I'm in a Marriage Slump

Lucie

Lucie

Dancin' on sunshine!
Hey Ladies,

I am suffering from marriageslumpitis and I don't know how to get rid of it. I should continue taking my progesterone but don't feel like it. When I take it consistently I feel :naughtycouch:but I have been slacking and feel like :pullhair:. I feel somewhat opposed to taking that for my libido to stay high.

I don't know if it's the seven year itch plus one year in my case or what. The weird thing is I think my husband is so yummy :lick:. However, I do sometimes feel like he is my brother from another mother and father.

Last night we were both naked in bed (sorry for the TMI) and played a movie game with the word b1tch. So we inserted that word in every movie/TV show title and cracked up until we :deadhorse::sleeping:.

Sometimes I stare at him like I know I should be ripping his clothes off but feel blah. I don't want to talk to him about it because then it will just make my slumpitis more real to me. He has not done anything wrong to me, is super sweet, always horny, I am not PMSing but I feel like I am bored to death. I have postponed TTC until I can resolve this. I love Britney and all but I don't want this feeling to carry over into pregnancy and beyond.

PLEASE HELP me :look:
 
PrettyHaitian -- Off topic question. Is that progestrone prescribed by a doctor or something that is over the counter?
 
Awwwwwww ((Hugs))! I don't really have any advice but I think this probably something all married couples go through. :perplexed

I'll be watching this thread though.
 
I don't always jump on my SO's naughty bits either. We sit around naked in the hot tub and just hang out and talk (when he's not busy trying to tweak something...I think thats just a man thing). Sometimes its just nice to cuddle and be together.

Every woman will not feel like jumping their man 24-7 all the time no matter how hot and sexy he is, or even how much we love them. IMO its the ebb and flow of how most relationships are.


-A
 
foxxymami said:
I didn't know you'd been married for 8 years
Click to expand...

Yeah, almost 9. I feel bad writing this thread because I can see his puppy dog looking face but I just don't know what this feeling is. I wish I could blame it on someone else I like or just because of his nasty behavior but I can't.
 
Arcadian said:
I don't always jump on my SO's naughty bits either. We sit around naked in the hot tub and just hang out and talk (when he's not busy trying to tweak something...I think thats just a man thing). Sometimes its just nice to cuddle and be together.

Every woman will not feel like jumping their man 24-7 all the time no matter how hot and sexy he is, or even how much we love them. IMO its the ebb and flow of how most relationships are.


-A
Click to expand...

I know that all marriages go through 4 seasons but I just wish I knew how long I would be in this cold season. It's pretty scary to me right now and I don't like it.
 
PH do you think it may be the stress of TTC? You may not even have realized you were putting some stress on your marriage?
 
Do you feel like you are stuck in a rut? When's the last time you and he got away or did something spur of the moment, romantic?
 
You something on your mind PH? A lot of times we (women) will unconsioulsy have stuff on our minds so the last thing we're thinking about is sex.
 
PrettyHaitian said:
Yeah, almost 9. I feel bad writing this thread because I can see his puppy dog looking face but I just don't know what this feeling is. I wish I could blame it on someone else I like or just because of his nasty behavior but I can't.
Click to expand...

I've been married much longer (happily) and I don't have a libido problem, but my advice to you would be to first determine what the issue really is. It may be deep-seated but I think (key word is I think) that you know what the issue is. Maybe it's too sensitive of a subject for you discuss here, but I think it's the only way to help you. So you may need a dose of some honest soul-searching, and try not to focus on the things that bring down your mood. Once you find out or can hint at what the issue is...I'll could offer up some suggestions.
 
When was the last time you saw a doc? It could be hormonal/biological. You might want to explore that. Also, it could be emotional. You could be worried/depressed/disturbed by a completely unrelated aspect of your life.

Before you bring it up to DH, think about how to word it very carefully. Men equate sex with attraction and especially married men equate sex with how much you love them.
 
Thanks so much ladies. I really do need to do some soul searching and get to the bottom of this before it gets worse. To be honest, any of the issues I have are not with him. Just stuff about my parents, or mistakes that I've made. That's why this is so frustrating because I just think he is on the short end of the stick.

Can I go to my regular doctor with this issue? Or should I just look for a therapist?
 
I'm all about a therapist if you don't think there is anything physically wrong. DH and I saw a therapist individually and as a couple when we hit a rough patch and it helped tremendously. We were both dealing with things that were impacting our marriage and we didn't know it.
 
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PrettyHaitian said:
Thanks so much ladies. I really do need to do some soul searching and get to the bottom of this before it gets worse. To be honest, any of the issues I have are not with him. Just stuff about my parents, or mistakes that I've made. That's why this is so frustrating because I just think he is on the short end of the stick.

Can I go to my regular doctor with this issue? Or should I just look for a therapist?
Click to expand...

Your family doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist or your can go to a therapist who is not an MD (what I would prefer) on your own and make an appointment.

Hope things get better PH! You'll be okay.:yep:

TTC was a nightmare for my marriage. :nono:
 
PrettyHaitian said:
I know that all marriages go through 4 seasons but I just wish I knew how long I would be in this cold season. It's pretty scary to me right now and I don't like it.
Click to expand...

When I had it the first time I didn't understand it or like it either. Like lala said it takes some serious soul searching to know where it comes from.

SO is the love of my life, no doubt about it. My therapist made me write down all the things I love about him and all the things I don't. That was a particularly helpful exercise and one I had to really be brutally honest with myself about.

I still hate his bad gas (its not sexy and smells like the halls of hell coming out of his ass) I don't like it when he all of a sudden wants to go somwhere, then rushes me, and then I want to have some peace and quiet in the shower that he actually gets this long face because I didn't tell him what I was doing.

Sometimes I get sick of him being all up on me trying to cuddle in the morning. Its like having a big ol dog on you wanting attention. he's not affectionate with most people, I'm that exception to his rule so just like you would a big ol puppy that drives you nuts wanting to be all up under you, I tolerate it on the days I mentally can't fully participate.

Don't get me wrong, there's a lot more to this list. He's got a touch of OCD in some areas which drive me up the wall but I think that all of us do to some extent.

at the end of my list and after I looked at it, It came down to the fact that I love that he treats me as though I'm the most important person in his life. I love that he respects my opinion, I love how we discover that there's still things we didn't know about each other, and I definilty know that if I was ill, he would be right there by my side.

And while sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting sex, I know he understands the reason why and he's ok with it...sometimes. And then there's times that I have to lie back and think of England:lachen:

If this is the first time its happened, yeah it can be a bit of a shock. But you have to remember the reasons why you're with him in the first place. If its for fluff, of course it won't last. But if its because of the nonphysical bond between you, you will weather this particular storm. Consider talking to someone about this and don't let it just fester inside your head.

-A
 
ClassyND said:
Your family doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist or your can go to a therapist who is not an MD (what I would prefer) on your own and make an appointment.

Hope things get better PH! You'll be okay.:yep:

TTC was a nightmare for my marriage. :nono:
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot. ((( HUGS )))
 
Arcadian said:
When I had it the first time I didn't understand it or like it either. Like lala said it takes some serious soul searching to know where it comes from.

SO is the love of my life, no doubt about it. My therapist made me write down all the things I love about him and all the things I don't. That was a particularly helpful exercise and one I had to really be brutally honest with myself about.

I still hate his bad gas (its not sexy and smells like the halls of hell coming out of his ass) I don't like it when he all of a sudden wants to go somwhere, then rushes me, and then I want to have some peace and quiet in the shower that he actually gets this long face because I didn't tell him what I was doing.

Sometimes I get sick of him being all up on me trying to cuddle in the morning. Its like having a big ol dog on you wanting attention. he's not affectionate with most people, I'm that exception to his rule so just like you would a big ol puppy that drives you nuts wanting to be all up under you, I tolerate it on the days I mentally can't fully participate.

Don't get me wrong, there's a lot more to this list. He's got a touch of OCD in some areas which drive me up the wall but I think that all of us do to some extent.

at the end of my list and after I looked at it, It came down to the fact that I love that he treats me as though I'm the most important person in his life. I love that he respects my opinion, I love how we discover that there's still things we didn't know about each other, and I definilty know that if I was ill, he would be right there by my side.

And while sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting sex, I know he understands the reason why and he's ok with it...sometimes. And then there's times that I have to lie back and think of England:lachen:

If this is the first time its happened, yeah it can be a bit of a shock. But you have to remember the reasons why you're with him in the first place. If its for fluff, of course it won't last. But if its because of the nonphysical bond between you, you will weather this particular storm. Consider talking to someone about this and don't let it just fester inside your head.

-A
Click to expand...

Thank you for being so open and honest with me :yep: I think I will work on that list tonight. However, since I don't need a referral, I will go and look for a therapist. I am nervous because I hate to drudge up things from the past.

My husband is super affectionate also and most of the times I feel like how many kisses and hugs can one person need? :rolleyes: Then I think how much I would miss it if he stopped. Thanks again!
 
reallynow said:
I'm all about a therapist if you don't think there is anything physically wrong. DH and I saw a therapist individually and as a couple when we hit a rough patch and it helped tremendously. We were both dealing with things that were impacting our marriage and we didn't know it.[/quote]

I am going to be a big girl and follow your advice. I just feel apprehensive because who knows what could be festering on the inside? Especially if you don't know you've been pushing things aside. However, sometimes you have to go a few steps backwards to go a few steps forward. Thank you!
Click to expand...
 
PH, I've been married 8 years, 9 this year :whyme: :nono: It's tough, I know. Marriage, as all relationships are, are cyclic, they go through changes.

There have been times when I looked at dh like WTH did I marry you and then others like, OMG I :love: you to death. I think any healthy and good marriage has to have its ups and downs.

When I hear a couple has this wonderful happy marriage all the time, I think, ok whatever:rolleyes:

Also, for me, if I'm not feeling dh mentally, if there are some emotional or mental issues there, then I surely can't connect with him sexually. Here I thought I had the best sex in the world with dh and I once almost had an affair, but not for sex and but I couldn't see that at the time and learn to WORK through those cyclic changes that come in a marriage.

Hang in there Ma!
 
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