"I'm in that relaxer stage" What exactly does that mean?

[preciouslove0x]

I volunteer at the hospital once a week and I came across a lady with flowy long natural hair (she was a patient that just had a baby). I was telling her how I just BCed and eventually we got so into our conversation about natural hair that this is what she said



(paraphrased sorry) the use of "..." means I'm skipping things because I don't remember everything she said.



Would you change the color of your skin... be lighter for a few years if you knew your dark skin would come back by itself?? A few of my coworkers said that they were in the "relaxer stage" and they've done the "natural thing" for a few yeasrs and liked it but they're back in the "relaxer stage" now. But really now what exactly does that mean? God gave us this hair on our head. People say its "just hair" but its "just skin color" and its "just chest size" and its "just nose size" too. Hair comes out of your scalp. It's not like a tattoo or a piercing. It's something you were born with.... I don't know anyone given the chance to change their skin color for a few years would actually do it... but then you never know since it's not an option. I've only been natural for a little more than nine years and I've had my ups and downs with my hair. I'm even currently frustrated now because of the daily knots that I get. But there's no way I would go back to the relaxer when I know that God has made everything perfect in his image. Why not just maintain a press for a few weeks? Is that not similar? Why do so many black women feel the need to permanently change their hair texture? It really does make you wonder what other things they would change on their body if it was only temporary or you could go back to what was natural doesn't it?


She said a lot more and I just stood their speechless. I never heard that analogy but... (please don't shoot me please don't shoot me) but it kind of made sense.... kind of......

What do you ladies think?????

 

[fattyfatfat]

maybe her natural friends are going back to getting relaxers. she sounds upset about it!

 

[cocomadmoiselle]

Technically you can change your chest size temporarily (get breast implants then take them out) and you can change your skin color temporarily (using bleaching creams, then stop using them, tanning for summer etc) and you can change you nose again and again a la MJ but probably not go back to the original and maintaining a press for a couple weeks is essentially a short term version of relaxing (granted you don't have to cut out a press) so...I'm not seeing her point. Everybody goes through stages in life....your choice of friends and clothing is probably not the same today as it was in high school. As human beings we evolve and change on a DAILY basis, consciously and unconsciously and we have a right to do so without having to justify ourselves to anyone.

She needs to get off her high horse is what I'm trying to say.

 

[fattyfatfat]

you said it better than I could.

She needs to get off her high horse is what I'm trying to say.

 

[Polyesterdiva]

As human beings we evolve and change on a DAILY basis, consciously and unconsciously and we have a right to do so without having to justify ourselves to anyone.

I totally agree with this! but I'm torn too, because there are a lot of politics behind the choices we make...what we think is beautiful, and the lengths we go to achieve it, etc... And that ladies words DO make me think more carefully about the motives behind my hair choices.

I DO know of women who bleach their skin on the regular, or would get nose jobs to have smaller noses and *I* DO think it's a damn shame, and evidence of race based self hatred.

But I've never really considered that sisters who relax their hair to fit into "white ideals of beauty" are reflecting (maybe to a lesser degree) the same type of thinking.

Hmmmmmmm I dig what that lady said, because even if it's shocking or upsetting to some, it makes you think, no?

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Just wondering was her flowy long hair straigtened or curly?

 

[preciouslove0x]

Just wondering was her flowy long hair straigtened or curly?

lol. maybe i shouldnt have used flowy. i meant it "hung" she has 3c 4a hair. It's just so long (bsl unstretched) that it "hung" sorry

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I see her point but I think it's a bit ridiculous and she's dwelling on it too much. I have excessive hair growth and it's natural but I'll be darned if I let it stay on my body. Most women shave because we see hair as being a manly thing....but God made that hair grow on our bodies did he not? Our hair is treated as an accessory these days and we like to style our hair to compliment our looks....if people want to relax because they prefer their hair straight then so be it. If people want to cry about being totally natural then they should walk around naked as they were naturally born, don't comb their hair, don't brush their teeth, and only eat foods that are naturally grown and is raw. I can run this to the furthest extreme.

Oh yeah to answer your topic question.....I'm in that relaxer stage means thats the stage of life that person is in. We all go through stages. I'm in the transitioning stage. Her friends are in the stage where they want straight hair without having to flatiron often...no problem right? Not like they said natural hair is hideous that's just not the stage their in


Ok so maybe my excessive hair growth wasn't a good example because I actually dislike it....dah well it is what it is lol

 

[preciouslove0x]

I see her point but I think it's a bit ridiculous and she's dwelling on it too much. I have excessive hair growth and it's natural but I'll be darned if I let it stay on my body. Most women shave because we see hair as being a manly thing....but God made that hair grow on our bodies did he not? Our hair is treated as an accessory these days and we like to style our hair to compliment our looks....if people want to relax because they prefer their hair straight then so be it. If people want to cry about being totally natural then they should walk around naked as they were naturally born, don't comb their hair, don't brush their teeth, and only eat foods that are naturally grown and is raw. I can run this to the furthest extreme.

Good point. But I have to say she wasn't really dwelling on it... it was just a casual conversation and I'm the one that brought up the subject of natural hair. Thanks for your input though!

 

[doll-baby]

Just because I am not relaxed I would never assume that women who are relaxed are in denial, or ashamed of heir natural selves. Who am I to say what is best for someone else ? I like natural styles and straight styles and I don't think that God is letting people in to heaven based on if they are natural or relaxed .

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Good point. But I have to say she wasn't really dwelling on it... it was just a casual conversation and I'm the one that brought up the subject of natural hair. Thanks for your input though!

I didn't mean dwelling right then and there but it seems like she put ALOT of thought into it. and seems really disappointed with her friends..that's why I chose that word

 

[Soulberry]

I don't get the point...why does she care so much about what the next woman is doing anyway? I have relaxed hair because i want it to be, it doesn't make me feel less black or more white. I truly think all hair types are beautiful. Since joining this site I look at healthiness of the hair not whether its relaxed or natural

 

[Sugar]

Just because I am not relaxed I would never assume that women who are relaxed are in denial, or ashamed of heir natural selves. Who am I to say what is best for someone else ? I like natural styles and straight styles and I don't think that God is letting people in to heaven based on if they are natural or relaxed .

I totally agree..and since God gave us free-will I'm sure He doesn't care whether someone is relaxed or natural. Just like He doesn't care if Becky decides to be blond, brunette, or redhead...stick straight or curly.

 

[loshed]

Would you change the color of your skin... be lighter for a few years if you knew your dark skin would come back by itself??

I've always wondered why skin bleaching is seen as an act of self-hate but relaxing isn't. Skin color and hair texture are probably the biggest visual identifier of african ancestry. Why is getting rid of one okay but not the other? If you noticed someone was bleaching would you go to the self-hate place or to the "going though a light skinned stage" place? Maybe skin bleaching isn't as taboo as I think it is.

 

[preciouslove0x]

bump. I would like to know more opinions

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

I understood where the woman was coming from. I've known quite a few women who jump on the "I'm going natural" train and stick to it for a couple years...then once they get some length then they relax. Or, most of the view natural hair as it "IT" thing to do because it's hip! It's just a fashion statement for most (at least in my area) but for me it's a lifestyle.

 

[imaccami]

But there's no way I would go back to the relaxer when I know that God has made everything perfect in his image. Why not just maintain a press for a few weeks? Is that not similar? Why do so many black women feel the need to permanently change their hair texture?

It is similar, that's the point. I guess a lot of women who are relaxed don't see the big deal about whether or not it's permanent. It's permanent, so what. Hair grows back. Same as you can wash out a press, you can grow out a relaxer.

Pressed or relaxed, the hair is still straight. Why does it matter how the straight look was achieved? If a person believes that wearing straight hair is conforming to European beauty standards then that's equally true for natural pressed hair and relaxed hair. It's not as if straight hair doesn't conform to European beauty standards as long as a hot comb was used to straighten it instead of a relaxer.

A natural can wear their hair curly one week and straight the next. So can I. I can wear a braid out or a twist out. I can't wear a wash and go, but I couldn't do that as a natural either.

 

[Sugar]

I've always wondered why skin bleaching is seen as an act of self-hate but relaxing isn't. Skin color and hair texture are probably the biggest visual identifier of african ancestry. Why is getting rid of one okay but not the other? If you noticed someone was bleaching would you go to the self-hate place or to the "going though a light skinned stage" place? Maybe skin bleaching isn't as taboo as I think it is.

As with most things INTENT is what matters most. I don't think that most women relax their hair due to issues of self-hate. I most certainly don't relax for that reason and to assume otherwise would be foolish. As I've said before hair is an accessory for me not some pseudo badge of blackness or black pride. I've also used skin bleach in the past to lighten dark marks I got from acne scars. I would venture to say alot of women use it for the same reason.

 

[kittykhat]

I think that anyone should be able to change their hair texture if they want. Also, with the skin color to a lighter or darker one. Sometimes what people naturally have gets boring or maybe too unmanageable (hair)to them. I'm all for it. They aren't hurting me so, to each his (or her. lol.) own.