I'm in a weird space right now...

[Nayna]

So a few years back I thought I was in love with this guy. Things started going downhill though and we were getting a little distant. Not really seeing each other or bothering to reach out, we dated off and on for two years but for some reason just never made things official. One day he puts up a nice pic on FB. I go to view the album an lo and behold he's sucking face with his homegirl! I was in shock! Especially since it was clear to me that their time frame for dating overlapped ours, again though, I was dating too, I just wasn't serious with anyone. So I didn't raise hell, I just deleted him, his number, etc. I was angry initially because I felt it should've been me, but as time went on I just wished him the best and hoped that he was happy because I knew that he had a lot of stress in his life and that at least she was someone that loved him as much as I did, probably even more since they were very good friends long before I entered the scene.

Fastforward to now. It's been about 3 years. I never stopped thinking about him but you know how it goes; you learn to live without them. I started a hair page on instagram with an email address I don't use much and when it suggested friends for me his page was the FIRST one. I was in shock. I didn't friend it but it jarred me; I didn't even know he had a page. That was probably a month or so ago. So on Thursday I friended him on my personal instagram page. Today he left me a message, left his number, and asked me to call him. I texted him cus I'm a punk, lol.

I thought if I ever spoke to him again I would be so over him. You know, like "efff you homeboy you messed up a good thing!". Idk. It feels... Idk. I'm flustered. He's not being flirty, thank goodness because I dont think I could process that right now, but he did state that they are no longer together and that he thought he would never speak to me again. I don't want my feelings to start rising to the surface again, however if I'm being truly honest with myself I'm happy that we are speaking again. A bit too darn happy. I got other guys so it's not like I'm in need of attention, so what is this?

I like hearing difference in opinions, so what do you guys think? Did I ever really get over him? I thought I did. I've had a boyfriend since him. Still getting that joker out my system, so maybe I'm rebounding?

I'm kind of surprised that now that he's resurfacing I'm not as guarded as I think I should be, does that make sense?

 

[SelahOco]

I know your relationship wasn't official but how did it end? Did y'all ever discuss it or did it just fizzle out? Maybe you need closure of some sort. Maybe you really did like him.

Did y'all end on bad terms?

 

[Nayna]

I know your relationship wasn't official but how did it end? Did y'all ever discuss it or did it just fizzle out? Maybe you need closure of some sort. Maybe you really did like him.

Did y'all end on bad terms?

Definitely fizzled. There was no argument but him being in a relationship left a bad taste in my mouth even though we were already fizzling, lol.

 

[SelahOco]

Definitely fizzled. There was no argument but him being in a relationship left a bad taste in my mouth even though we were already fizzling, lol.

Chile, you don't like him! You have a case of the 'mines' like my son says when his sister plays with a toy he wasn't paying any attention to. Then suddenly he wants it cause someone else does.

. I'm just teasing you. No one knows what you feel but you.

 

[Nayna]

Chile, you don't like him! You have a case of the 'mines' like my son says when his sister plays with a toy he wasn't paying any attention to. Then suddenly he wants it cause someone else does.

. I'm just teasing you. No one knows what you feel but you.

It's possible! Maybe it's from me feeling slighted, lol. I hated feeling like I had to chase him so I fell back even though I didn't want to. I felt like he wasn't into me anymore, and once he got a girlfriend I was sure I was right. His actions justified that. So it hurt, like why her over me? Maybe that's what I need closure from, but I never even thought I wanted that because I never asked any questions, I just accepted that was what he wanted especially since she was his friend. It made sense to me.

 

[SelahOco]

It's possible! Maybe it's from me feeling slighted, lol. I hated feeling like I had to chase him so I fell back even though I didn't want to. I felt like he wasn't into me anymore, and once he got a girlfriend I was sure I was right. His actions justified that. So it hurt, like why her over me? Maybe that's what I need closure from, but I never even thought I wanted that because I never asked any questions, I just accepted that was what he wanted especially since she was his friend. It made sense to me.

You were right to fall back! It may have hurt your feelings but you know it's not a reflection on you. He just had his brain somewhere else.

We all love being chased though....so what you're saying makes perfect sense.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I think you needed closure. Ask him why...let him answer...then try to walk away. I say, try to walk away because he wasn't a good guy. He just started messing with his "friend" and had you finding out online instead of doing it right and telling you first.

See...y'all that keep saying men and women can be friends...even when they're in a relationship or married. Yeah, they were just friends until she found them kissing online.

 

[Nayna]

I think you needed closure. Ask him why...let him answer...then try to walk away. I say, try to walk away because he wasn't a good guy. He just started messing with his "friend" and had you finding out online instead of doing it right and telling you first.

See...y'all that keep saying men and women can be friends...even when they're in a relationship or married. Yeah, they were just friends until she found them kissing online.

I felt so dumb because he introduced her as his homegirl, she had a man at the time that was abusive and he was trying to encourage her to leave him, so I never felt any type of way about her. In hindsight I see that she's his type because she and I kinda resemble! Smh.

I hate the way I found out and I'm building the nerve to ask him about it. I'm not very confrontational, lol. I let things slide entirely too often but since he initiated us speaking again I think I have to get to the bottom of things.

Yea I won't be sleeping on the men and women relationship anymore, lol. Friends make the best lovers sometimes because they already built that relationship and friendship.

 

[Foxglove]

It's been 3 years? I would just let it go. It sounds like you never really got over him but after 3 years of no contact I would just ghost it

 

[Funmiloves]

3 years is a long time, I think you just need closure on the whole situation.

 

[LiftedUp]

It sounds as though he is not the one to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

1. He dated you for 2 years
2. He never made your 'relationship' official
3. He was probably officially in a relationship with the other girl since he 'claimed' her
4. He messaged you his number vs asking for yours

 

[Creatividual]

So you dated this guy on and off for two years and never had the talk about where you all stood? There's a good chance he was definitely dating his "homegirl" at the same time. He may have even been in relationship with her hence you all dating on and off.

It doesn't sound like you loved him or were really that into this guy bc you said the situation fizzled out and you moved on. Maybe your emotions come out a different way or you just briefly summarize your reaction but when I'm into a guy, if something like that were to happen I'm calling him for answers and then I'm doing the ugly face crying afterward and eating chocolate for a month before I pick myself up and move on.

It also sounds like he wasn't that into you. You were good enough to chill with on and off but not to enter a committed relationship. When men know what they want, they aren't shy about it.

I think he is not a good guy. He probably never had an intentions of being with you seriously but since you all never got around to the talk, it's like getting free candy from the vending machine, who's going to say anything? Of course, this isn't right and if he had any kind of decency, he would have told you he decided to be in a relationship with someone else.

But the fact that he could do something like this, he sounds like a selfish and secretive person. You dodged a bullet because just imagine if you all were in a serious relationship and he was messing around with the homegirl. He did you a service because he is not a good guy.

As far as him reaching out now, again, he didn't call you. He gave you his info to contact him. If he was really about something, he would have initiated contact first or asked if it was ok for him to contact you. I'd watch him. Since him and his "homegirl" aren't together anymore, sounds like he may want to see if you're down for round two of you alls on and off type relationship which is convenient for him because he doesn't have to give or do much and can pretty much deal with you whenever he feels like.

Nah, he's wack. You've gotta do what works for you but I'd def be careful because already he's not pursuing you like a man that is really about something. I think he wants more fun again if you're down for it.

 

[Fine 4s]

Sounds like this guy I once dared.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

Been there. I suggest you walk away and never look back. Don't call or text him.

 

[Creatividual]

ClassicBeauty i've been there too. Sad to say Nayna but these guys rarely change. Do you, boo. You deserve way better than him.