "date" and it will make it easier to move to a 1 on 1 date.

 

[laCriolla]

hey have you considered just saying in a teasing way "hey you still owe me a cup of coffee. i'm free xyz if i can take you up on that raincheck" or something like that

 

[lady_godiva]

I have a crush too, but unfortunately he has a girlfriend.

 

[mccray689]

Same here. I have two crushes ( Im a crush slut lol ). One of my crushes is white and the other is mixed. I love ppl of all colors. Its so hard because one hints all the time that he likes me but i don't know if i like him more than the other. And the other crush I think has a girlfriend but he flirts with me too. Im just confused all around lol .

 

[theislandoll]

this thread reminds me of this song =)

don't know if you got a girl, don't mean to disrespect but...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA7ZgQZOmPs